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Old 06-19-2009, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so tell me if i'm being overprotective or if this was reasonable

my dad was over today holding my 3 week old. i look over and he's giving her slobbery kisses all over her face. many, slobbery kisses.

i say as calmly as i can "how do you know you're not carrying germs? she has no immune system yet!"

him "i'm not sick"

me "you can fight off things she can't and not know you have it"

him "well how do you know you're not giving her germs when you kiss her?!"

me " i breastfeed her and transfer the antibodies to the germs i'm exposed to"

i couldn't stop myself from cleaning her face with a wipe.

he walked out at that point (they were leaving to take ds to a movie)

so was i being an overprotective mean daughter like i feel now that i saw how he got his feelings hurt?

i really don't think so, i don't think people should be kissing a 3 week old all over her face
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Old 06-19-2009, 03:50 PM
 
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No, you're not just being mean but yeah it's a little overprotective unless he's been exposed to something recently or works in a daycare/hospital/school or something. I would cringe a little and then make sure to kiss all over her after he left so that I was exposed to his germs too and would make antibodies for her. It is good to limit germ exposure for the first six weeks but really he's someone you know and since you are around him you will likely carry immunities to the things he's carrying anyway.

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Old 06-19-2009, 03:55 PM
 
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I don't happen to think so. You were factually quite right. I don't know how exactly you said it, the tone of voice you used, and so on. That might have been more hurtful than anything you said, but I think in general it's much more important to worry about your baby getting sick than hurting people's feelings. This is from someone whose baby at 4 weeks got the flu and had to be hospitalized--a horrible experience. Dh had the flu so I couldn't ban him from the house. As for visitors, babies are delicious and it's so hard to resist nuzzling them--best to wait till they're a bit older!

In contrast dh's parents are so germ-phobic they practically wanted to wear masks when they picked up dd during her first few weeks. I asked the doctors at the hospital when dd had the flu what they thought about germs and new babies and they said that the protocol they follow, as parents, is that when they come in the door from work they change clothes and wash their hands first thing and then pick up the baby. So I had dh do that (he is an elementary school teacher) and ds, who is seven, could handle the baby after washing his hands. (It was hard to keep him from kissing her too.)
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Old 06-19-2009, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I used a pretty nice tone of voice, just sounded a bit ditressed I think. Not angry or anything like that.

If she were older I wouldn't have thought anything beyond the slobber being gross, but 3 weeks is just so young....

I feel like crap for hurting his feelings, but darn it, I don't want a sick baby!!

My folks think I'm nuts for the way I rasie my kids (organic foods, limit junk food, limit tv...all that stuff). They take it as a judgment of how they raised me so they are always getting their feelings hurt. I'm so tired of having to worry about other people's feelings when I'm just trying to do the best thing for my kids. I DO NOT judge them for the choices they made, people have to do what works for them at the time...

getting off topic here i guess.
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Old 06-19-2009, 05:08 PM
 
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I'm of a different camp than a lot of people on this board. I don't even require people wash their hands before holding the baby. We love our germs here, gimme gimme gimme! They make us very healthy and none of my babies have gotten sick. I'll let anyone hold my baby, from the minute they're born. I love showing them off, to family and strangers alike. And they can all kiss all over, it's sweet, to us...

But that's us. I don't believe there's any danger at all, unless someone has open seeping sores on their mouth or hands, I won't deny them!

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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Old 06-19-2009, 05:15 PM
 
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I'm of a different camp than a lot of people on this board. I don't even require people wash their hands before holding the baby. We love our germs here, gimme gimme gimme! They make us very healthy and none of my babies have gotten sick. I'll let anyone hold my baby, from the minute they're born. I love showing them off, to family and strangers alike. And they can all kiss all over, it's sweet, to us...

But that's us. I don't believe there's any danger at all, unless someone has open seeping sores on their mouth or hands, I won't deny them!
: I'm all about the "welcome to the world" baby bonding - a little germs, no prob.

