Do people make you feel stupid for not CIO? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-09-2010, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,225
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My youngest is 9 months old and still wakes several times a night. I am used to it by this point but some days it's waking at 4, 5, 6, 7 and then I'm up. That is taking it's toll.

I don't really go out of my way to talk about her nighttime sleeping because I have noticed people get almost irritated with her...

So now I had someone look at her and say "You have a rude awakening coming, lo. Mom's gotta let you CIO soon so enjoy this while you can!" and today a mom was asking me if I fed her every time she woke (a very popular question). I said no but otherwise I gave her her binky or rocked her back to sleep. Then I got the "chuckle" and she said "Well do you just let her cry?" and then said baby would realize "mom's not coming to get her so there's no point waking up."

I always get a feeling like people think I'm missing the "obvious" answer to what they perceive as a problem. Like: "Duh! Just let them cry, problem solved!"

I guess I really should just keep my mouth shut about the whole thing.

Vent over....

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-09-2010, 11:30 AM
 
NewMom610's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 26
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I deal with this and my son is only 2.5 months old!

Where I live people are either very into attachment parenting or the complete opposite. Admittedly, my friends are a mixed lot, but a few have had "success" with Babywise. They aren't pushy about it, but one did buy me the book last week after I said baby woke 6 times one night!

I just try to ignore it. Everyone means well. Even my parents have brought it up, but I just tell them that there are lots of ways to parent and we have chose a different way. None is better than the other...blah blah blah.

I'm going to try to not say anything any more. I just don't understand CIO, and if you preface it by saying, "It was SO HARD to listen to him cry for an hour..." you aren't exactly encouraging me to try it.

SAHM to a boy (2010) and a girl (2012).
NewMom610 is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 11:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,225
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMom610 View Post
.

I'm going to try to not say anything any more. I just don't understand CIO, and if you preface it by saying, "It was SO HARD to listen to him cry for an hour..." you aren't exactly encouraging me to try it.

So true, the person who told baby she'd be CIO has done it and still does, every nap and nighttime...going on about 6 months...so I don't see it "working" anyway.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 11:58 AM
 
mumkimum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio-land
Posts: 2,863
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've found this is just something just better not talked about unless you have a lot of strength to deal with other people (so save your complaints to vent on MDC) this is true even sometimes among those who don't do CIO. My older dd was like yours, for about 2 years (maybe more? I try not to remember. . .). I offer you and .



You can also say "uh, of course she wakes up still. . . she's x old" (as in an 'everyone knows that' tone). Because it's true.
mumkimum is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:14 PM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
not stupid, but maybe a softie; I just can't do it. When it comes up, that is how I explain it, same with co-sleeping, I just say "we aren't ready yet for baby to leave the bed" we meaning DH, DS, and I.

when it comes to CIO though, I just say, I enjoy nursing, rocking to sleep. I won't get to do this forever, so I enjoy it while it lasts. I will miss it one day.

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:21 PM
 
P.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,546
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein View Post
So true, the person who told baby she'd be CIO has done it and still does, every nap and nighttime...going on about 6 months...
My stomach sank as I read that. It's tremendously heartbreaking to think of all the babies screaming alone. *shudders*
But yeah, in just a few months I've learned not to discuss sleep issues or cosleeping ("You'll never get him out of your bed") with people. I can't wait to see what happens when I'm still BFing after age 1
Good thing we have MDC!

Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
P.J. is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:23 PM
 
kittywitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 13,061
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Wow. No, I haven't. I live in a very "non-crunchy" area and have still never had comments like this made to me. I would probably say something really snarky and rude back.

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

kittywitty is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:50 PM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've had these comments made to me, both by people in non-crunchy area I live in, and in our family. At first, I was really snarky about it, now I just outright ignore it. When people ask me if she sleeps through the night I simply reply , "yep". If they dont know me well enough to know my policies, I dont feel bad lying to them about her sleep habits. Same with "is she a good baby?".."yep" (because I dont think there are any bad babies, but i just dont tell them that)

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,225
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by P.J. View Post
My stomach sank as I read that. It's tremendously heartbreaking to think of all the babies screaming alone.
He's 21 months now and still cries for 45 mins for bed each night. She says you have to develop the "policy" of throw them in the crib and run away. She and her dh actually slept in the basement for a few nights when they were first doing this because it was hard to sleep through the screaming.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 03:06 PM
 
Ruby2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 309
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
People are insane. That's the only logical solution that I can come to on this subject. My MIL thinks that I am very specifically insulting her by refusing to use CIO. She has decided it is the same thing as saying she was a bad mom. It's best to just avoid brining it up if at all possible. I told her the subject is off the table.

