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Screaming - LOTS of screaming

1K views 12 replies 12 participants last post by  texmati 
#1 ·
Help! I am really dealing with lots of doubt and guilt right now. Lots of questions mixed in here, but I don't really know who else to ask.

3-1/2 month old ds (born at 36wks) seems very mad, sad, disgruntled, totally p.o.'d - you name it, and all variations of it - almost all the time he is awake. Sometimes it helps to hold him and comfort him, but that is more recent, so I don't know if it will stick.

I have a wrap, but I can't seem to get it tight enough to feel secure around his head/shoulders. I also have a baby bjorn, but I'm not sure how good they are for the spine/hips. He's probably not 12 lbs yet - maybe not even 11lbs. (Slow weight gain, losing percentiles in the charts - another cause for concern in my mind). I am also not sure what activities I should / shouldn't do with him while carrying him. It's hard to see around him in the bjorn, and I"m always cooking over a propane stove or working with hot water, or bending over to pick stuff up off the floor, etc. He just never feels secure or it seems awkward. When his sister was a newborn, she was in a wrap all the time and I don't remember having issues with it, but I wasn't leaning over back then (she was the only little one in the house, so the floor stayed clear, LOL!). I'm also not 100% AP, so I'm not sure that I would just want to wear him all the time anyways - I do want him to have some floor time, on his back and on his tummy, and have a little independence. Now, he gets NONE of either. Putting him on the floor just really ticks him off. PUtting him on the couch or bed gets the same response, too. Once in a while, like once every couple of days, I can prop him sitting up in the corner of the couch and he'll hang for 10 minutes or so. The swing - forget about it. He is convinced that is a torture chamber. It's where he goes when I have to get something done, and he knows it. This last week he will cheer up sometimes if I squat in front of him and play with him while he's in it, but it's temporary, and a couple of times he has gotten interested in the mobile stuff for 10 minutes or so. Then back to screaming.

When he was first born, he was sleeping on his back for naps, and on his back more or less when we co-slept, with my arm around him and under his head/shoulders. Then we started him sleeping in a mini cosleeper, the kind that goes in the bed with you (and folds up for travel). Then we started putting him on his tummy in it. Now, he's used to that, and while he doesn't like getting put in there, he was sleeping pretty good on his tummy. He HATES sleeping on his back, and now he's starting to wake up a lot from his naps, and spitting up in the middle of the night (which is a giant pain to deal with). I'm thinking that swaddling and sleeping on his side or back even some of the time might help, but he really freaks out when we do that. Even when I get freaked out and try to cuddle him and cosleep with him, he still cries and screams. Which makes me feel even worse and totally makes dh mad. I would really like to be able to swaddle him and let him sleep, but I don't know if I can get through the screaming start.

When he screams he has this wild animal look in his eyes. I feel HORRIBLE, and terrified that he's getting brain damage (this happens immediately, doesn't take more than 2-3 minutes - he doesn't really have a "fuss" mode). If he's on his back in the bed, it doesn't matter if I'm trying to comfort him, he still has "the look". This happens in the car seat too, and there's squat that I can do about that. We're living in the city and there's no way I can be turned around trying to talk to him all the time - we'd wreck or get pulled over by a cop.

We use a paci, but he doesn't want it much, and loses it even when he does want it. If I try to give it to him when he doesn't want it, it will set him off. I assume he is horribly offended by my feeble attempts to quiet him.

I worry endlessly about nursing- enough milk, not enough milk, too much foremilk, etc. He doesn't poop every day (his sister did) - more like once per week and it worries me. He definately seems happier the day of the poop and the day after. I don't want to be doing suppositories all the time though.

He doesn't have gas, not truly constipated. Just- mad and disgruntled. I feel bad because I can't give him the total attention like I did his sister. She's just turned 2 and is - well, 2! I'm also trying to finish up schooling (all done at home) and I do a lot to help my hubby with logistical stuff - research on the comp, phone calls, etc. We live full time in an RV, so the close quarters and lack of regular furniture, space, yard for sister to play in, etc only add to the chaos and stress. I feel totally guilty, like he doesn't like it here in the world because I can't (don't) give him the attention and loving that he needs.

