Help! I am really dealing with lots of doubt and guilt right now. Lots of questions mixed in here, but I don't really know who else to ask.
3-1/2 month old ds (born at 36wks) seems very mad, sad, disgruntled, totally p.o.'d - you name it, and all variations of it - almost all the time he is awake. Sometimes it helps to hold him and comfort him, but that is more recent, so I don't know if it will stick.
I have a wrap, but I can't seem to get it tight enough to feel secure around his head/shoulders. I also have a baby bjorn, but I'm not sure how good they are for the spine/hips. He's probably not 12 lbs yet - maybe not even 11lbs. (Slow weight gain, losing percentiles in the charts - another cause for concern in my mind). I am also not sure what activities I should / shouldn't do with him while carrying him. It's hard to see around him in the bjorn, and I"m always cooking over a propane stove or working with hot water, or bending over to pick stuff up off the floor, etc. He just never feels secure or it seems awkward. When his sister was a newborn, she was in a wrap all the time and I don't remember having issues with it, but I wasn't leaning over back then (she was the only little one in the house, so the floor stayed clear, LOL!). I'm also not 100% AP, so I'm not sure that I would just want to wear him all the time anyways - I do want him to have some floor time, on his back and on his tummy, and have a little independence. Now, he gets NONE of either. Putting him on the floor just really ticks him off. PUtting him on the couch or bed gets the same response, too. Once in a while, like once every couple of days, I can prop him sitting up in the corner of the couch and he'll hang for 10 minutes or so. The swing - forget about it. He is convinced that is a torture chamber. It's where he goes when I have to get something done, and he knows it. This last week he will cheer up sometimes if I squat in front of him and play with him while he's in it, but it's temporary, and a couple of times he has gotten interested in the mobile stuff for 10 minutes or so. Then back to screaming.
When he was first born, he was sleeping on his back for naps, and on his back more or less when we co-slept, with my arm around him and under his head/shoulders. Then we started him sleeping in a mini cosleeper, the kind that goes in the bed with you (and folds up for travel). Then we started putting him on his tummy in it. Now, he's used to that, and while he doesn't like getting put in there, he was sleeping pretty good on his tummy. He HATES sleeping on his back, and now he's starting to wake up a lot from his naps, and spitting up in the middle of the night (which is a giant pain to deal with). I'm thinking that swaddling and sleeping on his side or back even some of the time might help, but he really freaks out when we do that. Even when I get freaked out and try to cuddle him and cosleep with him, he still cries and screams. Which makes me feel even worse and totally makes dh mad. I would really like to be able to swaddle him and let him sleep, but I don't know if I can get through the screaming start.
When he screams he has this wild animal look in his eyes. I feel HORRIBLE, and terrified that he's getting brain damage (this happens immediately, doesn't take more than 2-3 minutes - he doesn't really have a "fuss" mode). If he's on his back in the bed, it doesn't matter if I'm trying to comfort him, he still has "the look". This happens in the car seat too, and there's squat that I can do about that. We're living in the city and there's no way I can be turned around trying to talk to him all the time - we'd wreck or get pulled over by a cop.
We use a paci, but he doesn't want it much, and loses it even when he does want it. If I try to give it to him when he doesn't want it, it will set him off. I assume he is horribly offended by my feeble attempts to quiet him.
I worry endlessly about nursing- enough milk, not enough milk, too much foremilk, etc. He doesn't poop every day (his sister did) - more like once per week and it worries me. He definately seems happier the day of the poop and the day after. I don't want to be doing suppositories all the time though.
He doesn't have gas, not truly constipated. Just- mad and disgruntled. I feel bad because I can't give him the total attention like I did his sister. She's just turned 2 and is - well, 2! I'm also trying to finish up schooling (all done at home) and I do a lot to help my hubby with logistical stuff - research on the comp, phone calls, etc. We live full time in an RV, so the close quarters and lack of regular furniture, space, yard for sister to play in, etc only add to the chaos and stress. I feel totally guilty, like he doesn't like it here in the world because I can't (don't) give him the attention and loving that he needs.
He can smile and will do it once in a while. I've gotten happy times out of him for maybe 3-5 minutes at a time, but that's like once a day or every other day. He never wakes up happy, always thoroughly mad.
Advice needed! I feel like we are CIO all day long, because he usually doesn't care if I'm around or not - he's just mad. I seriously wonder sometimes if he's got autism or something, because he just feels so distant from me. OH, and the boob is not a comfort - he's cool with nursing but not for long and then he's just pissed about that too.
