messy house, disorganization due to mental issues - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-26-2008, 03:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi all,
I have been looking for help/support on this issue for a long, long time(mostly on the internet and in self help books). I am in my late 20's and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 6 years ago. I have mainly avoided mental health professionals out of general fear and denial, but am now waiting on a referral to see someone.

I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD... I think I have a pretty severe case along with I don't know what kind of mood disorder. I am extremely sensitive to medication, not quite "multiple chemical sensitivities" I don't think, but not too far away.

But the bane of my life, my whole life... is my inability to keep things decent. Simple things like dishes or cleaning the bathroom or keeping clothes folded instead of piled here and there.

It doesn't help that my mother is the most OCD clean freak I have ever met in my life. I remember being beat with a belt at a very young age(like 3 and 4) for not cleaning up my room adequately and in the allotted time. I remember trying so hard but not knowing where to begin so I would just pace and panic until I only had a few minutes left and I would frantically start shoving everything under the bed, in drawers, in the closet etc. This has continued my whole life.

It doesn't help that I have 2 high needs kids(most likely adhd like their mom *sigh*) 3 and under that constantly destroy any organizing progress I begin and I am also nearly 5 months pregnant.

My parents came over to my house today to take my kids out for the afternoon and I could see that old familiar look of distain and disgust on my mother's face. Yeah my house is a mess!! I want so badly to change it, sometimes I start cleaning but I jump around from one thing to another and sometimes it ends up looking no different or worse. I'm at a loss of what to do with a lot of this crap I don't need. I have a bunch of extra clothes I can't use right now because I have gained so much weight with this pregnancy. I just don't know what to do with them, I will need them later. Containers with lables don't help... nothing helps, I have spent my whole life trying to come up with a system. Every time I get things folded it seems one of my kids finds them and spreads them from one end of the house to the other.

One of my children gets into the fridge. I have child safety door knobs on everything I can and even a gate blocking the kitchen, but he climbs over it quick. He takes the eggs out and cracks them on the carpet and furniture... now I am in the same room with them most of the time, but he takes every opportunity when I go to the bathroom or take a shower etc. And then it takes forever with me howling and crying trying to clean up such a horrible horrible mess, the carpet is destroyed. He has poured syrup and spread rice and flour and sugar all over the carpet before. I clean it as well as I can, I even have a small wet vac I use but the stains are awful.

I know how to clean. I've had to do it for jobs in the past, and I'm always an overachieving employee. I can do other people's dishes all right. But something is wrong with me when it comes to my own living space. I know this must sound like self pity and whining... but I am just so fed up with myself, so angry that I can't hack it. I am entertaining thoughts of moving far away from my mother so I never have to see that look of disgust on her face again.

Somehow I was born a slob and it has been the most horrible thing I've had to deal with since I was a tiny little child. I have made list after list, thought through how I am going to clean. In my head I know what to do... yet somehow I can't, I get completely overwhelmed and disgusted with myself. My hygiene is good and my kids are clean, our clothes are clean just not folded well and organized, I keep the trash fairly well collected and taken out. I cook and our food is clean and we don't get ill from it... unless you count my constant anxiety, but there is almost always a huge gross pile of dishes. I try to keep the carpets clean, but it is a losing battle. My furniture is all stained... my bathrooms are atrocious, my refrigerator is gross.

I'm not being unrealistic, I am pretty darn sure after almost three decades of life that I will never have a perfect house like my mom. But I don't feel right unless things are generally straightened, halfway organized, and sanitary. I've got a new baby coming in March, and I want all my babies to have a clean living area. I feel like I have failed my whole life and now it is so much worse because I am failing my precious children.

I guess I am wondering if there is anyone else like me that has suffered so long with the shame, embarrassment, frustration, humiliation and self defeat of not being able to keep things clean. If I had money I would pay someone to clean for me, and it would be worth every penny no matter how much they charged!! Did you go on meds for ADHD -- did it help? Were you finally able to get your house to where you were no longer ashamed for anyone to see it?? To where you could finally relax and not feel like a disgusting failure? I know this probably sounds manic, but this is nearly three decades of pain talking, and I need something beyond lists and cleaning tips and strategies. Thank you for listening and for any support.
elephantine is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-26-2008, 03:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So sad replying to myself lol... I was just going to give a couple examples of how the cleaning issue touches every aspect of my life.

