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ann_of_loxley's Avatar ann_of_loxley 12:27 PM 05-25-2010
When did life get back into the swing of things?

I would ask 'when did things get back to normal?'...but I do realise that our normal will be a different kind of normal to what it was before...so ill stick with 'swing of things' lol...

DS2 is only a month old now - but it seems like all I do is take care of our basic needs at the moment (between the constant basic needs of DS2!). My DS has really never watched so much tele (!!!) - but at least he has always been really great at playing with his toys quite independently for hours at a time as wel! We may manage to get out in the morning to do something basic like pick up a birthday card and we have managed to go to a playgroup on Friday mornings ...but we are deffinatly not back into the swing of things yet! ...I sorta feel like I have lost myself. I wonder what DS1 feels like. I don't feel very good at juggling all of this. I know I know...early days right - take it easy on myself right? I suppose things will just progress and eventually we will have full busy active playful fun lives again that don't invovle boob, help baby to sleep, feed self, use toilet, sleep, boob, help baby to sleep, feed DS, use toilet, boob, boob, help baby to sleep...........

With just one baby/child - it didn't matter so much. He was the only swing in the playground! But its deff different with more than one child!

So be honest. When did you get back into the swing of things?

Baby_Cakes's Avatar Baby_Cakes 12:29 PM 05-25-2010

Nicole730's Avatar Nicole730 01:47 PM 05-25-2010
nak

dh was so helpful the first few weeks that by the time he stopped doing dishes and laundry, we were into a good routine. it helps that dh works from home and dd loves to sleep. and doesn't even need me to help her to sleep half the time, it's crazy.

so now, at 11 weeks, this is our new normal.

wake up b/w 7-8
get laundry in and get DS breakfast, put on elmo(and yes, way more tv here too)
nurse DD, change diaper and down for a nap around one hour after she wakes
DS and I go outside, he plays, I hang out laundry and water the plants
We come in around 10, when DD wakes up
more diaper changes and nursing (oh and we starting PTing DS this week!)
i got on the computer...hehe and ElmoPotty time, while I nurse...
then if DD is interested in napping again, she does so, otherwise we all play together for a bit
11:30ish, lunch time, if DD is napping I can do some dishes while DS eats
Then DS plays for a bit while I get my lunch together if I am hungry, usually dd chooses this exact moment to wake up
12:30ish, start getting DS ready for nap, he's usually in bed by 1pm, then I spend some playtime with DD, pick up, do dishes, and play on the computer, DD usually takes another nap
3ish - everyone's awake and we go outside for playtime, it's been really hot, so I have just been having DD on the bouncy seat, but otherwise I wear her
5ish - come back in, DH takes the kids while I do supper and more dishes, I swear those things multiply in the sink
a little more outside time after dinner and then bath/bedtime at 6:30/7
after DS is in bed, one more nurse/change for DD and off to sleep she goes

I'm sure i forgot a few nursings in there somewhere.

I'd say this schedule started around 8 weeks old for DD.

If we go somewhere, it's after DD wakes up from her first nap, so we still do laundry and playtime in the morning.
VTnurse's Avatar VTnurse 01:52 PM 05-25-2010
I know that this isn't the response you want, but I have a 4 month old and a 23 month old and it's STILL not normal or back to some routine. I feel exactly like you do... and just end up crying most days. I still wonder what I was thinking in having two?
busymama77's Avatar busymama77 01:57 PM 05-25-2010
Normal? What's that? But a serious response to your question - I think it's semi getting there for us. DS#2 is sleeping well, DS#1 is very helpful and we seem to be able to split up our time the best we can. We're not as stressed as were in the beginning just needing to plan ahead of time and pack accordingly for certain things. DH has been a HUGE help and now that I'm back to work, DS#2 seems to be getting on a better schedule. He'll be 3 months on the 3rd.
Norasmomma's Avatar Norasmomma 02:05 PM 05-25-2010
In the beginning it was pretty easy, DS slept all the time. He was a MUCH easier newborn than DD ever was. He nursed and slept, nursed and slept. DH was home most of his first 6 months due to the economy being crappy, so he was here. It wasn't until the last few weeks that it was rough, DS is an extremely mobile and active little guy and he is teething and suffering from severe separation anxiety......so it's been harder now than it was before. We were very prepared for complete chaos and it never really happened, until recently. BOTH kids haven't been sleeping, DD is an almost 4 year old PITA many days(especially w/out sleep), DS was eating anything and everything and choking all the time. I mean he'd find the littlest piece of anything and gag, ugh. Teething, non-sleeping, DD wanting to co-sleep again-the last few weeks have sucked.

The last few nights we have slept, DD went to the grandparents and we got some downtime with just DS. DD is extremely active and has sooooo much energy most of the time we have to cater to her and do something, or suffer the consequences of a tired kid who needs something to do. DH has gone back to work and I am working now too, which also aided in the chaos.

We are now back in our groove. Luckily for us DS has been a good sleeper until now, which made our life much easier.

Good luck-it can be a pretty hard transition.
Ellien C's Avatar Ellien C 02:18 PM 05-25-2010
I think a month is really early for things to have a rhythm. Remember the concept of the 4th trimester and the traditional 40 days lying-in. I think Bali has some 100th day ritual. I'd not expect much from yourself until at least 3 months. I have a 10 week old and a 7 yo myself.
Mrs-Mama's Avatar Mrs-Mama 02:26 PM 05-25-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTnurse View Post
I know that this isn't the response you want, but I have a 4 month old and a 23 month old and it's STILL not normal or back to some routine. I feel exactly like you do... and just end up crying most days. I still wonder what I was thinking in having two?
Awww...I just want to encourage you that it definitely does get better. I had a difficult time adjusting to having two children and often wondered what we were thinking or burst into tears often. BUT, once #2 became more interactive/crawling/playing, etc, it got so much better. Some things, believe it or not, are actually easier now than just having one because they entertain each other.

