So this is what a 'high-needs' baby is? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 46 Old 05-21-2010, 12:34 PM
 
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my new shower trick (although DD is anything but high needs... even as a 1st timer i can see that!) because i don't like showering at night, and i'm not really an early morning person, is to shower right after her last early morning feed... at like 5 am. she's sound asleep with dad in bed, and i can have as long and as hot of a shower as i want. then i wrap a towel around my hair and go back to bed. when we wake up for good around 8, my hair is still a bit damp, and i feel pretty fresh still.

it's not as bad as trying to get up for a shower around 6-7am when my husband is still home, because then i really can't get back to sleep.
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#32 of 46 Old 05-21-2010, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was thinking about doing that SilverFish...at the moment - I have a really GREAT friend! We live right next to the school her children go to so she is dropping in a few mornings a week to hold baby Hamish whilst I shower! He even fell asleep in her arms and of course she was able to swaddle him up and put him down!...ugh! Why can't I do that?! lol.... Well I managed it this afternoon! He is currently all swaddled up on the bed sleeping soundly! I hoovered and I even swept the porch! The trick really is to put him down when he is in DEEP sleep...it is just getting there thats a bother as well cause he is SO alert and awake all the time! ...seriously thinking of getting him a pushchair because I love my slings but am feeling a bit hostage to them!...

We did a CO who came out when he was a week old for our breastfeeding issues (he would scream if he got near me, wasn't latching on or even trying!)...and she really helped! ... Think I should see her again a few more times though. I really just don't think this is him - he did have a traumatic birth and he just seems like hes...I don't know...still gestating or something! lol
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#33 of 46 Old 05-21-2010, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh - by the way...the swing is just a travel back and forth swing because our house is really tiny. I don't think he is fussed about the movement though in all honesty. The times I have been able to put him down (in DEEP sleep) - he has been motionless the whole while. I don't know...I can't work him out. He is SO opposite to DS1...
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#34 of 46 Old 05-21-2010, 01:21 PM
 
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Do you have two different lights in your bathroom controlled by two different light switches?

I ask because in our bathroom the only way to have the exhaust fan on is to also have the overhead light on. Well, DH and I both like to take showers in darker rooms, so we switched that light out with a blue CFL. Gives the room a nice blue glow (sort of like a blacklight, really). We have lights over the mirror, to, so that's why we were able to do that.

So between the blue light, the sound of the exhaust fan, and the sound of the little counter heater we have, the bathroom usually keeps L content for at least a few minutes. If we can time it right at nap time, she'll sleep in there for quite a while!

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#35 of 46 Old 05-21-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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I'm sorry, Ann! No wonder we haven't seen as much of you in the April DDC lately.
I have to laugh at myself for occasionally thinking my baby is "high needs"... it's more that her newbie parents are kinda inexperienced, incompetent and impatient (I know this isn't hte case for you). I have a friend who had a very easy baby, though, and she has grown into a fearless, somewhat devilish spirited toddler. So you just never know - what is relatively easy for me now and hard for you might totally shift in a few years, months, weeks, hours...
I wish I had some advice for you but I think I'm saying that you should hang out with someone with a more difficult baby for perspective. Probably not the best advice!
I hope you can get a shower soon... otherwise, perhaps a baby wipes wipe down at his next changing? I have done this!
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#36 of 46 Old 05-23-2010, 08:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We had success this morning! He was awake for two hours so I swaddled him tightly and was able to put him in the sling when he feel asleep!

I think thats part of the BIG problem with him. He is so alert and awake and takes so much help in getting him to sleep!

Got my eye on some of those swaddle blankets on ebay now! lol
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#37 of 46 Old 05-23-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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I shower in the morning, before DH goes to work. He gets up, showers, then comes and gets me so I can shower. If DS is still sleeping (in our bed) we switch places, and then switch back after my shower. But with the birds getting up at 430, DS is up before the alarm goes off. But I still shower before DH goes to work. He knows he can't leave until I get a shower.

