Am I obsessed with Motherhood? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,
DS (7mos) and I had a lovely afternoon with one of my dear friends today. She happens to be single and was wondering when I'd be free to go "out on the town" with her and leave DS with DH for the night. I breastfeed, but work part-time and have a small frozen milk stash that I could dip into. Thing is, DS isn't the best sleeper and goes down in fits and starts until it is time to take him into bed with us. And he'll only accept soothing from me, no matter how hard DH tries.

I left our outing today feeling kinda funny - like I'm strange for not being able to just leave DS w/ his Dad and a bottle and call it a night. Strange for being okay with having to be there for DS. I actually thought to myself, "Wow, she thinks I'm obsessed with DS!" But ladies, I kind of am...

Thoughts? Is it "normal" to want to put certain aspects of life "on hold" indefinitely? Am I getting obsessed?

If you've read this far, THANKS!
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#2 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 11:51 PM
 
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I think it perfectly normal to not want to be separated from your child at this young age. I'd say it's instincts mama. It's wonderful that you have such a strong bond.
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#3 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 11:57 PM
 
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I think you're absolutely normal. Just know that right now you feel like you're going to put things off "indefinitely" but it may not always be so. Some people are comfortable leaving their babes for a night out fairly early on. Some mamas don't make it there for years down the road.

As a working mom also you have some separation time already built in, so you don't have that feeling of "really needing a break" from your kiddo either. This makes it even easier to want to be needed and around him.

You are one of the most important people in the world to your little man, it's only natural that you should be focused on him! Sounds like you're a great mom.

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#4 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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It took me until DS was 16 months for either of us to be ready for me to leave for 1 night.
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#5 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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I was just like you when I had my first baby. I rarely went anywhere without my baby and definitely did not leave him during sleep times, because there was just a certain way he needed to be put down. I left him overnight for the first time when I gave birth to my second son. After that it became easier to let go a little. Being home with two little ones really created a NEED for me to have time to myself. But at this point on your journey, I think you are well within normal! I know alot of the world does not see it the same way though.

Heather-- I'm a <>< SAHM of two fabulous boys 8/05 and 2/07
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#6 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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I've been in the same situation. A friend has said she'd like to go out - just us, no baby. I haven't taken her up on the offer yet - DS is 10.5 mos. The longest he has ever been away from me is 3 hours & never at night. I don't know if this is "normal", but you're not the only one who's putting stuff on hold.
To be honest, I think if I went out without DS, I'd just be wondering how he is & probably not have as much fun as my friends. Oh well. I'd rather get to experience all the joys of motherhood than be able to drop everything for a night out. Eventually, there will be a happy medium, but for now, my son wins!

Erin - mama to my happy little guy, born April 09  kewl.gif

and my sweet baby, born July 12  babygirl.gif

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#7 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 01:42 AM
 
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Normal and healthy, I think!! I really can't understand it when I hear about mama's who leave their tiny babes with a babysitter because they just NEEDED some "me" time. I feel lost without my baby near by.

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#8 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 01:54 AM
 
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I was the same exact way. What could be more important than spending time with my baby? She's now 7 and I still feel the same I rarely feel the need to "get away" without her. We have time apart when she's in school.

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#9 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 02:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by blumooned View Post
The longest he has ever been away from me is 3 hours & never at night.
Same here, my son's 9.5 months. I think it's normal. What's even more pathetic is the first time I went out without him was to the movies and halfway through the film I was missing him like crazy!

Madalyn military wife to Chris & proud momma to Jonas 5/17/09
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#10 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 08:54 AM
 
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I don't think that's weird at all. Your friend just doesn't get it because she's not a mom... actually some moms never get that way either. I totally wouldn't have left my DD overnight at that age. I don't think I left her until she was nearly 2, actually.

Stacey teaching teens to read & write... Daddy plays ska, DD1 (7/05) loves trees & princesses, & DD2 (3/10) loves mommy-milk! Please get your kids tested for lead.
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#11 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 09:06 AM
 
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Hear hear, totally normal! My ds is 8 months old. He also sleeps in fits amd starts until we go to bed with him and will only be settled by me. It would be unthinkable to go for a night out and leave him. The only thing my husband and I will do is leave him with his grandmother for 2 hours tops in the early evening (6-8pm) and go for a quick meal. This gives us the valuable parent time we need. But I couldn't do it if it was detrimental to my baby.