There is *nothing* sexier than a man doing domestic chores... the guy could be less than attractive, overweight etc whatever I am in love! Seriously... even a watching a woman clean, I get this ridiculous sense of well being, like an endorphin rush. Everything relaxes... watching/hearing someone run the vacuum is very calming. Back before my divorce, my husband actually hired a cleaning lady for me for a couple of months... just two hours once per week, but it made the hugest difference in my life... course he used to rub it in about how it was sad that I needed it and we could use that money for other things etc.... but god, was it so wonderful. She would do my dishes and clean my counters and mop my kitchen floor and dust and vacuum and clean my bathroom!

Then I would thank her profusely and hand her the money and I always felt she was getting the bad end of the deal... and then when she'd leave, I'd go in my kitchen and tear up... I could finally breathe again.
elephantine is offline  
Old 10-26-2008, 06:07 PM
 
velcromom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: N. Ca Sierra Nevada
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have some trouble with this too. You are definitely not alone with this!! I have some bad memories from childhood of being forced to do cleaning through threats and shaming, and whenever I did end up cleaning I was always angry and upset. Now when I need to clean, I get angry and upset and flustered. Add to that, whenever I get angry and upset about something else, what do I find myself doing? Cleaning. Weird, I know. I always think that if I ever had a spotless house everyone better watch their back cuz it would be the most obvious sign that things were about to implode.

My dream is to be able to approach housework with a zenlike attitude that it is both a moving meditation and an act of devotion/respect to myself, my family and my friends because it helps me, my family and makes my home a place where everyone can feel welcome. I've never been able to reach that place yet though.
velcromom is offline  
Old 10-26-2008, 07:30 PM
 
Kokopelli-mana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi
I totally get you. You have so much going on, and it's impossible to keep up. Besides, there are more important things to take care of, like the kids. I'm in the same boat.
I know these are tough times financially, but what helped me was to find a cleaning lady. We got one at a pretty reasonable price. She comes every 2 weeks. It has changed my life tremendously. Dh and I no longer bicker about the chores. It's still a mess most of the time, but it is not a total pig-sty. I never vacuum or clean the floors or bathrooms. I just have to pick up every now and then.
The other thing I did was to completely dump lots of toys, etc. It makes the picking up easier. Now my 6yo can clean her room herself - all she has to do it throw everything into the big red bucket we have in the corner of her room. Same goes for my 2.5 yo ds - we cut down 75% of the toys and now it takes only 5 mins to clean his whole room. They didn't even miss the toys - in fact, they can play with more things since they can see what they have.
Don't get me wrong - I'm still overwhelmed. It's still a mess. But without the cleaning lady and the massive de-cluttering, I wouldn't even be able to find my laptop to type this.
Good luck and

Mama of 10yo dd, 7 yo ds, and 22 month old ds. No VAX, Anti-Circ, Lactivist, EC, UCB x 2. 

Kokopelli-mana is offline  
Old 10-27-2008, 12:16 PM
 
Crystal Pegasus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi elephantine... and others with this problem.

There are some good yahoo groups and a good site (with a forum and chat) for this kind of problem, which may be helpful to you. There are some really friendly, helpful and wise people on them, who have been where you are... in widely varying degrees... and have either successfully freed themselves from messiness, or are in the process of doing so. Lots of good ideas, and ongoing support!

http://takeonestepatatime.proboards8...ex.cgi#general

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Declutter-Support/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...-and-Hoarding/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/messiestalk/
Crystal Pegasus is offline  
Old 10-27-2008, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
K-mama -- I really really wish I could afford a cleaning lady, but divorced and on foodstamps and unemployment right now, I am barely making ends meet. Whenever things change for the better, I am definately putting it high on the priority list after everything else is covered.

crystal -- thank-you so much for those links! Just what I was looking for -- maybe it would help you all also velcromama and k-mama. I am actually feeling hopeful right now. Maybe lists and baby steps *can* actually work for me.
elephantine is offline  
Old 10-27-2008, 02:19 PM
 
ms.shell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,377
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i can relate.
while i was single i got overwhelmed by the mess, too. i couldnt afford a cleaning lady either. but i had a good friend who was a clean freak and i traded with her. i would watch her dd for the whole day or overnight once a week in exchange for her cleaning my house. this worked out pretty well for us for a while.

then i got my awesome dp who bought a dishwasher when we moved and handles most of the cleaning himself (and well). i LOVE living in a clean house! now if i could just get some kind of plan for my car

Mama to 3 boys 

ms.shell is offline  
Old 10-27-2008, 04:27 PM
 
Crystal Pegasus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Glad they are helpful! I belong to them all and they are helping me, both with my own clutter/hoarding tendencies, and with helping my mum overcome similar (but much more severe) problems in this regard, due in most part to her depression and traumatic life experiences.

