Taking care of a baby with older siblings... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 04:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm having such difficulty taking care of a 10.5 month old very high-needs baby and 2.5 year old twins. We live in a small house which doesn't help for napping. This is more of a vent and would love to hear from other parents who have been there done that.

Just to clarify about the needs of this little one... She was 6.5 months before I could put her down for a 20 minute stretch. I wore her about 10 hours during the day and even then, she still cried. There are food allergies, etc... so I was always trying to figure out what bothered her. Now, she is better, not as high-needs, but definitely lets them known. I still wear her quite a lot during the day, which I don't really mind. It's just the two year olds are preventing me from taking full care of her. The baby is always exhausted because I cannot put her down for a nap. She will not fall asleep in any of my carriers, she needs to be rocked to sleep. She doesn't really cuddle, so I cannot nurse her down. Well, that option is out because I need to keep an eye on the other ones.

It just gets overwhelming. I really thought I would be this great mother and find that I'm dealing with some high road-blocks here. It's like I'm being tested constantly. I love spending time with them and playing with them, but I can't get passed some of their basic needs to even get there. I have a screaming baby b/c she's tired and two hungry/crabby two year olds. On top of that, I have one of the twins with medical issues, for the last 6 months, that have yet been solved. I just want to have fun with them and enjoy them!

I mean truly, how do you mamas do it with more children AND a high-needs baby!? Please tell me it's hard.

Ok, rant over. Thanks for listening.
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#2 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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What you've said is why as far as I am concerned, if I have another child before this baby is at LEAST 4 years old, it will have to be the second coming of Christ because I'm going to make sure that it's just not possible otherwise.

I have ONE 4-month-old baby guy, my first child, and I could not have been prepared for how hard it would be just to pull it together to leave the house in the morning for a walk! My mother has had to take a couple of days off of work to come stay with me a few times because I was overwhelmed.

You know what, we are not SUPPOSED to be taking care of one child alone, let alone three. Up until fairly recently in history, there would have (barring dire circumstances) been extended family around. Your parents would be old and retired and around, not living far away with their own mortgages and rents to pay and still working full time to boot! Multiple generations under the same roof! Young women didn't have kids and then be completely alone with them for the whole day, every day, much less were they then expected to go back to work (or just have to because they can't get by on one income) and juggle that, too!

This is what my mother tells me every time I tell her I feel terrible about making her drive an hour and a half all the way to Jersey to help me.
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#3 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Amandala View Post
What you've said is why as far as I am concerned, if I have another child before this baby is at LEAST 4 years old, it will have to be the second coming of Christ because I'm going to make sure that it's just not possible otherwise.

I have ONE 4-month-old baby guy, my first child, and I could not have been prepared for how hard it would be just to pull it together to leave the house in the morning for a walk! My mother has had to take a couple of days off of work to come stay with me a few times because I was overwhelmed.

You know what, we are not SUPPOSED to be taking care of one child alone, let alone three. Up until fairly recently in history, there would have (barring dire circumstances) been extended family around. Your parents would be old and retired and around, not living far away with their own mortgages and rents to pay and still working full time to boot! Multiple generations under the same roof! Young women didn't have kids and then be completely alone with them for the whole day, every day, much less were they then expected to go back to work (or just have to because they can't get by on one income) and juggle that, too!

This is what my mother tells me every time I tell her I feel terrible about making her drive an hour and a half all the way to Jersey to help me.
I cannot tell you enough how much I agree with you. You are absolutely correct. I think this too. People in the old days or people living in villages did in fact help raise each other's children.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience as well!
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#4 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 05:03 PM
 
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You know, I think it's very wrong that just societal pressure, economic forces, or whatever it is these days makes people seem to believe these stupid things:

- Young people have to move out of their parents' home as soon as they are able, and if you're an adult and still living with your parents, you're some kind of stunted person;
- You also have to live "on your own" as long as possible, and when you move back in with your kids (if you can even do that these days, instead of going to a nursing home!) it means you're old and feeble and is an admission of helplessness; and
- Women should send their babies to daycare and go back to work, often just to make the money to pay for the daycare, instead of raising their own children.

