I can't do this anymore/What am I going to do? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Life With a Baby > I can't do this anymore/What am I going to do?
Norasmomma's Avatar Norasmomma 08:17 PM 07-23-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Some people get their periods back at six weeks, nursing exclusively.
I did, with co-sleeping, nursing round the clock, 8weeks PP with DD, 7 weeks with DS, I had a pregnancy scare when DD was 9 months.

I personally think LAM is just not real for a LOT of women, myself included. I'm honestly amazed I never got pg before my planned kids, with how quick my fertility came back.

MovnMama's Avatar MovnMama 08:54 PM 07-23-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dislocator3972 View Post

Wearing her works when DH is around, but she is really uncomfortable for me to wear. She's much taller than my torso and I can't imagine that being more comfortable when I'm more pregnant.
Have you tried wearing DD on your back? It may be worth it to learn - she's at the perfect age. I'm only saying so because it may be helpful to wear her on your back once the new LO is here, as well as when you are more pregnant... She'll still want to be held a lot, I'm sure, and the baby will take a lot of energy, front-wise. My DS loved being carried on my back well after he was two. I'm very short, so wearing him on the front was over for me once he was as long as my torso, too.

If you are in a spot and can't get a proper carrier that works back and front, PM me. I can loan you one of mine and get it to you fairly easily (I'm on the Kenai Peninsula in AK.)
mum4vr's Avatar mum4vr 09:08 PM 07-23-2010




Quote:
Originally Posted by Norasmomma View Post
I have to say in this situation I vote to try to switch to formula, my DD was 2 when I was pg with my second and I can tell you the exhaustion was immense and there is NO WAY I could have bf with the pregnancy. My boobs hurt SO BAD with DS's pregnancy, with DD they never did but with him holy-moly, I thought I'd die if someone touched my boob.

Thing is she may not STTN, you need HELP, like ASAP. I cried nearly every day from shear exhaustion, my DD was 2 and would.not.sleep. and she would.not.nap. it was winter, we were stuck in the house, it was hell on earth. Those first few months of pregnancy were all about survival. Plus I was puking sick or having acid reflux all day long. I had to call in the troops, my family had to take DD so I could rest, is that an option?

I feel ya mama, I'd be getting formula


I totally agree, except I'd be looking into local goat's milk or sheep's milk-- closer to human mama milk, and incidentally tends to make LOs calm and sleeeeepy (esp sheep milk-- higher in those good fats)
Mamabeakley's Avatar Mamabeakley 10:28 PM 07-23-2010
Sarah I just quickly wanted to come back and say how hard it is to really prioritize sleep - our culture is just not set up for it. But I am so much better off in this intense parenting-small-children period when I really make that my #1 priority, above clean anything or entertainment or socialization or even s*x most of the time.

Good luck tonight.
dislocator3972's Avatar dislocator3972 04:32 AM 07-24-2010
Thanks everyone.

I have an ergo and she LOVES being on my back, but mainly because that puts my ponytail within arms reach. If I put my hair up high I do get a little longer before she notices all my short hairs that she can reach. Unfortunately she seems disinclined to sleep in the Ergo. I'm not sure why, she's always slept in there great until the last few weeks.

I really hadn't thought about her being hungry. My supply has always been so over the top. Maybe I'll get either some formula or some whole milk and try it for a night or two and see how she feels. I spoke with her ped last week and he said that while he wouldn't say this for any baby at this age, she'd be fine switching to cow's milk instead of formula. I'll have to check with DH and see what he'd be comfortable with. I've been thinking that I might try to up my supply, pump when she eats solids and try to build up a freezer stash so she can keep getting at least SOME BM until she's a year. Maybe now's the time to start doing that.

I got 2 great naps today, and an ultrasound to see the little one. Feeling very refreshed. Hopefully, tonight will go better than last night, and tomorrow better than that.

One breath at a time.
carmel23's Avatar carmel23 04:52 AM 07-24-2010
Good work, mama. You'll get through it.

Interestingly, when I got preggo with my next kid, I was still nursing the first, but not very much since that child was newly 2, around 26 months.

I had this crazy, instinctual *aversion* sometimes to nursing the toddler, like I couldn't physically stand the touching and chomping on my nipple. Apparently this is quite common--even thinking about it now freaks me out (and I love love love nursing my babies!).

So it probably has everything to do with being pregnant and your body just doing what it does. It sounds like you have a good plan, and will get through it.
RomanGoddess's Avatar RomanGoddess 05:00 AM 07-24-2010
I don't see how weaning to the bottle at this point would do any good. You would just end up with a baby who wanted a bottle 3 or 4 times a night instead of the breast.