I look forward to seeing your name pop up in posts! If you use another name than elephantine, let me know what it is, so I will recognise you! Maybe we can *chat* some time and encourage each other!
Crystal Pegasus is offline  
Old 10-28-2008, 07:32 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal Pegasus View Post
Hi elephantine... and others with this problem.

There are some good yahoo groups and a good site (with a forum and chat) for this kind of problem, which may be helpful to you. There are some really friendly, helpful and wise people on them, who have been where you are... in widely varying degrees... and have either successfully freed themselves from messiness, or are in the process of doing so. Lots of good ideas, and ongoing support!

http://takeonestepatatime.proboards8...ex.cgi#general

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Declutter-Support/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...-and-Hoarding/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/messiestalk/

Are these groups geared toward people with depression or just people with messiness, clutter problems?
I wonder if they don't have the depression piece if they would really be helpful.

Elephantine, this is a huge problem for me. I am actually a very organized person and I do well with lists. As a kid my room was always neat and tidy, without anyone telling me to do it.
I was depressed as a kid too, but I guess messiness was not one of the symptoms then.

Ever since I left home, at 17, things have gotten worse with the house thing.
I can relate so much.
Elephantine, I think you have the added issues of having an abusive mom who used cleaning. My mom was abusive but since I was tidy it never was an issue.
I think that you have to talk to someone and try and work through those feelings that are related to cleaning for you. I don't know how else to get past that one. Add to that you had a husband who shamed you - horrible.

Thank goodness my dh has depression too and he understands that it is not that easy to just do it. He's never put any pressure on me and besides he knows what my rule is - if it's a problem for you then do something about it (and I don't mean that in a mean way, but seriously).

My problem is just the low level depression that medication has never cured. I'm way better with the meds, but keeping a clean house is pretty much the hardest thing I could ever do.

I've dealt with it in some ways by saying "who cares". That doesn't mean I don't do anything ever, but I put up magnets or little things that say "a clean house is a sign of a wasted life" or "my idea of clean is sweeping the room with a glance" and stuff like that.
I guess the idea is to still do as much as I can, but try, at the same time, not to shame myself every second of every day. Also, it has helped me with people coming over. Granted only my closest friends and family comes over, and there's not many.

I make jokes about it, but not really as a cop out. I haven't accepted living like this, but I am trying to accept that I really am doing the best I can. Unfortunately the best I can do is usually planning to clean all day but never quite getting to it.

It really does suck. I realize that a lot of people I know think we are just slobs, but there is way more going on than that.
My dd has said, more than once, that she wants to move because this house is such a mess. I just tell her that the mess would go with us.
I know I am not setting the best example, etc. but I am doing the best I can and that is all we can do. I guess getting rid of the shame can be more important than actually having a clean house.
It is on my mind constantly, but I also remind myself to not put pressure on myself (which works most of the time) because the more overwhelmed I get the less likely I am to do anything. So the less I care about what others think, etc., etc. the more I actually end up doing sometimes.

OK, now I feel like I am rambling or something, but you get the drift.

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 10-29-2008, 03:42 AM
 
eccomama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i'm the same way except i'm battling being bipolar for the past 25 years. i was always punished for not keeping my room clean. now i let my house run down, i'm a piler and i have stuff everywhere. it drives me crazy and i start, then i get overwhelmed and give up. and years of therapy have not fixed it. i have become content with cleaning one area at a time and making a point of puttings things away. soem days are better than other some are worse. i dont want dd to grow up a slob, believe me she complains about the mess.
i know part of it is the chaos i feel inside. when i feel good i clean, when i'm depressed i ignore the house and binge eat. sigh...

single mama to DD 5.09
eccomama is offline  
Old 10-29-2008, 10:34 AM
 
Crystal Pegasus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would say the majority of people in these groups have related depression or other related mental/emotional problems, which have either helped cause, or make worse, their clutter/messiness/squalor.