Niblett xxx

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#12 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, thank you all! I woke up this morning to see if anyone replied and and delighted to see such wonderful responses. Each of you said something that rang true.

Thank you so much for helping me to feel "normal" and positive for listening to my instincts. I truly, truly appreciate it. And so good to know I'm in such good company!
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#13 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 09:26 AM
 
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yep - totally normal. i haven't been out later than 11pm since my son was born 2 1/2 years ago. i just am not a party girl to begin with (i like a good time, don't get me wrong - i just don't need to do that at 1 am anymore - esp since my days start at 7am), and i like being with my kids too.

that said, i'm sure there will come a time when you do want to go out, and that will be normal too, and ok.

Lizbiz, wife to my man who makes me smile, and mom to one bouncy boy (08/07), one sassy girl (12/09), and one sweet new boy (08/12).

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#14 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 12:44 PM
 
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I was talking to my mom yesterday about this exact thing.

It was a beautiful day, and I really needed to get out of the house. On one hand, I needed some downtime badly. On the other, I felt negligent for leaving the baby at home, especially as we've both been cooped up due to poor weather. I went off on my own, and it was marvelous, though I did still feel pretty guilty.

Mom assured me that it's a struggle that never really ends- balancing the need to be alone and take your own time with being with the baby/kid. In the long run, I know it's important for Valley to spend alone-time with her daddy, and for me to spend alone-time with me, but it's still hard!

Doctors aren't out to kill you or your children. Childbirth isn't inherently safe. Science is actually smarter than your intuition. Lighten up. Use sunscreen.

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#15 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 01:01 PM
 
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normal and healthy I think too.

I personally chose to have a child and be there for him until later. Not going out for a little while is not a sacrafice to me, but an investment in him. He is only this age once and I dont want to miss a minute. I know I may go out eventually, but I dont feel the need now and I wont let me pressure me.

I think we have these instincts for a reason.
My little guy doesnt let DH put him to sleep either.
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#16 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 01:29 PM
 
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I understand. I occasionally leave my son with my husband for a bit so they have bonding time during the day, but once the evening hits I don't leave. When I leave during the day it's only for grocery shopping or a quick errand for no more than 2 hours, but even 2 hours is stretching it. It's hard to leave them this young, especially with a non family member.

Oh, my son doesn't let anyone else put him to sleep either. It's annoying sometimes, but that's just how it is.

Mother to a crazy wonderful son born 7-11-09 and A very determined amazing daughter born 5-3-12!
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#17 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 01:45 PM
 
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I am the same way! I pretty much ALWAYS choose being with my baby rather than go out with friends, etc. And I am always, always there to put her to sleep, I don't think I'd ever go out at that time. If I go out.. I bring her with me.

Perfectly normal I'd say

Happy mama to Asia born 07/15
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#18 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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I wouldn't leave my baby either. i dont know if that makes it "normal" or not, lol

mother via your instincts!

28 - DD 11/3/09 (planned homebirth)
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#19 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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I feel exactly the same way as you. I don't like to leave my DS for more than a couple of hours, and then it's usually just to go run errands while DS is with DH. I would just rather be with my family than out on the town right now, plain and simple. I do miss my friends, but they understand. Actually, a friend suggested we do monthly dinners at someone's home with our group of girlfriends and that way I can bring DS. It's been nice and still allows me to "get out." My girlfriends spend most of the time doting on DS and I get to sit back and relax.

Mommies and babies just need to be together. It's just instinctual.
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#20 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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I feel exactly the same way as you. I don't like to leave my DS for more than a couple of hours, and then it's usually just to go run errands while DS is with DH. I would just rather be with my family than out on the town right now, plain and simple. I do miss my friends, but they understand. Actually, a friend suggested we do monthly dinners at someone's home with our group of girlfriends and that way I can bring DS. It's been nice and still allows me to "get out." My girlfriends spend most of the time doting on DS and I get to sit back and relax.

