i'm currently pregnant with twin b/g. i was pregnant with triplets but now it is twins. i went through a bad s/r to reduce my risks. this has been an extremely difficult pregnancy for me. i've had vaginal bleeding, ptl (currently on procardia, terbutaline and was on sulindec), cerclage, bedrest, gestational diabetes, fibroid pain,etc,etc. i had such horrible depression that i even considered late term abortion (family & husband talked me out of it.) i finally went to the hospital because i was so depressed anxious i wouldn't eat and would sometimes vomit what i ate. i never been bad in my life! i've struggled with depression and anxiety before but never so severe. the doctor at the hospital helped me alot (i tried to tellmy previous doctor i was having terrible thoughts and didn't feel right but she blew me off.) i'm now on zoloft.
now, i'm overwhelmed with the thought of raising twins. i wanted to have this nice singleton birth and be that crunchy mom (sling, breastfeeding, cloth diapering). i wanted to bond with that child and have time for myself and my husband. i guess i was asking too much. i worry about everything about my children dying in the future, about me getting old and dying. i worry about my marriage falling apart after the children. i worry about our finances (we have some money in our checking and savings account and are living off his unemployment). i've been thinking about adoption 9my husband won't allow it).
i have been on bedrest for 15 weeks so far. no baby showers, no shopping for baby items in the store, nothing. i feel alittle cheated. i worry that i will not bond with and come to resent them. i'm almost scared to bond with them. i want to be more positive and appreciative of things, but i'm having a hard time. i feel that i got to start parenting with no transition. i've had no freedom at all and now i will definitely have none.
SAHM to a set of beautiful twins :, one beautiful angel baby (baby c), and one crazy furbaby :