she called my baby a faker - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-14-2010, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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one of dh's friends came over to go out to dinner. ds had just woken from a nap and started crying when I was putting away the baby gate. the friend called him a faker. ds was scared of the noise and the new person in the room.
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Old 05-14-2010, 12:45 AM
 
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term of endearment? its something i would frequently call my babies (jokingly)
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Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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Old 05-14-2010, 12:55 AM
 
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I understand getting upset, when my dd was a baby she would cry if I wasn't with her at all times, a neighbor said "what a faker, nice alligator tears kid" I was like umm ok?

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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Old 05-14-2010, 01:01 AM
 
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i hate when people make fun of my child's emotions. i've brought it up with my immediate family (the most frequent offenders) more than once. they don't mean it in a mean way, but i think it's hurtful in the long run for the child to have feelings that are being invalidated by others

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Old 05-14-2010, 01:02 AM
 
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Eh. Ignore it.

I had someone tell me DS was just crying to get my attention, uh - yeah, that's how he communicates right now. And so what if the attention is a hug, I don't get it.

Mama to three

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Old 05-14-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, Especially if the friend said it in a jokingly way. They probably didn't mean any harm or to insult. As long as they aren't calling your babe other more harsher names then i'd just brush it off with the "yeah, your REAL funny haha" kinda look and go about my day.
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Old 05-14-2010, 01:11 AM
 
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that sucks, Amanda.

Is it possibly her sense of humor? My husband is incredibly sensitive to my son, but he has called him a faker (jokingly) before. But it was never when our son was scared which is obviously what happened to your poor son.

Michele married to Dh since Dec 2000 and happily sharing a home with 3 kitties, 1 doggy, DS R born 8/25/09 into the arms of his mama, and DS E born 2/25/2012

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Old 05-14-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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I bristle whenever someone says that kind of thing to my baby too. It's totally different if DH or I kid her about being a 'faker', we actually know the difference between her fake sort of fuss and her actually scared crying.

But until I had kids, I totally said stuff like this. I didn't know any better. Did this person have kids?

Sarah. Married to my Mirus, raising my DD1 (Aug. '09) and my DD2 (March '11) and waiting for my newest (April '14)!
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Old 05-14-2010, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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she's child free. she's from out of town and only sees us a couple of times a year. it just rubbed me the wrong way.
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Old 05-14-2010, 11:25 AM
 
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I would ignore it but if she does it again I would also ask her to stop.
My sister-in-law used to do this to DS. I personaly don't find it a term of endearment or cutsie or funny at all. It implies that a baby/child is 'manipulating' you. I take their cries very seriously - even at the age of two!

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Old 05-14-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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I had this too, my mom's BFF just briskly said "I don't buy it!!" when my 8 month old was crying once. It bugged me too. First, there was no reason to comment on it, she wasn't exactly in charge of my kid, I was on it. Second, the tears were not fake, I don't recall the reason for the tears but they weren't fake. (Of course, when DD got older, fake tears did and do occur ).

I basically just reminded myself that she had been the mother of a baby 20 YEARS ago, and it's easy to forget ages and stages. I doubt she brushed off her own baby's sincere cries. It was just a stupid thing to say.

OTOH, my 3 year old neighbor was in our yard the other day with his Alan Alda-lookalike grandfather. 3 year old was trying to climb a 20 foot ladder DH had up to gain access to the roof (he was on the roof at the time) and we pulled him off. He started to cry. Crocodile tears for sure, it wasn't a question. Bad acting His grandfather said in his Alan Alda way, "I don't buy it, kiddo" (with a smile). Then turned to me and said "Am I too hardhearted??" Nawww, I totally agree.

Am I too old? Does anyone even know who Alan Alda is anymore? (lol)

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Old 05-14-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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Since she's kid-free, maybe she was uncomfortable & didn't know how to react, so tried to use (bad) humor as a defense'

Me, my Sweetie , DD 1 (Dec 07),  and DD 2 (Dec 09). Co-sleeping, delayed-vaxing, quia Lutherans!
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Old 05-14-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post

Am I too old? Does anyone even know who Alan Alda is anymore? (lol)
LOL If knowing who Alan Alda is makes you old, then I guess I'm old too. I grew up watching MASH with my grandma. Loved that show.

Jordana, mama to almost 8 year old Evan, 3 year old Atticus, and 1 year old Tabitha - my gifts from heaven

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Old 05-14-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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She probably wasn't trying to be mean.. My mom has called Katie a "faker" before when she does this whiney cry when she doesn't get something she wants. I know in my moms case that she's just joking around...

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Old 05-14-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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I can understand cause with certain people it would rub me the wrong way as well. I often call my daughter a faker, but that is because i know her better then anyone so i know when she is faking
As hard as it is, just let it go, not worth getting too upset over. these things will happen. I think any of us would have gotten mildly angry though.

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Old 05-14-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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That's frustrating. My former stepmother made a comment when we were still in the hospital (!!) that DD was fake crying because she didn't have tears coming out. Um... she's not 2 days old, no tears yet! She made similar comments which I ignored or educated her about (later on I told her babies don't generally get big crocodile tears for a little while after they are born... she has a son but I guess she'd forgotten everything in 30 years!)

I'm with some of the PP's here, I'd probably ignore it once, maybe she was attempting to make a weird joke, or maybe since she is childless she is not used to a child crying and it made her uncomfortable?? In any case, if she said something like that again perhaps I would just educate her on what is going on.

~Erin~ totally in with Olivia! 5/31/09
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Old 05-14-2010, 06:16 PM
 
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I used to work at a daycare & a couple of the other teachers would always say "That's not real crying--there aren't any tears!" They never meant harm, they always tried to fix the cause of the crying even as they were saying this, but I imagine that if I had been the parent of one of those babies, it would have annoyed me.

If it was a one-time thing, I'd let it go. If it happened again, I'd probably take the passive-aggressive route of saying something to the baby within her earshot about how I knew he wasn't faking.

Loving life with DH DS1 (5/7/09) and DS2 (7/23/11)
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