I keep reading about mamas who never put their baby down - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-28-2009, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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...and I have a lot of respect for that. But it's just not me. Mine is content to nap in a bouncer chair (while I shower or cook or do things I can't do when he's in the sling) or hang out in his papasan swing (he loves the mobile and music) or chill in the Moses basket (he likes the pattern of the cushions inside it and will happily stare at the ceiling for fun).

I do hold him a lot, and I put him in the sling and wear him around the house. But if I'm sitting and not moving, he won't tolerate the sling at all. And he doesn't really comfort nurse anymore, so if he's not hungry he's restless and thrashing around. Sometimes I can get him to just hang out on my lap but for the most part he's bored, yet uninterested in being read to.

So I use the things I mentioned above to keep him happy and he seems like a very alert, independent, happy little guy. He's very attached to me and we co-sleep and nurse on demand, so I know I'm meeting his needs. But reading some posts here, I wonder if I'm kind of a fraud. I mean, I use not one, but TWO Fisher Price contraptions to soothe my babe during the day! Is that bad?

Can anyone else relate?

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Old 01-28-2009, 07:38 PM
 
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For some of us, putting the baby down is not an option. My older 3 girls would not tolerate being put in any contraption for any length of time. They would not nap if I wasn't laying with them. My 4th (3 weeks old) will let me put her down to nap and I can get other stuff done.

I had a choice between putting them down and letting them cry or holding them all the time. I don't believe in CIO so holding was my only option. Putting your baby down does not make you a fraud as long as your baby is happy and all of his/her needs are met.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:38 PM
 
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I feel like this a lot! DD loves to sleep in her swing those days I just can't take having her nap on me and just chill in her bouncy when I'm cooking, showering, using the bathroom, etc. She'll kick so the mirror and jingly things on the bar move and she loves it. I feel so guilty, but some days she hates being worn and I won't wear her while I'm cooking. I do feel like a MDC fraud some days, but I keep trying to tell myself DD is happy, I'm happy, DH is happy and we're doing what works for us.

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Old 01-28-2009, 07:40 PM
 
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I can totally relate.

When my LO was new up until she was about 7 months or so she would be content in bouncy chair or whatever. I held and wore her heaps but she wasnt bothered if I didnt. I felt I didnt "belong" with the AP crowd and I really wanted to. But I was meeting her needs and she was happy as was I.

Then she hit separation anxiety age and complete opposite. SHe demanded to be held or touching me in some way most of the day and night. Now at 11 months she is somewhere in between these two extremes.

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Old 01-28-2009, 07:42 PM
 
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I put my (low-needs) baby down lots. If he starts fussing, I finish my post to MDC and go pick him up again.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by library lady View Post
For some of us, putting the baby down is not an option. My older 3 girls would not tolerate being put in any contraption for any length of time. They would not nap if I wasn't laying with them. My 4th (3 weeks old) will let me put her down to nap and I can get other stuff done.

I had a choice between putting them down and letting them cry or holding them all the time. I don't believe in CIO so holding was my only option. Putting your baby down does not make you a fraud as long as your baby is happy and all of his/her needs are met.
Ditto this. dd1 wouldn't let me put her down ever without crying, not during waking hours and not during sleeping hours. I literally held her for 22 hours per day, most of the time. dd2 was much more independent from the start...she liked to hang out in her swing and she liked to sleep by herself. I tried cosleeping with her but she didn't like it at all. I think whatever works for you and whatever you're comfortable with is fine! As long as they are happy, well-adjusted, and not crying 24/7!
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Melly24 View Post

Then she hit separation anxiety age and complete opposite. SHe demanded to be held or touching me in some way most of the day and night. Now at 11 months she is somewhere in between these two extremes.
Also ditto this! dd2, who I mentioned above was independent as a baby but now she wants me to hold/cuddle her a lot more. She also usually ends up in my bed in the early morning hours now.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:16 PM
 
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Lina sometimes screams to be put down. She was perfectly happy being 100% in arms until about 2.5 months and then *boom!* she needs her down time.

