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crying in the carseat

731 views 15 replies 13 participants last post by  mariag 
#1 ·
When you are in the car alone with your baby, how do you handle crying? I never go more than, say, 10 minutes from home b/c I am worried that he might cry and feel alone/abandoned in the backseat.

My DS is 9.5 months old, and will be crying usually just because he wants to get out of his seat. If I were back there with him (DH driving), I would just lean over and nurse him in his seat.

I just keep saying, "it's okay Daniel, Mama's right here..." and so on.

There are a lot of place that I think we would enjoy -- I just feel so weird about the possibility him crying alone.

Note that he doesn't cry every time he's in the carseat -- just occassionally.

What do y'all say?

Jean
 
#2 ·
We had a similar problem for a while, but I didn't have the option of less than ten minute drives, as we are about 20 miles from anywhere. Our problem was more that Zoe(who is 6 months) cried if the car was going less than 25mph, although sometimes she would just be not in the mood for a car ride.
I talked to her a lot while I was driving, about the scenery and where we were going and what we had to do.
I stopped the car to comfort her if she got panicky sounding, or if I was worried she might need something, but otherwise I just drove where I needed to go. Sometimes I had to stop a lot, and other times she was okay. I also reached back with my free arm to touch her and kept reassuring her, and explaining why she had to be in the car seat and not in the sling .
Do you have a mirror so you can see him/he can see you? I never got one, but a friend said it was a lifesaver for their family.

hope this helps.
 
#3 ·
We have had this problem since day 1. Well, day 3 anyway. We had to stop on the way home from the hospital because Sophia was screaming. The minute she got out of the seat and in my arms, she was fine. I didn't go anywhere for months. It got a little better when we got the Brittax Marathon seat, but it is still touch and go. I have to admit that when dh is driving I am sometimes holding her in the back seat. When I'm alone, it is heartbreaking. I have the mirror, but it doesn't help in my case. I just try not to go very far, and stop often if she is crying. And I don't go anywhere in the evening when she is the least patient with being in the "evil chair".

People all the time tell me just to let her cry and she'll get used to it. That if I take her out of the seat she'll learn she can get out by crying. This sound an aweful lot like the rationalle for CIO at bedtime. I don't think it is the right thing to do.

I read some studies a while back saying that a car seat is okay in the front seat if the airbag is turned off. It isn't as safe as the back seat, but safer than a distracted Mom doing the driving. I've considered disabling the airbag and moving Sophia to the front where I can comfort her. But I'd like more information before doing this, and the experts are afraid to talk for fear of being sued. It's like they think if they give us all the facts then everyone will move their babies back to the front seat and they'll "lose ground" on the safety front.

I don't know what to do either. Strapping a screamimg baby into a seat where she can't see Mommy does not seem very AP friendly. Thank you for bringing up this topic. I am looking forward to reading other responses.

Mommy to 7 month old Sophia
 
#4 ·
Sophia's Mommy:

Quote:
It is estimated that children ages 12 and under are 36 percent less likely to die in a crash if seated in the rear of a passenger vehicle than if seated in the front seat.
http://www.safekids.org/tier3_cd.cfm...&folder_id=540

My ds is 2 1/2 and still doesn't like riding in the car, though he doesn't cry much since he can verbally protest it.

For those of you who haven't moved a rear facing convertible, give it a try. Some babies will enjoy sitting more upright and maybe being able to see more. Also, those head pillows that keep them from flopping their necks over are sometimes a source of discomfort, so try removing it.

I wish I had some more advice, I have pulled over plenty of times in the past. It is so hard but their safety is also very important.
 
#5 ·
Thank you, trishshack. I've seen that statistic, which is why Sophia is still in the back. But I've also seen statisics that say 40% of accidents where there is one adult and one child in the car are due to a parent being distracted by a child in the back seat. So, if the baby is in the back, I am more likely to get into an accident- but the baby is less likely to get hurt in that accident. I'd like to see the actual rates of injury per traveled mile for child in the back vs child in the front. And I'd like to see it for 2 or 3 years and under rather than 12 and under. I suspect there isn't a huge difference between the two- but I have nothing to back this up.

And to think, I rode draped over the back seat of the family station wagon..... sometimes I think the pengelum (sp?) has swung way to far in the other direction. Helmets for kids on bikes with training wheels for example. Ah... but I digress (sp?).

Sophia's Mommy
(Having spelling issues today!)
 
#6 ·
Hi Jean,

Here is what has helped us the most:

1) Switching to a convertible carseat. The infant seat was not as roomy and didn't sit as upright.

2) Music! Both of my kids LOVE Celtic Lullabies. It is quite soothing, so to keep myself from falling asleep while driving I turn it on the back speakers only. :LOL

3) Nursing before we leave the house so he is comforted and fed.

4) Talking to him and rubbing his head (I could reach his head and still drive- gotta love small cars).

Our car is so small that no one can fit between the two car seats in the back, so if my dh is with me the best I can do is turn around in the front seat.

