Is there a Bi-polar support thread? - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
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#181 of 572 Old 01-25-2009, 09:28 PM
 
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I remember describing myself just like that to my then-pdoc, and having him say that same thing: "oh that's pretty mild, just get up and move". The truth was, I was horribly, completely, immobilizingly depressed. I just didn't have a good baseline, so it didn't seem "that bad", and my particular type of depression was very... Not subtle, exactly, but maybe invisible. I wasn't planning suicide, so I mustn't have been REALLY depressed, right? But I was. I might have killed myself through inaction if I hadn't had people around to help me.

So I really hesitate to dismiss a description like that as "really mild". It could be, which is why I suggested all the things one does for a mild depression, but it could also either be way worse or a bad sign of things to come. We can't know just on a written description. We can't even always know when we're living it. Which is why we need to take even "mild" depression seriously.
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#182 of 572 Old 01-25-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
its weird. i feel like i should cry, but i cant cry. but that might be a med thing, right? anyway, i walked around the mall with my 5 year old. which normally is the last thing on earth i would ever want to do, but it was nice to spend some time with him, and get out of the house. i think its just winter blahs. i am going to start taking my fish oils and b vitamins again, i have been kinda lazy about them. thanks guys.
Ooo, yea, fishoils are my lifesavers. I really notice when I slip up taking them. Vitamin d can be really important with seasonal depression. Plus it sounds like you have a lot of situational stresses to deal with.

I'm glad you got out. Take care of you.
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#183 of 572 Old 01-26-2009, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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s Starry.

I was just thinking about how when I get depressed I totally dont want to do ANYTHING. Maybe my depression is severe or something but when I get up and move I hate every minute of it and frankly, it doesnt work for me. (Despite others best efforts to want it to. )

I hope you are feeling better soon.

How is your sugar intake? Thats what gets me. My sugar addiction. Drives me right in to a pit. (And if I consume anything like wine or anything.

Eat protein first thing in the morning. Make something easy the night before and then u just have to heat it up. Do you eat meat? Quiche is pretty easy. I have a batch of collard greens and cheese grits that I am eating every morning. I must need iron or something. And also eggs. (which I dont love.) I'll eat one of those "egg in a hole" things though. ONE.

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#184 of 572 Old 01-27-2009, 04:53 AM
 
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i should be here.
ive recently been rediagnosed as bipolar 1 recent episode depressive with psychotic features.
i had to wean my girls because seroquel is the only thing that has been working for me. i was full on manic near the whole time i was on lithium and trazedone, i couldnt sleep.
i was on depakote which didnt seem to do anything but make me gain 40 lbs.
i was on prozac for awhile too which just made me feel like a block of cement. and abilify which made me feel like a buzzing neon sign all the time.
so now its just the seroquel and being incredibly depressed most of the time. eh

i really hate med experimenting :P

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#185 of 572 Old 01-30-2009, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by poxybat View Post
i should be here.
ive recently been rediagnosed as bipolar 1 recent episode depressive with psychotic features.
i had to wean my girls because seroquel is the only thing that has been working for me. i was full on manic near the whole time i was on lithium and trazedone, i couldnt sleep.
i was on depakote which didnt seem to do anything but make me gain 40 lbs.
i was on prozac for awhile too which just made me feel like a block of cement. and abilify which made me feel like a buzzing neon sign all the time.
so now its just the seroquel and being incredibly depressed most of the time. eh

i really hate med experimenting :P

hey. im pretty sure you can nurse on seroquel. i tried seroquel but didnt do well with the side effects. im nak right now so i cant look it up on hales, but you could try this website. http://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/htmlgen?LACT
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#186 of 572 Old 01-31-2009, 12:46 PM
 
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i tried switching meds and relactating but the girls forgot how to nurse.
so even if i could nurse on it the damage has been done

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#187 of 572 Old 02-01-2009, 10:23 PM
 
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I found my tribe!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in December of last year. I was on Lamictal, I was on the highest dose possible and then I got pg and went off. I am doing OK. The pregnancy hormones even me out kinda nice. But I still have my moments.