Babies are weird. I understand toddlers are weirder.

Note: I didn't even try putting her down until one day nothing else was working, so I set her down to, I thought, cry while I took some deep breaths and a glass of water and picked her up again--instant happy.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by library lady View Post
Putting your baby down does not make you a fraud as long as your baby is happy and all of his/her needs are met.
This. Sometimes he clearly wants to be held, and then there are times when he lets me know he's had enough holding. Balance is key - you're not just leaving him in these things for hours on end, and he's happy - doesn't sound like fraud to me!
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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I think babies have different needs and mothers have different ways of dealing with those needs. My 4.5 month old needs a mix of arms/carriers and down time. With all the different babies, there is no way there is one parenting mechanism that works for all of them.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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me too!
Just chiming in to say that my boy likes his down time. I'd hold him every moment if he'd let me/if I could, but he is sometimes happiest just having time on his own. I'm always near, and if he wakes I'm always instantly by his side. But it does feel a little funny to read posts about the evils of bouncers/excersaucers/swings/etc when he so plainly prefers them to me sometimes. I think the posts are more in reference to people leaving their children in them *all the time*.... which it doesn't sound like any of us are doing.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for the responses! I do feel a lot better...

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Old 01-28-2009, 08:42 PM
 
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My baby likes to be down playing a lot of the time, and I put her down for naps if at all possible -- I gotta get stuff done while she's sleeping!

If your baby is happy and content to be down playing or sleep alone, there's nothing wrong with doing it. It would be just as un-AP to force-hold a baby who didn't want to be held as it would be to ignore a baby who did want to be held.

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Old 01-28-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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My first was a chill relaxed little guy. Slept through the night at 9 weeks, loved his toys, LOVED going out. Heck if he was a little bit fussy then we knew we just needed to go out and eat dinner, shop around the mall, etc. At 4.5 yrs old he's still a laid back person and so so easy.

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Old 01-28-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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No, it's not bad.

My LO wants to be held semi-constantly when I'm with her, which is all the time minus two hours three days of the week. She does use her horsey jumperoo and her excersaucer while I'm say ... on the computer ... cleaning ... or cooking. I also use her Bumbo chair while I'm cooking, eating, getting something to drink, etc. But generally she's in my arms, in her sling, on my lap, on my boob, etc ....

But I have felt marginally guilty at times for using plastic contraptions. I try to remind myself she likes them- she makes it quite clear when she's done and wants to be picked up (we're learning "Up!") and it's usually after about ten minutes.

But no, you're not wrong or bad Your baby's happy, and that's what matters. Glad to know I'm not the only one

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Old 01-28-2009, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Twinklefeet View Post
I'm always near, and if he wakes I'm always instantly by his side. But it does feel a little funny to read posts about the evils of bouncers/excersaucers/swings/etc when he so plainly prefers them to me sometimes.
Yes, exactly! I'm always right there when he begins to fuss, but sometimes I read those posts and I feel all :

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Old 01-28-2009, 09:44 PM
 
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I bet somewhere out there there is a Babywise mother picking up her baby the moment he fusses and feeling like a terrible fraud.

Good mothering, imho, is that which makes the mother/baby pair happiest (while not ignoring the needs of the rest of the family of course).
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Old 01-28-2009, 09:55 PM
 
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My first used to scream his little head off whenever I tried to pick him up out of the exersaucer or jumperoo. Anyone walking by would have thought I was torturing him.

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Old 01-28-2009, 09:57 PM
 
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In a perfect world I would hold my babies all day. However, I simply can't. Like yours while my youngest is content in the carrier he doesn't like me sitting down in it. Also, I have other children's needs, my needs, etc to attend to. As long as he's not fussing, I have no issues with putting him in his exersaucer for a little bit for me to get something done.

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Old 01-28-2009, 10:01 PM
 
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I think you'll find that MDC has mothers all over the continuum of attachment parenting. Some of us sling our babies 24/7, and some of us use swings, etc. Many of us fall in between.

