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Old 06-02-2010, 07:06 AM
 
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I still feel awkward about giving my daughter formula in public. I feel so self concious when I have to feed her in public because I'll be judged for it. I just want to tell everyone, it's not my fault, I really tried! But there will always be those extreme breastfeeding advocates who think that you're a failure if you couldn't breastfeed. Someone else in the baby group I go to feels the same, and it's sad that we have to be embarrassed by the way we feed our children.

I became a lot less judgemental when I was unable to breastfeed because I saw both sides. But there are still things that upset me, like seeing a baby being given coke in a baby bottle. That's just scary!
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Old 06-02-2010, 07:19 AM
 
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This is a really great article on babywearing - and it explains the whole Bjorn thing really well!

http://www.sleepywrap.com/index.php?...r-baby-carrier

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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Old 06-02-2010, 07:25 AM
 
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Theres a pretty large group of Jews that are against circumsision - its not 'obligatory'.
http://www.jewsagainstcircumcision.org/

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:06 PM
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i know this is not a thread about circumcision but:
1) you don't "choose" to be jewish. you are by birth, even if you don't practice.

2) bris milah is obligatory if you follow jewish law. it's right there in the big book. listen, there are jews all over that disregard all or some of it. obviously not all jews keep kosher, not all jews observe the sabbath, so of course there are going to be jews that don't circumsize.

3) i don't insult anybody else's religion or lack thereof or even hate of it so please don't insult mine.

p.s. to keep this relevant...i still hate rice cereal!

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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I couldn't be friends with someone who starved her children. Yeah, there are people who say that giving processed food or non-organic food is basically starving a child, but that's a completely different level than choking a 3 month old on starches.

Giving formula all the time would be better than mixing breastfeeding with rice cereal at that age.
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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I'm just going to chime in on Formula/rice cereal only.

1. I formula feed. My son started saying his first words at 6 months, tried sitting at 5 months, was sitting unassisted at 6 months, is very very active and according to the ped well ahead on developmental milestones. We tried breastfeeding but I had/have a health condition that cause major complications. Formula IS NOT poison and really, no one has a right to judge a mothers situation and not every mom who bottle feeds is giving them formula, people do pump BM. On top of that, not everyone who buys formula is exclusively formula feeding. I don't mean to attack you or anyone else here. But I am truly tired of those judgments.

2. I do have a problem with people giving baby food too early on. I had a friend who has twins, one has a massive appetite and her ped told her to give rice cereal in the bottle. Since she was a close friend I just mentioned that it might not be healthy and that babies don't overfeed themselves and that they need the nutrition rice cereal won't always provide. Then I said that it's her choice in the end, but to listen to what she feels and that I am by no means a health care professional and that I don't know the babies health situations like her ped or her. In the end she opted not to do the rice cereal.

So if you are very close to this friend that has the twins and feel that you can calmly talk to her about it in a calm and non-judgmental way then mention it. Just make sure that she knows it's ultimately her decision and that you are just offering an idea.

However, I can relate to walking through babies r us and thinking about all the things some parents buy and how they really don't need them. But then again, most seem like first time moms and it's not my situation. I don't know how they live. Also, I don't know how they use the products, how often they use the sunscreen, etc. I just shrug it off and know that everyone has to do what works best for them.

Mother to a crazy wonderful son born 7-11-09 and A very determined amazing daughter born 5-3-12!
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Old 06-02-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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Would you give your one month old rice cereal in their bottle? And if you had twins and one of them was eating a ton of formula, so much so that you were starting to struggle financially, would you start supplementing with rice cereal at 3 months?
I would not. But I am sympathetic to the situation, especially after having a conversation with my aunt this past weekend (although I have been dying to get this off my chest, too!)...