I hate the anger. I hate not being able to handle stress. Those are annoying.

I need to research bi-polar meds for after babe is born. I want to breastfeed, lamictal is not safe for pregnancy or nursing.

Anyway, HI!
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#188 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How are you all doing?

I almost weaned off my meds last week because I was feeling tired all the time and hopeless about my medicaid getting approved (and thus getting to continue taking them.) My therapist talked me out of it. Good. I think that is exactly what I need on a weekly basis. Of course, she also told me she doesnt think I should homeschool and that sucks but I dont have to do what she says anyways. LOL. I do recognize the huge amount of commitment it is going to take and as of right now, I am still up for it.

I dont want to have to give up on things that are important because of a disability. Kind of like not having legs and running a marathon. Homeschooling feels like that to me sometimes.

I want an update. Please, ROLL CALL!
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#189 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 10:12 AM
 
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I'm off Invega. Focus is a major issue now, but I'm less sleepy all the time.

My therapist also doesn't think I should homeschool. I'm still undecided overall, but it's something I'd like to consider.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#190 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 11:30 AM
 
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I need a med adjustment. I'm taking seroquel and welbutrin and while the seroquel seems to help with my anger, I am still despressed. I wanted to get off of welbutrin a long time ago but my psychiatrist wanted to get me into therapy first, before starting any new changes. I will see her Thursday and little does she know that I still havent been to therapy.

Funny you guys mention homeschool. Over the last few weeks I have given up on my dreams of homeschooling my kids. All of a sudden it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I saw clearly my inability to carry out the task. I always thought that when the time rolled around that I would "snap to" all of a sudden. But thats not really realistic.
Its been extremely painful, one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I know that sounds dramatic but its true. For weeks I didn't even tell Dh what I was thinking because I couldn't choke out the words without completely coming unglued.

I still feel like I may change my mind at some point. Maybe that is just a way to comfort myself...thinking that school doesn't have to be permanent. Maybe if I can really get myself to a healthy place, I can revisit the idea in the future. I suppose I could muscle through it and give it a go now. I think I'd always feel like I wasn't doing enough though and the guilt would take over.
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#191 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 11:53 AM
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funny about homeschooling. we recently went through the same decision/process in our house. i absolutely cannot homeschool either. which makes me very sad.

in other somewhat related news, im (hopefully) going back to school in the fall! : im a little concerned about taking topamax while in school, because it makes me soooooo STUPID. but its the best med ive found, so i dont know.
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#192 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am planning on homeschooling, but still always open to what is best for our WHOLE family.
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#193 of 572 Old 03-18-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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I should say for us with homeschooling, I'm not going to do it without any breaks. I just couldn't do that. No way. I'm going back to graduate school in the fall, and I will have that for my sanity. I actually do much better when I have complex ideas to focus my mind on.

With DC, I'm going to put them in a part-time, play school program (really relaxed, play atmosphere). Then they'll probably have a PT nanny for other hours while I'm working/studying. So, homeschool will b fit in at odd times, and I'm committed to being really open to what interests DC.

I don't know as the kids get older that it will be possible to continue to homeschool. The biggest concern I have is that January-February are *really* bad months for me every year. We make a lot of changes to deal with it, but it continues to be true. I know that I can't homeschool during those months, so we'll have to address that eventually - which may make formal schooling the best option in the future.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#194 of 572 Old 03-29-2009, 02:16 AM
 
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I have been on Depakote and zoloft for about a year and a half-ish now. I am still having a really hard time. I am tired/lazy feeling all the time, but have restless sleep at night. I can stay up til 4 am no problem, but could sleep all day after sleeping 10 hours at night. None of this makes sense to me. I have gained about 40 more pounds, and already needed to loose about 100. I need something that will help me energy wise. i am still nursing my 4 yr old and the baby. Any suggestions? i am calling my doc monday.

Thank you so much for posting your experiences. I have read so much that is nearly identical to mine, it scares and comforts me all in one.

