"Is she a good baby?" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 44 Old 08-14-2010, 12:02 AM
 
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This question never bothered me until I birthed my LO who doesn't STTN and didnt like to be held by just anyone for awhile. Now it just irritates me.lol

First-time mama due on Dec 3rd 2009!
Update: Baby girl born Nov 19th!
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#32 of 44 Old 08-14-2010, 02:02 AM
 
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I say, "all babies are good, but mine is good and easy".

Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11.  We are planning our next adventure to South America in April 2014!
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#33 of 44 Old 08-14-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 1stTimeMama4/4/10 View Post
Anyone who would seriously ask me a question like that doesn't want a truthful answer. I just say yes, I love her dearly and that's the end of that. For people who really care about what our experience has been, they either already know because we are close, or our conversation gradually meanders around to the information they are curious about without asking such a broad silly question about whether my baby is "good."
I completely disagree. It's not fair to assume that people don't care because they have a different cultural bias or vocabulary than you. They aren't psychic--they don't know how you want to be asked. For some people, it's not broad and silly, it's shorthand for something that perhaps you don't know.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. They might pleasantly surprise you. It's better than starting out disappointed.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#34 of 44 Old 08-15-2010, 03:12 AM
 
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As a whole the question doesn't bother me.. I know in most cases its innocent and a light hearted question and not at ALL meant to imply good/bad.... UNLESS my MIL asks... so when she asked I (and DH) looked at her and asked so what exactly is a BAD baby?
Ohh you know ones that cry all the time and always want to be held and demand feedings all day long
So our response to her is well in that case yes she is bad horrible in fact so bad you should leave our home right now bad
BTW our BAD baby was 3 weeks when shes first asked...
Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
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#35 of 44 Old 08-15-2010, 03:49 AM
 
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BTW our BAD baby was 3 weeks when shes first asked.
My babies didn't cry all the time or demand to be fed all the time and I had at least half the day when I could set them down and do stuff. Not even as newborns.

I feel certain neither of us would trade our children for anything in the world, but can you understand that she is really asking if you're having an easy or a hard time?

I can only assume that there is a long backstory with your MIL to make you read so much into what she is saying.

I think it's okay to admit that something is HARD and some people are hard to be around, even if they are your kids or husband. People are different. To say otherwise is either an indication that someone is in denial, or unsympathetic to people that have more high-needs babies, or completely aloof. Because no matter how Zen you are, if your baby is screaming bloody murder, feeling "at peace" with that, and "at peace" with sleep deprivation, and "at peace" with the fact that your other kids are not getting nutritious food, then there is a problem.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#36 of 44 Old 08-15-2010, 09:15 AM
 
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I just reply with "Actually, she's a fantastic baby." Then I go on and on about how she is so pleasant and smiley, sleeps 9hrs straight overnight, rarely fusses, her brothers love her etc. and they either start to look bored or suspicious, some people must think I'm fibbing.
I also make sure to always point out that my boys were excellent babies too, slept well, were happy etc.

I suppose if I had a colicky baby I'd resent the comment more, but I like it...it's an excuse to gush about my children to complete strangers

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#37 of 44 Old 08-15-2010, 04:31 PM
 
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This happens to me often. I think it's because dd has such a vibrant personality for a 7 month old. She's outgoing, friendly, and on the move. When people ask me this I know they wonder if I'm getting enough sleep/downtime with such an obviously active baby. At first I was surprised by the question. But now I just smile real big and say of course. Because in my opinion even if she never slept at all she'd be perfect. And I don't agree with the whole good girl/bad girl praise or disipline tactic. I think it can be damaging. So (hopefully) sweet miss goo will never hear me say or imply that she is anything other than good. The one I have issue with is the whole "pretty girl" thing. I want her to value how smart, strong, brave, and kind she is.
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#38 of 44 Old 08-15-2010, 06:58 PM
 
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Aaaah, the "good baby" question! One of my pet peeves!!

Is she good? As opposed to bad? What does that question even mean?? (And yes, I suppose I know what people really mean. Is the baby easy? But easy doesn't equal good. My first was sooooo difficult, but I would never have called her "bad.")

USUALLY, I simply say, "Of course! All babies are good, aren't they?"

But sometimes, if I'm in a really snarky or sarcastic mood, I say, "Oh no. She's terrible!! Really, really awful, to tell you the truth. Thanks for asking, though."

Mom to dd (8), ds (6), and dd (1)

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#39 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 12:09 AM
 
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I just say, "No, she is evil."

If they ask whether she is sleeping through the night I say, "No, of course not."

It really depends on who is asking though.

Wife to Matt, Mama to DD Elliot (12/31/09). We familybed1.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomebirth.jpgcd.giffly-by-nursing1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif
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#40 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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I can only assume that there is a long backstory with your MIL to make you read so much into what she is saying.
As far as was she concernedd umm no.. Margaret has actually always been a "good" baby in that sense when she came to see the baby at 3 weeks she was a calm baby and baby that was already naturally sleeping at least 5-6 hour stretches at night who was happy and content most of the day and who even tollorated the arm of others as long as mama was close.. I have quite easy going kids...

My MIL however is nuts.. I could go on forever in the stupid insulting and belittling ways she likes to intrude onto our lifes..

Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
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#41 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 09:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by octobermom View Post
As far as was she concernedd umm no.. Margaret has actually always been a "good" baby in that sense when she came to see the baby at 3 weeks she was a calm baby and baby that was already naturally sleeping at least 5-6 hour stretches at night who was happy and content most of the day and who even tollorated the arm of others as long as mama was close.. I have quite easy going kids...

My MIL however is nuts.. I could go on forever in the stupid insulting and belittling ways she likes to intrude onto our lifes..

Deanna
Yeah... that's what I wrote... a long backstory with your MIL.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#42 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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I normally don't get asked if he's good; rather people say "he's such a good baby!" I just say thanks. Usually in the context, they are commenting on how cheerful and easygoing he is; he doesn't mind being passed around to various people, still at 9 months.

I do get asked the STTN question, and I say, we sleep well. I also say, well we are nursing, so he usually eats at least once at night. but yes, we all get plenty of sleep.

Now people are asking when we are having #2, and I am like, geez, he is only 9 months old people!! and seriously, there is only so much control I have over that anyway.

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

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#43 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 10:32 AM
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Well, I'm on baby #3 and I would consider her my only "good" baby. She only wakes once or twice a night for about 5 minutes of nursing, and is rarely fussy during the day or night. Compared to my boys who would scream for no reason for half an hour or more, and had to be latched on ALL.NIGHT.LONG, she's awesome. Of course I love them all and thankfully, they're big kids now who sleep all night in their own beds and rarely cry for no reason, but I'm not going to pretend all babies act the same! No one's asking "Is she good or evil?" they're just asking "Is she easy?"
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#44 of 44 Old 08-16-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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Is anyone else thinking, this is a fascinating piece of evidence for people studying linguistic and cultural shifts related to guilt and shame cultures? I do!

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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