She lost a lot of blood during childbirth and had a hard time breastfeeding her twins. I understand that milk production is impacted my blood loss at birth and I can only imagine how much harder it would be to breastfeed twins. Her husband was not supportive of her breastfeeding either, which only made things harder. Still, I think she did it for quite a few weeks or even a couple of months before switching to Carnation milk powder + corn syrup (because commercial formula was too expensive)! Um... I know that her generation (my parents' generation) was raised on this "formula" but it never occured to me that it would still be used within the past 20 years. I think I actually said, "I agree that formula is expensive, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to use Carnation milk powder and corn syrup." and she acted proud for suggesting it and said, "Now that you know, are you going to try it?" and I stammered out, "Uh... no. I think I'll just continue on with the breast milk."

So, I understood where she was coming from and there was no point in being judgmental (especially when the kids in question are teenagers now), but I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that people feed this stuff to their kids. Of course commercial formulas usually also contain corn syrup, so they may not be much better. According to my aunt, the only difference is that they "contain vitamins and stuff, which you can always supplement" (so hopefully she did).

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Old 06-02-2010, 01:17 PM
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I'm just going to chime in on Formula/rice cereal only.

1. I formula feed. My son started saying his first words at 6 months, tried sitting at 5 months, was sitting unassisted at 6 months, is very very active and according to the ped well ahead on developmental milestones. We tried breastfeeding but I had/have a health condition that cause major complications. Formula IS NOT poison and really, no one has a right to judge a mothers situation and not every mom who bottle feeds is giving them formula, people do pump BM. On top of that, not everyone who buys formula is exclusively formula feeding. I don't mean to attack you or anyone else here. But I am truly tired of those judgments.

... I just shrug it off and know that everyone has to do what works best for them.
i'm with you mama. my babe only takes formula from a bottle, and i tried for 3 months (although i don;t feel like anyone should even have to justify themselves for it.) i've felt the judgement and it sucks. especially when it's here where you go to be with open-minded people.

i SAH and i have a friend who blasts people who put their kids in daycare like they are going to be romanian orphans. it lame. the fact is that we could find something to pick on in anybody. nobody's doing it perfectly if we would even recognize it when we saw it.

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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Old 06-02-2010, 01:23 PM
 
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I was fed the exact same formula as a baby! LOL (mom didn't BF b/c she was in high school at the time, and that would have been a major challenge) and I think she started us on rice cereal/oatmeal around 2 months.

You don't ever know a person's situation, but I figure it can't hurt to try and educate a person. Though generally I don't get into discussions about circ or vaxing, unless someone else brings it up. As far as the circ goes; DH and I were torn on the idea and 2 things decided us - 1) in order to circ, they give a shot of vit K at birth, and we weren't cool with that. 2)we figured if we couldn't decide one way or the other, it is like vaxing, you can't take it back. so better leave baby intact and he can decide later if he wants to alter himself. Or get vaccinated for that matter.

All I can do with other moms or dads, is explain why we do the way we do, regarding food, etc, and be honest. Like BF'ing. yeah, the first few weeks/months are tough, but once you get past them, it is relatively easy going (you may have hurdles, like teething, but it is nothing like that first rough patch) and so worth it! and I don't judge. I might ask, out of curiosity, why they don't, or if they tried, and what happened.

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

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Old 06-02-2010, 01:27 PM
 
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And even more on topic, I had one of DH's friend's mothers tell me that "Different babies are ready for solid foods at different ages. For example, [DH's friend] was ready for rice cereal in his bottle at 2 weeks. It was the only way to get him to sleep through the night. He just wasn't getting full enough otherwise." While my MIL keeps reminding me that her kids started on rice cereal around 2 or 3 months.

I just tell them that there were different recommendations 30+ years ago than there are now, and I agree with them that there will likely be different recommendations again by the time our children have children. In the meantime, they like to remind me that their children grew up 'just fine' (as did my parents' generation, raised on Carnation milk + corn syrup).

Now mom to a boy born January 2010. 
Cautiously expecting Dec 2014!