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Old 06-19-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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Possible but remote chance to get sick vs many many kisses from a grandpa who adores her? I have to vote for grandpa kisses.
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Old 06-19-2009, 06:10 PM
 
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Yeah, it wouldn't have bothered me at all. Especially being someone I knew as opposed to a stranger.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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Old 06-19-2009, 06:12 PM
 
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I wouldn't keep a grandpa from kissing his granddaughter. Unless there were some other issues involved. Bug a few germs? No big deal.
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Old 06-19-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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Refuse kisses from grandpa. No way!!! But if he was sick ( cold , flu, cold sores) then I would nicely ask papa to save his kisses for when he was feeling better. My son was 9 weeks early so I know your fear. I never let anyone hold him besides me, my husband and Grandma and Papa. But after a few months I learned to relax a bit.
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Old 06-19-2009, 06:24 PM
 
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I wouldn't have minded as long as he wasn't sick, or someone in his household wasn't sick. I think you were being overprotective, and I can understand why his feelings were hurt.

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
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Old 06-19-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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I wouldn't turn down the baby getting kisses from my parents. They're family. My mom is totally in her face when we visit, and—believe it or not—DD loves it!

I used to be on the fence about hand washing, but I've eased up about that too. I agree with PPs that most germs she picks up will help her immune system—especially as she is breast-feeding and that is one of the purposes of breast milk.

Besides, anything they give her will be given to me too (we kiss each other on the mouth even—GASP) so if she's not getting immunities from my milk, we'll both be getting sick together anyhow.

We do lots of kisses at home, too. I think I kiss this LO a few times every hour, and her daddy is generous with the kisses, too. We worry we're going to wear out her cute little cheeks, but so far they're holding up.

She's starting to pick up kissing us back... It is sooooo sloppy, and my cheek gets covered with baby drool. I love it!

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Old 06-19-2009, 06:33 PM
 
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I, personally, have no issues with close family 'loving' on my children- newborn or not. I don't even feel the need to monitor if anyone is sick or not. My family is very understanding and cautious on their own. They love our children and don't want them sick. Even if one of them *thinks* they may be sick they avoid us. I also thinks germs are good things. I have distant family members who keep their kids in the house almost always and never allow many people over. I am amazed at how sick they are. It seems like someone has the flu, strep, ear infection, sinus infection... its always something. Of course when DH comes home from work (he works at a hospital) I require hand washing and clothing changed as soon as he walked in but after DD became mobile there was no way she could wait for him to change and wash up. That kind of has flew out the window and we are fine.

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Old 06-19-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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I, personally, have no issues with close family 'loving' on my children- newborn or not. I don't even feel the need to monitor if anyone is sick or not. My family is very understanding and cautious on their own. They love our children and don't want them sick. Even if one of them *thinks* they may be sick they avoid us. I also thinks germs are good things. I have distant family members who keep their kids in the house almost always and never allow many people over. I am amazed at how sick they are. It seems like someone has the flu, strep, ear infection, sinus infection... its always something. Of course when DH comes home from work (he works at a hospital) I require hand washing and clothing changed as soon as he walked in but after DD became mobile there was no way she could wait for him to change and wash up. That kind of has flew out the window and we are fine.
That's an awesome outlook on things.

The only reason I 'monitor' sickness around a tiny newborn is because my inlaws have no qualms kissing all over the kids when they are contagious. I don't mind them being HERE, but keep the slobber to yourself thanks! Being up all night with a healthy newborn is tiring. Being up all night and all day with a crying, sick, stuffed up cause they can't nurse properly newborn is maddening.

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Old 06-19-2009, 06:53 PM
 
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I know my dad wouldn't be in my DD face if he was sick so I wouldn't have cared. My dad is a very AP type of grandpa so getting him out of the babies face would be near impossible. He is actually the only one I will live my DD with. We also don't worry to much about germs in this house. I would go crazy if I did seeing that I have two older boys that are always outside playing.
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Old 06-19-2009, 09:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I guess I let my ocd tendancy get me. I feel like crap about it.

Some of it really is just that I think all those wet kisses are gross. Need to keep my mouth shut in the future.

at least i bit my toungue about wearing shoes in my house...

wow, maybe i'm more of a germaphobe than i realized....
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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Possible but remote chance to get sick vs many many kisses from a grandpa who adores her? I have to vote for grandpa kisses.
I second the motion. Sorry mama, I know I hate when other people slobber on my baby too. Sometimes you just gotta look away. It's gross for sure, but it's love. Now if it were a non-family member, ewww get away from my kid!!

