could this be a mental health issue? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-12-2006, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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mama's please forgive me if i dont use the correct terminology or in ignorance hurt anybody. i always seem to so please forgive me if i say something that hurts u.

so here is my situation. i am a single mom with a v. abusive ex. now here is my issue.

the first 5 years of our marriage couldnt have been better. i thought i had met my soulmate. he was so nice and loving. yet controlling but i could live with that. he would do a bunch of little things for me. really caring things. that touched my heart and that i would expect a person who loves another person do.

and once he started cheating on me and i finally asked him to leave (when i first discovered he went thru the whole crying i am so sorry for doing this to u, u deserve better) the anger just errupted. before that for a whole year and a half i was trying to take care of a marraige breaking down. that's when the emotional abuse began. name calling. belittling. and it continues even today - 2 and a half years after separation.

two of his bros take medication. his mom has issues which she holds under control without medication. he has had a tough family life and a horrendous teen (bad acne totally bullied and made fun of).

he appears strange to others. some have cut him out of their lives because he goes beyond the limit of fun, others he has done so himself because he doesnt agree what they are doing like dating a kind of girl my ex doesnt like. he is an extremely tormented man and everything is black in his books. ethicaly or otherwise everything is black or white. no grey areas. once he challenged his bro to do what he thought was right at his work when his bro was being accused of being racist by a disgruntled coworker - and he got angry coz his bro wouldnt follow his advice. his bro doesnt like confrontation and what my ex was asking him to do looked good on paper but not in real life.

now he is fantastic with his dd and i fully trust him with her. the only other person he is this mean to is his mom.

i have never met a man like him before. when he is sweet, he is extra, extra sweet but when he is mean he goes to the v. height.

how could a man crying about just the thought of me dying before him turn into this angry name calling viciously tongued man.

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Old 10-13-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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now he is fantastic with his dd and i fully trust him with her. the only other person he is this mean to is his mom.
i have never met a man like him before. when he is sweet, he is extra, extra sweet but when he is mean he goes to the v. height.
any possible abuse issues in his childhood?
the two brothers with medication would lead you to think its something genetic or family history messed them up quite young.

8 might be enough
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Old 10-13-2006, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no i dont think he had any specific abuse issues. i think he was bullied in school and had really, really bad acne i am sure for which he must have been teased about. his family life for who he was - a sensitive low esteem boy - the divorce and a mom just collapsing from it - must have been really, really hard on him. his parents werent bad parents - just didnt get thier boys and were lost as to what to do with them.

his mom definitely suffers from depression and she admits it. her dad did too - she said herself. which is why she is worried about me coz i am going thru a stressful situation. so she keeps asking me to do something for my soul.

he is mean to his mom - out of love ifukwim. when we first met he cried one christmas saying what she had to go thru with a divorce and 5 kids. there are absolutely no family abuse issues i am sure.

he is a tormented man and he has a physical reason to be so. but what i dont understand is this extreme love and then pure hate reaction.

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