I would continue the nightweaning process. 10 months is absolutely okay to sleep all night without nursing breaks. Keep sleeping on the couch. Baby will learn that for restaurant is closed for a certain number of hours per day. Do NOT offer baby bottles of milk during the night - water only.
dislocator3972's Avatar dislocator3972 05:17 AM 07-24-2010
Well, she's asleep. She fought HARD for about an hour, and then when DH had to stop to use the restroom I put her in the Ergo and took her for a walk. Maybe if she gets used to falling asleep on a walk I can figure out how to get her off my back without waking her. Though it will quickly be way too cold to do much walking with a baby.

She had a HUGE dinner tonight, so hopefully that will tide her over until morning.

If my supply is dropping without my knowledge, maybe I can do something about it. I think I'm coming to terms with the idea of supplementing, but even if it means exclusively pumping I want her to have some breastmilk until she's a year.

How exactly does one go about picking a formula? I suppose I should start by taking inventory of what's available in the area?
EdnaMarie's Avatar EdnaMarie 06:34 AM 07-24-2010
How much food is she getting?
GoBecGo's Avatar GoBecGo 01:06 PM 07-24-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dislocator3972 View Post
How exactly does one go about picking a formula? I suppose I should start by taking inventory of what's available in the area?
Yes, i had to wean DD1 at 7months but began supplementing at 5months. I went to shops and found what was available, picked out one i was comfortable with (an organic one for me, but YMMV), and tried her with a tiny bit of it.
OneWithTwo's Avatar OneWithTwo 01:25 PM 07-24-2010
you could try melatonin..I would ask your ped
I struggled with my daughter when she was younger and her ped suggested it and I bought the liquid kind, she was about 10m. She is now 4 and still needs it sometimes.
Super~Single~Mama 04:31 PM 07-24-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dislocator3972 View Post
Well, she's asleep. She fought HARD for about an hour, and then when DH had to stop to use the restroom I put her in the Ergo and took her for a walk. Maybe if she gets used to falling asleep on a walk I can figure out how to get her off my back without waking her. Though it will quickly be way too cold to do much walking with a baby.

She had a HUGE dinner tonight, so hopefully that will tide her over until morning.

If my supply is dropping without my knowledge, maybe I can do something about it. I think I'm coming to terms with the idea of supplementing, but even if it means exclusively pumping I want her to have some breastmilk until she's a year.

How exactly does one go about picking a formula? I suppose I should start by taking inventory of what's available in the area?
I know nothing about BF'ing while pregnant, drop into the breastfeeding forum and post a question there - tons of super knowledgeable women there!

And, Even if you're supplementing, she can still nurse. My suggestion was really just to supplement at night, and nurse during the day if you want, but there are many other ways to do it too. Again, the BF'ing forum is a great place to ask these questions - the women there will have experiences and great advice for you.

You can wean if thats what you want to do - you know whats best for your family - but you don't have to. You just have to decide whats best for your family and go with it.

Good luck!!
kittywitty's Avatar kittywitty 04:46 PM 07-24-2010


I don't know if I would vote to wean until you have taken her to a doctor about the sleep issues and evaluated her for food allergies. Honestly, she sounds like my kids as babies when I had any dairy-and formula will just make that continue. She may not have an allergy, but it's something to consider. But supplementing may be a fact-especially when your pg. My milk supply completely disappeared.
wombatclay's Avatar wombatclay 06:08 PM 07-24-2010
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wombatclay's Avatar wombatclay 06:34 PM 07-24-2010
With my mod-hat off...

BIG HUGE HUGS!

My dd1 was very difficult at night... she would fall asleep nursing and only stay asleep if she was latched on. It was an hour+ every night. I tried everything. Eventually I got a thin booklight and some books and caught up on reading while lying besdie her. But I was missing dh (we worked opposite shifts to avoid having dd1 in care so there were literally a handful of hours we overlapped and being stuck in the bedroom with a fussy kiddo was NOT how I wanted to spend those hours).

Then I got pregnant. We nightweaned because it was just too much (DH took over ALL the night parenting for a week or two). And I limited daytime nursing to specific times/specific lengths (dd1 was 18mo at that point so that bit may not apply). My first thought was that your supply is dropping with the pregnancy hormones and your lo is either hungry or unhappy that she is sucking and not getting much. So increasing solids and adding milk might be a better option than formula given her age.

