I know I'm far from perfect, I'm even a bit neurotic.
I'm impatient, and I'm chronically Ill, which makes me less able to cope sometimes.
DD has some problems with reality, we haven't gotten an official diagnosis yet, but the doc has agreed there is cause for concern. We thought she was a compulsive liar for a while, but her bio-mom was delusional and possibly schizoprenic, and we are convinced now that dd is having delusions. She is often angry about imagined slights, and in turn others are angry at her because they feel wrongly accused.
It's a vicious circle at home, school, on the bus...everywhere she goes. She reads bizarre things into movie plots, for example. In a show we watched a mother gave her dcs vitamins and she exclaimed 'she's trying to kill them!'
: I have endless who's on first conversations
with her where I am trying to get a point across and she is just veering off into lala-land.
I've spent the past 6 months reading books, doing internet research, talking to doctors and mommies, and I'm just baffled. I don't think she has a learning disability, and neither do they. She just doesn't pay attention to the things the rest of us think are important.
All she thinks about is teenaged boys and grown men, who might be looking at her of talking about her, what she looks like, if anyone is noticing her, what someone may have said about her...she spends hours looking in the mirror, changing clothes....there is an obsession with 'boys noticing me, girls talking about me' If she was 13, I'd get it. But she's 9. And this has been going on for 3 years.
For 3 years I have listened to her talk like the only thing that matters in life is to have a boyfriend of a husband. She talks about bizarre scenarios of jealousy and cheating and often asks me if I was seeing her father when he was married to her bio mom.
: She has really odd ideas about relationships and what is important in life, and I just feel like she lives in a dream world.
For a long time I was angry, but now I'm just worried and scared. I think her bio mom and the rest of her family were/are disturbed and the examples she was shown in her first 5 years of childhood warped her perception of family life and romance. I don't know how much is hereditary and how much is environmental.
FWIW, dh agrees with me 100%, but he works a lot and I am the primary caretaker, so I have to deal with this 95% of the time. I am still kicking around the idea of homeschooling if I need to do it to protect her, but at this point I don't think it's feasible. For now I'm trying to work through my feelings of anger at what I perceived as lies that may very well have been delusions, and I'm trying to find ways to react with empathy when I feel like shaking her. (FTR, I have NEVER struck her or anything else, but I am working on the yelling thing. I'd like to be a reformed yeller and a GD pro. ) I have never felt the level of frustration like I feel with her, and it really frightens me.
Is there anyone else on earth who has felt this way? Or dealt with anything like this?