He can smile and will do it once in a while. I've gotten happy times out of him for maybe 3-5 minutes at a time, but that's like once a day or every other day. He never wakes up happy, always thoroughly mad.

Advice needed! I feel like we are CIO all day long, because he usually doesn't care if I'm around or not - he's just mad. I seriously wonder sometimes if he's got autism or something, because he just feels so distant from me. OH, and the boob is not a comfort - he's cool with nursing but not for long and then he's just pissed about that too.

TIA. I know I'm kind of rambling.
Tracey R.
 
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#2 ·
*hugs* You are doing fine. I'm sure he's fine too. All babies are so different and totally keep you guessing!

There is a term called PURPLE crying. I can't remember exactly what the acronym stands for, but it is about the unexplained crying in infants. The basic premise is that there is a time in early infancy that babies tend to spend a very large portion of their time crying and fussing. It supposedly peaks around 3 to 4 months I think? I'm a bit sleep deprived and can't remember the specifics, but I'm sure if you google it you would get some hits.

I don't think you could be considered as CIO because you are trying to soothe your baby and he just isn't taking it. Something that struck a chord for me in regards to soothing is that sometimes it isn't going to work and that is ok. It isn't a reflection of you as a person or caregiver. It just is.

I have really noticed with my newest little one moreso than with my first that she's sensitive to dairy and caffeine I can have one cup of coffee a day without too much fuss, but if I slip up and have more we get screaming fits. I have mostly cut dairy out and have found that her projectile vomiting (seriously she could get half way across a queen bed with one vomit) has gone away completely. If I start going nuts with the dairy again the vomiting starts. Maybe you could try (in your "vast" amounts of spare time LOL) keeping a food/fuss journal?

I need to head to bed because my LO is sleeping but I didn't want to read and not reply. Good luck! I hope things settle for you soon.
 
#5 ·
Have you thought about seeing a cranial osteopath? Every baby could really do with seeing one after birth when they are a week or two old - but especially babies who are born early and/or had a difficult and/or traumatic birth.

I also highly suggest you get that wrap sorted! I don't know what I would do without mine! When he was a bit older (hes only 9 weeks at the moment) - sorting out putting him on my back in the wrap was an even further life saver! I have a nearly 5 year old to look after so having him on my back means I can cook and pick stuff up off the floor and hang the laundry up, etc. Hes nearly 15lbs as well - so I don't really like him on my front all the time as I can't see around him either. Do you have a slingmeet in your area? You can get help from other well knowing mamas on that wrap of yours. Maybe even try out other slings that might work better for you?

But - think about seeing a CO! It really helped for us and our nursing problems!
 
#8 ·
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've posted a lot about my baby screaming experiences, I don't want to repeat it unless you want me to. My vacation Bible school workers have gotten to see my beet red, sweating, foaming at the mouth 11 wk old this week, especially yesterday and today. And, I LOVE my wraps/carriers but ds does NOT like the Bjorn AT ALL. And, when he's in the screaming fit, he's so stiff and flailing that I can't get him in the Moby and it just makes him madder. The ring sling will work sometimes but usually I just have to lay him down or put him in the swing and let him wear himself out.

Things that help us: He is on Prevacid for reflux-he's not a super spitty baby but it helps some (Zantac makes my babies worse). The Swing can ONLY be a side-ways swinging swing AND he has to have his arms swaddled or he'll flail and freak out. I also sometimes have to use the music/mobiles on the swing. If he's really screaming the swing won't always work but sometimes he'll cry himself to sleep it in. I'm trying to do an elimination diet (I'm not diligent enough): dairy, soy and with him I've had to include tuna, egg & almond, we're questioning peanut as well. Shushing in his ear helps as does the womb sounds bear we have, usually up loud. I run an air purifier in his room (we get the loudest ones we can find). Going outside sometimes helps. Sleep-nursing sometimes helps. I do take him to the chiropractor-he had the cord wrapped around his neck at birth and gets out of alignment causing him to not nurse on one side until he's adjusted again.

BUT, none of these helps every time. Like in the nursery at church today-it was 35 minutes straight, red-faced, headache inducing screaming and NOTHING I did helped. I ended up laying him the crib and letting him cry it out. Then, out of nowhere he stopped and was content. He screamed again at the chiropractor then again, out of the blue, stopped and was smiling and cooing. She called him Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde because it's so dramatic and there's no real in between. He also hates being poopy-from day 1! The nurses in the hospital couldn't believe he cried like he did just from a poopy diaper. He seems most like my oldest who has ADHD and seems to be sensory-sensitive.

