AT WITS END...Please help... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mammas....My LO is 6.5 weeks old and has slept in a bassinet by our bed since day one. And I can't sleep...at all....I am a very light sleeper and every peep and fart that he makes wakes me up. It's crazy- and I am going nuts.

I have always been a light sleeper-- and worn earplugs for 8 or 9 years....so I knew this would be an issue,.....but its worse then I thought!

I know keeping him in the room is the "right" thing to do- but I am freaking out with the no sleep thing.

He sleeps well btw in the assinet-- usually a 4 hour stretch between feeding at night....its me who can't sleep. We are EBF btw-- and that is going great.

Any thoughts ladies- I am barely able to function at this point....

I can't hve my spouse taking him out of the room all night- because he needs to sleep to!

(also, he does have a room- and a crib, but we haven't used it yet)
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#2 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 02:09 PM
 
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I completely feel your pain and am going through a similar thing too. I think if I were you, I'd put him to sleep like you normally do at night and then go sleep in a different room for the first four hours - have your DP listen for him and get you when it's time to go feed the baby. That way you are at least getting four consecutive hours of sleep. I know it's not ideal, but sleep is a major priority I think!

In the long run, you have to decide what is best for the family AS A WHOLE, IMO. I coslept with my first dd until she was a year old and pretty much didn't sleep that entire year. I am also a light sleeper and she was like sleeping with an octopus out of water - she flailed and thrashed and I don't think any of us got really good sleep. Finally I bit the bullet and put her in her crib and we FINALLY slept. I'm all about cosleeping (and am now doing it with my three month old with limited success) but like I said before, you've got to be able to sleep.

GL and I'll be reading other's responses for more ideas too!

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#3 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 03:25 PM
 
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Would you be able to sleep with some sort of sound machine on? If you can adjust to sleeping with "rain" in the background it would drown out all the burps and snorts but you would still hear him when he cries. And babies usually sleep really well with white noise.

Heather-- I'm a <>< SAHM of two fabulous boys 8/05 and 2/07
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#4 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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I was also going to recommend white noise. We sleep with a fan on, mostly for dd, but I think it helps me too.
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#5 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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Yup, white noise or move'em on out! My first slept with us and I was in the same state as you, plus she was up every 45 min or 1.5hrs on a good night. My second has slept in a crib at least part of the night since he was a few weeks old. I need my sleep. Thier bedroom is RIGHT beside ours, if the wall were not there he would be less than 5 ft from me. I can hear all the big noises but don't hear the tossing and turning and burps and farts.

You have to get your sleep to be a good mom, don't feel guilty about doing what works for you.

Mom to Kayleigh (05/07) Jacob (05/09) and Ned decluttering 615/2010
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#6 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 06:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much mammas....

I actually already have a white noise track in his bassinet- he loves it-- at least it seems like it-- since he sleeps quite well.

I actually don't mind the sound of the white noise-- but no matter how loud it is, or close to me it is....I still hear every little peep that he makes....LOL

We tried moving the bassinet to my husbands side, and it makes no difference. I am just hyper-sensititive to sound. I actually feel a surge of something-- I assume the stress hormone cortisol or something-- when he makes a sound. I know he is fine and just farting, moving, grunting, etc....but I still have it every time he moves or makes a peep!!!

Our room is right across the hall from his room, and pretty soon I am going to have to try setting him in there for at least a few hours per night and see if that helps me. I can actually put the entire top of the bassinet in his crib, so he would have no change in bedding, position, location if we try that. And, as I mentioned before-- he gets swaddled and sleeps great-- it's me with the issues.

I just feel so guilty- so it's nice to hear that others have had to do something similar. I would love to sleep a few hours in a row!!!
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#7 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 06:15 PM
 
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My babe, who is now 8 weeks has slept in her crib since week 2 or so. I leave the door cracked so I can hear her make loud noises at night. She doesn't have to scream and cry for me to hear her.

It works perfectly for us. She now sleeps 4-7 hour stretches this way. Not that the crib makes the difference, that's just what she's doing now.

I don't feel that you getting more sleep is depriving the baby. Many enjoy co-sleeping and I'm glad they do, but it was never for us and we're very happy this way.

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#8 of 22 Old 01-23-2010, 11:27 PM
 
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I would definitely try putting baby in his own room. However, be warned that it might have an opposite effect then. For example, my middle son was very sick as an infant, and even though he slept (in fact slept too well, he was failure to thrive so I had to wake him) I couldn't sleep because of my worry. I would lay in half-sleep listening to his breathing and panicking every time more than 3 seconds passed (he had some serious medical problems though, so nothing was "normal" about that time!!) So when I tried moving him to his own room as an infant, I got LESS sleep because if I jerked awake I couldn't SEE him and I would lay there stressing until I finally got out of bed to go check on him.