To respond to your question, no, they don't make me feel dumb. They make themselves look dumb!
Ruby2 is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 03:24 PM
 
octobermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 5,456
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I've really never delt with anyone saying I should CIO I have known ones that do. My brother but so far no real push for me to do it. I've always had a good sleeper though so its not a subject that comes up..
Oh I guess I have heard it from my MIL but she is a nut

Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
octobermom is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 09:53 PM
 
Tattooed Hand's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Berlin
Posts: 1,079
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
It is exactly as Ruby says - people think you are attacking them personally because they did CIO. When people ask me why I don't do it, and I tell them I think it's cruel, they get all defensive. so I don't say anything but at the same time everyone acts like I am some extremeist matyr. Or else, I should shut up about being tired. Ugh.

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
Tattooed Hand is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 10:09 PM
 
SilverFish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
around the one person i know for sure has "sleep trained" their baby and had it "work" i.e. the baby goes down every night at 7pm and sleeps until 7am without out a bit of fuss, i kind of know what you mean about feeling like an idiot. but honestly, the baby might not cry now, but i'm pretty sure there were a few rough nights in the beginning, and if the baby has that kind of sleep pattern, chances are he would have started sleeping that long anyway with gentler methods or no method at all. and the once or twice i have witnessed him having a hard time falling asleep, i just feel bad for both of them. she could save herself a lot of work by just going into him as soon as he starts crying, instead of waiting to see how long he'll go on.

i just have to remind myself that cio isn't an option for me. actually, i'm more or less against any sleep "method"... so we just take sleep as it comes and don't worry about it too much. we have a few bad nights here and there, but they're always linked to something... if I'M allowed to have a few sleepless or cranky nights, surely my 6 month old is entitled to them!
SilverFish is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 10:29 PM
 
nsmomtobe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 1,221
Mentioned: 12 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
Yes. I have been told by so many friends, family members, and health professionals that getting them to CIO in a crib is the *only* way he will ever learn to sleep through the night and that co-sleeping is dangerous and unhealthy.

When my doctor told me that the evidence was clear on this issue, I asked for more information on the research. He backtracked and said, "well, it's certainly not as clear as, say, the research on treating pneumonia with antibiotics, but... it's my opinion..." and I said, "Exactly. It's your opinion." But then I get to listen to CIO "success" stories and I have to keep looking up the reasons not to do it because it can be frustrating to hold such an unpopular position, especially when sleep-deprived. My DH wants me to send him links now because his friends have started in on him and he wants to defend our anti-CIO position.

Now mom to a boy born January 2010. 
Cautiously expecting Dec 2014!

 12/08 (6 weeks),  1/13 (11 weeks), &  12/13 (9.5 weeks)
nsmomtobe is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 10:35 PM
 
LeaPea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My FIL just gave me the CIO talk. My daughter was crying because she was tired and I was trying to soothe her and get her to sleep. He approached me and told me that sometimes babies just need to cry. He told me that when my husband was young he would put him on a blanket and let him cry himself to sleep!
LeaPea is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 10:53 PM
 
Tway's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ah, yes. The visiting nurses who came when DD was a newborn warned me against sleeping with her on my chest, cosleeping, not letting her cry... they said it was bad for ME and that I was creating a bad habit for DD. Here I was, severely sleep deprived and ready to lose it, and a health professional was dissing the only way I had of getting DD and I any sleep. I can't tell you how many times I cried in front of them out of sheer frustration.

My parents, who are a HUGE help to us and love DD to pieces, even tell me once in a while "you know, it's OK to let her cry". And I get huffy and tell them the bad news about CIO and they just repeat that my sis and I turned out fine.

The worse, though, are strangers who ask if DD is sleeping through the night and either 1) gasp in shock when I say no, 2) offer unsolicited advice or 3) tell me how their kids STTN after 2 months/1 week/3 hours/6 nanoseconds.

Luckily, I have 2 very close friends who coslept and I can see how well their kids sleep now, at 4 and 6. So I've learned to trust my instincts and I also see DD's sleep improving, however slowly, over time.