Despite the horrible pain of pregnancy nursing and the crazy skin crawling aversion I had I did go on to tandem nurse... it got better after dd2 was born.

However, dd2 has a sensory processing disorder... I ended up in therapy because her need to be touching me 24/7 (or she'd scream non-stop) wore me down. There's a reason they use "baby cries" as torture... and when it's your own? It's so painful, and frustrating, and world shattering. With therapy for me and OT/play therapy for dd2 things got better. I'm not saying your lo has SPD, but dd2 was diagnosed at just a year (by early intervention, it's free and they come to your home to do it)... it may be worth exploring along with allergies/food.

I'm so sorry you're facing such a difficult time. Hang in there! You'll get through it, and we're all here to help.
sosurreal09's Avatar sosurreal09 06:51 PM 07-24-2010
DD is almost 10 m/o here and we had the same thing but its getting better. i do babywhisperer. www.babywhispererforums.com its not easy but its better than CIO and it is a sleep training method technically but it works anyways..
Astraia's Avatar Astraia 07:55 PM 07-24-2010
first, big hugs to you.

I got pregnant unexpectedly when my daughter was 5 months old. I had no idea my supply was dropping, but she was waking up at night (like, 20+ times a night), wasn't napping, was nursing constantly to the point where I wanted to scream and pull my hair out and never ever ever nurse a baby again.

I found out I was pregnant and put two and two together. She was hungry, my supply was going and going fast, and she wasn't on solid foods (in your case, your DD may not be eating enough to make up for the difference). There was no obvious change to my supply difference except her constant need to nurse.

From what I've been able to tell, and all the research I've done, there is very little you can do to increase your supply while pregnant. THe hormones that support pregnancy are counter-productive to milk supply. I took the supplement More Milk Two (I think it's called?) and pumped and took fenugreek and etc etc etc and my supply was GONE by 12 weeks. She just dry nursed until my son was born.

Some women have milk through the whole pregnancy, some lose it right away. For most it seems to disappear around the 18-20 week mark.



Anyway, back to your problems- try some formula. NO, it won't make her stop waking up at night, but even nightweaning doesn't guarantee that.

We switched to formula (we tried goats milk, she HATED it), she chugged down 4 oz as fast as she could go, and then napped for 3 hours. She started waking up only 2-3 times at night instead of 20. She stopped nursing all day. And because I got a break, I didn't have that same intense "I hate nursing" feeling, and now I'm able to tandem my two (not to say you WANT to do that, but not nursing al lthe time makes a HUGE difference!)

Good luck!
Amanda Williams's Avatar Amanda Williams 11:12 PM 07-24-2010
I hope things are going better for you today, Sarah. Hugs.
Pookietooth's Avatar Pookietooth 02:32 AM 07-25-2010
I too was wanting to mention SPD, because it turns out my ds has it, and he was a frequent nighttime nurser at times. Also, a friend's ds kept waking every two hours around the clock until she chelated him -- it turned out he had heavy metals in his system that were interfering with his brain development.
Hope it's going better.
Katwoman's Avatar Katwoman 03:08 AM 07-25-2010
Having no idea what your insurance situation is like, I would really recommend taking her in and having her allergy tested. My youngest was an awful sleeper! Just horrible! She'd FINALLY go to sleep and sleep for about 20 mins before waking up screaming for 10 mins before the cycle would begin again. It was awful! She had a list of food allergies. We would have never found them all if we tried an elimination diet - as it was I was off dairy, but that wasn't the worst allergy. sigh .... (I got to the point that when the sun started to go down I would start shaking because I knew it would be time to go to bed. That's a horrible feeling at 4 in the afternoon during the winter time. I called it post traumatic stress. It's no fun and I'm sorry you're going through it.)

We also discovered that the light make it harder for her to go to sleep. We lowered all the shades in the whole house an hour before we wanted her to sleep. It was difficult for the adults because we knew we were missing the sun. But it helped her unwind a bit before the pressure of having to get ready for bed.
dislocator3972's Avatar dislocator3972 04:10 AM 07-25-2010
As much as I hate to admit it, having her evaluated for SPD, allergies/sensitivities, and Vit D deficiency makes sense. I *hate* the thought of telling anyone that something is 'wrong' with her, but if she's processing the world through a filter I don't know about, that's a problem I need to address.

