My baby smiles at other people more than at me - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-15-2003, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is my first time posting although I have lurked here a few times in the past. Dd is four months old, ds is three years old. I am having a total crisis of confidence and feel like an inadequate mother. dd responds more to other people (brother, daddy, even grandparents) more consistently than to me. I don't know what I am doing wrong - other than maybe holding her too much (she likes to be facing out so she can see the world) so she doesn't see me often enough. It's also hard to interact with her as much as I'd like and as much as I did with ds (because he also demands lots of attention). But even so - ds reacted to me the same way. I am now clearly ds's primary attachment so if there was a problem with ds we have fixed it . Any thoughts or similar experiences out there?
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Old 12-15-2003, 11:13 PM
 
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Moving this to Life With a Babe...

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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Old 12-15-2003, 11:30 PM
 
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dd 2 (5 1/2 months) smiles and laughs all the time when dd1 is around. She smiles and laughs at me too, but I have to "work" harder. Don't worry.
Gotta go, she's crying...
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Old 12-16-2003, 12:55 AM
 
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My dd is only 5 weeks old, but I think I've noticed some of the same -- she seems more likely to react to other people than to me, to look at them and even smile at them. She shows some signs of recognizing DH, but I don't notice the same signs with me.

I assume it's because she's not differentiating between herself and me yet - maybe she doesn't see me as a separate person. Or maybe I'm so baseline, because I'm here more consistantly and she knew me from the womb. Maybe it could be something similar with you guys?
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Old 12-16-2003, 11:56 AM
 
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In addition to the reasons that panda listed, she may also not feel the need to "work" as hard to get your approving looks. You're probably smiling back and doing all the things she likes when she is just laying there. With other people, she may feel like she needs to ham it up to get their attention.
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Old 12-16-2003, 01:09 PM
 
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I agree with AmyG. I have to work harder to get DS to smile and laugh b/c I am always smiling at him and keep positive expressions. He realized that with others he had to smile to get there attention and/or laugh to keep it. Don't take it personal b.c you are definitely in there heart.

HTH

SAHM to DS(11), DD(9), DD(7), DD(5), angel.gif loss(28wks 12/31/10), and DD (2); wife to DH since 1998
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Old 12-17-2003, 12:44 PM
 
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Oh, I so think I know what you're going through, mamaagain. It kinda stinks that the laughs go to others, and I think this is pretty common. My theory? I take an evolutionary view: I think babes need to make friends REALLY FAST with EVERYONE. Babe has already fully developed that sense of security with mama, but continues to have to make friends with others over and over again. Best way to do that? Charm de enfant! Take heart: You're simply already in!
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Old 12-18-2003, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What you've all said makes a lot of sense. It also helps (as always) to know that there are other people having similar experiences.
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