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
Tway is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,225
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NSmomtobe View Post
health professionals that getting them to CIO in a crib is the *only* way he will ever learn to sleep through the night .
This is so funny because my ds2 slept through the night at 6 weeks. Same mother, same upbringing, different sleep personality.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
Old 09-09-2010, 11:35 PM
 
katelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,896
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 32 Post(s)
No, they don't make me feel stupid because I firmly believe that CIO causes damage to the baby's growing brain. And I say that as a mother of an almost 4 month old who feeds every 1-2 hours over night.

To be fair though, I don't really discuss our sleeping habits much so I don't have much opportunity to hear other opinions.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

katelove is online now  
Old 09-09-2010, 11:57 PM
 
odenata's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,969
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just don't discuss my babies sleep habits, unless it's with people I know share my parenting views on this issue. I'm happy to get advice or consolation from them.

Random people who ask, "Does he sleep well?" just get a vague, "Everything is going fine." It's usually just something to make small talk, anyway.

If someone pushed the issue with me, I probably would say that I don't parent in ways that are counter to my instincts. Also something about the Harvard study that concluded, "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
odenata is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:06 AM
 
AmyKT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my little corner of the world
Posts: 1,297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
.

To respond to your question, no, they don't make me feel dumb. They make themselves look dumb!
Exactly this. I'm proud of not CIO and if someone asks me about my DDs sleep patterns (which is so weird, anyway), I have no qualms with telling them that I gladly respond to their needs every time. Well, maybe not always gladly, but willingly.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
AmyKT is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:19 AM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
yes! My coworker used to constantly tell me-- oh you'll change your mind about CIO. What's the deal with people thinking that CIO is something that *everyone* does? I don't know a person in my family that has done that.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:45 AM
 
Tway's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by odenata View Post
Random people who ask, "Does he sleep well?" just get a vague, "Everything is going fine." It's usually just something to make small talk, anyway.
I totally get where you're coming from, and you're definitely avoiding a lot of headaches that way!

For myself, I always feel like I need to tell the truth--that is, that DD is almost 11 months and still wakes at least 2 X a night, and sometimes has pretty bad nights. I guess I want to put it out there that many, many mothers don't CIO--that it's not the miracle method so many people make it out to be. I also hold out hope of finding other AP mothers that way--as if, by admitting the truth, I'll get the other person to sigh in relief and tell me they, too, were up at 4 in the morning and really need a coffee.

No one's done that yet, though. So maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
Tway is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:46 AM
 
mommy212's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom always has the classic argument, "you two (my sister and I) turned out just fine when i did it!" and I tell her "yes, and my son will turn out alright too" Whenever anyone else says anything I ignore it or try to tell them gently that it's not up for discussion
mommy212 is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:48 AM
 
AmyKT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my little corner of the world
Posts: 1,297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tway View Post

For myself, I always feel like I need to tell the truth--

....

--as if, by admitting the truth, I'll get the other person to sigh in relief and tell me they, too, were up at 4 in the morning and really need a coffee.
Yep, me too. I like giving people "permission" to be honest with me.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
AmyKT is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 01:28 AM
 
MamieCole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,064
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tway View Post
I totally get where you're coming from, and you're definitely avoiding a lot of headaches that way!

For myself, I always feel like I need to tell the truth--that is, that DD is almost 11 months and still wakes at least 2 X a night, and sometimes has pretty bad nights. I guess I want to put it out there that many, many mothers don't CIO--that it's not the miracle method so many people make it out to be. I also hold out hope of finding other AP mothers that way--as if, by admitting the truth, I'll get the other person to sigh in relief and tell me they, too, were up at 4 in the morning and really need a coffee.

No one's done that yet, though. So maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.
I'd commiserate with you!

I'm not often in a group of people whom I don't know very well, but any time the subject of babies and sleep come up, I am honest. I say that he wakes up several times a night to nurse, which is a natural and NORMAL part of being a human baby. I also try to throw in terms like "nighttime parenting," "following his cues," and "sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone just like walking/talking, etc." He'll do it when he can, without the need for me to abandon him during the night.

