Am I "creating a monster"? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 08-03-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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I have to agree with nextcommercial and tzs, in particular. It sounds like you're fine with the situation so you don't necessarily need to change anything. BUT have you considered that your situation could change and it may not be as easy to wake every hour and such? For example, what if you get pregnant? During my first tri with my DS, I could not keep my eyes open once it hit 7 PM and I'd sleep for 12 hours! The exhaustion was horrible and I know that I would not be able to deal with a LO waking every hour and neither would DH. If, for whatever reason you could not do all the things you do now, then you have "created a monster" of a situation.

I don't think you need to push STTN but it wouldn't be a bad idea to begin researching and implementing some things now to ease your LO into the process. I will also say that I moved my DS into his crib and that night he woke up half as often. Ever since then, he has consistently slept better. He still wakes ocassionally but it's gone from 5+ times a night to once or twice, a few times a week. Believe it or not, my DS prefers to sleep alone most of the time and co-sleeping was not good for him.

ETA: I want to rephrase my last statement. At 6 months, co-sleeping was no longer appropriate for my DS. As he got bigger and more active, sharing a bed with two adults wasn't comfortable for him. He would get too hot and he noticed every time one of us rolled over. He was constantly turning and kicking us away from him. So I moved him to his own space and he slept so much better.

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#32 of 40 Old 08-03-2010, 10:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by newmomroxi View Post
I have to agree with nextcommercial and tzs, in particular. It sounds like you're fine with the situation so you don't necessarily need to change anything. BUT have you considered that your situation could change and it may not be as easy to wake every hour and such? For example, what if you get pregnant? During my first tri with my DS, I could not keep my eyes open once it hit 7 PM and I'd sleep for 12 hours! The exhaustion was horrible and I know that I would not be able to deal with a LO waking every hour and neither would DH. If, for whatever reason you could not do all the things you do now, then you have "created a monster" of a situation.
This kind of thinking really doesn't work for me. What if, what if, what if...Well, what if then? What if you get cancer and die? Maybe you should put your baby in daycare now, to ease the into that transition, just in case. What if you get some rare disease and have to go on some medication that would prevent you from breastfeeding? Maybe you should go ahead and get the baby used to formula, so it won't be so hard on his little tummy to go from exclusive bf to exclusive formula, just in case.

If it's working for her, she doesn't need to change it just because something might happen, maybe, possibly, somewhere down the line. You could recommend someone be prepared for ANY possibility with that kind of reasoning. Now, if she's actually planning a pregnancy or a return to work or some other thing that might require her to get more sleep, that's one thing, but saying someone needs to change something just in case something might happen...well ANYTHING might happen. Why not prepare for all that, too? She should do whatever feels right and works for her and her situation, not sit around planning for every possibility that might cause her situation to change, even if none of them are in the works right now.
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#33 of 40 Old 08-04-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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plummeting, you've taken what I've said and thrown it down a slippery slope. OP asked if she is creating a monster and I'm simply saying that if her situation changed even slightly then yes, she is "creating a monster". I never said anything about her getting cancer or some horrible disease, or whatever it is you are suggesting. (While those things are unlikely, they're not outside the realm of possibility and the solutions you suggested like daycare and formula aren't the end of the world. But that's beside the point.) Plenty of women have gotten pregnant when they weren't planning to (me included, while on birth control no less!) so my example of an unexpected thing happening wasn't as ridiculous as you are trying to make it seem. You also completely ignored when I said that
Quote:
It sounds like you're fine with the situation so you don't necessarily need to change anything.
and also
Quote:
I don't think you need to push STTN
I was suggesting to OP that she should go on as she is, but look into some options and gain some knowledge about a different way of doing things. It's not b/c I think what she's doing is wrong, I actually think of her as quite a superwoman! I just want her to inform herself so that if she feels differently, she can feel comfortable with making changes.

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#34 of 40 Old 08-04-2010, 05:15 PM
 
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***off topic***

as a woman who has battled cancer (found out during pregnancy, started treatment at 2 months after DS's birth), I found the comments about cancer, formula and sleep rather funny...albeit in a dark sort of way.

More power to the original poster if you can handle waking every hour through the night...that sort of a schedule would send me spriralling into depression and anger.

If it is working for you, then that's fine...if not, perhaps start by putting baby down in a crib.

hope everything sorts itself out
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#35 of 40 Old 08-04-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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All kids are different. My DD was a 3 hour kid-3 on/3 off...she took great naps and really didn't STTN until oh 2+, there are nights she still wakes up and she's almost 4.

Her brother on the other hand has pretty much STTN since birth. I had to wake him up to nurse because he slept 7 hours at a couple days old.

Some kids sleep, some don't.

In your case I would try to gently partial night wean. Maybe you could get some more sleep with less interruptions.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#36 of 40 Old 08-04-2010, 06:12 PM
 
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Waking up every hour at night is a lot at that age, unless it's a short period where he's sick or growth spurting. It's not healthy for him and it's not healthy for you.
I disagree. Every baby is different with unique needs. Nursing all night long is not unhealthy for a baby - yes, it's tough on mama (trust me, I did it with DD) but it's not unhealthy or wrong. It's obviously something that he needs, whether for comfort or nutrition or both.

