functiong bp- how do u get thru the day - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-14-2008, 06:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm bp, learning to function the last 3 years since i was diagnosed. i learn coping skills but some days just take everything out of me.

i throw myself into work to escape reality. then when i get home i fall apart, especially when i dont have dd. i cry, comfort myself with junk food, cry some more, neglect my hygiene, my sleep. i shop, spend money i dont have. i just need a fix, something to feel good, to feel alive. then i feel guilty when the stuff comes and i can't pay bills. ugh. then i drag myself out of bed, caffinate and push thru the day. i self punish as my counselor puts it. i just dont feel like i deserve anything.

weekend are the worst especially when i dont have dd. with her i'm able to channel my energy towards her. otherwise i hole up in bed, not eating, just vegging, crying. bad thoughts but i have learned to control them.

i talk to my counselor a lot but reality is so different from what ifs. there is only some much coping i can do, the meds only help some much. i get overwhelemd, sad, etc.

i recently broke up with my bf, things werent working out. i felt like i was using him as a crutch which wasn't fair to either to us plus it wasn't healthy.

how do you cope? how do you not crash? i feel like i'm getting to the end of my rope just when life has stablilized ( i gave a good career, decent roof over my head, trying to work on finances). i feel like i'm going to lose it and lose everything!!! part of it the fact that i feel like i dont deserve anything...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

single mama to DD 5.09
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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You have already made the choice to go on meds, and they aren't really working for you so, it sounds like you need them adjusted. They are supposed to help you KWIM?
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Old 11-14-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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^ The things you describe don't sound like your BP, but more like the normal everyday life stuff that bipolar people can't handle because they've been so busy forming coping mechanisms for all their bipolar stuff.

Because you are BP you have anxiety around that fact which drains you, and then you fall back on negative (but instantly helpful) habits.

Eating, spending, zoning out on something etc all to avoid pain or the parts of the real world you have trouble coping with- I identify with all of these.

Even though I am stable these things haven't come easily to me. Self discipline instead of self sabotage for instance.

I think we just really have to have support and guidance to break these negative holds on our living patterns. It's so very hard though when you are relatively alone with your disease.

I use a meditation like CD from a place called Holosync and I've read books on stopping negative voices in your head, and deciding how you want your reality to be. I've successfully stopped the rudeness towards myself that I use to have in my head 24/7. I've been able to see a new reality in regards to myself. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm a 100 times better than I was.

A lot of the work we bipolar people have to do is the un-doing of our negatively fashioned warped sense of reality. It's hard to re-learn how to think in a better more productive way about yourself and your life.

It's a constant battle, but for me it's gotten better and better.

I recommend you check out books from these people, you can find a list at their website: http://www.hendricks.com/ and here is the blog from the man that made the meditational CDs I use, and he has some really valuable insights and ideas about humans and our thought processes and our abilities to create our own realities, there is a lot of free info on his site: http://www.centerpointe.com/blog/
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Old 11-15-2008, 03:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
^ The things you describe don't sound like your BP, but more like the normal everyday life stuff that bipolar people can't handle because they've been so busy forming coping mechanisms for all their bipolar stuff.

Because you are BP you have anxiety around that fact which drains you, and then you fall back on negative (but instantly helpful) habits.

Eating, spending, zoning out on something etc all to avoid pain or the parts of the real world you have trouble coping with- I identify with all of these.

Even though I am stable these things haven't come easily to me. Self discipline instead of self sabotage for instance.

I think we just really have to have support and guidance to break these negative holds on our living patterns. It's so very hard though when you are relatively alone with your disease.

I use a meditation like CD from a place called Holosync and I've read books on stopping negative voices in your head, and deciding how you want your reality to be. I've successfully stopped the rudeness towards myself that I use to have in my head 24/7. I've been able to see a new reality in regards to myself. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm a 100 times better than I was.

A lot of the work we bipolar people have to do is the un-doing of our negatively fashioned warped sense of reality. It's hard to re-learn how to think in a better more productive way about yourself and your life.

It's a constant battle, but for me it's gotten better and better.

I recommend you check out books from these people, you can find a list at their website: http://www.hendricks.com/ and here is the blog from the man that made the meditational CDs I use, and he has some really valuable insights and ideas about humans and our thought processes and our abilities to create our own realities, there is a lot of free info on his site: http://www.centerpointe.com/blog/
thank you so much for sharing! this gives me so much perspective into myself and my behavior. i'll check out the website you mentioned and the CD's. thanks again.

single mama to DD 5.09
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