Am I just being a nervous nelly? / Update - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 02:08 PM
 
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i don't think that i would be ready to leave my son for a night at that age ( he is only 10 months)

I am thinking though if your hotel is near your moms house could you compromise? Maybe drop dd off and go have a night on the town with DH, a nice dinner then maybe some alone time for a few hours at the hotel. Then maybe go pick your daughter up later in the evening and take her back to the hotel with you? Would still be a nice little vacation without the worry!

Postpartum Doula mama to Tristan born 10/09
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#32 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Carley View Post
I know you've already had a bagillion cents about this, but I thought I'd add mine...



Totally. For me the first time around it was easy to underestimate how much time we were spending as husband and wife rather than as our new identities of first-time-parents. It definitely caught up to us (especially being first time parents of a colicky baby) & we finally realized that weekly time for just us was super important to our relationship. We still take a "cocktail hour" for ourselves when DH gets home. No matter what's going on, it can wait. If we're not solid with one another everything else falls apart.

We're about to have our first overnight this Saturday - DD2 is 4+ months old now & a superchunk - I can't say I'm completely without those "what if.." thoughts (& I'll definitely think about her while we're out) but I know she's not going to starve, and as far as I'm concerned it "Takes a Village." I want her to grow up with multiple caretakers & building that early is important to us. If the ultimate "what if" happened I want both my girls to know their family is there.

We instituted sleepovers early with DD1 & now she has a WONDERFUL relationship with our extended family & knows that any one of us can fufill her needs. She never went through the "Seperation anxiety" phase with the family. She could be with Grandma as easily as she would with me.

Everyone is different, but I think most of us with partners will do good to spend alone-time with them, especially overnight alone time!

SO excited!!!
I really agree with this. I never shared care of my first daughter with anyone, and she learned to be very clingy with me--even still is now at age 9. I made sure I wouldn't repeat my mistake with our 2nd daughter, and she is very outgoing and friendly--I feel because of this effort. I didn't have her stay the night with her grandmother until age two, but she did have other caregivers from very early on. And she still loves Mommy best.

Have fun!!

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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#33 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 06:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jacqui View Post
i don't think that i would be ready to leave my son for a night at that age ( he is only 10 months)

I am thinking though if your hotel is near your moms house could you compromise? Maybe drop dd off and go have a night on the town with DH, a nice dinner then maybe some alone time for a few hours at the hotel. Then maybe go pick your daughter up later in the evening and take her back to the hotel with you? Would still be a nice little vacation without the worry!
That is what I was thinking also!
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#34 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jacqui View Post
i don't think that i would be ready to leave my son for a night at that age ( he is only 10 months)

I am thinking though if your hotel is near your moms house could you compromise? Maybe drop dd off and go have a night on the town with DH, a nice dinner then maybe some alone time for a few hours at the hotel. Then maybe go pick your daughter up later in the evening and take her back to the hotel with you? Would still be a nice little vacation without the worry!
What a great idea!

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#35 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Jacqui View Post
i don't think that i would be ready to leave my son for a night at that age ( he is only 10 months)

I am thinking though if your hotel is near your moms house could you compromise? Maybe drop dd off and go have a night on the town with DH, a nice dinner then maybe some alone time for a few hours at the hotel. Then maybe go pick your daughter up later in the evening and take her back to the hotel with you? Would still be a nice little vacation without the worry!
This is probably what we will end up doing. I told my mom that if I didn't feel 100% comfortable with leaving her overnight, this would be the compromise. She took it very well and said that what ever made us comfortable that's what she wants us to do. She also said that she will cherish any time with DD even if it is only a couple of hours.

Mama to Madelynn 8/16/2009 and awaiting buggy #2 March/2011 , partner to DH

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#36 of 41 Old 07-29-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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We've never left my 16 month old overnight, and don't want to, even now (and he's weaned and STTN). I do think if you trust your mom and are close by everything will be fine. But you're not being a nervous nelly, you just love your LO I would do what you think is best...if you'll enjoy a night away, by all means take it. But if you'll be too nervous and miss your little one, I would wait until you're more comfortable.

Jennie, mama to Wyatt (3/25/09) and Emma (11/22/10) novaxnocirc.gifhomebirth.jpg
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#37 of 41 Old 08-09-2010, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone for all of your replies. We ended up going and having a great time, we really needed it. Our Little buggy loved staying with her grandma and my mom was so helpful sending us text updates frequently throughout the night. She also texted when DD woke at 1:30 to eat, and at 2:30 when she was sound asleep again (I slept right through those ). I did wake at about 3:30 in a panic, but checked my messages, pumped and went right back to sleep.

No crying or fussing, a little confusion, but that's to be expected. I feel so great, not only because I got a good nights rest and some much needed time with DH, but because I feel like DD feels secure. My mom said that every now and again she would stop and look around, looking for us, and my mom would say, 'mommy and daddy will be back tomorrow, we all love you' and she would go back to playing. I know a big part of AP is staying close to your LO and I completely love that, but I think another great benefit, at least in our case with THIS child, is that it has provided her with confidence and security.

Anyway, thank you all again!

Mama to Madelynn 8/16/2009 and awaiting buggy #2 March/2011 , partner to DH

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#38 of 41 Old 08-10-2010, 08:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by candelaria80 View Post
I know a big part of AP is staying close to your LO and I completely love that, but I think another great benefit, at least in our case with THIS child, is that it has provided her with confidence and security.
Glad to hear you had a great time and it worked out well for your LO and mom together.

AP is very much about being close to your LO, but AP does not mean that you cannot leave him or her (in s.one else's loving hands) ever. Honestly, before I had a baby I envisioned never having him off of my physical body for at least the first six months. But now that I am in it, I realize that a.) he doesn't want physical contact 24/7 and b.) I need some space for myself too sometimes. As far as I'm concerned there's nothing at all wrong with leaving a baby with loving family members (provided they are in-line with your parenting ways) and taking some time away. In fact, I think it makes some of us better parents and it helps our babies bond with their grammas/aunties/etc. As long as you feel right about it and the baby seems ok with it, it can be a really good thing.

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Multicultural living in Europe
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#39 of 41 Old 08-10-2010, 11:00 AM
 
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Wow, that's really awesome! The point of all the AP stuff is to get your baby to the point where she feels happy and safe with another loving caregiver! You did it! And you got some time to yourselves. I am very happy for you.

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
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#40 of 41 Old 08-10-2010, 11:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by candelaria80 View Post
Thank you everyone for all of your replies. We ended up going and having a great time, we really needed it. Our Little buggy loved staying with her grandma and my mom was so helpful sending us text updates frequently throughout the night. She also texted when DD woke at 1:30 to eat, and at 2:30 when she was sound asleep again (I slept right through those ). I did wake at about 3:30 in a panic, but checked my messages, pumped and went right back to sleep.

No crying or fussing, a little confusion, but that's to be expected. I feel so great, not only because I got a good nights rest and some much needed time with DH, but because I feel like DD feels secure. My mom said that every now and again she would stop and look around, looking for us, and my mom would say, 'mommy and daddy will be back tomorrow, we all love you' and she would go back to playing. I know a big part of AP is staying close to your LO and I completely love that, but I think another great benefit, at least in our case with THIS child, is that it has provided her with confidence and security.

Anyway, thank you all again!


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Wife to my of 10 years, SAHM to my 2 beautiful homebirthed girls Sydney (4/29/2006) Kennedy (3/21/2010) & 1 super Newfoundland
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#41 of 41 Old 08-10-2010, 11:49 AM
 
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I'm so glad it was a great experience!!

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