What is your situation with DP & how does she/he help w/your LO - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I am curious to hear from other mamas what their situation is with their DH.
I am a SAHM and DH works from home on the weekends.

I am also wondering how much your DP helps our with your LO?
My DH is great during the week. He takes her in the morning usually from 9-12 so I can get a little uninterrupted sleep until she needs to nurse and go back to sleep again. He also changes her frequently, plays with her periodically throughout the day, and watches her when I need to catch up on cleaning or does the cleaning in place of me. He does hate to put her to sleep though so he will only do that once a day, which is fine with me now because she is going to sleep much easier/faster these days. He also LOVES to take baths with her! Its the cutest thing because they both enjoy it so much and it gives him a chance to get more skin to skin contact with her since we EBF. I also do all of the night-time parenting.

So what's your situation?

*Courtney*
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#2 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 08:58 PM
 
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My DH plays with dd, but won't take her exclusively unless it's a rare situation, such as a doctor's appointment where I need someone to watch her. He doesn't change her diapers either. He doesn't clean unless I ask him to other than picking up the living room or clearing off the couch (where he sleeps).

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#3 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 09:08 PM
 
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My LO is not little at all anymore. But, when he was, DH didn't do anything really. DS2 was exclusively breastfed and nursed a LOT. He couldn't be consoled by anyone but me. About the only thing DH ever did was wear him when we were out as a family together.
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#4 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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Cecilia nurses a lot, and due to my low supply, it's as often for comfort sucking as it is for actual milk. My husband likes to spend time with her, but it's shortened by her need to nurse all the time. She doesn't take bottles, and even if she did I'm really not comfortable leaving her with anyone, even my husband, yet (she's 3.5 months old). So, my husband helps out by cooking dinner. I still do most of the cleaning in the house, and 99% of the child care. He only changes diapers when I ask him to.

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#5 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 09:30 PM
 
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I guess I'm pretty fortunate. I'm taking an 18-month maternity leave (and may perhaps just freelance from home after that), and DH works full-time during the week. As soon as he's home at 6, he gets changed and takes DD while I prepare her supper. He then feeds her while I prepare our supper, and she sits in her highchair while we eat. DH then takes her out for a little walk while I clean up and get DD's bath ready. Then we both bathe her, he reads her a story, I nurse her, and DH puts her to bed (with lots of patting and shushing and patience).

On weekends, he'll take her for a long walk while I clean the house a little more thoroughly. Because DD is 9 months now, he can take care of her for 7-8 hours or so the odd time I have an event to attend. Since he spends so much time with her, she's very comfortable with him and he is with her. In fact, we usually wait outside for DH to come home every weeknight, and DD points and waves when she spots him coming.

DH also changes diapers (even poopy ones!), and is pretty good at picking out a pj that fits and getting her clothes on if it's the weekend (although I still pick them out). DH is a lousy housekeeper and he's messy as all get-up, but he helps out so much with DD. He just came back from soccer practice and told me he would have rather stayed home and put DD to bed!!!

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#6 of 31 Old 07-17-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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My DH and I have a 9 week old girl who is exclusively breastfed. I am the SAHP, he works 4 10hr shifts a week on a rotating roster.

When he is home he does most of the nappy changes and settling (if she doesn't fall asleep at the breast). On nights when he starts work at 7:30am the next day then I get her to sleep for the night and do the nighttime parenting, although she mostly dreamfeeds now so I don't usually have to get up overnight. When he doesn't have to start early the next day I get to go to bed early and DH settles J and brings her to bed when she's asleep if she hasn't fed to sleep. He also gets up with her in the morning and lets me have a couple of extra hours sleep.

When he gets home from work he gets changed and takes her to give me a break (if she isn't asleep). When we're at home together he usually takes her after each feed to change/play with/settle whatever she needs.

We try to allow each other to eat with both hands

I think we share the housework fairly evenly, although DH is probably doing a bit more than me at the moment. Usually, I cook on the days he is working and he cooks on his days off.

We try to do most of the grocery shopping on a day off so I don't have to juggle heavy grocery bags and a baby up the stairs. We share the babywearing when we're out.

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#7 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 12:11 AM
 
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Dh works a 9-5 M-F schedule, I'm a SAHM. DS is 8 months old.