For us, it has gotten better as ds has grown thankfully. I'm sure my ds will love it when I can turn him fwd facing, but I'm planning to wait until sometime after his first birthday (I turned dd around at 14 months). I know it's horrible to even try to drive while a baby is crying.


Good luck!
 
#8 ·
These are all good ideas -- thank you! We have always had a convertible seat, but I am going to try taking that "comfort pillow" out. Also some different music. That celtic cd sounds really good.

We have a mirror, too. I don't know *what* I would do without it!!

I know what you mean, Sophia's Mommy -- it just doesn't seem right to strap your baby in a seat when he is crying. Even when I sit next to him, I think he must be thinking -- what is wrong with you, Mama! I am right here! I just wish he understood about safety. Until then, I will just keep trying and stopping lots.

Thanks again, ladies,

Jean
 
#10 ·
If your child is eating solids and can be trusted to eat something unsupervised, it may be a good idea to give them a snack for entertainment. I try to keep some saltines or graham crackers on hand for car rides - it's been quite helpful, and one cracker usually does the trick for the drive.

HTH!
 
#11 ·
I know a lot of people don't like pacifiers, but we found them to be a lifesaver in the car. Sometimes you don't have a choice about not going somewhere. If he's fed and dry and otherwise comfortable, and just doesn't feel like being in his car seat where he can't see me, it seems like the pacifier is very soothing and helps him to not to be unhappy.

We also will sing to our son, or play classical music on the radio--he likes music a lot. If DH and I are both in the car I will just sit in the back next to DS if he's getting upset--that always makes him happy. I figure he's just lonely/bored, you know?

We found a cool Lamaze brand toy that has a velcro strap to anchor it to the car seat buckle, so it stay right in his lap. It's a kidney-shaped foam pad with 3 animals on it. The animals have crinkly parts and soft chewy teether-parts and a mirror part. Our son likes to finger them and chew them and that has helped with what we suspect is sometimes the boredom of being in the car seat, especially for a long trip.
 
#12 ·
We make long car trips (1 hour each way) an average of once every 2 weeks. I always sing to Adri. If she's crying out of boredom or loneliness, she quiets down right away when I start singing. If she truly needs something she'll just keep crying and then I know to pull over right away.

Forgot to mention that when she was younger I'd let her suck on my finger. I'm sure it was quite a sight and not very safe for me to be driving with my arm craned around like that, but it worked...
 
#13 ·
My DD is usually okay if she has a teether and/or paci with her that she can chew on. But if she drops it...

SHe does best w/ an adult beside her to keep her amused. But it really does depend on her mood.
 
#14 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by Ravin
But if she drops it...
That is why I keep a couple extra little toys close to me in the front. I wonder if dd has figured out yet where they come from when I hand them to her.

I see in some of the posts that you limit trips because of worry. I did the opposite. We kept dd home for the first 8 weeks, then I took her out every day, even if I didn't have anything to do. She is now very used to being in the car, and usually falls happily asleep. The lullabye tape is helpful for this.

One thing I have always made sure to do-when we go visit or out to eat, I do not abandon her in the carseat, even if she is sleeping. I hate it when I see folks letting their kid sleep for hours on end in it! Where is all the exposure, fun and stimulation?
 
#15 ·
As long as it wasn't b/c he was hungry ds would almost always quiet down when I started singing. It was only me that it worked for, if dh or my mom started to try to sing it wouldn't work - it had to be me. Also, there were only about 4-5 songs that would work and any others would only get him irritated.

Now that he is older, he cries if he is in the carseat when it is his bedtime. Any time during the day is fine and he will often nap in the car, but he gets very upset if he wants to go to sleep for the night. There is no solution or any amout of singing for this, only to get him home and in bed!

If you have songs that you sing to him at bedtime or songs that are special and recognizable to him, that may work in the car to help him feel comforted.

HTH a little.
 
#16 ·
We had the same situation from the first few weeks. Ethan just didn't seem to like being in the car seat at all. We got a mirror so that when I was alone I could see him and know that he was ok, even if he was crying. When he was little I would sing and use music, as others have mentioned. Now that he is 8 months and likes toys I always bring along one or two of his favorite soft toys and that keeps him busy most times. He still does not like it lots, but now usually only cries when he is tired or getting hungry. So I try to avoid having to put him in the car at those times even if I am with my dh.

Overall for me the most important thing is that when we are in the car he is safe, which means in a car seat, in the back. It is horrible those times that he cries and I am alone and can't turn around and touch him, but I just keep talking to him and reassuring him that he is ok and that I will get him as soon as we arrive safely. I check the mirror to know he is ok, and otherwise concentrate on driving while I talk or sing to him.

I don't think you should feel wierd because he is not crying alone. You are there with him and reassuring him and making sure he is safe by keeping him in the car seat, in the back. Plus I am sure he will benefit from the new new and different experiences you are taking him on, and I bet the car rides will get easier eventually.

maria
 
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