The first one is particularly good and supportive, especially as it has a live chat feature where you can encourage each other in real time with your efforts, or discuss your problems and how you are coping etc.
Crystal Pegasus is offline  
Old 10-29-2008, 11:06 AM
 
LookMommy!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Jerusalem
Posts: 813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe it would help to make less mess - eg. use paper plates for every meal, give away everything you don't need (lend the maternity clothes to a friend until you need them again) cook simply, and most of all, put the LO in a playpen when you leave the room (harsh, but a reasonable consequence I believe for a destructo-kid).

I would barter some cleaning as much as possible too.

Set yourself mini-goals for each day, and reward yourself for each baby step.

My mom is a hoarder and it makes me stressed to visit her. Can you meet your mom at her house (and she can clean up after LO) or out of the house?

Also, I beleive their is an ADD thread here for moms and some have found relief with prescription drugs - don't know if that is a possibilty for you.
LookMommy! is offline  
Old 10-29-2008, 11:41 AM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=LookMommy!;12491359]
Quote:
put the LO in a playpen when you leave the room (harsh, but a reasonable consequence I believe for a destructo-kid).
Well, I don't think that is harsh if you are taking a shower or know you're going to be on the phone for a while. It's a safety issue - not just a messy issue.

Quote:
Set yourself mini-goals for each day, and reward yourself for each baby step.
I'm wondering if this really works for anyone...you would think it would, but for some reason if i put any kind of "goal" up for the day it seems to work in reverse. I don't know if it's some sort of rebelling I do or what the heck it is. I like the idea of flylady, but mostly I like to read the stuff and it ends up being more of a fantasy than any real action being taken.

The only thing I've gotten out of flylady is this: Put tie up shoes on every day. No socks, slippers, flip flops, etc. This really has helped in the way that I am not in as much of a relaxing mode or something. It makes it easier to be in action.

Thanks crystal pegasus, I am going to check out that group/s.

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 10-29-2008, 05:22 PM
 
momma4fun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: in the snow
Posts: 912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i'm the exact same as the op

i've got an appt with my doctor on monday to discuss adult add!

i'm very excited!

there's just such a huge discrepency between what i want to accomplish versus what i can actually make myself do everyday

high stress is the only way i can get things done

i'm sick of it!
momma4fun is offline  
Old 10-30-2008, 10:55 AM
 
MaterPrimaePuellae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here's my .02:
Without knowing you or your exact situation: Your reaction is a reasonable reaction to a difficult situation. I HATE cleaning. My mom was never abusive, but she had four kids in five years (one set twins!) and struggled SO MUCH with cleaning. I remember always scrambling madly if we found out people were coming over, and our common living areas were always just madness-- legos, toys, food, play-doh, etc, everywhere. So for me, cleaning = trying to please others and pretending to be something you are not (not saying this is *true*, but that it is my emotional hangup).

At the same time, like you, I crave order, and I don't want my DD growing up with the same chaos feeling I had.

This is what I do:

1. I try very hard not to worry about perfection. I do the dishes, mostly, every night for reasons of sanitation. If I do that, I feel okay. The idea of washing windows, washing/ironing curtains, vaccuuming regularly, mopping regularly... hah! That just can't be a part of my life right now. But if the dishes are clean, and we have clean laundry, that's good enough.

2. Streamline as much as possible. Donate or recycle or just throw out a LOT. You need less than you think. This is especially important if you have children who are spreading the mess around.

3. reward yourself for cleaning. I love reading and don't get to do it much, so I listen to books on tape while cleaning. Sometimes I find myself looking around for something to clean so that i can find out what happens in my current book This is prob. what has helped me the very most.

4. If at all possible, maybe in the future: ditch the carpets. Seriously, if I did not have laminate/tile floors, my life would be SO much harder.

5. Not everyone is good at cleaning. Seriously. My husband changes the oil in our cars, but *most* people take their cars to a mechanic. Maybe you are the sort of person who needs a "mechanic" for your house. That does NOT make you a sick or a bad person. Not at all. In your situation, with your mental health at stake, I would find something to cut back on if at all possible-- do you have cable? buy soda?-- to pay someone. Or do a cleaning swap; that's a great idea.

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
MaterPrimaePuellae is offline  
Old 10-30-2008, 04:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only extras I have right now are internet($15 per month plus modem fee) which I don't want to get rid of and land telephone line that I don't really use but if I disconnect it then the price of my internet more than doubles.

Don't drink soda, but if I did I'd be using food stamps to purchase it unfortunately. I'm divorced now and things are extremely tight. I had started a job after 4 months of unemployment and was fired when it "came out" that I was pregnant... so even more depressed on top of everything else.