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#195 of 572 Old 03-29-2009, 02:19 AM
 
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Has anyone here been untreated for a very very long time? I am dealing with some major stuff, and my parents keep telling me about how badly I parent my kids/keep my house/etc because I was depressed for so long. When I say it was because I was debilitatingly depressed my mom shakes her head and says "When are you going to stop making excuses?"

Its driving me nuts.

I dont want to make up excuses but there are actually tangeble reasons why my house was messy for a long time, and my kids and I didnt leave the house because I told people it was too "hot outside." I was so freaking depressed.

I feel like I need a support system but its so hard to come by because no one understands what mental illness actually does to a persons life.

Bipolar has completley ruined my life, and although I am positive and have a happy outlook of life now, my past is a force to be reckoned with because there was alot of bad stuff.

Anyone?
yes. I was untreated from the time I started having symtoms(i think around 12 or so) until a year and a half ago. I had tried multiple antidepressants, but they didn't work. My X and his gf make me feel like crap because I "use my bipolar as an excuse". I already feel like crap for having such a hard time getting the house clean and meeting the needs of the kids.I wish I could make at least him understand. I wish he could be in my shoes for one day. Half the time I think it is a miracle I am around still at all.

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#196 of 572 Old 03-29-2009, 08:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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mightymoo-from my very limited knowlege I would get off the zoloft and see about getting depakote ER so you can take it at night.

I am weaning off my meds right now. Well at least until my psych apt on Apr 30th because I was going to run out anyways. I NEED Depakote ER. I cant live so tired like this!
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#197 of 572 Old 03-29-2009, 01:02 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm already on the ER. I think I need to try something else. I'm calling her on Monday. Things feel really out of control for me. Thanks!

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#198 of 572 Old 03-29-2009, 03:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamamoo View Post
I have been on Depakote and zoloft for about a year and a half-ish now. I am still having a really hard time. I am tired/lazy feeling all the time, but have restless sleep at night. I can stay up til 4 am no problem, but could sleep all day after sleeping 10 hours at night. None of this makes sense to me. I have gained about 40 more pounds, and already needed to loose about 100. I need something that will help me energy wise. i am still nursing my 4 yr old and the baby. Any suggestions? i am calling my doc monday.

Thank you so much for posting your experiences. I have read so much that is nearly identical to mine, it scares and comforts me all in one.
I know exactly what you are saying and feel much the same way. My suggestion is to keep working with your doc to find the right combo for you. That is taking me a long time in itself. I am tired and lazy too but the things that give me more energy also tend to make me panicky.
I just started Celexa and like it so far. I also take Seroquel (a baby dose) which helps. I've had a lot of trial and error so far.
I know what you mean about feeling comforted and scared all at the same time.
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#199 of 572 Old 03-30-2009, 12:30 PM
 
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I haven't read the entire thread yet because I know I will convince myself not to post.

I was diagnosed with BPD at 6. Since then I have been hospitalized and seen numerous therapists and been on numerous medications- the bulk of this happened before I was a teen. When I was in my teens I had this lovely therapist who convinced me I didn't need medications and helped me use some tools to combat myself. I stand by that. I don't think I need medications all the time but I am trying right now to let myself have them.

To hopefully make that make more sense let me say that since leaving that therapist (I moved out of state and back) I have ignored my disorder. It's been a "oh yeah I have that " type of deal for years though I did use the tools she gave me. But since then I have had 3 kids and the last birth was traumatic. Even when I was planning my own suicide, burning myself, and taring up my marriage I still would not listen to myself or others when they begged me to go back on meds because I just don't need them, right? Finally when DD3 was a bit older I went in and told my OB I thought I had PPD and he prescribed me Zoloft which I took for a little bit and then stopped.

Now I am pregnant with twins and on top of that have realized that I have been lieing to myself about my DD who is showing signed of childhood BPD and has been for a while. I have let her suffer because I just don't want to admit it. I know it. And having to look at her has made me have to look at myself.