It gets easier as they get older (usually). DS is 13 mo. I don't know how high-needs he is on a high-needs scale (there will always be someone who is worse off than you!), but I've never been able to put him down for a nap, or in a swing, a bouncy seat, a bumbo seat, etc... (the excersaucer did work for about 5-10 min at a time). at the moment, he's napping in the ergo - it's been about 2 hours now. but he's walking (and running), and will play by himself as long as I'm in the room, usually. It does get better.

I used to get really mad that he wasn't like "other babies" and wished everyone would just stop asking about nap times, car seats, swings etc. and stop giving me advice. Now that he's walking/running around and has a long list of words & is starting to string them together, I can really appreciate his individuality. All that time he spent clung to me he was observing, figuring out how things work. He's not afraid of anything (except me leaving the room, but that passes as soon as I'm out of sight & someone distracts him). I can take him anywhere, and he's such a social ambassador. I've learned what works for us, and have stopped worrying about what other people are doing. It's hard, I'm exhausted all the time, but DS also blows my mind on a daily basis. We have bad days, but... they're not that bad.

When my in-laws come to visit, and I hold him all thru his nap, they always remark - 'wow, he wakes up happy - i've never seen a baby who does that' and all I can think of is, yes, he's happy - because he's not stuck in a crib in a dark room by himself shut away from the world, and doesn't have to cry to let people know he's up. he wakes up on mom, smiling & secure. and we're ready to roll.

my house is a mess, the laundry doesn't always get done before we're desperately out of clean clothes, but we're happy. everything else is just stuff.
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#38 of 46 Old 05-23-2010, 03:08 PM
 
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My first baby wasn't high needs but he was very alert and very, very hard to get to sleep during the day. He was a terrible napper for the first years of his life but at 2 he started taking 2 hour naps every day! Of course, now at 3 he's stopped napping altogether but he does go down very easily at night. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My advice is this - try to accept it and see the positives. If he isn't going to sleep anyway, you don't have to be stuck in the house. Get out with your older son and have fun and let your little alert monkey watch everything that is going on. He will probably catnap throughout the day. Don't drive yourself crazy dedicating your day to trying to get him to sleep. I did that with my first and it was torture. Once I accepted the situation and saw the positives (not tied to the house) I was a lot happier.

Oh, and by the way, my mum says it is a sign of intelligence and my little guy has certainly grown into a very bright and inquisitive child.

ETA: I couldn't take a shower when I was on my own either. Sorry, no help with that. I support you putting him somewhere safe for 5 minutes though if it's something you really need for yourself. I didn't mind being stinky!
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#39 of 46 Old 06-30-2010, 11:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
I just want to know how I can get a shower....

Once I am clean and dressed and have a sling on - we can handle the day (as long as it isn't overstiumlating...)...

But - I really need that shower...
I had my first shower alone last week in nearly a year (other than when DH is home). I have had to take DS in the shower with me since he was a few weeks old. Luckily he loves water maybe cause he was water birthed. Was scary at first having a tiny bub in the shower and awkward later as he is now 11 months and 13kg (28lb cause he is a high needs all night eater) and tries to nurse in the shower. Admittedly my alone shower was taken with the shower door open and him playing on the bathroom floor. Baby steps eh?
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#40 of 46 Old 06-30-2010, 12:28 PM
 
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I don't know if it's showering ALONE that you want or just showering in general...but I bought a large strip (5 mts) of bathing suit material at the fabric store (about 5 dollars) and I cut it in half lengthwise and I made two swimsuit slings, for use in the ocean, the pool and the shower. I used the sling tie instructions from the moby wrap homepage for the shower and shower with her.

She LOVED the shower and I loved being able to have one, so win-win.

Then I'd just hang the wrap on the line and it was dry in no time.

But I have to second the tight swaddle, especially in the first few months. dd outgrew the need MUCH sooner than her brother, but she didn't really need that often to begin with. DS was a flailer. He needed swaddling tight and double tied until he was 8 months. He also needed hella loud white noise constantly. He needed that until...well he STILL needs that to sleep really well, but not as loud as he did when he was under one. Now he gets away with a ceiling fan, at a younger age we kept a hairdryer on hi on the cool setting under his basinette...all night long. if you turned it off, his eyes would pop open like a kernel of corn in hot oil.