We don't get nearly as many comments/judgements from family now w/DS2 as we did when DS1 was a baby. I guess they see that DS1 actually DID learn to sleep through the night w/out CIO, he isn't in our bed anymore and we didn't have to "teach him who is boss" to get him to sleep in his own bed, and he did wean before he was old enough to vote.
MamieCole is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 01:28 AM
 
hakeber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bogota, Colombia
Posts: 3,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only person to suggest I stop feeding my baby if she wakes up in the middle of the night with the underlying implication that I should let her cry (which is rarely now, maybe once a night around 4 or 5) was some lady on the bus who I guess was trying to make conversation and she says "She wakes up because she knows you'll feed her." complete with waggling eyebrows that insinuated my baby was plotting against me, in a devilish attempt to wreak havoc on my sleep cycles. (muwah ha ha ha ha!)

And I said "Yep."

And sort of cocked my head at her. I mean, no kidding. She's not waking up because she thinks I'll play patty cake!

If I or DH can't be bothered to feed a baby once or twice in the night we really should have gotten a pet you feed once a day, like a fish. Or maybe a boa constrictor, they only eat like once a week. But we had a baby, and until they get a bit older they tend to get hungry in the middle of a 10 hour sleep shift...go figure. They have tummies the size of a quarter.

And you know what, sometimes she's not hungry. Sometimes she just needs a wee cuddle. Like I never wake up scared or lonely in the middle of the night, or just cold and shivery and need a little warm hubby to spoon me back to sleep? Sure. And my poop smells like honey cakes and cinnamon.

I think people who believe CIO is a good idea should have to do it themselves. They should walk the walk. They should go to sleep alone in a dark room, in a cage (because can you really even do CIO if you haven't got a crib to put them in?), on a thin foam rubber mattress over a planked surface, with no blankets or pillows (god forbid you run the risk of SIDS while your baby cries him or herself into a snoty nosed hysteria), in stuffy footed pijamas or a sleep sack, about an hour before they are really tired, while their best friends are in the living room having what sounds like a really good time, and they should be forced to stay there, all alone, for ten - twelve hours with no food or water, no entertainment, no light, and no one to talk to or books to read, no warm body to snuggle into, nothing. See how well they sleep.

Just once and I bet it will cure them of CIO for life.

I mean really...why should your baby suck it up and go with it if you can't?

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
hakeber is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 01:50 AM
 
hakeber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bogota, Colombia
Posts: 3,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy212 View Post
My mom always has the classic argument, "you two (my sister and I) turned out just fine when i did it!" and I tell her "yes, and my son will turn out alright too" Whenever anyone else says anything I ignore it or try to tell them gently that it's not up for discussion
I always tell my mother when she starts in with that crap: "Is that why my sister in therapy since she's 15 and I have a range of eat disorders that plague me to this day? Because we turned out alright? Do you think that's why I need opiate strength sedatives to 'soothe myself to sleep' most nights, or why my sister needs to have a man in her bed to get any sleep? because we turned out A-okay? hmmmm, interesting logic, mom."

DH tried that line with me after a visit with his mom who spent most of the vacation pushing her views of spanking , he says "My parents spanked me and I turned out okay! I don't see what the big deal is."

I finally stopped biting my tongue and rolling my eyes one day and said "Honey, I love you, but you are not okay. I know I am not perfect either, but you are FAR from being okay, and I do NOT want our children to grow up with the communication and relationship issues that you have as a clear and obvious result of your being physically and mentally abused throughout your childhood. You are not okay, and you can stop feeding into that myth now, you're almost FORTY!"

Grandparents have an amazing gift for rewriting history to suit their own justifications. Doesn't mean we have to believe them, KWIM?

I'll proudly say it:

My baby wakes up in the middle of night. Sometimes lots. Sometimes it feels like as soon as she has a run of nights where she sleeps straight through, that's when my FIVE YEAR old will suddenly have a bout of nightmares and need constant water and back rubbing and lullabyes. So much so that even when they both sleep through the night, I'm still up checking on them every four or five hours to see their chests rising and falling. It happens.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
hakeber is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 02:02 AM
 
MamieCole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,064
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post
The only person to suggest I stop feeding my baby if she wakes up in the middle of the night with the underlying implication that I should let her cry (which is rarely now, maybe once a night around 4 or 5) was some lady on the bus who I guess was trying to make conversation and she says "She wakes up because she knows you'll feed her." complete with waggling eyebrows that insinuated my baby was plotting against me, in a devilish attempt to wreak havoc on my sleep cycles. (muwah ha ha ha ha!)

And I said "Yep."

And sort of cocked my head at her. I mean, no kidding. She's not waking up because she thinks I'll play patty cake!

