Felt so bad today I... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 08-21-2007, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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just cut myself. Only done it once before, about 3 months ago. I feel terrible about it right now but I had to do something Ive been crying so much, I feel so sad inside and hate myself.
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#2 of 17 Old 08-21-2007, 07:10 PM
 
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Hi,
Are you seeing anyone yet? I am sorry, you have to forgive my memory. I hope you find someone to go and talk to very very soon. If you have a therapist, please call him/her. NOW! Or call your local hospital's PPD crisis line. You need to get help asap for your depression. Please.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#3 of 17 Old 08-21-2007, 07:22 PM
 
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Please call someone for help. Cutting is so temporary and doesn't really solve anything. It helps for the moment but then its just worse. You deserve to feel peace.
Wendi
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#4 of 17 Old 08-21-2007, 08:02 PM
 
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I have been where you are. Please Please talk to someone.
cutting feels right at the time but it's not the answer. i hope that you
are able to get the help you need and feel better soon. take care of
yourself and talk to someone soon.


-gwerydd

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#5 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 08:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your support. I see my doctor again in 4 weeks, 2 days ago he increased the zoloft dose im on from 50mg to 100mg. I guess it will take a while to kick in and hopefully help me.
After the cut last time a while back, I promised myself I wouldnt do it ever again because it made me feel so bad being a mom, so guilty. And now I did it yesterday I feel im failing as a good mom. How can I be a decent mom to ds when im feeling so low about everything? Its horrible. Its like im trapped in these thoughts or something. Feels like I'll be this 'messed up' forever. Maybe I was born at the wrong time, I often think that. I just dont fit in anywhere or with anyone and dont feel how a normal person should, I dont have much of a life, I try to tell myself its because of the depression and anxiety, but I usually get stuck blaming it on my personality. So hows it ever going to change if its who I am?
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#6 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 09:49 AM
 
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Do you think you should be alone today? Is there someone you can call to hang out with?
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#7 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 10:55 AM
 
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Just keep up with your meds and now that soon, the curtain will be lifted and you will feel SO much better. It's amazing. One morning you will wake up and say, "now what was I so upset about?" Really a great feeling.

I really hope you find a therapist, too. I see from your other posts that you are going to a gp, which is okay, but you need to see a therapist to help you put your thoughts and feelings into perspective. It helps so much when you hear that the thoughts you are having is your illness, not you. Is there any way you can see someone who is a specialist in this field? Therapy + meds has the highest success rate of any treatment.

There are also workbooks you can buy. I know there is a Depression Workbook, but there may be a PPD one. Check out Amazon for more info.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#8 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 11:34 AM
 
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I can understand where you are coming from and wanted to say that you can PM me if you want to "talk." Let your doc know about the cutting b/c Zoloft can cause reactions in some people that make one more prone to self injurious behaviors. That probably isn't what made you do it but it is an idea.

Things get better. Even when they get worse again, they still get better again. Easier said than believed but we all try. Do your best if you can and if you can't then ask for more help like the PPs have said. Therapy is a good add on for anyone, let alone people who are struggling.

Like I said- I can understand. I hope you start to feel better soon and will be thinking of you in the meantime.

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#9 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was with extended family for most of today which helps, way better than being alone when you feel like that.
I tried to tell my mom a bit about feeling so bad last night but she doesnt understand so I gave up. She brushes it off as nothing or makes me feel stupid for having depression. Its better I keep it to myself. But I do have someone online I can vent to about it all, who's been here herself, that helps.

mom0810 - im waiting for that feeling, I know what you're talking about.

I feel better knowing other people do understand what im going through as far as these thoughts and feelings go.

ds is staying with family relatives tonight, they wanted him and he wanted to go. Its his first night away from me since birth! I'll be fine, I just have to go to bed early because its at night time that I feel the worse.

Im going to try doing more exercise as someone has suggested. I walk my dog twice a day but I have an exercise machine im going to start using...worth a try.

I appreciate your support, im pretty alone here.
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#10 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 03:11 PM
 
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Your comment about blaming it on your personality strikes very close to home. I have suffered with depression on and off for most of my life. When I am in the throes of it I feel so much shame and self responsibility. Depression convinces me that I am a bad person and if I could just be better I would feel better. It is a big lie. Depression is not me and I am a good person and so are you. Look what you are doing for your son at such a young age. The thing that helps me with my depression more than anything is to regularly take Fish Oil (purified). It is something that can be taken while you are taking meds as it is food based supplement. I can have really bad spiraling thoughts of doom and gloom and start taking fish oil and they retreat within 24 hours. If I take it regularly my depression stays back for the most part. I just wanted to mention it as it has helped me so much. I agree that you should find a good therapist that you can share with while you are taking meds. Exercise, good food and plenty of water go so far to help the overall outlook of life. It is so hard to get up and get moving when you are feeling down but once up you can keep it going and start feeling better. Give your self a lot of credit, you are asking for help, looking for solutions and not giving up. That shows a lot about your character and what you are capable of, try to build on that foundation. You can do it!!!
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#11 of 17 Old 08-22-2007, 03:43 PM
 
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What you posted just breaks my heart. My mother has struggled with self harm for most of my life and it is heartbreaking to see someone you know is a strong, amazing woman feel so poorly about herself.

You are not depression. You are a woman a friend, a daughter, a mother, all sorts of things, and you deal with depression.

I've read your posts and you are smart and dedicated to making a good life for yourself. Just because your mom won't listen doesn't mean it's better not to talk. It just means you have to look a bit further for some real support. Even calling a hotline can be really really helpful. I've done it and it made me feel so much better about the situation I was in.

I have really struggled with self-image and pattern behavior in my life. One thing that has been helping lately is learning about Buddhism. Please take good care of yourself. M
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#12 of 17 Old 08-24-2007, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
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#13 of 17 Old 08-24-2007, 11:41 AM
 
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Hugs. I've been where you are, and not too long ago either. I have no real advice, just support and letting you know you aren't alone.
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#14 of 17 Old 08-24-2007, 01:18 PM
 
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I couldn't read this and not . Please listen to the wonderful women here. They are telling you the truth and it's good stuff.
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#15 of 17 Old 08-29-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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I hope you feel better ASAP.

knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
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#16 of 17 Old 08-29-2007, 10:42 AM
 
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Honey, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I have blamed my personality, off and on, for pretty much my whole life. It is still a daily struggle for me. My children help me feel like I am doing something important in the world. The best advice I have read here is to talk to someone. It is so vital and will make a world of difference, just to say outloud how you are feeling inside. Feel free to PM me.

Mama to monkey #1 , monkey #2 , and new little monkey #3 . I am always :yawning and making lots of
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#17 of 17 Old 08-29-2007, 10:54 AM
 
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How are you feeling today?

Mama to H (6) B (3) : A (1)
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