He also needed blackout curtains until...wel he still sleeps better with blackout curtains. When we moved to scotland and had no blackout curtains, I taped black garbage bags to his windows to block out the light. here we just got very dark curtain and chose the least sunny room for him.

And he used a pacifier for six months...he spat it out of his own accord, but it really helped him to calm himself.

I never would have described him as high needs, because we employed these things from the beginning (we got a copy of the happiest baby on the block as a pre-baby gift and used it from day one and it totally worked with him), but if we had taken those things away or if we forgot our own heads and denied him any of those sleep needs, he was...ummmm, hard to love. He was LOUD, and needed holding all the time (but we found the ratio to holding throughout to the day to legth of sleeping on his own was related...the more we held him all day, the longer he slept...and this is till true to an extent. The more we cuddle and play with him in the day and the evening the faster he goes to sleep and the longer he stays asleep.) and though a good eater and hardly ever sick he was just active. It got better when he got moving (at about 8 mo and walking by 11mo).

So, hang in there. before I discovered the idea of showering with the baby, I didn't shower until DH came home. I was stinky.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#41 of 46 Old 07-01-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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I'm in the "frequently skips showers" camp. Twice a week feels like a luxury, sadly.

When he was very little, the bouncy seat worked pretty well for five to ten minutes, provided that I kept talking or singing. Once he could sit up on his own, a protective soft blanket/mat on the bathroom floor and a few toys and singing to him while I showered worked as long as I was five minutes or less. Now that he's really mobile (crawling, climbing, supported walking) coralling him in the hallway (babygates in all doors) with some toys, with the bathroom door open but babygated and the shower curtain half open so I can keep an eye on him works for ten minutes or less.

I've kind of made a game of all of the things that go with showering that aren't actual water-running in the shower time: I sing a song about what I'm doing (brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, lotion on my face), I do little dances, I keep checking in by looking at him and asking him question about what I'm doing ("Do you remember what we do after we brush our teeth? We rinse!"). It's a lot like talking to myself but seems to help keep him entertained. His crib is in our room, so I continue the song-and-dance routine while I get dressed.

The song-and-dance thing has worked pretty well for other things - it gives me just enough time to close up everything needed for his diaper change and get the diaper in the laundry pail. I have different songs for different things. We do ABCs for diaper stuff, for example. Lots of Ben Folds and Cake songs in the shower. Getting dressed tends towards a lot of Jonathan Coulton. Food preparation while he's in the high chair is a mixed bag but leans to Death Cab for Cutie and Modest Mouse. Walking for soothing and general going-to-sleep is a lot of Beatles. This kid is going to be shocked one day when he finds Mommy's large collections of swing, metal, industrial, punk, ska, jazz ... someday I'll get to listen to all of that stuff again. For now, I stick with stuff that'll be easy to sing to him and that Daddy knows all the words to, as well.

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#42 of 46 Old 07-01-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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But this one wants to be held...all-the-time! And its a good thing we already co-sleep cause this one wouldn't let it be any other way! And I will live and we will get through this... But could I at least do that clean and dressed for the day? lol The rest of the day, we can handle! When we are out and he is in the sling - he is happy!
I wish my DD would be that easy and predictable! lol DD is unhappy in the sling, out of the sling, in the house, out of the house. I was once stopped by a stranger in Target, who told me that my baby was crying because she wanted out of the sling, so her feet wouldn't be all squished up. Luckily, she's getting better...finally...at over 3 months old. But she still cries unpredictably sometimes, for no obvious reason, no matter what we do. Lately the only way she will go to sleep is to cry herself to sleep. I don't leave her alone or anything, but she apparently HAS to cry for a few minutes to fall asleep. She won't nurse, won't lie there and fall asleep, won't fall asleep walking or bouncing or swaying or swinging or vibrating...just has to cry, while I'm busy doing everything I can to get her to stop crying.