The other night (not sure which one, everything is such a blur) I had been rocking with her for EVER and she was quiet, calm, and awake. WAY too still to be fully awake, but not sleeping either. So I decided to try laying her down awake. Occasionally (before the latest stretch of teeth and milestones making her nurse all night) she would crawl over to me, nurse, then let go and crawl back to her crib at night. I've seen her crawl over to her crib to go to sleep at bedtime too. So I thought, well, I'll just lay her down and see what happened.

silence.

She just laid there, looking sleepily at me.

So I backed away, very slowly, very timidly. More silence.

Eventually I was outside her room just standing there trying to figure out what to do. After a minute or two I decided to go into the bathroom (the next room) and get ready for bed. Either she'll decide that she needs me or go to sleep.

So I walked into the bathroom, put toothpaste on my toothbrush, got the toothbrush into my mouth, and heard her get started. Fuss, fuss, SCREAM - HOLLER - I'M DYING/BLOODY MURDER/IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! Actually, I'm not sure it sounded like anger, it was so crazy intense that I'm not sure I could pair it with a specific emotion. By the time I finished brushing my teeth (which takes what? like 2 minutes?) she was so loud that DH had woken up and gone in there. As soon as his shadow was outlined in the door, she stopped and held up her hands. She had worked herself up to such a height that she had those sniffly-hiccuppy things for like 20 minutes.

Clearly, this is a child with an opinion. And some passion. I think later in life, if she learns to handle them well, those qualities could really serve her greatly. Until then, they'll be turning my hairs grey.

I'm making a point to sleep in and lay down in the afternoon. Even if I am too wound up to sleep. I think once I make exercise a priority again, my own body will be sorted out and then I can work on Addie.

Today she seemed to suddenly get the concept of signing 'more' when she wants food and she did it after nursing for a few minutes. I checked and I do have milk in there, but my let down was slow. Maybe after several months of doing battle with OAL, she's lost the capacity to wait and nurse slowly? Maybe her busy schedule does not permit her to leisurely nurse and empty a less overwhelmingly full breast? I'm going to keep a close eye on my supply, and do what I can to keep it up, hopefully that will help.

As far as solids, her day looks like this:
Breakfast: an egg and toast or a piece of fruit and toast, plus whatever she can glean from our plates

Lunch: 1/2 my mac n cheese, beans and meat from DH's burger, a hot dog bun, or 1/2 a grilled cheese and a portion of my rice and veggies (leftover stir fry)

Dinner: most of a can of peas, ANOTHER slice of bread (what is it with this kid and bread??)

Plus, throughout the day she gets lots of graham crackers, cheese, yogurt, fruit leather, whatever we're eating. Also, I'm only listing what I actually saw her ingest, not what was offered. There is a LOT more that is offered, rejected to the floor, then suddenly desired as soon as we get out the broom.

I have notice over the last few days she's started eating a lot more solids. Suddenly she has patience to sit and eat. I know for a while she would HATE to sit and eat, but then want to nurse as soon as I got her out of the high chair. She would drain a breast in 3-5 minutes, and I think that was more convenient for her. Now, I'm wondering if my slowdown has made eating table food the faster way.

Tonight she will only sleep in the Moby on DH. He's tried several times using several tricks to get her laid down. Now he's just standing, with her sleeping, playing video games, waiting for the courage/endurance/willpower/emotional stability to try laying her down again.

I really, really appreciate everyone's support. It means a lot to me that so many have offered suggestions and help and hugs. Thank you.
ladymeag's Avatar ladymeag 06:10 AM 07-25-2010
Reading your most recent post to my husband, he sighed and said "Yeeees." I'm sorry you are having a rough time of it - I really do wish I had a better answer (for your sake and mine!)

The murder-screaming - the neighbors have asked me about it! I fear what they think we're doing to the kid in here.

If you get allergy testing done, would you mind updating the thread with the results? I have high-deductible insurance and would like to hear a sucess store before I spend money we don't have on the tests.

Good luck!
sosurreal09's Avatar sosurreal09 09:12 AM 07-25-2010
my DD has alot of intolerances and trust me its not fun and she is also a very sensitive spirited child! i KWYM about the screaming bloody murder. i used to describe it as she sounds like she's being stabbed to death! our OLD pead said it was behavioral (she was 3 m/o at the time) its soooooooooooooooooooo hard. shes always been a terrible sleeper too and im lucky if i get a decent nap even if its a co-nap. even if i co-sleep with her she wakes up 2-7 times a night. she does better in the crib sleeping at night so i try to be consistent about putting her back in there after a feed.