I don't want either of us on meds. I don't want to go see the child psychaiatrist. I don't want any of that for either of us. But what am I suppose to do here? When I went in pregnant with the twins my OB gave me more Zoloft and I have yet to take any of it. He doesn't know about my history of bipolar disorder because I didn't tell him. He might know from another source but I don't add it to my history when I see new docs.


I just don't believe/want to believe I am *that* bad. I know I am really starting to lose it but I am so convinced I can deal with it myself one minute and the other I am second guessing myself. I don't know which is true. I tell myself I am not as bad as all that and I probably am not bipolar at all and then other times I think my mind is shattering.

I'm sorry if none of this made sense and was more than a little whinny. I'm sorry to just barge in and post all about ME without reading the thread.

It never goes away, does it? Why am I trying to convince myself it does?

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#200 of 572 Old 03-30-2009, 01:05 PM
 
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magstphil, its ok that you didn't read the thread and that your post is all about you. Its a support thread and thats what you need.
It really is a journey. BPD is not just something cut and dried that you get diagnosed with, take your meds and forget about, case closed.
I also ignored it for years. It was much easier to do that though when I was on my own. Having children and all that it entails, the physical changes alone are pretty intense, never mind the emotional challenges and just the dramatic way that life changes. I think my disorder got much more intense at that time and I definitely had PPD too...but it was so much more than that! It became impossibe to ignore.
I also think that it can intensify with age.
I am sorry that you have to deal with your child possibly having this too. I wonder if I might face the same thing.

Maybe you will consider coming clean about your disorder with your OB. You probably know that treating it with an SSRI alone can induce mania. I really don't know how it would be dealt with in pregnancy, but I would think that having some support at least would be important.

Congrats on your pregnancy! Twins wow! Thats amazing and wonderful. Good luck and please continue to post for support.
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#201 of 572 Old 03-30-2009, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mags

I wonder if psychosis is heriditary b/c my ds has symptoms of that. Like "the monsters under the bed are real" kind of stuff
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#202 of 572 Old 04-01-2009, 06:24 PM
 
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I'm new and just curious about how you ladies went about seeking medical help? How was the process? Did you just see your GP and get referred to someone else?

I'm starting to think I have bipolar depression. :sigh: Some of these symptoms I've had for awhile and am just now taking a notice.

Aeona - married to super hot nerd Toby . . . mama to Grace (9) Evangeline (7) Duncan 11.14.08   and Henry (4) born at home. Expecting again early December!  
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#203 of 572 Old 04-01-2009, 06:45 PM
 
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I'm new and just curious about how you ladies went about seeking medical help? How was the process? Did you just see your GP and get referred to someone else?

I'm starting to think I have bipolar depression. :sigh: Some of these symptoms I've had for awhile and am just now taking a notice.
Sorry. Yes I would mention it to your GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist and go from there. Good for you for getting help!
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#204 of 572 Old 04-01-2009, 09:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was pretty much suicidal and realized that I had been going up and down like a rollercoaster for years and I had better get help before I was dead.

I sought out community mental health bc I dont have a doctor or insurance.
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#205 of 572 Old 04-02-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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hi mamas! i am back! :

i'm sorry i've been AWOL... just working on myself...etc. yada yada...

i've been in an art therapy group for those with mood disorders and this is helping me so much. its amazing how i will go in there w/ preconceived ideas of what i might draw (we use watercolor crayons) and then to see what comes out is really cool...i wind up deeper than i had thought about more on the surface/daily stuff. its so nice to be w/ others who can relate to how i feel, ya know?! this group is thru my county mental health which IMHO is really good. :

i start a DBT group soon and i'm excited to go to that too.

i still feel blocked...and don't quite know why i self sabotage who i truly am and what i truly love to do...but i'm getting there...like that john mayer song goes "i'm in repair...but i'm getting there..." or something to that effect. i have some ideas why i do it...fear of truly showing myself to the world...going beyond this bubble of mine...but man, its hard to actually do it...i feel so awkward actually showing myself so vulnerably to people.