OBviously my sleep issues were anxiety based, though, and not because of him waking me. So it might work for you to put him further away from you.

Also...have you considered putting your ear plugs back in and asking your husband to wake you when the baby wakes?

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#9 of 22 Old 01-24-2010, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the feedback ladies--

TwoBoyz-- the sad thing is that I AM sleeping with eaplugs in now! And I still hear every single peep! I am realllllly hypersensitive to sound. If there is a buzz coming from a light- or some strange frequency coming from somewhere- many people can't hear it, but I can.

It's never been a blessing, more of a curse i suppose....LOL
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#10 of 22 Old 01-24-2010, 10:44 PM
 
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i can TOTALLY RELATE. i am convinced i have hyperacusis. look it up if you don't already know about it.

i am SOOOOO sound sensitive, especially with dog noises. scratching, licking, biting, chewing, barking - any of these things make me want to crawl up a wall. i hear things that other people can't hear. my husband clears his throat alot (we think dairy allergy) and this makes me want to pull my hair out. i could hear my son crying if he were at the neighbors house! lol.

i also have anxiety - which only exacerbates the sound sensitivity. the inconsoleable screaming fits all through the night (when they happen) - you can imagine...are pretty excruciating for me.

they make me feel CRAZY! so i just wanted to tell you - you are not alone.

i did not have your specific problem though - and we moved our son into his own room/crib from a cosleeper in our room at around 3 months. worked out great. his room is across ours and i hear everything - dont even need a monitor.

i recommend. it could help. i also suggest what the other poster said about trying to get that first sleep stretch maybe in another room/location of the house, at night. let your partner take over after you feed if there are any wakings until the next feed time.

GOOD LUCK MAMA!!

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#11 of 22 Old 01-24-2010, 11:37 PM
 
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Hi,

Just a thought - does the baby grunt? DD did that for the first 8 weeks, and it kept me awake, but then it just stopped... Maybe your baby will get quieter soon?
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#12 of 22 Old 01-25-2010, 01:01 AM
 
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I SO had this problem when my first was born...and my entire pre-mama life! I was the lightest sleeper. Now (3 babies later) I sleep like a rock! Exhaustion did that for me.
Anyway, I vote for moving the babe to his own room. He seems happy I planned on co-sleeping with my newest baby (he's 12 weeks now) but he seems to sleep much better in his bassinet. He goes 6-8 hours at a time at night. He does sleep in our room, but way at the other end. We just bring him into bed for cuddle time and for a while to nurse. I think that your sleep decisions have to be what is best for YOUR family. Don't feel guilty...no one is suffering here...except maybe you. Cut yourself some slack! You are doing great
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#13 of 22 Old 01-25-2010, 01:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ladyleah View Post
Hi mammas....My LO is 6.5 weeks old and has slept in a bassinet by our bed since day one. And I can't sleep...at all....I am a very light sleeper and every peep and fart that he makes wakes me up. It's crazy- and I am going nuts.

I have always been a light sleeper-- and worn earplugs for 8 or 9 years....so I knew this would be an issue,.....but its worse then I thought!

I know keeping him in the room is the "right" thing to do- but I am freaking out with the no sleep thing.

He sleeps well btw in the assinet-- usually a 4 hour stretch between feeding at night....its me who can't sleep. We are EBF btw-- and that is going great.

Any thoughts ladies- I am barely able to function at this point....

I can't hve my spouse taking him out of the room all night- because he needs to sleep to!

(also, he does have a room- and a crib, but we haven't used it yet)
I was like this... I couldn't sleep at all for the first few months, it was hard to. I was so scared of SIDS! I had to be able to hear dd breath, and I feared so badly that I would fall asleep and she would die. Could this be part of the problem? If so... and I wish I would have known about this.. Babys' R us sells these angel alert monitors, or something like that, where it sounds an alarm if the baby stops breathing.

familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif nut.gifMommy to my amazing 6 yr old dd, we homeschool.gif, and  27 weeks belly.gifpuke.gifand have been sick the whole time so far, grrrrr!!!!!!!

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#14 of 22 Old 01-25-2010, 01:20 AM
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in my opinion, if you've not made the decision to cosleep then having the crib in your room is mainly for your convenience (easier to get up and nurse, nursing in bed etc...) so if it's making it harder for you then i'd move the babe.
mine is 4 months now and waking up and talking, not crying, not wanting to nurse, just talking....really loud.
at this point i'm thinking this might outweigh the convenience of having her here (and yeah, i like her close to me too but cmon, the girl is a loud mouth. plus, i find myself getting her up to nurse her to sleep when i know she can fall back asleep on her own, and more importantly not allowing her to do it on her own, just to put an end to the talking and get some rest.) i had planned to keep her here much longer, i mean, what does a baby need their own room for? so i thought!