I already use paper plates and table ware... sad that I still cannot control the dishes.

If I had any money right now, I would buy a washing machine -- mine leaks and now I have mold issues in the surrounding carpet. So the laundry piles up even more and when i must wash a load I keep a towel stuffed under to soak up water.. then when I see any mold I try to keep it at bay with a bleach water solution and stain removers. It makes everything so difficult. I would walk to the laundry room, but it isn't all that close and it is very difficult with two toddlers that run away from me and 5 months pregnant and a load of laundry and detergent etc.


I'm in a small 2 bedroom apartment, if I had my own place, trust me there would be no carpets. I freak out so bad about these horrible carpets.

I have a gate blocking my kitchen but my most destructive 3 year old climbs over that in like 1 second. I don't know of any play pen that would keep him in, and even if there was one that would work he would be screaming till he passed out. I have never been able to keep him in a playpen since he was a baby.

I hate to sound so pessimistic.... and as for swapping chores with *anyone*... part of my condition seems to keep me from having many close relationships. I actually don't know anyone and don't think I have the energy to maintain a friendship even if the opportunity were there. How is that for sad? Not having a good day, still waiting on my referral...
elephantine is offline  
Old 11-01-2008, 04:09 PM
 
MaterPrimaePuellae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh my. That does sound very hard. You definitely have my sympathy. I wish I could offer more advice. Is it possible you could get more support from your xh?

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
MaterPrimaePuellae is offline  
Old 11-01-2008, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaterPrimaePuellae View Post
oh my. That does sound very hard. You definitely have my sympathy. I wish I could offer more advice. Is it possible you could get more support from your xh?
He's actually a dead beat and we've never received a dime from him since I got away 2 years ago. LOL This story sounds so sad it makes me laugh... I really think I would feel better if I could just keep my house halfway straightened up. The dad of this baby is a good guy, but we have not even been dating a year(yes, major oops! )... he has kept us from losing our apartment a couple of times now, so things could be worse.

But poverty and relationship issues aside... I feel I really have no excuse to be so inept at housework even with adhd or whatever diagnosis. Why does this come so natural to so many many women. I envy them. I wish I were like them. I wish I had a fraction of the cleaning IQ that my mom has! argh!

I started making lists a few days ago and I had my kitchen counters cleaned and now there is stuff piled up on them *again*!! It really is a vicious cycle of stress and depression. Still waiting on my referral.
elephantine is offline  
Old 11-02-2008, 01:57 PM
 
traceface's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: into the woods
Posts: 1,303
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
I wish I had a fraction of the cleaning IQ that my mom has! argh!

Okay, true, it'd be nice if you were naturally good at cleaning like your mom - but I wish *she* had half the emotional intelligence and kindness that you have! It sounds like she's naturally not too good at mothering, with the abusive stuff and looking horrified at your messy house.

That said, I'm sure you'd feel *much* better if it were clean and with the help of new systems, those forums, I'm sure you can
traceface is offline  
Old 11-02-2008, 11:38 PM
 
canadiannancy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
eleaphantine: Are you my sister? Seriously i could have written your post...and I plan to check out the sites pp put up.

It sometimes feels to me like my life is in such complete chaos....if I could at least have an organized home it would help me to feel like I had some control over my life...and since I don't...I don't. And as for trading off chores or sitting with friends or family....I don't have any either.

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
canadiannancy is offline  
Old 11-03-2008, 02:15 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I looked into some of the pp's links and I am sooo into the first one - takeonestepatatime. Seriously. It's more on my level than just the people who do the "make a list and then do it" thing. It has been helpful to me to be on that board and feel like people have been there and that there are other people who have a hard time doing the littlest things some days.

They are all very encouraging. It has been so helpful for me. I've never been anywhere that I can relate like that.

check it out!

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 11-03-2008, 03:25 PM
 
harrietsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Hesperia, MI
Posts: 1,627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Hey that's MEEE over here! for the first time in my life, my house isn't yucky and an avalanche waiting to happen. How? I have a home health care person 2x a week from Dept. of Human Services. I am on soc. sec. disability though so I don't know if that is a prerequisite or not. I still have piles everywhere and stuff, but for the most part, she never lets it get out of hand. She'll come in 'ok, we're doing your office today' and stuff. It's such a relief. Maybe you can look into that kind of help? I get it. if you can't get outside help, take baby steps, go look at flylady online. Don't expect to be able to do her stuff, but here's what I found realistic: fly stands for finally loving yourself. Try to remember that you are loving yourself and your family everytime you are cleaning/organizing. The 27 fling boogie - grab a bag and find 27 things to throw away. put out hotspots - spend 5 minutes in collecting areas to keep them from becoming overwhelming. try to keep things simple. 'I'm going to clean this spill" I'm going to collect magazines' etc. Take a breathe between. Even cleaning done improperly blesses your home!


Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
harrietsmama is offline  
Old 11-03-2008, 04:25 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrietsmama View Post
..., go look at flylady online. Don't expect to be able to do her stuff, but here's what I found realistic: fly stands for finally loving yourself. Try to remember that you are loving yourself and your family everytime you are cleaning/organizing. The 27 fling boogie - grab a bag and find 27 things to throw away. put out hotspots - spend 5 minutes in collecting areas to keep them from becoming overwhelming. try to keep things simple. 'I'm going to clean this spill" I'm going to collect magazines' etc. Take a breathe between. Even cleaning done improperly blesses your home!

Sooo encouraging!!!

I'm going to print out "Try to remember that you are loving yourself and your family everytime you are cleaning/organizing."

That's awesome!

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 11-04-2008, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
elephantine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Still haven't made any progress... I just think about it and want to eat or sleep or cry. I feel like I just don't have the energy to implement some of these good ideas.
elephantine is offline  
Old 11-05-2008, 01:37 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
Still haven't made any progress... I just think about it and want to eat or sleep or cry. I feel like I just don't have the energy to implement some of these good ideas.
I hear ya. I know what that's like. Yesterday and today I have been barely able to do anything. I want to, but it's like I'm frozen and just can't. It's not like I can't get out of bed, but every little thing just seems huge and too much. Everything takes too much energy.

That's why today if I pick up a piece of paper and throw it away it's going to count as something I accomplished today.

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 11-05-2008, 10:15 PM
 
harrietsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Hesperia, MI
Posts: 1,627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by judejude View Post
I hear ya. I know what that's like. Yesterday and today I have been barely able to do anything. I want to, but it's like I'm frozen and just can't. It's not like I can't get out of bed, but every little thing just seems huge and too much. Everything takes too much energy.

That's why today if I pick up a piece of paper and throw it away it's going to count as something I accomplished today.
One thing that helps me when I feel this way, and believe me, it has persisted for long periods in my life - go stare it down for 15 minutes. Don't put any other expectations on yourself other than to look at it for 15 minutes. Sometimes it will help you get started, great!!!! if not, you made a good effort at it.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
harrietsmama is offline  
Old 11-06-2008, 01:24 AM
 
VisionQuest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: USA
Posts: 453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Elephantine, I could have written your post. My house is cluttered and disorganized. I have tried all of my married life (21 years now) to keep a neat house and I feel like I can't. No matter what system I try it doesn't work. The day-to-day chores just seem so overwhelming.

I saw a counselor once to discuss possible ADD issues but she wasn't very understanding about it. I think people think that housework and chores should be second nature because everyone else does it. She blamed it on other issues but bottom line is, I should be able to get my act together. My home is not a health hazard but it's just a mess all of the time.

I hope your appointment goes well.
VisionQuest is offline  
Old 11-06-2008, 12:46 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrietsmama View Post
One thing that helps me when I feel this way, and believe me, it has persisted for long periods in my life - go stare it down for 15 minutes. Don't put any other expectations on yourself other than to look at it for 15 minutes. Sometimes it will help you get started, great!!!! if not, you made a good effort at it.
Hmmm I've never tried that. I'm going to give it a try and see how it goes.

thanks

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
Old 11-06-2008, 01:58 PM
 
mommydancer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Elephantine, I wonder if your tendency to keep things the way you do could be a way of rebelling against the "Martha Stewart" way your mom probably forced upon you in your childhood home? If that were the case, you might reflect on whether an old rebellion could be creating chaos in your adult life. Sometimes a coping strategy that worked in early life outlives its utility. Just a thought I wanted to share. I could be wrong, though.

Momma to one small person I call Smoodgie :joy.gif
mommydancer is offline  
Old 11-06-2008, 05:53 PM
 
harrietsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Hesperia, MI
Posts: 1,627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by judejude View Post
Hmmm I've never tried that. I'm going to give it a try and see how it goes.

thanks
I'll be cheering for ya!:

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
harrietsmama is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off