8 month old cries when other people try to hold her - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH is the SAHP and he doesn't get out with our 8 month old DD much. The only people DD is really around is DH, myself and both of our mothers and we are pretty much the only 4 people that DD will allow to hold her. If anyone else tries to hold her she just cries and cries like we've abandoned her.

If she's in a good mood she'll let one of my SIL's hold her, but she'll cry for everyone else. She started doing this right about at 6-7 months old. Is this normal? If so, when do they grow out of it? Do we need to socialize her more?
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#2 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 11:55 AM
 
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nak
perfectly normal
no you don't need to socialize her- she needs to feel secure
sorry so short- hard to type with one hand

Laura WAHM to Mar 03/01/05 and Evie 05/14/08, partner to Craig
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#3 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 12:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ack!

Twice we let someone take her and they strolled around and she was very upset. We were in the same room, but family was trying to convince us that it's the only way she'll get used to others. It totally tore me and DH up when it happened and it took everything to keep us from going to her.

I'm not going to do that again. When do they grow out of this stage?
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#4 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 12:18 PM
 
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my dd is 13 months and she tolerates people a bit more as long as they have something interesting to show her or food, she loves food. DD 1 grew out of it earlier. I have mixed feelings about growing out of that stage. Yes, it's nice that other people get to hold her but...nothing made me feel more loved than a baby who wanted me and only me

Laura WAHM to Mar 03/01/05 and Evie 05/14/08, partner to Craig
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#5 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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My 9 month old son does the same thing. He only lets me or DP hold him, anyone else he cries when they try to hold him. It's the most pitiful thing I've ever seen, he gets the big pout going, with his one little tooth poking out, and big fat tears just rolling down his face.

We always take him back and reassure and comfort him, then we let him interact with people on his terms from our arms.
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#6 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 12:57 PM
 
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Oh my! Don't let people take her like that. I know that cry, it's heartbreaking and they all go through it about that age. They are just figuring out that they are actually a separate being from you and it scares them. They need that reassurance, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. In a few months she'll be fine she's just scared to lose you guys.

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#7 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 01:20 PM
 
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That's a very common age for the "stranger-danger" phenomenon. My DD is coming out of it now, at almost 14 months, but she still requires a little while to warm up to people, even people who are familiar to her.

Luckily our friends and family are respectful of that and will just give her a quick hello while DH or I hold her, and then will pay attention to something else until she gets used to them.

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#8 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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Totally normal. In fact I even got warned about separation anxiety at our 6 month ped visit. She said they'll outgrow it eventually and just enjoy holding DD so much b/c pretty soon she won't want only me.

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#9 of 12 Old 06-08-2009, 04:52 PM
 
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Don't let family push the issue & force her - it'll make it worse.

My DD is suddenly doing this if people so much as talk to her while I hold her. Even our neighbor, who she sees all the time, got cried at this weekend.

Carrie~ wife to Ryan, and finally mama to Emmery (1/15/09) via IVF after 3 1/2 years TTC!
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#10 of 12 Old 06-09-2009, 01:34 AM
 
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If they insist on her getting used to others, they should sit on her level with toys and things that interest her and let HER come to them. Forcing her to go with someone will only make her less secure in the long run, thinking everyone's about to snatch her away...

I always tell people "there are people you like to sit very close to and maybe touch their hand or shoulder or give a hug to, but it's not everyone and it's not until YOU are ready that you're fully comfortable with it". I think they imagine having someone they're not ready to touch them give them a big huge full-body hug.

It's even more dramatic for a baby because once someone's holding a baby, the baby's TOTALLY at their mercy! Imagine that, someone picking you up and moving you!? It would be crazy!
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#11 of 12 Old 06-09-2009, 10:51 AM
 
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My 17 month old cries hysterically when someone else tries to hold her.

My 4 year old was the same way.

Now my 4 year old will talk to anyone, anywhere - stranger or family. We love it. She's friendly, outgoing, and comfortable in any situation.

I say just wait it out.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#12 of 12 Old 06-10-2009, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies, for some reason I wasn't getting any notifications that there were any.

We're definitely not letting anyone take her if she's going to be upset. It was pretty awful listening/seeing her cry and I honestly felt like we traumatized her the two times it happened.

I think I will suggest to those who want to hold her to sit down on the floor and play/offer toys first and see if she warms up to them. It's been hard because so many family/friends/co-workers just want to love on her.
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