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#37 of 40 Old 08-04-2010, 07:02 PM
 
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I would look into medical issues that could be causing such frequent night waking. Food intolerances, sleep apnea, sensory integration issues all can cause sleep issues. Do you already have blackout curtains in his and your bedrooms? Darkness is important. And white noise? I have an air purifier running all the time in our bedroom. I nurse dd down but she sleeps just fine, most nights only waking once during the night. Sleep training is such bull, in my mind it just creates hard hearted moms. At least, I would feel cold hearted doing such a thing, and that's important. Some kids do sleep better than others from the start (ds woke a lot more and nursed a lot -- had to use to disposable diapers on him at night he peed so much). He just needed more cuddles than dd does I think.
I think that waking up every hour all night long is probably hard on both baby and mom -- without getting to rem sleep, the baby may be not very well-rested.

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#38 of 40 Old 08-05-2010, 12:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by newmomroxi View Post
plummeting, you've taken what I've said and thrown it down a slippery slope. OP asked if she is creating a monster and I'm simply saying that if her situation changed even slightly then yes, she is "creating a monster". I never said anything about her getting cancer or some horrible disease, or whatever it is you are suggesting. (While those things are unlikely, they're not outside the realm of possibility and the solutions you suggested like daycare and formula aren't the end of the world. But that's beside the point.) Plenty of women have gotten pregnant when they weren't planning to (me included, while on birth control no less!) so my example of an unexpected thing happening wasn't as ridiculous as you are trying to make it seem.
Actually, I wasn't trying to make anything sound ridiculous. Having just lost a relative to cancer, I don't particularly find cancer at all ridiculous. Having had a friend need to begin a medication contraindicated for breastfeeding, while her baby was a nursing infant, I don't particularly find that at all ridiculous either. My point was that anything actually is possible (well, anything within the realm of possibility). Not ridiculous. Possible. Therefore, if one is to say that the OP should plan for situation X, because it's possible, then why not go ahead and plan for all sorts of situations, since they are also possible (again, not ridiculous, but possible).

Additionally, I never suggested that daycare or formula were bad. To say so is to say that your own original post suggested that finding an alternative to the current sleep arrangement is bad. Any of those three would be alternatives to a status quo. There's no value judgment inherent in pointing out alternatives.


Quote:
You also completely ignored when I said that
and also

I was suggesting to OP that she should go on as she is, but look into some options and gain some knowledge about a different way of doing things. It's not b/c I think what she's doing is wrong, I actually think of her as quite a superwoman! I just want her to inform herself so that if she feels differently, she can feel comfortable with making changes.
I wasn't ignoring the rest of your post. I was voicing my disagreement with the portion of your post with which I disagreed. If the OP is concerned about some future change in situation, then that's one thing, but she did not say that she was worried about what might happen if her situation changed. Essentially what happened was that you told her that maybe she should worry about what would happen if her situation changed. Heck, you even capitalized the whole word, "BUT" when you went on to tell her what, exactly, she might need to worry about.

Anyway, whatever. She can decide for herself what she needs to worry about, with no help from the rest of us. We all do it every day. <shrug>
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#39 of 40 Old 08-05-2010, 02:14 AM
 
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I value sleep and there for I simpily provide the bedtime arrangments that give us the best sleep and I change those as needed... SO like for my LO she does "best" in her crib so oh 85% of the time bedtime for her is bath nursing and crib where she'll sleep an average of 10 hours then come into bed with me till I'm ready to get up for the day.. But then we have days where shes might wake up an hour after putting her down and cosleep/nurse all night long I sleep she eats/sleep its all good... other times she needs to be more upright or wants more rocking ect so I'll let her settle in her rocker and kinda side car it shes that way tonight.... I don't worry that her nursing all night today will mean nursing all night tommorow or that starting her in a crib means she will always sleep well alone.
But then I also have the 7 yer old you totaly goes to bed on her own with out fighting or fussing and reasonable times (8:30 school night 10pm weekends) but might sleep in her bed in the nursey on the extra bed on the couch on the floor in a sleeping bag sometimes shes settles with a finial cartoon on the tube other days with books other times in a pitch dark room with no sound at all....

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#40 of 40 Old 08-08-2010, 08:21 PM
 
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hmmm, this is a very interesting thread!! I would say that that is a lot of waking up, but then my DD wakes up several times a night to nurse-her schedule varies due to her teething. She has STTN once or twice, but it is so rare that I actually woke up thinking that something was wrong with her. She generally goes to bed around 10 pm, and if I go to bed too (we cosleep) she doesn't wake up until around 2, nurses and then goes back to sleep. Then she will usually wake up once or twice before 6 a.m. to nurse. When she wakes up in the morning, usually around 8, she nurses again..That said, her schedule is subject to change at any time. She is almost 11 months and teething, so I don't expect her to SSTN because teething hurts. There are nights that it seems she nurses all night, and let me tell you, those are some long nights! But I agree with one poster, that you should follow the baby's lead for the first year, because fighting with the baby is a losing proposition-they are holding all the cards. I am reading up on nightweaning now, because I want to be in a good position to start when DD is around 15 months. I am also planning on getting a toddler bed now and starting to transition her into it for naps. I am going to keep it next to the bed so that when she wakes to nurse I will be right there.But she is getting too big to be in the bed with us-she is hot and she kicks my DH all night. He has sleep apnea and needs to get as much sleep as possible. Anyway, you are doing fine, just follow your DC's cues and listen to your baby!! Good luck.

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