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Car seats: safer to CIO rear facing in back or be happy rear-facing in front???

1K views 22 replies 17 participants last post by  umsami 
#1 ·
i'm so conflicted...i need advice...

DD (6.5mo) has hated the car seat since 2mo, when we went on a 6hr car ride (with stops, of course!). Ever since then it's been really hard to go anywhere that's longer than a 5min drive. It's really distracting when I'm driving and trying to soothe her by either constantly looking in my rearview mirror and/or handing her toys and stuff. She took the pacifier for a spell but won't anymore. I know she's just lonely cuz all the toys in the world can't replace mama.

I know it's safest to have her in back, rear-facing, for as long as height and weight limits allow (yes, even over 1 year old), but I really think it's WAY more unsafe for me to be distracted while driving. DH suggested turning her front facing so that she could see me. I have a more radical idea and am thinking of putting her in the front seat, rear-facing. She might distract me a little, but I wouldn't have to look at her all the time - maybe just her being able to see me would be enough, and she would have the benefit of being rear-facing.

Which is the lesser of two evils? Any other alternatives??
 
#2 ·
NEVER put your baby in the front seat. If you are in an accident and the air bags deploy, your baby will be severly injured.

Is your infant seat installed correctly? Ours was not (the angle wasn't right) and our ds was miserable. We got it checked and reinstalled by the highway patrol and he is much happier now.

In the meantime, you just have to ignore the crying and focus on driving. I've been there--you have to do it. My ds once cried in the car for 30 mins straight! But the car seat is the safest place for our little ones and their safety is more important than a crying spell.

Also, you might consider moving up to a convertible seat if you are still using the infant seat. This was suggested to me numerous times when I talked about our car crying woes.

HTH!
 
#3 ·
I too was going to suggest a convertible seat. Many babies are much happier that way. Please do NOT put your baby in the front or turn her around. It is just sooooooo dangerous. It is not worth it! Limit all non necessary trips. have someone else go with you whenever possible and have them drive so you can sit with baby. Try walking when it is nice out. I know that you have to drive sometimes. Try putting on nice music, either for yourself or her.
 
#5 ·
I so totally feel your frustration and anger, but I agree with the others. You should never put your infant in the front seat for any reason.

That having been said, I can completely empathize. I remember driving when Zeke was an infant and still rear-facing, and thinking angrily, "How could this be safer?! I can't see my baby and I am totally stressed out and so is he!" However, I would never forgive myself if I placed my baby in an unsafe place in the car and then he were severely injured or killed in an accident.

I have to tell you, my main solution to this was to take the bus whenever possible, until he was able to ride forward-facing in the back. I was lucky enough at the time to live in a city where this was possible. In our new location, I guess I'll just have to put up with it... sigh.
 
#6 ·
ok ok ok, no front seat, forgot about the airbags! and yes, unfortunately i have to drive - i live in LA county, in the 'docks. i don't go out all that often as it is, but i don't want to keep her cooped up inside with me all the time.

when we go out on weekends, definitely dh or i sits in back w/ her.

i'll check w/ highway patrol to see if it's installed correctly. i've got a blanket underneath the front of the seat to angle it to what i think is the right angle (she's not pitching forward). yes, it's a convertible, moved up to it at 4mo (she was already almost 26"). it's a sit-n-stroll, so it's a mediocre car seat and mediocre stroller. we thought it would be convenient for travel, but the only convenience was that we could put one of our carry-ons in it and roll it around! DD doesn't use it as a stroller. so it might not be the most comfy carseat, but i don't know that getting a plusher one would help.
 
#7 ·
I agree that sometimes you just have to let them cry. I hate it, I feel terrible, but if I stopped every time she cried in the car I'd never get anywhere. I try to limit driving with her unless I really have to, but sometimes you gotta run to the store or the doctor.

One tip I've gotten from Happiest Baby on the Block (which is a great book for newborns btw) is to make a noise louder than the baby's cry. Ideally white noise, but I have found that Peter Paul and Mary works well too. Sometimes if I can catch her before she works herself in to a fit I turn up the music louder than her cry and she calms down almost immediately. See if you can record some white noise though, like a fan, because that will work better.

Darshani
 
#8 ·
gonna try that white noise tip!

yet another question, DD obviously doesn't sleep in the car and hasn't fallen asleep in the seat for a while. is there any convertible seat out there that you can slip a sleeping baby into outside of the car and easily install it inside the car while she's asleep in it? kinda like what i was able to do with the infant carrier?
 
#11 ·
this is an obsession in our family, dh is a firefighter and I worked with Safe Kids, even without airbags the safest place is the back seat. My 9 yo SD is still in a booster that's how important this is for us.