Hang in there...it is worth it
Norasmomma's Avatar Norasmomma 04:16 PM 05-25-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
I think a month is really early for things to have a rhythm. Remember the concept of the 4th trimester and the traditional 40 days lying-in. I think Bali has some 100th day ritual. I'd not expect much from yourself until at least 3 months. I have a 10 week old and a 7 yo myself.
My friend just went to Bali and she said where she was the men usually have the baby(at least an older baby), plus it seriously is a place where it takes a village. She told me daddy will take the baby out in the late AM while mom works and then neighbors will run out to feed the baby porridge, she also stated babies rarely cry in Bali because there is so much family support, someone always is holding the baby, at least that's what she observed. They are a very child-centered culture, so I can see spending 3 months at home with the baby being a ritual.

Personally for me being pregnant with #2 was way harder than him actually being here, but DD was crazy last summer and I had SPD and was in major pain all the time.
BetsyS's Avatar BetsyS 04:41 PM 05-25-2010
I felt pretty good by the time baby #2 was about 4 months old. I think it just takes that long to get used to a new baby.
geo_girl's Avatar geo_girl 06:33 PM 05-25-2010
I seem to remember that it was around the 3 month mark that we found our "new normal"

cheers,
charlene
maddymama's Avatar maddymama 06:38 PM 05-25-2010
As a pp mentioned, it got easier for us when DD2 could sit up and smile and interact with DD1. Until then it was a moment by moment existence that was hard to survive. DD1 did watch too much TV for DD2's first few months, but once it got a bit easier it's been cut waaayyyyy back again. That way, when someone is sick or having a rough day, I don't feel too bad about popping a video in.
It will get easier, mama, but it just might take awhile.
~maddymama
sunnygir1's Avatar sunnygir1 07:27 PM 05-25-2010
It's always changing, isn't it!

I started working part time from home when ds was 2 months old. Dd was in daycare three short days, and I got my hours in while ds napped. We got into a pretty good swing of things in short order, and that lasted a few months. Both kids were sleeping pretty well, and the house was messy, but we would catch up on weekends and my days off.

But around 6 months it all started falling apart for me. Now (he's 8 months) I'm in the mode of quitting everything extra and pulling in. Some days are great and productive, and other days I either have to throw in the towel and give up on getting anything even remotely extra done, or have a really frustrating day and still not get anything done!

So, I guess the moral of the story is, as things get easier, don't fill your plate too full...And always leave time for the off days!
wombatclay's Avatar wombatclay 08:01 PM 05-25-2010
When I was pregnant with baby #2 I asked here on mdc and was told "give it three months".

And honestly, by the end of three months we really did have a new normal. It wasn't necessarily a good/easy/clean house normal, but it was a normal. Things felt "doable".

When ds arrived it was the same thing... total pandemonioum settling into a new normal at around 3 months. Again there were things I wish I could change, and chores that had to be let go, and a new way of doing what needed to be done. But it's a new normal, a pattern that can hold for the msot part.

I've told a lot of friends irl and online... "give it three months". Do whatever you need to do to get through those months (use a time out chair if you must, allow more tv or dvds, let the laundry and the dishes and the dust bunnies go, use sposies instead of cloth... whatever is going to make life easier) and then start adding things back in as you adjust. But three months seems to be the moment when a lot of people realize that not only CAN they do it, they've BEEN DOING IT already, they just hadn't noticed. And for me, that "not noticing that you're doing it" point is where the new normal starts.

hang in there... high needs kiddos make the whole thing a lot more challenging, but it really does get there.
Peony's Avatar Peony 12:11 AM 05-26-2010
With #2 our new normal took many months because of all D2's health problems. Now with DS, I felt like I had my swing right away.
ElliesMomma's Avatar ElliesMomma 01:22 AM 05-26-2010
things got considerably better right around six months.
octobermom's Avatar octobermom 04:02 AM 05-26-2010
MY LO is a few weeks shy of 3 months and my first is 7 so this is baby #2 buts I'll totally outta practice with a newbie I think just the past few weeks I've been shifting back to remembering oh yea I have another kid

Deanna
tracymom1's Avatar tracymom1 10:08 AM 05-26-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post
things got considerably better right around six months.
This.

It took us quite a while to get back into a good routine because DS was only 22 months old when his sister is born. Now she is 10 months old and truly - every day is a joy with them both. I started to feel settled again when she was around 5-6 months.

All of a sudden you will wake up one day and realize, "yeah - this is good!" and most of the struggles you have right now will have evolved into bigger and better things
Pandme's Avatar Pandme 11:10 AM 05-26-2010
Six months to feel like I had a groove. 4 months started to get a lot better, though.
Craftymama's Avatar Craftymama 11:51 AM 05-26-2010
DD #2 cried all day long until she was 2...lol. It was horribly hard to function but as far as routine goes, we were pretty set in that around 6-7 months. There was 23 months between ds #1 and dd #2. It was a hard jump to two kids. It will even out. You are still adjusting to being a new mommy again. Dd#3 is 5.5 months and I started to get into a routine and feeling normal around 3 months but my older kids are now 9 and 7 so that makes a huge difference. I know right now you can't see any normal but it will happen.
siennaflower's Avatar siennaflower 03:36 PM 05-26-2010
Between 4 and 6 months for us.
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