If I or DH can't be bothered to feed a baby once or twice in the night we really should have gotten a pet you feed once a day, like a fish. Or maybe a boa constrictor, they only eat like once a week. But we had a baby, and until they get a bit older they tend to get hungry in the middle of a 10 hour sleep shift...go figure. They have tummies the size of a quarter.

And you know what, sometimes she's not hungry. Sometimes she just needs a wee cuddle. Like I never wake up scared or lonely in the middle of the night, or just cold and shivery and need a little warm hubby to spoon me back to sleep? Sure. And my poop smells like honey cakes and cinnamon.

I think people who believe CIO is a good idea should have to do it themselves. They should walk the walk. They should go to sleep alone in a dark room, in a cage (because can you really even do CIO if you haven't got a crib to put them in?), on a thin foam rubber mattress over a planked surface, with no blankets or pillows (god forbid you run the risk of SIDS while your baby cries him or herself into a snoty nosed hysteria), in stuffy footed pijamas or a sleep sack, about an hour before they are really tired, while their best friends are in the living room having what sounds like a really good time, and they should be forced to stay there, all alone, for ten - twelve hours with no food or water, no entertainment, no light, and no one to talk to or books to read, no warm body to snuggle into, nothing. See how well they sleep.

Just once and I bet it will cure them of CIO for life.

I mean really...why should your baby suck it up and go with it if you can't?
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post
I always tell my mother when she starts in with that crap: "Is that why my sister in therapy since she's 15 and I have a range of eat disorders that plague me to this day? Because we turned out alright? Do you think that's why I need opiate strength sedatives to 'soothe myself to sleep' most nights, or why my sister needs to have a man in her bed to get any sleep? because we turned out A-okay? hmmmm, interesting logic, mom."

DH tried that line with me after a visit with his mom who spent most of the vacation pushing her views of spanking , he says "My parents spanked me and I turned out okay! I don't see what the big deal is."

I finally stopped biting my tongue and rolling my eyes one day and said "Honey, I love you, but you are not okay. I know I am not perfect either, but you are FAR from being okay, and I do NOT want our children to grow up with the communication and relationship issues that you have as a clear and obvious result of your being physically and mentally abused throughout your childhood. You are not okay, and you can stop feeding into that myth now, you're almost FORTY!"

Grandparents have an amazing gift for rewriting history to suit their own justifications. Doesn't mean we have to believe them, KWIM?

I'll proudly say it:

My baby wakes up in the middle of night. Sometimes lots. Sometimes it feels like as soon as she has a run of nights where she sleeps straight through, that's when my FIVE YEAR old will suddenly have a bout of nightmares and need constant water and back rubbing and lullabyes. So much so that even when they both sleep through the night, I'm still up checking on them every four or five hours to see their chests rising and falling. It happens.
I these posts.
MamieCole is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 02:05 AM
 
Areia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My daughter is older - I saw this in new posts - but when she was a baby, CIO was recommended a few times and I used a tactic I heard here on MDC. I'd say "Oh, no, that's not acceptable in our family. I mean, we'd never do that with an adult who needed our help. You'd never tell granny or your sick dad. 'Hey, you're old/sick so you just need to learn to lay there in the dark until morning hungry or wet or upset. I really need my sleep! You just have to learn to deal with the situation on your own.' That's just so cruel!"
Areia is offline  
Old 09-10-2010, 03:28 AM
 
P.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,546
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
People are insane. That's the only logical solution that I can come to on this subject.
Me too. Reading through these posts is deeply heartbreaking. I find it such a pathetic commentary on our culture that *we* (non-CIO users) are the odd ones and represent an "alternative" way. It really reminds me that CIO, among other common parenting practices, is one of the subtle but deep roots of so much ill in society (at the very least, the epidemic level of adult sleep problems). I know that sounds like a grandiose statement...but I truly believe that many common, average, mainstream parenting ways are just creating such broken, wounded souls out there who then go and pass on the insanity because it's all they know.

In my husband's case, he has always had this odd melancholy in the evening, which starts at sunset. He also to this day has a really hard time getting himself into bed and to sleep, even when he's exhausted, and then gets insomnia pretty frequently. Now that we have a baby and we started discussing how sick CIO is, it clicked with him that he was CIOed and he believes that is the root of his sleep disturbances and evening sadness. In his case, his father forced his mom to put the babies down at night, close the door and not go back til morning. She says that he would lock the door to keep her from going in there, and once she had to physically fight him and break down the door to get to them. So, so sad.

Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
P.J. is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off