DH gets DS when he wakes every morning. He changes him and brings him to me to nurse. On weekdays, he takes DS after he nurses so that I can shower and get dressed before he leaves. When he gets home from work, he takes DS and hangs out with him for the evening. I make dinner (cooking is relaxing for me). DH usually feeds DS while we eat. We'll usually go for a walk or sit on the porch together until bedtime. DH does bathtime every night, then I nurse DS and put him to bed. On the weekends we usually do some fun things together. Often DH will take DS out for a walk or to run errands to give me some down time.

I rarely change a diaper when DH is home. And he's the prefold king.
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#8 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 01:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovumms333238 View Post
He takes her in the morning usually from 9-12 so I can get a little uninterrupted sleep until she needs to nurse and go back to sleep again.
this is a big-time dream of mine.
and the other stuff your dh does ain't so shabby either.
jealous.

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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#9 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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i wohm, dh wah (longer hours). DH has always been awesome about baby care/ home stuff, but since I've been pregnant-- he makes/ or gets, almost all the meals, does all the diaper changing, solid feeding, and bathing and dressing of DS. He also does what little cleaning that get's done around here.

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#10 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 02:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tzs View Post
this is a big-time dream of mine.
and the other stuff your dh does ain't so shabby either.
jealous.


DH plays with DS, and occasionally when DS cries or fusses, he will attempt to fix it, but it doesnt usually work out bc DS usually needs to nurse when he is really upset. I do feel somedays like I do everything.

I will say though, when DS was a newborn, to prob 2 mo, my DH was amazing. He changed diapers in the middle of the night and early morning, he helped me get my pillows arranged to nurse in the middle of the night before I got the hang of sidelying nursing. He really took care of us. I think once that crazy phase ended, and I was 'recovered' PP, he kind of felt like maybe he didnt need to do as much.

Mama to Xavian, born 11-24-09
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#11 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 02:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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TZS & Xavismom
- I know I am super lucky to have DH around during the week, he really is a great help! It took me a couple months to get him to do that for me though, DD is 3months old so its been going on for a month or so and I must say, I am a much happier mama! It makes everything easier on me and DH too. I get that extra bit of rest and I am ready for anything that day.

*Courtney*
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#12 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 10:45 AM
 
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Well, I took 12 weeks maternity leave and DH is taking 8 weeks unpaid right now (his followed mine) so he's home with the baby and does pretty much everything needed. I pump during the day and he feeds 3 bottles while I'm gone. He's very good with organizing the house, too. My big complaint is that he has decided the garage is too far away so a whole bunch of lawn stuff ends up in the Living room when it looks like it's going to rain -like the electric edger, hammock and baby stroller. I don't want this stuff in my living room!

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#13 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 11:18 AM
 
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things kind of fluctuate around here. i will say, he was definitely great during the PP stage, but he was able to take an extended paternity leave because of a lull in a project (normally he works a typical 9-5 m-f schedule) so he was home all the time or maybe at work for 3 to 5 hours. then for a while i felt like i did everything unless i specifically asked him to do it... but now i'm back to feeling a bit better about the balance.

dd is almost 5 months, and a lot more "interesting" these days, so i feel like he's more likely to take her and play with her for extended periods of time than before. i bring her to bed about 5am and we basically nurse and nap straight through until 9am, but he is responsible for changing the diapers and getting me something to drink etc until he goes to work. then when he comes home, he takes her so i can make dinner, and does the dishes while i put her to bed. once a week he puts her to bed so i can go to yoga.

weekends is where we really are starting to see some equality. i only do upkeep housework during the week (unless i magically feel like doing more!), so the weekends are for bigger chores that need doing. these we do together while the baby naps. he is pretty good about doing half of the baby care during the weekend, although i still think it would never occur to him to change a diaper if i didn't ask him how long it had been since her last change or prompt him in some way.

anyway, things are getting better and better around here. being able to leave the house for yoga makes a big difference... i've started doing groceries by myself in the evening too. the one thing i'm really working on is getting dp to take dd OUT by himself... but it's more lack of confidence than lack of willingness i think.
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#14 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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My husband is great with childcare and house help...we make it up as we go along each day. He usually cooks breakfast since I am not a morning person and will deal with my boys (7 and 3) in the mornings while I sleep and nurse my nearly 2 week old. Sometimes he cleans if he sees somethinng needs to be done...or he'll hold play with babe if I want to do it. We appreciate that we're both tired so theres hardly any bickering about cleaning or cooking...we each just do something that needs doing each day and don't worry about the things that don't get done. He changes a dipe if he notices it needs done. I do all the nighttime dipe changing/parenting..I"ll get up anyway if the baby wakes up since we cosleep so no need for both of us to be awake...and then husband is well rested for my older boys in the morning. He helps with laundry but really I try to do it mostly...since I do it right.