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Old 06-02-2010, 01:48 PM
 
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they don't care that the bjorne is evil...why do I think I should tell them?
Whoa, the Baby Bjorn is evil? Pull it back there a bit, sister. Babywearing is good. Sure, a sling or a wrap might be better, but what if a woman doesn't have someone to teach her how to carry upright in a padded ring sling? Or doesn't have the money for a Moby or an Ergo & doesn't know how to sew one?

I'll tell you, when my colicky 1st one was crying (all the time), the Snugli (you know, the Walmart version of Bjorn for those who can't afford a $90 carrier) did the trick at calming her, and me, when my sling wouldn't. So croch-dangling or not, crunchy or not, Snugli is what I wore her in.

I agree rice cereal that young is a no-no, most bugsprays & sunscreens are full of toxins & shouldn't be used, but there are ways to convey opinion or facts that isn't laden with judgement.

If something is really bothering you about a way SOMEONE ELSE is raising their children, the best approach I've found is to start a conversation about the way YOU did things. Not as a "you shouldn't do this" or "that thing you're doing is bad", but rather, "I found this worked well" or "when I had a newborn, we did this & it was helpful".

Calling things evil? Not so good for enticing people to listen.

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Old 06-02-2010, 01:58 PM
 
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I have to say that my prior point was that anything can be a choice and while for one person it may be the wrong one, for another it may be the right one.

I'm not perfect, heck I use sposies, but EC for poops. Eat and make much of our food from scratch, yet have frozen pizza too. The list of "questionable" things(at least in the MDC world) goes on-it works for us.

I've been on the receiving end of judgment, I had a very arduous 30 hour labor with my DD which I pushed for 3 hours only to have her become so stuck it required a T incision on my uterus to get her out during our emergency c/s. My drive to have her naturally and willingness to keep trying helped cause that, it also created a scar that was too dangerous to have a natural labor again due to the high chance of rupture. To add insult to injury the local midwife informed me that I only had a c/s due to my being scared. She had NO information of my situation, she didn't know my uterus stopped contracting or my DD suffered from fetal distress, she just made her own judgment.

WE as mothers always are in this world of one-upping each other, I only use cloth, my baby has never had a bottle, my baby only eats organic, yada, yada, yada.......WE all can be a bit preachy at times, but what it comes down to is that we have to make choices for our family and do what's best. I think that's the biggest thing to remember.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:08 PM
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I have to say that my prior point was that anything can be a choice and while for one person it may be the wrong one, for another it may be the right one.

I'm not perfect, heck I use sposies, but EC for poops. Eat and make much of our food from scratch, yet have frozen pizza too. The list of "questionable" things(at least in the MDC world) goes on-it works for us.

I've been on the receiving end of judgment, I had a very arduous 30 hour labor with my DD which I pushed for 3 hours only to have her become so stuck it required a T incision on my uterus to get her out during our emergency c/s. My drive to have her naturally and willingness to keep trying helped cause that, it also created a scar that was too dangerous to have a natural labor again due to the high chance of rupture. To add insult to injury the local midwife informed me that I only had a c/s due to my being scared. She had NO information of my situation, she didn't know my uterus stopped contracting or my DD suffered from fetal distress, she just made her own judgment.

WE as mothers always are in this world of one-upping each other, I only use cloth, my baby has never had a bottle, my baby only eats organic, yada, yada, yada.......WE all can be a bit preachy at times, but what it comes down to is that we have to make choices for our family and do what's best. I think that's the biggest thing to remember.
amen sister! you've said what i feel a thousand times better than i could.

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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And even more on topic, I had one of DH's friend's mothers tell me that "Different babies are ready for solid foods at different ages. For example, [DH's friend] was ready for rice cereal in his bottle at 2 weeks. It was the only way to get him to sleep through the night. He just wasn't getting full enough otherwise." While my MIL keeps reminding me that her kids started on rice cereal around 2 or 3 months.
.
MIL started each of her boys on rice cereal at 8 weeks because her DOCTOR told her that when a baby wants to eat all the time it means they need something else to fill them up. Her mother (who started her oldest on solids...like, fruits and veggies...at 8 weeks) told her that when babies can make a chewing motion they're ready for solids...
So, a lot of times it's just misinformation from people they trust. You can't REALLY blame the mother at that point IMO.