BOth my kids have gone through this and FIGHT being put in the seat. With DS I had to pull over and get out of the car for a few minutes because his screaming would drive me nuts. Now we have 1 CD that is on repeat because it's what makes them happy.

When the weather improves I open the windows and turn up the music to save my little sanity.

It's frustrating because for most of us our parenting style is to react but in the car the safest thing you can do is stay focused on the road and cuddle and comfort your baby when you get to the end. This is one of those places where rewards and bribery do have some uses!

About the convertible seat, not that I know of, kids being moved when they are asleep is more a personality thing than a parental skill! At least that's the trend in our home.
 
#12 ·
How safe is a carseat in the front seat if you don't have any airbags?

I know with an airbag is a huge no-no (and I can understand why!). But what if you don't have an airbag? Or have one that can be turned off? Has anybody read anything about that?

I think I heard about someone on these boards who taped a picture of herself to the seat so her DC could 'see' her.

I hope it gets better!
 
#13 ·
I think the backseat is the safest, regardless of front airbags. I read somewhere that children should stay in the back seat, properly restrained according to their age and weight, until they are 12 years old!

There is so much out there in terms of car seat safety. For little ones, rear-facing in the back seat is best. Keep them there for as long as possible. If you want to turn them forward, they must be AT LEAST 1 yo and 20 lbs. If your child is heavier, then wait til 1 yo. If your child is lighter, you have to wait until 20 lbs. Does that make sense? I plan to keep my little one rearfacing in his Marathon for as long as he'll tolerate it.

I have found this site helpful: http://www.cpsafety.com/default.aspx
 
#14 ·
those are only minimums and so if children are behind developmentally they should stay rear facing even longer.

Also, people need to know that there is a height and weight limit on infant carriers. It depends on the carrier but on average once kids hit 26 in. they need to be moved into convertible seats.
 
#15 ·
quick fyi

children under 13 are never supposed to ride in the front seat for their own safety. The middle back seat is the safest place in the car, but the back much safer than the front in general.

I think we have all experienced this to some degree, and while it is so tough during the cries, try to remind yourself that you are doing it to keep them safe. Try talking, singing....if that doesn't work just concentrate on driving and getting there safe. As long as you know you put baby in correctly it is the safest place for baby and you reassure yourself the best thing for you to do as a parent to to keep baby safe.

my little one at 9 months is starting to have an easier time, hope things improve soon.

maria
 
#16 ·
okay, I know I'm in the minority here, but I think "safe" is relative. It's safer to wear a helmet when you ride a bike, and even when you ski, but I don't. Volvos are safest, but I don't drive one. I hike, pilot small aircraft, snowmobile, and do other "unsafe" things. Doing what's safest is sometimes no fun, or even miserable.

My daughter is safest in the back seat, rear facing. No argument. But she is safer in a carseat in the front (with no airbag) than she would be without a carseat at all, which is how I rode as a kid. To me, the extra risk from her being in the front seat, buckled into a rear facing car seat, is worth the extra enjoyment from my being able to reach her and her being able to see me. Plus there is the extra safety from me not being a distracted driver.

I just wanted to give an alternative viewpoint. In my opinion, the front seat, no airbag option should be offered to parents.
 
#17 ·
I've actually seen people who drive in trucks with no back seat that have either no airbag or the option to turn off an airbag put carseats in the passenger seat and no one has said anything to them.

And actually Sophia's Mommy, you started to bring up a point I was going to make. By the safety standards we have today, our generation should have never survived! I've never worn a helmet while doing biking or skating, when I was in preschool I used to ride in the front seat on a pillow so the seatbelt would fit me! I dunno, maybe I see a lot of it as being paranoid...but I'm not saying it's all bad.

Anywho, I was having the same problem with ds. He hated car rides completely until we turned his seat around. Which, since he's big for his age, came earlier for us. Right before that, however, we did get a mirror for him so he could see not only his reflection, but everything else that he was missing staring at the back of the van.
 
#18 ·
I just wanted to chime in on how important it is to keep an infant rear-facing for at least a year, and longer if possible. It doesn't sound like you're leaning toward turning her around, but just in case...

This information is from http://www.carseat.org/, under the FAQ section:

Quote:
In a crash, an infant's spinal cord may stretch if she is riding facing forward, and the baby could die or be paralyzed for life. This is true even for babies who have strong neck muscles and good head control. Babies have heavy heads and fragile necks. The neck bones are soft, and the ligaments are stretchy. If the baby is facing forward in a frontal crash (the most common and most severe type of crash), the body is held back by the straps, but the head is not. The head is thrust forward, stretching the neck. Older children and adults wearing safety belts may end up with temporary neck injuries. But a baby's neck bones are soft and actually separate during a crash, and the spinal cord can tear. It's like yanking an electrical plug out of a socket by the cord and breaking the wires.
As for putting her in the front, that will increase her risk of death in a serious crash (statistically). It also increases her risk of being injured by objects intruding into the car. See this article for more on kids riding in the front seat: http://www.parentcenter.com/expert/f...el/39988.html.