I hope his helps. Know you're not alone. {{{Hugs}}}
 
#9 ·
I have so been there.

Have you tried swaddling tightly when you put him in baby furniture? Might help, might not, helped my LO on occasion.

How about driving around in the car/car seat? For her first few months, that would help, but then around 4 months or so it stopped. Because babies like to do that-change things up as soon as you think you have it worked out.

Ultimately, my LO wasn't really happy until she was around 6 months old or so, when she could sit up on her own and her naps were more solidly scheduled.
 
#10 ·
It's been a long time since mine were babies, and I don't remember anyone being concerned about spine care and such back then, so please forgive me if my suggestion is not acceptable....but....

My now 18.5yo was just like your baby sounds, OP. He didn't want to be held and he didn't want to be on the floor. What he wanted was to be upright but not snuggled. He was happy as a clam in a walker at 4mo. It helped save my sanity.

The more you handled his body, the madder he got. I found that out by accident one day when I had just had enough of the screaming and put him down in his bed so I could get away and clear my head for a second. I'd been trying to console him for hours....walking, patting, bouncing, you name it. I went on the porch to breathe some cool air, still hearing him shriek from his bedroom. Then he was suddenly silent. It couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes between lusty crying and pure quiet. I sneaked into his room and he was fast asleep.

He has never been one for tons of bodily contact. He nursed fine, but when he was done nursing he wanted to be "by himself" a lot. Just not laying down; he wanted to be upright where he could bounce his legs and see everything.

As for sleeping in a certain position....once a baby can roll over he's gonna sleep the way he wants to sleep, anyway.
 
#11 ·
omg, this sound just like our son! People would literally stop and ask me-- what are you doing to your child? why is he crying so much?

He was born pissed off. He liked it in the womb, and wanted to go back. But after 4 months it got a bit better, and after he could sit up, it got so, so, so much better.

During the first 4 months it was just all about coping. Nursing as often as possible. Static on the radio, rocking, and swaying. Baby hammock. DH used to do all the swaddling because I couldn't deal with the screaming. Hang in there mama, it will get better!

I'll write more when I get a chance
 
#12 ·
ETA: please excuse typos and misspellings. NAK

I'm so sorry. First, you need to give yourself a break. You're doing everything right. It sounds like you have high needs baby on your hands. I've been going through much the same with our 3 month old. I gave found some things that help us. Take them or leave them.


Diet:
Maddy cried constantly until I made a drastic change in my diet. Removing dairy had the greatest impact, but she still seemed to have a lot of distress. I did some research and discovered that babies who have trouble with dairy may also struggle with soy and peanuts. I've cut those out, as well as sugar and caffeine (at the recommendation of our DO). Sounds restrictive, but I will do anything to have a happy baby! I'm sure you're feeling the same way.

Body:
We see an osteopath as our family doctor. He has done cranial manipulation a couple of times. That really helps. Also, do you have the Dr. Sears baby book? Those massages help relax Maddy. But they have to be done when she's already happy. Otherwise, she just gets mad. (And yes, I think I've cursed us naming our daughter Maddy. Lol)

Taking care of yourself:
Sheila Kutzinger has some great exercises for you in her book, "The Year After Childbirth." It's worth checking it out. I do a simple breathing exercise, especially while the baby is screaming. It allows me to comfort her while I relax. Otherwise, I might lose my mind. I just breathe out, wait a moment, and let the breathe come back in slowly. Wait again, breathe out. Repeat. With each slow breathe, I rub Maddy's back.

Things will get better. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's so important that you find a way to be rested and happy. Both of your children need that. I know you're asking about you're little one, but I'm guessing that you are stressed and exhausted. That's what I get from reading your post. Lean on your support network so you can take care of yourself.
 
#13 ·
i'm back to say-- also you can't do this on your own. your dh needss to step up, and if possible, see if you can enlist help from friends and family, or from the nearest take out places. I know you have an older LO as well, so you must be really stretched thin!
 
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