Mommies and babies just need to be together. It's just instinctual.
Yeah, this.
I went out and did lots of fun things with my friends and husband. I just brought my DD with me! The intense attachment stage (on both sides) is temporary, and eventually, you and the LO will feel more comfortable spending time apart. You don't need to force it to happen early.
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#21 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so happy to know I'm not alone! These boards are a wonderful place for support. Most of my friends don't yet have babies and those who do seem to be more of the non-AP type. I'm NOT judging, but just noticing that they seem to be encouraging all sorts of growing up and independance way before I'm ready to do so w/ my babe. So yeah, I feel almost "weird." Until I talk w/ my sis or come here!

You all are so encouraging!
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#22 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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I dont think there's anything wrong with you.
I didnt go anywhere without DS (now 13 months) for at least the first 6 months. Now I go to a knitting group one day a week, and most of the time I come home early!
I also have meetings for fire/rescue on Monday evenings, but I can see my apartment from the station, so that's not so bad.
There's no way I could leave him overnight though. 2-3 hours one day a week is about all I can handle.

Michelle, wife to Ken, momma to Noah
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#23 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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I completely understand where you are coming from. Its funny, I have friends who offer to take the baby all the time, or take me out so I can leave the baby with my husband and I just don't feel up to it. I don't want to be away from him, other then the occasional I have to run to the store, hunny can you keep him. Although we usually just go together and he holds the baby while I shop or my oldest son goes with me and does the same. I don't even work outside of the house so there are no breaks for me. And I wouldn't haven't it any other way, well ALMOST any other way.

I DO wish that the baby was a little easier in the AM so I could leave him with Daddy. I want to start working out again and the only time I have time is like 5 am. Well that is when the baby nurses the most (he is almost 9 months old and still nurses all night long). So I can't do that yet. I am hoping the time will come when I can, and really, I see nothing wrong with leaving for an hour a day and the baby getting to be with Dad, but even that can't happen yet.
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#24 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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I was so happy to see this thread as I was thinking about this same thing this morning. My DS is 7 mos and while I work PT OTH, every other minute of the day, I'm with DS. That's just what feels right. While I do get frustrated sometimes and wish that DH would step up more on evenings and weekends, I feel like something's missing when DS isn't on my hip. I've considered the fact that I might not have any friends left when my attachment to DS has relaxed a little since I'm a social hermit but then DS smiles or laughs or reaches for me and I know that I'm making the right choice for both of us. And who needs friends when you've got the mothering boards, right?

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#25 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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I am totally, completely, happily obsessed with Motherhood

I hate leaving my DS. I have gone back to work 2 times so far to work on one specific client. Each time I was gone about 2 1/2 hrs, and it was AWFUL. I cried on the way home both times, and barely held it together through my appointments.

I feel pressured by my mom to go back to work, but I dont know if I can really handle leaving him, even for that short period of time. And I KNOW I could not handle being away from him for 'fun',because I would not be having fun, I would be missing my DS

Mama to Xavian, born 11-24-09
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#26 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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My son is 7.5 months old, and the longest he has been away from me is 2 hours, one time, when he was with his grandmother. I have left him for an hour or so several times, but not in the evening for the same reasons everyone else has mentioned. That time of day/night, he seems to need his mama, so I am more than happy to put off going out without him until later (when he's ready). (Not that I had that much of an exciting nightlife before he was born, but my husband and I liked to go see a play occasionally, etc.)

I don't feel obsessed or like I am missing out.
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#27 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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It's more than normal, especially with him being so young. I haven't been away from DD yet, but the times I've been away from DS were a killer.

brandi
Wife to Thomas (03/05) Mama to Tommy (04/06) & Emma (01/10)
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#28 of 28 Old 03-09-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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I am obsessed with motherhood. I can't stand being away from my son for very long, i don't feel anyone knows how to handle him as well as i do, and i feel the need to do everything involving him. I'm "abnormally" sensitized to the cry of a baby and can't staaaaaand the idea of my son being uncomfortable in any way. I worship him and can't get over the miracle that is him.

We are all obviously missing out on a lot of things like going out with the girls, having the ability to go do things on a whim, manicures/pedicures...but do any of us really care that much? Probably not! Because we're in our own little world...*insert music from twilight zone*

Motherhood is a physical and emotional addiction to baby. This is mostly a good thing, but unfortunately i have "cradle thumb".

Love of our life, born September 2009
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