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Old 01-28-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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If I could sop up pee from my potty training 2 year old, wipe my 4 year old daughter's butt, run to the kitchen for the next snack and take a sip of water all while wearing my baby I would...but it's just not exactly for me. So I put my baby down.

We do have a swing. I'd probably have a bouncy seat too but I'm too cheap to buy one so I just use the towel basket in the bathroom when I stop to go pee.
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Old 01-28-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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I think you'll find that MDC has mothers all over the continuum of attachment parenting. Some of us sling our babies 24/7, and some of us use swings, etc. Many of us fall in between.
Not to split hairs, but are slinging and using a swing automatically different points on the AP continuum? Isn't AP about being in tune with and responding to your particular child's needs? IMO, a baby who is miserable in a sling but would be happy in a swing for a few minutes isn't getting AP parenting any more than a baby who is left to cry in a swing but would love to be snuggled in a sling would be.

(That said, I understand the point of your post, and I agree -- I'm just being picky.)

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Old 01-28-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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We have a swing, bouncy chair, and a bumbo. DD likes being put in them for a small period of time. Which gives me a chance to cook, pee, shower, etc. If she's unhappy, I pick her up. If she's unhappy in my arms, I put her down. AP is NOT about holding baby 24 hours a day, unless that's what baby needs/wants. If the baby wants down, then holding them when they don't want you to is NOT AP.

I think, as with most things, you just need to do what works for your family. For me, between my 3 yo who is very physically attached, and the baby, I get a bit touched out. So putting the baby in the swing/bouncer/whatever for 20 minutes to restore my sanity is best for everyone.

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Old 01-28-2009, 10:26 PM
 
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Not to split hairs, but are slinging and using a swing automatically different points on the AP continuum? Isn't AP about being in tune with and responding to your particular child's needs? IMO, a baby who is miserable in a sling but would be happy in a swing for a few minutes isn't getting AP parenting any more than a baby who is left to cry in a swing but would love to be snuggled in a sling would be.

(That said, I understand the point of your post, and I agree -- I'm just being picky.)
I think I get what you are saying here but you may want to reread and edit your post.
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Old 01-28-2009, 10:56 PM
 
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I think I get what you are saying here but you may want to reread and edit your post.
I can't find the error -- did I transpose a sling/swing somewhere that I'm not seeing?

Anyway, my point was the same as emski's.

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Old 01-28-2009, 11:09 PM
 
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Not to split hairs, but are slinging and using a swing automatically different points on the AP continuum? Isn't AP about being in tune with and responding to your particular child's needs? IMO, a baby who is miserable in a sling but would be happy in a swing for a few minutes isn't getting AP parenting any more than a baby who is left to cry in a swing but would love to be snuggled in a sling would be.

(That said, I understand the point of your post, and I agree -- I'm just being picky.)
the baby isn't getting AP anymore than a baby left to cry? I'm reading it as the baby who is otherwise happy in a swing is getting the same AP as a baby left to cry. Maybe I'm just confused
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Old 01-28-2009, 11:13 PM
 
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I wasn't saying swings and slings are mutually exclusive. I would be the last person in the universe to say that.

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Old 01-29-2009, 12:37 AM
 
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the baby isn't getting AP anymore than a baby left to cry? I'm reading it as the baby who is otherwise happy in a swing is getting the same AP as a baby left to cry. Maybe I'm just confused
Oh, I see -- that was just a poorly constructed sentence on my part. I was saying that:

Baby A = unhappy in sling and would rather swing, but mama is ignoring the baby's wishes = not AP

Baby B = unhappy in swing and would rather be in sling, but mama is ignoring the baby's wishes = not AP

annettemarie: I knew you weren't saying that, like I said, I was just being picky because you said some use slings, some use swings, and most fall in between, as though slings and swings were at opposite ends of a continuum. But who am I to talk -- look how much confusion my poor grammar caused earlier!

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Old 01-29-2009, 12:42 AM
 
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That's okay lima...I knew what you meant...I was just being picky
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Old 01-29-2009, 03:12 AM
 
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That's okay lima...I knew what you meant...I was just being picky
Serves me right.

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