i pat her back like a heartbeat to get her to sleep if i know shes not hungry and shes dry and all of that. yes she cries but im right there telling her its ok and i love her and i keep patting until she falls asleep. now shes used to it and i only have to do it for a few mins.

we have a winddown and a pre winddown too. i wear her in the wrap for 15mins before i want to put her down for a nap or bed. that way we have some bonding and she gets sleepy walking around. then i take her out and sing 3 songs to her (fairly long ones) in the rocking chair then i stand up as her eyes are beginning to close and sing twinkle twinkle kiss her on the cheek and whisper i love you baby sweet dreams and put her down in the crib. if she cries i turn her onto her tummy and pat her like above.

also what really helps her is i play a cd all night long/during naps. it has a rain track on it. all it is is pouring rain noise but it helps calm her down and blocks out noises.
maptome's Avatar maptome 10:50 AM 07-25-2010
I apologize, did not read all the posts. The ONLY reason I'm not trying to have a second child right now is because I'm afraid of your situation.

Could you try getting earplugs and taking melatonin yourself and just ignore her? Like, sleep next to her. Let her know you are there, but don't wake up or do anything when she fusses?

I take melatonin, and if DD wakes up before I've slept 3 hours, I usually just sleep through it, and she'll fuss for max 15 minutes and then fall asleep. (or so my husband says from spying on us in the video monitor). Just an idea...
J. Jones's Avatar J. Jones 01:22 PM 07-25-2010
Are you comfortable using pain medication for your DD? Maybe Tylenol or a homeopathic remedy will help her with the teething pain? Does a pacifier work? Not my usual suggestions...but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
wombatclay's Avatar wombatclay 03:18 PM 07-25-2010
I know how hard it can be to hear a diagnosis like SPD (even though it is a VERY "gentle" diagnosis). But just having that diagnosis for dd2 saved us. Literally saved us. I tell people that I love dd2, but that it's a stockholm syndrome sort of love and I'm really not kidding. Her first year nearly destroyed me. There is no way we would have made it as a family without the therapy and understanding that came with that diagnosis. All of a sudden there was a reason. It wasn't that dd2 was manipulative/bad/out of control... it wasn't that I was a bad mom... it wasn't anything we did or didn't do as parents (and I thank the gods she was our second because I knew co-sleeping, comfort nursing, babywearing, etc were not to blame and those were the only things that would stop the crying so if I'd tried to get rid of those...oh my).

Obviously having a diagnosis doesn't change the "reality", but it changes the lens and can give you a little emotional breathing room.

I know that bloody murder scream... actually, I remember being at a well baby visit and having our family practice dr come crashing through the door pulling on gloves because she thought there was an accident victim/serious emergency in our room. And it was just dd2 getting her head measured. And her cry was always that "high stress producing" bones broken blood spurting scream... a whole body cry. Our ped kept offering "there there" comments till I actually brought in a "video" of my going into the bathroom for a moment... dh filmed her with my phone as she screamed and banged on the closed door. The ped watched the video and immediately said "yeah, that's not normal" and EI was at our home a week later. DD2 was diagnosed with SPD and anxiety and started therapy 3days/week. After a year of this play therapy the difference was amazing! Not that dd2 is "cured" or anything like that, but we've all learned so much about how to adapt.

Actually, you may want to see if you can find books like "Early Intervention Games", "Raising a Sensory Smart Child" (my fav), or "Parenting a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder" and check out websites like SPD.com and Sensory Nanny (which is very btdt/friendly). These resources are actually great for any family, and might be helpful even if your LO doesn't have any limiting sensory issues (all people have sensory quirks... it's only when they limit life/opportunities that it's a problem).

Hang in there...
Lauren31's Avatar Lauren31 05:17 PM 07-25-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by maptome View Post
Could you try getting earplugs and taking melatonin yourself and just ignore her? Like, sleep next to her. Let her know you are there, but don't wake up or do anything when she fusses?
I think this sounds quite dangerous personally. Dislocator, I think you have a good plan going with your DH... I just want to give you a . While my baby was fussing tonight I was thinking of you guys and wanted you to know I am pulling for your DD to get some rest so you can as well.
sosurreal09's Avatar sosurreal09 08:57 AM 07-27-2010
i agree with PP. i think SPD may be a stretch as well...i mean shes too young to know IMO.
geo_girl's Avatar geo_girl 12:30 PM 07-27-2010
no solid advice here.

Just offering my support & best wishes.

Every night I say a prayer for sleep for our family, and also for everyone else struggling with little ones and sleep.

I hope that you find some helpful answers soon,
charlene
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