I empathize with you... I hate listening to dd cry when we're driving, too. What I do is remind myself of all the things that could happen to her in an accident, and that's usually enough to keep me focused on my driving. I also remind myself that the crying isn't harmful to her. I just don't think the solution is to move the child into a less safe position, just because it's easier. I think it's up to the parent to get tough and tune out the crying.
 
#19 ·
ITA with Irishmommy. Before airbags in all cars, and before I had 6 children, my oldest DS (b. 1990) sat in his carseat in front with me. When DH and I go out and go in his truck, we put DD in her infant carseat with us. She sits right between us. When DH goes on his annual deer hunting trip (by his parents house...the kids who are with him have a chance to spend time with their grandparents), he always takes with him the kids who aren't in school or nursing. The past 2 years he has taken #4 and #5 with him, and both are in carseats in the front of his truck (well, they both were the 1st year, but this year, only #5 was).

Now that I have 6 children, and 5 sit in the back at all times, I always have someone back there to entertain the 2 who are in carseats. But if I have to go somewhere where it will be only me and baby, I will get DH to turn off the airbag.
 
#20 ·
I guess my perspective is different. I have been in 2 situations where children in car seats in the front seat were killed in motor vehicle accidents. One was a minivan and the other was a father taking his son out in his truck. I have also had to support 2 adults in different motor vehicle accidents as their lives slipped away.

My goal is to do the best I can. I hope my kids are adventurous and take risks - of their own choosing. This just seems like a senseless place to me not to do everything to the best of my ability. I wouldn't let DH take DS in his truck because I wasn't comfortable. DS loved it but I don't think the desires of a child supercede the responsibility of the parent.

My SD hates being in a booster at 9 but it is the safest way for her to ride. In parts of Europe, for years - since I was a kids, children under 12 have not been allowed to ride in the front seat.
 
#21 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by Apri
And actually Sophia's Mommy, you started to bring up a point I was going to make. By the safety standards we have today, our generation should have never survived! I've never worn a helmet while doing biking or skating, when I was in preschool I used to ride in the front seat on a pillow so the seatbelt would fit me! I dunno, maybe I see a lot of it as being paranoid...but I'm not saying it's all bad.
A lot of our generation did die in cars (or from bike accidents, or whatever). And the generations before them had even higher mortality rates. We're the ones who lived through childhood despite not being buckled in or wearing helmets. The ones who didn't aren't here to talk about it.

Even with our current car safety standards, Americans lose more people to auto accidents relative to population than any other industrialized nation. Auto accidents are still the leading cause of death of children under 6.

To the OP: I feel your pain! My baby hated his bucket seat. He used to scream until he vomited.
A couple of things helped: 1) getting a Marathon, which is far more comfy than the bucket seat and held him more upright. 2) Getting a mirror that fits over the headrest in the backseat that we can see each other in. Best $10 I've spent on ds. 3) Time. It does get better.

It is not worth the risk, IMO, to put your baby in the front seat or to turn your baby front-facing.
 
#22 ·
This is all a matter of opinion, of course. But my vote is still to disable the airbag and put them up front. Second choice is turn them front facing earlier. I say up front before turning them around because most accidents are fender-benders, and baby is safer upfront rear-facing than in back forward-facing in a fender-bender (due to whiplash effect). In a catastrophic accident the baby is safest rear facing in back, but in my opinion the risk of that type of accident is not worth letting my baby CIO. It's all a matter of what level of risk you're willing to take. Everybody takes some risk... babies die in accidents in rear facing car seats too (I've seen it). A car seat up front is much, much, much better than no car seat at all. (Although I will admit there have been occasions when nothing else has worked so I've held my daughter when dh drives as slowly and carefully as possible on country roads.) I may feel differently about the whole issue if we did a lot of freeway driving. Whatever you decide to do, I know it's a very difficult decision and I respect the fact that you're thinking it through!
 
#23 ·
Switching to a convertible seat solved this problem for us. DS was unhappy in his Graco SnugRide from about 2 months. Around 4 months, he hit 18 pounds....which was darn near the 20 pound limit...so I started looking at convertibles. All of the Moms on the board recommended Britax... so off we went to Babies-R-Us to test them out. DS loved the seat. We ended up with a Roundabout which DS loves. It's so well made and comfy.

He has a mirror in front of him, so I can see him. I think it's made by Fisher Price. If I put in batteries, there's a little garage like door opener that goes on my visor that would allow me to turn on lights & music. As DS is usually happy looking out the window, I haven't bothered to do that. We use enough batteries in our house.
 
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