I think I may have BPD... now what? - Mothering Forums
Mental Health > I think I may have BPD... now what?
VaMountainMomma's Avatar VaMountainMomma 03:34 AM 03-17-2007
I was actually came to this forum to ask about if I could be mildly bipolar (the only thing I could think of, and it sounds familiar to me as both my grandfather and uncle are severly bipolar)

Before posting, though, I was lurking through a few of the other posts here and I noticed the term "borderline personality disorder" mentioned frequently. Curious to know what it was, I googled it... reading the description has me in tears right now because that is EXACTLY how I feel and what I've been going through for the past several years.

The intense mood swings, the going from one extreme to the other. I can be on top of the world in an awesome mood. And one little thing (sometimes I can't even pinpoint what) will set me off and I'm horribly aggressive, can't stop thinking negative thoughts, yelling at DH and even the babies (yeah, I know, I'm a horrible mama). This "funk" will last for a few hours, even a few days, and then just as instantly, I'm back to normal. Or higher- as I've noticed immediately following these downs, I start planning all these projects, buying new craft supplies (that I never touch again), talking a mile a minute to DH, telling him how much I love him (like over and over again in the course of a single conversation).

Speaking of DH, our relationship is so strained and it's mostly due to my moods. When I'm feeling down, I get SO mad at him for ignoring me. Yet if he dare tries to hug me, or even talk to me, I yell at him to leave me alone. And when he does that, I start thinking how much he hates me and how he must not care. I feel SO guilty for treating him that way and how I don't deserve him... horrible, horrible cycle. I'm suprised he's stayed with me this long.

At first I thought it was just depression... but that wouldn't come and go like this, would it? I feel fine about 3/4 of the time... it's just the other quarter of the time, I wish I could crawl away and die. (Not so much because I want to, but because I hate how I treat my family. They don't deserve that. I want to be the loving, supportive, attatched mama/wife that I really am inside, not this horrible monster of a B. that lurks inside me.

I guess it doesn't help that I'm pretty anti-social. (I only get out of the house about once a week, and that's just to go to the library and the grocery store). DH just doesn't understand. I've tried explaining depression to him (which I had as a teenager, as well as PPD) and he doesn't understand how I can be sad "for no reason", that I should be happy- why aren't I? My mom was recently dxd with breast cancer and is having surgery (possibly a masectomy) in a couple weeks. So, I really don't have anyone to talk to about this and the way I'm feeling.

ANYHOO, that felt kinda good to get out. So, now what? Call the doctor? What kind of doctor? Anything I can do at home ie naturally?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far...

mama2rey's Avatar mama2rey 09:33 AM 03-18-2007
HI!

I'm glad you posted. I really suggest you go see a therapist (psychologist, licensed counselor, or licensed social worker). They will be able to help you sort out through this.

I can tell you, I have bipolar disorder and you sound like me when I am not medicated. I get moody, irritable, and then I am happy and doing all sorts of things. I've been taking medication for two years because of it, and I can tell you that it saved my life. I'm now off because I am trying TTC and there are some tough times. Accupuncture has helped a little though.

If you go to a therapist they will be able to help you figure out what you have and find solutions to help you. There are lots out there!
perl's Avatar perl 05:54 PM 03-18-2007
A great website for more info is www.psycheducation.org

It's written by a great guy (psychiatrist) who specializes in treating bipolar II (or "soft" bipolar). There's a section on the site about the similarities between borderline personality d/o and bipolar d/o, because as you mentioned, the sypmtoms can be strikingly similar. The site also reviews how to choose a provider and how to explain your symptoms. Good stuff. Best of luck to you and remember that you are FAR from alone in dealing with these issues. And the fact that you are insightful about what's going on is a great sign. Please let us know how you are doing!
Peacemamalove's Avatar Peacemamalove 01:34 PM 03-24-2007
Be careful go and see someone before self diagnosing !! I am Bipolar 1 amongst many other problems I am facing right now.

Have you seen this:

www.havidol.com
Manena's Avatar Manena 01:16 AM 03-27-2007
Kuddos to you for recognizing that you have a problem. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Daniel's Kitty's Avatar Daniel's Kitty 03:07 PM 04-13-2007
perl That is a great website. Most info acts like anxiety has nothing to do with bipolar.
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