Join Date: Oct 2005
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^ The things you describe don't sound like your BP, but more like the normal everyday life stuff that bipolar people can't handle because they've been so busy forming coping mechanisms for all their bipolar stuff.
Because you are BP you have anxiety around that fact which drains you, and then you fall back on negative (but instantly helpful) habits.
Eating, spending, zoning out on something etc all to avoid pain or the parts of the real world you have trouble coping with- I identify with all of these.
Even though I am stable these things haven't come easily to me. Self discipline instead of self sabotage for instance.
I think we just really have to have support and guidance to break these negative holds on our living patterns. It's so very hard though when you are relatively alone with your disease.
I use a meditation like CD from a place called Holosync and I've read books on stopping negative voices in your head, and deciding how you want your reality to be. I've successfully stopped the rudeness towards myself that I use to have in my head 24/7. I've been able to see a new reality in regards to myself. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm a 100 times better than I was.
A lot of the work we bipolar people have to do is the un-doing of our negatively fashioned warped sense of reality. It's hard to re-learn how to think in a better more productive way about yourself and your life.
It's a constant battle, but for me it's gotten better and better.
I recommend you check out books from these people, you can find a list at their website: http://www.hendricks.com/ and here is the blog from the man that made the meditational CDs I use, and he has some really valuable insights and ideas about humans and our thought processes and our abilities to create our own realities, there is a lot of free info on his site: http://www.centerpointe.com/blog/