although...i am a very lay it all on the table kind of girl at the same time...but when it comes to MY passions, i have tended to totally burn bridges... ie. art school. i LOVED the art school i went to in san francisco...i went there 2 separate times w/in a 3 or 4 year period in my life & dropped out both times... i love photography and i love figure drawing, etc. even my english class there was so awesome and creative/artist oriented. even my english teacher would look at my journal entries that we kept (not graded, she just made observations in them...) at ask me in them why the guilt trips and if i grew up catholic... lol

i have been on lamictal 200 mg and it definitely helps me...my moods dont go up and down so extremely like they used to...still on the zoloft 50 mg also. weaning was hell so i said no thanks, i'll stay on it thank you very much...

so yeah. that's my update. oh that and i've also been working on unconditionally parenting my kids. its so awesome, i love them so much... if you are interested there is an unconditional parenting book club happening on the parenting book club forum...so far we've done ch 1 and now we are onto ch 2. come join us!!!

how is everyone here?

-the other Lisbeth!
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#206 of 572 Old 04-03-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Good to hear from you DB!

I know exactly what you mean about feeling blocked and self sabotaging...boy do I!

It sounds like you are doing pretty well. That art therapy class sounds awesome. I have an AA in fine art myself and
have really let that part of my life lapse and I miss it.

Anyway I am finally getting on the right track as far as med combos. I'm doing Celexa and Seroquel atm.
Boy I felt like a walking pharmacy there for awhile!

It was a rough winter and I am happy feel the thaw of spring coming on (however slow around these parts).
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#207 of 572 Old 04-04-2009, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i am so glad to hear that MW!!! You have had a rough ride on meds.
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#208 of 572 Old 04-04-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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i am so glad to hear that MW!!! You have had a rough ride on meds.
Thanks! It has been rough. I think the Seroquel is making it hard for me to lose weight but oh well.
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#209 of 572 Old 04-04-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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motherwren, my lisbeth twin ... how would one DO art therapy...i'd LOVE to pursue this as a career...would i major in psych and minor in art or...? i'm so anaylitical and always trying to figure out the reasons for people's behavior (incl my own!) & also art symbolism relating to emotions...i love looking 'at' my dd's artwork...it tells me so much and i pretty much think i'm right on about it...it really is interesting...

hugs!

ps-how is the seroquel working for you? i'm trying to remember what you were taking over the winter...or was that last summer...i can't remember when i was here last...i am on lamictal as it was the safest mood stabilizer for bfing my fmhnp said...so far it works really well! :

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Good to hear from you DB!

I know exactly what you mean about feeling blocked and self sabotaging...boy do I!

It sounds like you are doing pretty well. That art therapy class sounds awesome. I have an AA in fine art myself and
have really let that part of my life lapse and I miss it.

Anyway I am finally getting on the right track as far as med combos. I'm doing Celexa and Seroquel atm.
Boy I felt like a walking pharmacy there for awhile!

It was a rough winter and I am happy feel the thaw of spring coming on (however slow around these parts).
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#210 of 572 Old 04-06-2009, 12:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by doublyblessed View Post
motherwren, my lisbeth twin ... how would one DO art therapy...i'd LOVE to pursue this as a career...would i major in psych and minor in art or...? i'm so anaylitical and always trying to figure out the reasons for people's behavior (incl my own!) & also art symbolism relating to emotions...i love looking 'at' my dd's artwork...it tells me so much and i pretty much think i'm right on about it...it really is interesting...

hugs!

ps-how is the seroquel working for you? i'm trying to remember what you were taking over the winter...or was that last summer...i can't remember when i was here last...i am on lamictal as it was the safest mood stabilizer for bfing my fmhnp said...so far it works really well! :
Hey. I'm not sure how you'd get into conducting art therapy. Maybe ask the person who runs your group?

Lamictal was bad for me. I really wanted to like it because so many people do well on it but I had horrible joint pain.
Seroquel is fairly new for me but it seems to be the only thing so far that hasn't been awful.

Glad you're doing well!
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