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Old 06-02-2010, 02:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i know i know. see that's the problem. because i can tell you that we believe the torah is "Truth" with a capital T and therefore what we are doing is "right" and i do believe that (and trust me, there's a lot of other stuff i do in the name of religion that doesn't make a ton of other "sense" either.)
but on the other hand like a pp said, i'm sure there are tribes out there doing female circ in the name of their "truth" who believe they are equally right and i sit here and judge them as "wrong." ugh. and at the same time even though i know the reasons behind opposing circ and totally get it, it still somehow really stings to hear it voiced.
I just wanted to say that regardless of where I stand on the issue that I do appreciate hearing others views and I am sorry it stings when others talk about it. However, you not backing away from it and instead voicing your thoughts is appreciated. It is good to hear the other side. It is also interesting to hear you talk about how you may feel differently if the "Truth" you believed in didn't support it. Anyhow, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts on a subject that stings you.

Sophia ~ 9/21 learning how to be crunchy mama. Uh oh, I just went over the crunch edge! ECing!! Planned ~ maybe next time : :
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Old 06-02-2010, 03:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Calling things evil? Not so good for enticing people to listen.
Ok so I wouldn't tell them it was evil. And the carrier itself isn't evil but the company really bothers me. They know what Dr.s say regarding the positioning of children and the harm it causes them. Yet they continue to produce a product that is harmful. For this same amount you could find a safe alternative...if you knew there was an issue. I didn't mean I would judge them...I just guess sometimes I feel it is my job to educate...but I don't I bite my tongue and rant here.

The mother saving money by supplementing with rice cereal...yeah I judged. Still a best friend and still haven't approached it. Her children are sick all the time and overall don't sound healthy. But I don't feel it is my place...even though I wish I could without overstepping bounds.

I vent and rant, but I also respect boundaries. IT is not my god given right to tell others how to do it. Heck this is my first, who knows what the outcome will be for me. It is hard not to question (maybe a better word than judge, maybe the same thing) parents that don't research anything. They go mainstream, raise their child as the Dr suggests, and never ask questions. They do things because others have and their children survived. I don't want to be a mediocre mom that settles. I want to do my best and if that means someone else says...hey did you know that the bjorne doesn't properly support your child's hips and can lead to developmental problems...then I am willing to listen.

I hate it when I pass judgment on others, I don't like who that makes me. I do it in my head, not out loud. And then I rant, get anothers view and usually take a step back.

Anyhow I hate bjorn, the company and what they sell.

Sophia ~ 9/21 learning how to be crunchy mama. Uh oh, I just went over the crunch edge! ECing!! Planned ~ maybe next time : :
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Old 06-03-2010, 06:53 PM
 
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This is a really great article on babywearing - and it explains the whole Bjorn thing really well!

http://www.sleepywrap.com/index.php?...r-baby-carrier
Thank you for sharing this! I was not aware such a movement existed!
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Old 06-05-2010, 04:06 AM
 
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I'm just going to chime in on Formula/rice cereal only.

1. I formula feed. My son started saying his first words at 6 months, tried sitting at 5 months, was sitting unassisted at 6 months, is very very active and according to the ped well ahead on developmental milestones. We tried breastfeeding but I had/have a health condition that cause major complications. Formula IS NOT poison and really, no one has a right to judge a mothers situation and not every mom who bottle feeds is giving them formula, people do pump BM. On top of that, not everyone who buys formula is exclusively formula feeding. I don't mean to attack you or anyone else here. But I am truly tired of those judgments.
thank you for this!

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