How to show counselor how you really are feeling? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 11-08-2008, 02:58 AM - Thread Starter
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I'm not really sure if this is going to come out right. I know I need counseling. I have no insurance and no money though, so I can't get one for a while. I'm hoping either DH will get a job with benefits soon, or I'll be able to get my birth certificate and then get medicaid. Either way, I'm hoping to have counseling soon.

Here's my problem. I already have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder by my PCP. I was on lexapro and klonopin until I became pregnant. Now I'm not on anything. It's very difficult. But the risks aren't worth it, I'm very scared of that. In addition I know I'm deeply depressed. When I was 16 I was clinically depressed and through medication and counseling I worked through it. This feels so much worse.

I feel nearly incapacitated now. The thought of talking to people I don't know causes me to break down hysterical. I can't make phone calls without hyperventilating. All I want to do is sleep or hide in a closet. I feel like there is no light at the end of this tunnel.

I ended up leaving my last job because of all this. It definitely got worse after getting off the meds, big surprise. But even before that I would cry all the way to work. I would sit in my car and scream. Pray for a way to get out of having to go inside and deal with people. And that was while ON meds. The klonopin would help a little, but that more made it hard to cry. I still wanted to, but I just couldn't. At least I could get through the day. Once I became pregnant though I was left with nothing to help me cope.

I've been having these issues for years. And they just keep getting worse. Heck, about 5 years ago I hid in a closet (literally) because I just couldn't face what was waiting for me that day. A new job.

I know I need counseling, but considering my anxiety hits hardest when dealing with new people, well, you can see how this would be difficult for me to pursue. And even if I can make myself schedule for counseling, I don't know how I can be *me*. How can I show a complete stranger how I really feel? I'm afraid I'll either hold everything back, and well... that wouldn't help me. Or, I'm afraid I'll go the other way and completely breakdown, and seem like I'm acting.

How can you show a counselor who you are and how you're really feeling? Someone you've never met before.

This entire post has been so hard to write. Even just *thinking* about talking to a stranger makes it hard for me to breathe.
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#2 of 9 Old 11-08-2008, 11:58 AM
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I would write/type it all down and bring it in to the counselor. Even just printing out your above post would be good. Something you can either refer to if you get distracted or forget what you wanted to say OR to give to the counselor to read her/himself if you can't talk at all.

Mom to dd (8), ds (6), and dd (1)

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#3 of 9 Old 11-08-2008, 12:37 PM
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Yep, print out your post and take it with you.
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#4 of 9 Old 11-08-2008, 03:21 PM
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Type or print this, share your journal entries if you have one. Start writing when you are in a bad place and just let the words flow out however and whatever you may be feeling.

Have your DH call and make the appointment if you can't.

When you get there just hand over the papers.

I had to do this with my oldest DD, because she couldn't verbalize well enough to the doctor to get diagnosed so I made a list of symptoms and things she'd told me in her own words.

The doctor was really grateful.
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#5 of 9 Old 11-09-2008, 02:01 AM
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I think the printing out would be a good start. I was nervous with talking to a stranger as well and instead of bottling it up, i completely broke down. Dh drove me to the appointment since i already had canceled the appointment once before too. Good luck. s

E Veg*n Mom to ds 6 : dd 3
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#6 of 9 Old 11-10-2008, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone. I think I'll do that then. I'll print out what I typed here and just go from there. Well, once I have insurance and can get a counselor. When I was working and had insurance all the counselors it covered could only see me during work hours. Well, now I'm a SAHM so my hours are more open now.
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#7 of 9 Old 11-11-2008, 04:37 PM
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I actually have printed out a post I made here and showed it to my therapist because I just couldn't get the words out. You sound very much like me.

I agree with getting your DH or another trusted friend or family member on board even if just to make the appointments for you. I haven't been to see mine since August because I didn't make my next appointment before I left her office and I just can't make myself pick up the phone.

As far as finding someone, are you seeing a midwife? When I needed someone and didn't know how to go about finding the right one I called my midwife for a recommendation (even though I was over a year PP). I trusted her implicitly and knew she wouldn't steer me wrong.

HTH and good luck!
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#8 of 9 Old 11-12-2008, 01:41 PM
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Great advice about the midwife
Also, if you wanted meds, she could write a script and the pharmacy may be able to help you with a discount. When I didn't have insurance, my pharmacy gave me a discount card to use everytime. I paid about 50% less than full price.

Sometimes when we are in such a dark place that we can't see pulling ourselves out of it, a little chemical "assistance" can be a blessing. Even if its just enough to help you think clearly enough about a plan of action...including getting off of meds and treating naturally. Its hard to come up with a plan sometimes when you are in the thick of it.

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#9 of 9 Old 11-14-2008, 07:58 PM
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The ideas about writing it out are great. Ideally, you'd also give the counselor-client relationship some time to build and grow. It's impossible to give your counselor your entire heart during the first session.

Have you looked into student counselors? Call some of the counselors that your MW or physician recommends, explain your financial situation, and find out if there are any students or LMSWs working under them. Student counselors and recent Master's level social work graduates have to meet regularly with professional counselors for ongoing supervision. The greatest advantage is that you pay a minimal fee, ($10.00 per session where I am) or even nothing at all (at a local medical clinic). It could at least get you by until you're in a better financial situation. Good luck mama!

"A child who is protected from all controversial ideas is as vulnerable as a child who is protected from every germ. The infection, when it comes- and it will come- may overwhelm the system, be it the immune system or the belief system." — Jane Smiley

“It is simply no longer possible to believe much of the clinical research that is published, or to rely on the judgment of trusted physicians or authoritative medical guidelines.” - Marcia Angell, M.D., former NEJM Editor

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