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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#15 of 22 Old 01-25-2010, 03:51 PM
 
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Look up "ipod pillow" if you have an mp3 player. it worked wonders for me.

SAHM (32)  Married to a bearded hunk (28) , DS  11/00, DD  06/09, two  in 2013,the final piece to our puzzle   is due 12/14
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#16 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 11:41 AM
 
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This baby was SO LOUD that I moved him to his own room earlier than I'd originally planned (and, my back KILLS me when I co-sleep). I just wasn't getting any sleep. I'm still not getting any sleep, because he wakes up a billion times a night now...

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#17 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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Your situation sounds SO familar to me, and I have a 5w DS who just seems so darned noisy! I have also worn earplugs for years, so it has been a huge adjustment.

First, whatever makes for a well-rested family is the 'right' thing to do. You can still snuggle and love your baby without cosleeping all night. I can love my baby more when I get enough sleep!

The nights my DH is home, he takes DS for a shift of sleep and I sleep by myself with my earplugs in. Those few hours are so much better and more concentrated than any other sleep I get the rest of the night.

We have a hard time putting DS down by himself, so that compounds our problem, but when I'm alone, I've tried putting him in his swing and taking the monitor with me to wake me with anything LOUD.

I've also tried sleeping with an earplug in one side (that is not pressed against the pillow) to muffle the little sounds but allow me to hear the loud sounds.

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#18 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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I really wanted to co sleep and bed share some for awhile, but at about 4 1/2 months we moved DS to his room. He still isn't sleep all that well 99% of the time (I'd KILL for a 4 hour stretch! lol) but it's better. His every move doesn't wake me up and my every move (and DH's and our 3 dogs') don't wake DS up.

I was TERRIFIED to move him out, esp b/c he sleeps on his belly. The only thing that made is possible is the video monitor. I keep it on next to my head all night so I can hear him if he truly is up and needs me, but don't notice if he simply switches his head from side to side, snores, etc. It made me feel really comfortable knowing I could see him just the same and actually see/hear him breathing on it.

Success after Infertility (PCOS) with Traditional Chinese Medicine. Mom to Lucas (8/17/09) our intact, non vaccinated , cloth diapered, natural birth, attachment parented son.
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#19 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 02:28 PM
 
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I find the baby sleeping in something next to the bed makes me tense, like i have to by hyper aware to be ready to wake up and feed her. But if she is in bed snuggled up to me i know she is safe and i can respond and so her noises don't bother me (where as i can't stand dh breathing next to me). Works for me.

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#20 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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I vote move him...post haste.

He is a good sleeper, he likes sleeping in his own bed, you need sleep to function properly, and not like burn the house down or crash the car or something.

Sleep is not an optional part of life, and adults need longer than 1.5 hours stretches.

If you can't sleep with him in the room, move him.

Just one question though...is your spouse a really quiet sleeper, or have you just gotten used to HIS noises? How come, do you think, you can sleep through his noises but not the baby's? Is it just malfunctioning mom-instincts on hyper-drive? because if it is, than perhaps a little anti-anxiety herbal tea before bed, rescue remedy, or even a pill if need be might be the answer?

being a very light sleeper myself, I found that if I had a cup of sleepy time tea in my pre-bed nursing session I would feel FAR less jumpy at night...it wasn't long after that, that ds and I both slept through the night for the first time.

Babies are noisy sleepers! Don't blame yourself.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#21 of 22 Old 01-28-2010, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The nights my DH is home, he takes DS for a shift of sleep and I sleep by myself with my earplugs in. Those few hours are so much better and more concentrated than any other sleep I get the rest of the night.
.
We did this two nights ago and it was AMAZING! I slept for about 6 hours straight-- certainly the first time since he was born! (although my breasts were confused!!) My LO usually wakes up at 430am to nurse- and my husband took him and the bassinet in the other room and feed him a bottle of BM during that feeding so that I could get the solid stretch of sleep. It was wonderful! I felt like a whole new woman!

And yes- it is a mother-overdrive thing that is happening, because my husband is NOT a quiet sleeper and I seem to do just fine with him (although I do wake up and kick him from time to time!). I tried Calms Forte tabs, and Bach's rescue remedy-- but no help. Also, yoga, meditation, etc... As I mention, we use the white noise, and I wear earplugs-- but I still jump when he peeps! (People call me "bat ears" because of the sound sensitivity....LOLOL)

We are going to try putting him in the crib (in his bassinet) pretty soon- I just haven't been able to pull the trigger yet and actually do it...

Thanks for the feedback everyone-- keep it coming!
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#22 of 22 Old 01-29-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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I find the baby sleeping in something next to the bed makes me tense, like i have to by hyper aware to be ready to wake up and feed her. But if she is in bed snuggled up to me i know she is safe and i can respond and so her noises don't bother me... Works for me.
I find the same thing. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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