TIA. I know I'm kind of rambling.
Tracey R.
3-1/2 month old ds (born at 36wks) seems very mad, sad, disgruntled, totally p.o.'d - you name it, and all variations of it - almost all the time he is awake. Sometimes it helps to hold him and comfort him, but that is more recent, so I don't know if it will stick.
I have a wrap, but I can't seem to get it tight enough to feel secure around his head/shoulders. I also have a baby bjorn, but I'm not sure how good they are for the spine/hips. He's probably not 12 lbs yet - maybe not even 11lbs. (Slow weight gain, losing percentiles in the charts - another cause for concern in my mind). I am also not sure what activities I should / shouldn't do with him while carrying him. It's hard to see around him in the bjorn, and I"m always cooking over a propane stove or working with hot water, or bending over to pick stuff up off the floor, etc. He just never feels secure or it seems awkward. When his sister was a newborn, she was in a wrap all the time and I don't remember having issues with it, but I wasn't leaning over back then (she was the only little one in the house, so the floor stayed clear, LOL!). I'm also not 100% AP, so I'm not sure that I would just want to wear him all the time anyways - I do want him to have some floor time, on his back and on his tummy, and have a little independence. Now, he gets NONE of either. Putting him on the floor just really ticks him off. PUtting him on the couch or bed gets the same response, too. Once in a while, like once every couple of days, I can prop him sitting up in the corner of the couch and he'll hang for 10 minutes or so. The swing - forget about it. He is convinced that is a torture chamber. It's where he goes when I have to get something done, and he knows it. This last week he will cheer up sometimes if I squat in front of him and play with him while he's in it, but it's temporary, and a couple of times he has gotten interested in the mobile stuff for 10 minutes or so. Then back to screaming.
When he was first born, he was sleeping on his back for naps, and on his back more or less when we co-slept, with my arm around him and under his head/shoulders. Then we started him sleeping in a mini cosleeper, the kind that goes in the bed with you (and folds up for travel). Then we started putting him on his tummy in it. Now, he's used to that, and while he doesn't like getting put in there, he was sleeping pretty good on his tummy. He HATES sleeping on his back, and now he's starting to wake up a lot from his naps, and spitting up in the middle of the night (which is a giant pain to deal with). I'm thinking that swaddling and sleeping on his side or back even some of the time might help, but he really freaks out when we do that. Even when I get freaked out and try to cuddle him and cosleep with him, he still cries and screams. Which makes me feel even worse and totally makes dh mad. I would really like to be able to swaddle him and let him sleep, but I don't know if I can get through the screaming start.
When he screams he has this wild animal look in his eyes. I feel HORRIBLE, and terrified that he's getting brain damage (this happens immediately, doesn't take more than 2-3 minutes - he doesn't really have a "fuss" mode). If he's on his back in the bed, it doesn't matter if I'm trying to comfort him, he still has "the look". This happens in the car seat too, and there's squat that I can do about that. We're living in the city and there's no way I can be turned around trying to talk to him all the time - we'd wreck or get pulled over by a cop.
We use a paci, but he doesn't want it much, and loses it even when he does want it. If I try to give it to him when he doesn't want it, it will set him off. I assume he is horribly offended by my feeble attempts to quiet him.
I worry endlessly about nursing- enough milk, not enough milk, too much foremilk, etc. He doesn't poop every day (his sister did) - more like once per week and it worries me. He definately seems happier the day of the poop and the day after. I don't want to be doing suppositories all the time though.
He doesn't have gas, not truly constipated. Just- mad and disgruntled. I feel bad because I can't give him the total attention like I did his sister. She's just turned 2 and is - well, 2! I'm also trying to finish up schooling (all done at home) and I do a lot to help my hubby with logistical stuff - research on the comp, phone calls, etc. We live full time in an RV, so the close quarters and lack of regular furniture, space, yard for sister to play in, etc only add to the chaos and stress. I feel totally guilty, like he doesn't like it here in the world because I can't (don't) give him the attention and loving that he needs.
He can smile and will do it once in a while. I've gotten happy times out of him for maybe 3-5 minutes at a time, but that's like once a day or every other day. He never wakes up happy, always thoroughly mad.
Advice needed! I feel like we are CIO all day long, because he usually doesn't care if I'm around or not - he's just mad. I seriously wonder sometimes if he's got autism or something, because he just feels so distant from me. OH, and the boob is not a comfort - he's cool with nursing but not for long and then he's just pissed about that too.
TIA. I know I'm kind of rambling.
Tracey R.