He takes care of all the heavy stuff that needs doing while I'm pregnant or PP...like trash or yard work.

We only ever bicker sometimes around the boys bedtime...I do wish he was more proactive about getting them pj-ed and reading to them, brushing teeth etc. His idea of bedtime is saying "guys bedtime." and putting them in bed and turning out the light...that hardly ever works!!!

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#15 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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I have a 3 mo old and a 5 yr old. I'm a SAHM, and DH teaches - so he's been off work since mid-May.

DH does not do any feeding (no bottles here) nor any baby nighttime parenting, but he does do the nighttime parenting of our DS now. They cosleep in one room; babe and I cosleep in another. DH will usually hold DD while I take a shower (not every day though), and he often holds her for a while in the evening. That's about it. I feel like I'm always holding her. She won't nap by herself yet. Not much housework gets done! DH does the dishes a lot, but other cleaning doesn't happen except during the occasions I spend my break moments doing it. I'm often frustrated.

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#16 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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DH has his own business so he works from home 90% of the time which is great! The only issue is that two days after DS was born [he's almost 3 weeks] DH started a huge project, which means he's working basically around the clock and is a bit stressed.

Right now he's doing all the night time parenting for our DD who co-sleeps with us in the big bed. He does stories/jammies/sleeps with her at night and I'm sleeping downstairs with DS because I love nursing on our big comfy couches! In the morning DD normally sneaks down and I do the morning routine, especially if DH has been working late. I don't mind, I know right now it's a little hectic with me nursing so breakfast is like yogurt on the couch but it won't be forever!

It's also great having DH around during the day because he can help with little things I need, let me shower, etc. Weekends we do things as a family and co-parent together as much as possible.

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#17 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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Currently we both work, DH is on a random schedule, some weeks he works 35 hours, some weeks 20. I work 3 nights a week and so he watches our 2 kids those nights.

My DH is a very hands on dad, he has always been great about doing anything and everything he can, we really co-parent. He does put DD to bed, but she is very much a daddy's girl and so that is their thing. I go to bed with DS, he needs to be nursed to sleep and I like to go to bed early, so it works out.

DS is partly EC'd, so most of the time his diapers are just pee, he poos in the potty 95% of the time. Sometimes we miss and one of us has to change a poopy, but it is very rare. DH is a gaggy guy so he hates it, but will do it.

We share housework, I do most of the cooking because I like to, but he does tons of chores, he's awesome.

For us this works great.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#18 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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We pretty much co-parent our 3 month old. We don't have certain jobs with DS (other than nursing for me of course ) and somehow, things just seem to flow well. We both change diapers, play, soothe to sleep for naps, bathe, etc. We both work part time out of the home and are both doing some studying at home.
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#19 of 31 Old 07-18-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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My DH is a SAHD and I work, although we both wish we were in each others' shoes. It's just what we have to do for the time being. But he obviously does everything as far as childcare goes and doesn't complain about it. The man fed our son with an eyedropper for a week when I went back to work since the baby would not take a bottle. He never complains about diapers or anything. He's just totally head over heels for our son and you can tell they have a special bond. I go to work as early as possible so I can be home in the afternoon for quality time. I usually then take the baby and we nurse and play while DH takes care of some things around the house. Then DH makes supper while I feed DS and we have quality time with just the three of us. DH will get the bath ready and I bathe him and do the whole bedtime routine and nurse him to sleep and then I get up with him in the night. I think it's as even as possible considering the hours I'm out of the house.

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#20 of 31 Old 07-19-2010, 10:58 AM
 
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DH is a SAHD for the summer as he works the school district calendar. I work full time year round. When I'm home he generally lets me take over and just waits for me to ask for help. He will offer if he sees me start to get frazzled over a cranky baby but otherwise lets me lead.

Since I had a c-section with a spinal, DH had to do all the diaper changes for the first day as I couldn't get out of bed. He still changes plenty of diapers, helps with baths, and dresses him.

In fact, DS goes to sleep much better for DH than me. I generally try to take all the night shift since we're nursing but if DS won't sleep for me after nursing, DH can generally get him to sleep in 5 minutes. I swear DS would nurse all night if I let him and he seems to understand that if DH is walking him, he should just go to sleep and eat again later.