Honestly, your baby sounds pretty normal. Most babies want to be held all the time and cry if you put them down for the first little while of their lives. It's the ones like your first baby that are unusual.
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#43 of 46 Old 07-01-2010, 07:29 PM
 
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I have a semi-high needs DD (as long as I do everything in my power to entertain her, she is happy 95% of the time...well, 75% now that we're teething). To be honest, I skipped a lot of showers the first few months...then I moved to Mexico temporarily to be with my husband while he waits for a green card, and you just cannot skip showers with this heat and humidity! Unfortunately we have no indoor plumbing, so I have to haul in water from outside to bathe, which really complicates things! I really just have to try to hit the right time of day: when she's in a really good mood, has just eaten, has just fallen asleep (she never naps longer than about 20 minutes) and sometimes, she ends up crying while I am still covered in soap. Boy, I sure miss shaving my legs, though!

On another note, I was my mother's high needs baby, and I was her first. Apparently I cried for the first 8 months straight. Sorry mom, and thanks for stickin' with it!

Wife to DH from Mexico, and mother to DD (01/10); DS (09/11); and one on the way (03 or 04/14)  buddamomimg1.png

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#44 of 46 Old 07-07-2010, 09:51 AM
 
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He has now been awake for the past five hours! He hasn't been crying or upset ... but its a chore keeping him content for that amount of time. If he doesn't want to go to sleep - he will NOT go to sleep. And just when I think hes about to drift off (in arms or sling)...he poops or its time for some boob juice again! lol Hes a 'sucky' baby as wel but so far will only take my finger or get pissed off at the breast because he wants to suck for comfort - not food.
Your ds sounds so much like my dd! She was born April 1st, so a bit older than yours. About a month ago I was asking the same question, whether I'd ever get a shower again... I only did when DH was willing to take her immediately after a nursing so she'd be more happy.

She also stays awake for hours and hours, though I'd say she is upset even though not crying, like you said very hard to keep her content, not wanting to go to sleep, and every little thing waking her up when she's just about to drift off.

AND the exact same issue with she wants to suck for comfort, but will only take flesh (boob or finger), and since the boob has somewhat forceful letdown, I guess it feels like drinking from a fire hydrant!

All this to say, no solutions but I completely understand... and it HAS gotten better as the weeks have gone by, so do be encouraged by that! She now will even let me put her in a bouncy seat long enough to do something I can't safely manage with her in arms/sling!
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#45 of 46 Old 07-07-2010, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad to see this thread still going!

It has gotten better ladies! I can not put him down in the bouncer seat for about five minutes whilst I grab a shower! I still have to do this at exactly the right time (right after his first morning feed - he sleeps pretty much through the night...of course he has a few feeds during that time but sleeps right through them so is very well rested in the morning! - he is rested and happiest then so I can grab my shower!) - or it all goes tits up! lol I also think I am able to do this now because he can actually see that distance between his seat and where my face/body is in the shower! He is so engaging when he is awake!

It also helps that I have mastered putting him on my back - because then I can get some other things done I wouldn't be able to otherwise!

One recent downside though - he is such a booby baby, he won't even suck on my finger for comfort anymore. It MUST be boob! I have given up with soothers, and actually am glad he won't take them. DS1 had one and I didn't mind and he gave up himself - but I kinda feel more loved the way DS2 needs my boob so much! hehe Its nice - especially after my breastfeeding struggles (which resulted in no breastfeeding relationship and me pumping full time!) with DS1!

I guess it is mostly getting easier because we are getting into the swing of things - our new rhythm with two now!
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#46 of 46 Old 07-08-2010, 06:22 AM
 
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Your ds sounds so much like my dd! She was born April 1st, so a bit older than yours. About a month ago I was asking the same question, whether I'd ever get a shower again... I only did when DH was willing to take her immediately after a nursing so she'd be more happy.

She also stays awake for hours and hours, though I'd say she is upset even though not crying, like you said very hard to keep her content, not wanting to go to sleep, and every little thing waking her up when she's just about to drift off.

AND the exact same issue with she wants to suck for comfort, but will only take flesh (boob or finger), and since the boob has somewhat forceful letdown, I guess it feels like drinking from a fire hydrant!

All this to say, no solutions but I completely understand... and it HAS gotten better as the weeks have gone by, so do be encouraged by that! She now will even let me put her in a bouncy seat long enough to do something I can't safely manage with her in arms/sling!
Oh my! My high needs DD was born April 1st 2006!

I'm wondering right now if my DD2 isn't high needs, or if i'm already acting like she is so i don't notice...?
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