Whatever forces are at work that made it so that every family unit has to live under their own roof and every adult - including all grandparents and both parents - all must work for a living outside the home, it should be put a stop to!
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#5 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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I am one of THOSE women who have to go to work and send her kids to daycare, and I chant to myself ALL.THE.TIME, "it takes a village to raise a child". I am alone with the kids ALOT. Mostly because my husband works out of town because of these economic times, so my mother is over ALOT to help out. I sometimes wonder if I am even cut out to be a mother, but then realize, I was not meant to do all this by myself.
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#6 of 7 Old 06-17-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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FWIW, I work for the Health care, because in my husbands line of work, there is none. We priced out me staying home and trying to get government asst, but it would not have worked. So alas, I have to resort to having someone else raise my children. And let me tell you, it breaks MY heart everyday having to drop them off, but they do LOVE the women that watch them, and have a blast all day long. So there are some silver linings to ever dark cloud.
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#7 of 7 Old 06-22-2009, 01:53 AM
 
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Absolutely! It's very hard. I have a not quite three year old, a not quite year and a half old and a 5 week old. When DD2 was 2 weeks old she started screaming a lot and had a bad rash, I couldn't put her down, I wore her constantly. She has always been clingy. It turned out to be a food allergy. DD3 is acting much the same way DD2 did, but screaming even more than DD2 did. At least DD2 would be content snuggling much of the time, DD3 just screams. She has an enlarged kidney, so I'm not sure if its that or possibly another allergy situation. I cannot set her down at all either, she will start screaming within 2 minutes, and that is actually the Longest, not the average. DD2 is a breath holder so I have to be vigilant when she starts screaming or the poor kid will turn blue and pass out, fortunately she's only done it twice. DD1 is getting to have a very bad attitude toward DD2 and has begun scratching her and as of this week biting her, lets hope it will only be that once (yeah, right).

What gets me by:
I realized its okay for someone to scream and hollar for a little bit. When DD2 comes yelling because she wants her milk refilled NOW, its okay to say not right now, let her roll over and throw her tantrum because I'm feeding DD3. At the same time if DD3 is fed/burped/clean, I owe it to my other children to make sure they are fed and DD2's diaper is changed, even if that means DD3 is stuck w/o mommy for 5 minutes screaming. Its not CIO, its making sure everyone's needs are met, everyone has to give a little. Its not fair to any of my children if I only tend to one, simply because they are the youngest.

Its okay to use the TV as an aid sometimes. DD3 gets extremely worked up when we come home from the grocery store, after falling asleep in the sling, then going back in the car seat, she screams almost the entire way home, so when we get home I turn on a cartoon, or a movie the older two are interested in, DD1 goes to one seat, DD2 another, and I can spend the next thirty minutes-hour trying to calm DD3 down w/o having to keep the others from hurting each other or screaming which just makes DD3 scream louder.

We started putting our oldest two down for a scheduled nap. It got to a point DD1 would wake up DD2 and visa versa anytime they fell asleep, which simply made for two cranky children and miserable parents. While DD2 is still learning the concept of being put down for a nap and struggling a little, it has really done wonders for everyone around here. + It either gives me one on one time w/ DD3 or sometime to accomplish some housework, if by some miracle they are all three down at once!

It has taken me about two hours to write this out, because DD3 is refusing to sleep tonight, each time I get her down she starts screaming w/i 5 minutes and I am just praying that my other two don't wake up each time I turn on the vacuum, because that is the only way I can make her stop screaming today. Yes, mama, it is hard, very hard.

attached to DH superhero.gif 10/03, DD1 blahblah.gif 8/06, DD2 bouncy.gif 12/07, DD3 energy.gif 5/09, DD4 slinggirl.gif 11/12

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