DH does most of the diaper (and other for that matter) laundry right now but I expect we'll split that more when we're both working full time again this fall. DH does 90% of the dishes and most of the other housework while I'm nursing.

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#21 of 31 Old 07-19-2010, 11:04 AM
 
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He is helpful in many ways. Mostly, he cooks the evening meal for us and washes up. (it wasn't always like this - just very useful and easy for me for the first year or so as little one needs me so much). He helps out around the house as well in other ways - throwing in a load of laundry as needed, etc. He is capable of taking some initiative in that respect lol He also does a lot of activities with our elded son - they both enjoy that a lot. He also helps out with little things here and there - get that for me, put that here, hold this, watch the baby for a minute... Just a few handful of mintues here and there - it is amazing what I can get done in that time if allowed!
DS2 is still very young (12 weeks old) so at the moment he is supporitve in the respect that he knows that mostly only I can meet his needs - so he helps out in the stuff I have been unable to do because of my time spent nursing/etc.

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#22 of 31 Old 07-19-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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My DH actually does a lot with our daughter. I am a SAHM and my husband works close by so he comes home for lunch to give me a break but also to spend time with our daughter. He plays a lot with her, takes her on walks, bathes her, changes diapers and does the bedtime routine up until nursing. If we have a rough night with lots of wakings (I do the nighttime parenting mostly since it involves nursing) he sometimes gets up to do a diaper change though so I can sleep a little. It has been like that pretty much from the beginning. I had to establish the bedtime routine though - otherwise I wouldn't have had time to eat my dinner We both go to the grocery store but my husband does it more often cause it is better for our budget as he sticks just to the list better. Also we don't like to take Olivia to the grocery store - cause of the germs so it works if DH picks up things from the store on his way back from work.

It does sound like we do it pretty even but with a full time job and lots of overtime my husband is out at least 8-10 hours/day so I am talking about the hours that are left of the day.
The household chores we share e.g. DH is responsible for cleaning the bathroom; I am in charge of the kitchen. We both do dinners; whoever does not have the baby at the time prepares the dinner. Olivia is EBF so all the feedings and consoling are on my side but she is almost 6 months now and as she used to nurse all the time and always for a very long time this seems to change: she is getting more efficient and also more distracted. She is more mobile now and rather explores, plays instead of her lengthy nursings

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#23 of 31 Old 07-19-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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I WOH and dh is a SAHD, too. There seem to be a few of us around!
DH does lots, maybe even more than his half.. he cooks, changes diaps, entertains the monkey all day long; we have a start on a farm, so he deals with the animals, veggie garden, some canning/preserving, fencing, etc. and outside stuff. Unfortunately, that leaves all the cleaning to this mama. BOO. I wash the diaps, too. It kind of stinks in that i LIKE doing outside stuff but do not enjoy housework, and he does a bit of that too; the worst thing is it's hard for either of us to find time to do creative things... hopefully that will get better as the monkey becomes more able to self direct her play (don't laugh, i need something to hope for!). We live in a remote area so there's no one to help give us couple time or babysit..

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#24 of 31 Old 07-20-2010, 09:57 AM
 
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I am a sahm mom and my husband works full time outside of the home. My DH is very involved with the kids when he gets home. Usually he comes home around 5:00pm, takes 45-60min by himself to unwind and then comes in and plays with the kids. He loves to hold babies, change diapers, bath, and will put the baby to bed if need be. I do all of the night-time parenting as it's mostly breastfeeding during the night. He doesn't do any of the inside cooking or cleaning, that's my job. However, he does a lot of the outside and "man" chores and is generally helpful with yard-work (which we have a lot of because of our mini-homestead) or building projects.

Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11.  We are planning our next adventure to South America in April 2014!
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#25 of 31 Old 07-20-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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i'm a SAHM until my little bugger is 1 (he's 7 months now), and DH works full-time. when we first had him DH took 2 weeks paternity to help me while i recovered and was a scared momma of a precious bundle. he was very supportive, having been through it twice before. nowadays, when he comes home he takes the baby so i can relax a bit, holds him, or takes a long walk with him and the dog, i get our dinner ready, we eat and he feeds the baby, we get the bath done as a team effort (because it's fun!), then he reads to him and puts him to bed. i do a lot of the shushing and re-settling at bedtime, but he will go in and take care of it if i have my hands full, or the baby is really fussy and is trying to attract ME for comfort nursing. DH changes diapers whenever he notices it needs doing (sometimes at my gentle "wondering aloud"). he does love to feed the baby, now that he's on solids - gives him a role that he didn't have when he was exclusively nursing (he bottle-fed his older kids since his ex was in poor health). we split housework pretty evenly, i think. i do more inside, he does all the yard-work. we also split the finance/house-running stuff. oh, i do all the shopping and laundry, since he can't be trusted to do either . i'm pretty happy with how we have things working, i just wish he could "hear" the baby in the middle of the night - seems to be just me! and often the baby just needs to have the pacifier put back in, so it frustrates me to get up to do that AND then when he actually needs nursing. i'm not sleeping too much at night. but -- i nap with the baby during the day, and he brings home the bacon, so i can't complain.

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#26 of 31 Old 07-20-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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You lucky duckies!

DH and I have our own business and he does that 90% of the time. He'll delay going into work so I can shower, sometimes brings lunch home for us. I work minimally in the business when I can steal a few moments from our 5 mo old. I do all night time parenting and the majority during the week and weekend. DH will jump in if I'm super frustrated with a cranky baby, but that's about it. I do inside housework and he does outside housework. DH's priorities seem to come before mine.

DD#1 arrived 2/7/10!
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#27 of 31 Old 07-20-2010, 10:16 PM
 
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I do all night time parenting and the majority during the week and weekend. DH will jump in if I'm super frustrated with a cranky baby, but that's about it. I do inside housework and he does outside housework. DH's priorities seem to come before mine.
glad im not the only one. I was starting to get depressed.

My DH comes home and takes baby duty or not as his mood dictates. If he does then imake dinner. If he doesnt, then dinner waits until after the baby goes to bed. Weekends i have to ask him to watch the baby, and id better have some reason he deems good (like cleaning). If it interferes w his own plans then it often doesnt happen. When he is watching DS, i have to remind him to check a disper or offer food when i hear him get fussy because he rarely thinks of those things himself.

Ya know, it sounds much worse in black & white than it did in my head...

Cristeen ~ Always remembering our stillheart.gif  warrior ~ Our rainbow1284.gif  is 3, how'd that happen?!?! 

We welcomed another rainbow1284.gifstillheart.gif  warrior in May 2012!! 

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#28 of 31 Old 07-21-2010, 08:41 PM
 
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If he does then imake dinner. If he doesnt, then dinner waits until after the baby goes to bed. Weekends i have to ask him to watch the baby, and id better have some reason he deems good (like cleaning). If it interferes w his own plans then it often doesnt happen.

We must be kindred spirits. This is for us too. I feel like I have to beg to watch baby. Usually DH has "more important" plans. And when he does watch DD he'll sit her on the floor while he works on the computer. Little to no interaction.

Things are starting to get better probably because I've been complaining louder.

DD#1 arrived 2/7/10!
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#29 of 31 Old 07-21-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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My husband is helpful with baby and preschooler care when he is home...
but he is gone from 730 am to about 530-6 pm... and our kids go to bed around 630-730ish.. He does come home for lunch for about 20 min and will change a diaper if I ask. He is great at playing with both kids at lunchtime and on weekends. He gets the baby in the am and brings him to me. I do all the nightime parenting and putting ds down for all naps and bed EVERY night because he has to nurse before he sleeps and in the middle of the night he just nurses and goes back to sleep so it doesnt make sense for him to get up.
He will get up with our preschooler if she needs anything but that is extremly rare. Maybe once every 2-3 months she will need something or wake up in the middle of the night.
I am a SAHM and I do 90 % of the cooking and cleaning but I sort of see that as part of my job since I am the at home parent. He does lots of errands, yard work and will helpful with house stuff if I ask.
If only he could nurse life would be alot easier..... )

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#30 of 31 Old 07-21-2010, 11:09 PM
 
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I work nights and DH works days, so we basically switch off on all the baby care.
I do nighttime care, because DD is Bfed and I don't want her having to take a bottle at night. Plus with me working until 10pm, our nighttime is bonding time.
The only things he doesn't do are nail cutting, getting boogies out and cleaning nooks and crannies (like inside ears). He's afraid he will hurt her.

I forgot to add that DH has a hard time multitasking. When he's caring for DD, housework does not get done. I do both when I'm with her, but we take care of deep cleaning on days off.

Lovin my sweet babygirl 3-17-10love.gif and expecting another in March! love.gif

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