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Old 06-21-2009, 01:15 AM
 
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I have had 3 preemies (I know a little different than a full-term 3 week old). I do not allow anyone to kiss my baby's hands or face. I tell them nicely, "Please do not kiss her/his face or hands." No explaination necessary, not even to grandpa. I totally sympathize with the "mama bear".

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Old 06-21-2009, 04:46 AM
 
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I'm of a different camp than a lot of people on this board. I don't even require people wash their hands before holding the baby. We love our germs here, gimme gimme gimme! They make us very healthy and none of my babies have gotten sick. I'll let anyone hold my baby, from the minute they're born. I love showing them off, to family and strangers alike. And they can all kiss all over, it's sweet, to us...

But that's us. I don't believe there's any danger at all, unless someone has open seeping sores on their mouth or hands, I won't deny them!
Me too!!

I'd love to have my parents or IL's over to smother my baby in kisses!!! Babies need love! We've been taking DD-2 weeks old out since she was about 2 days old. She's gone to school, been to stores, you name it.

Now I would have issues with a stranger kissing on her but they aren't that close.

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Old 06-21-2009, 06:02 AM
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I'm of a different camp than a lot of people on this board. I don't even require people wash their hands before holding the baby. We love our germs here, gimme gimme gimme! They make us very healthy and none of my babies have gotten sick. I'll let anyone hold my baby, from the minute they're born. I love showing them off, to family and strangers alike. And they can all kiss all over, it's sweet, to us...

But that's us. I don't believe there's any danger at all, unless someone has open seeping sores on their mouth or hands, I won't deny them!
I agree with this. I would have thought he was weird if he didn't kiss her all over!

Regardless if you think germs are bad (like I do) you are exposed to your father's germs also and will transmit the antibodies to your child through bf. Also remember that most colds, for example, are passed through hand contact not breathing/kissing/etc.
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Old 06-21-2009, 06:29 AM
 
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I'm of a different camp than a lot of people on this board. I don't even require people wash their hands before holding the baby. I'll let anyone hold my baby, from the minute they're born. I love showing them off, to family and strangers alike. And they can all kiss all over, it's sweet, to us...

But that's us. I don't believe there's any danger at all, unless someone has open seeping sores on their mouth or hands, I won't deny them!
Ditto.

If a close friend or family member kissed my baby and I WASHED the baby off after, I would expect them to be really offended and think that was super over the top. Because it is. Really, I'd let that go. Make people wash their hands if you want. Refuse visits to people who are coughing or sneezing. But kissing his own grandchild??
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:14 AM
 
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Gee, I guess I'm NOT of a different camp than most on here! LOL! Well, that just gives me the warm and fuzzies, it really does...

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:02 PM
 
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Your baby isn't a leukemia patient, and she doesn't have an immune disorder.

Her best bet for letting her immune system learn to fight off intruders is that BOTH of you be exposed to the same things, and you continue nursing her.

Your more experienced immune system will pass on information to her less-able immune system, and by letting her experience certain virii on her own, you strengthen her own immune reaction.

It's a win-win.

Don't hide your baby away. You do her a disservice by doing that.

love, p

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Old 06-25-2009, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again everyone for helping me gain perspective.

Apparently Dad wasn't too offended as he has kissed her on her face each time we've seen him since. He is giving her nice kisses now though, a peck on the cheeck instead of covering her face with wet ones.

A good compromise I think.
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Old 06-25-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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I'd just like to reiterate that my dd got the flu at 4 weeks, and you may want to consider what that's like. At that age the flu is very serious, as in "could be become meningitis" serious. The hospital stay for her was probably traumatic for her--I'm still not sure. Watching them do a spinal tap and a few other incredibly invasive, painful things to her was traumatic to me. Then in the hospital it was not easy or comfortable to hold her or to breast-feed. I could go on about that. I think the original poster had a very good instinct at work, and as I said in my first post, it is actually very important to wash hands. I agree that immunity is a good thing and that you can go overboard in being too cautious, but the first few weeks? Hand-washing good IMO. I would not fault this mom for telling her father not to kiss the baby especially during flu and cold season. And I am far from a germ-phobe.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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Yep, this part of it sucks. I just turn my body so the baby is not facing them. It is rude, i know, but it is my baby and i don't want everyone's mouth all over him. i think of it like i am just treating my baby as i treat myself
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