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#1 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, maybe I just need to vent a bit. But I *only* have 1 child, aged 7 months. She's a handful. I don't work outside the house, but I do have some work responsibilities that I handle here at home (DH and I have our own business). But I can't seem to juggle baby's needs, keep up with the housework, get work work stuff done, and still have some time to myself.

A mother friend of mine crafts constantly, something I loved to do and wish I had time to do. Do I just have a high needs child or what? Why is it I always seem to be behind while others have time for "fun" stuff? Grr.

How do people do it with multiple children? My slogan is one and done! I can not imagine my stress level with another child.

Sorry, in addition, sleep has been fleeting the last three nights due to teething issues.

I feel a bit better writing that out. I'd delete this all but maybe there's another mom that feels the same... *deep breath*

DD#1 arrived 2/7/10!
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#2 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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It gets easier. At that age, they need you for EVERYTHING. And just when she can start to be more mobile, she'll start freaking out when you go away from her. And it'll feel like it will never end.

But it will. At 2, you'll see the start of the independence. At 3, she'll be heading off on her own adventures.

I know it's hard with the first one, but try to take a deep breath, accept that she's going to need a lot from you for a while, and trust that, soon enough, it will feel like that time rushed by.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#3 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 01:58 PM
 
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I think that the way you're feeling now is a big reason why a lot of families wait 3-4 years between kids. Like Jen said, as they grow they gain a lot of independence and you are not needed for absolutely everything. I always thought that I wanted to have my kids super close together, but now that Cecilia is here, I'm thinking that I want to wait, even though that means I'll be in my mid 30's when we start for #2. But not only does she need me for everything, but I am loving all the time I spend with her and I really don't want to think of shortchanging both her and the next baby.

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#4 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 02:02 PM
 
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I hear you. I'm still off work, and yet it feels like I can barely do some cleaning, cooking and food shopping to keep the household together. I'm STILL pretty sure I only want the one, mostly because I can't imagine doing this all over again. The sleep deprivation was so bad, so bad... How do you manage it when you also have a toddler to look after???

However, things have gotten better .DD i almost 11 months, and she can play a little on her own now. We go out to the park and now she can sit for a bit in the swing. I go for coffee and she points at things and smiles at people. She interacts and we "communicate" (pointing, sounds, gestures, etc.) and that makes the day so much better. It feels like we have some back and forth, and it's fun to watch her learn. I think things really started changing around 10 months for me.

I'm still on the "one and your done" bandwagon, and I don't know if I"ll ever change my mind. But trust that it gets better. Hang in there!

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
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#5 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 02:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post
I think that the way you're feeling now is a big reason why a lot of families wait 3-4 years between kids.
nak

amen amen amen. this little bugger has got to be at least in preschool before I gear up for another. my hubby would like another right away, but unless he grows himself a uterus, it ain't happening.
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#6 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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We have three- the oldest is 8, and the youngest two are 25 months and 11 months. I do (occasionally) have time for some 'fun' stuff- sewing etc, but certainly not on a regular basis. I try to make sure we get up to a completely clean house so there's not huge pressure to stay on top of it. Other than that- you kind of do stuff with the kid/kids around and underfoot- including work stuff and house work.

It will get easier, but the first bit is all about survival.
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#7 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 03:49 PM
 
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Don't worry you aren't alone. Fruit flies are taking over my kitchen :/
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#8 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 04:33 PM
 
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I am right there with all of you, as well. It really boggles my mind when I see mom's with more than 1 child, not to mention multiple babies of the same age. How DO they do it? I feel like I am in soothe and comfort mode constantly, but I know I'm gonna miss all of this someday... I was thinking I'd also want another one fairlysoon after ds but I agree that now that he's in my life there is absolutely no way I could handle another one anytime soon. A friend of mine had her dd 5 days before my ds was born (he's 5 months) and she is already 14 weeks pregant again! She is super laid back (total opposite of me) and also a sahm for the time being so I think she will be able to handle it in a much calmer way. I'm definitely missing being pregnant though!

femalesling.GIFfamilybed1.gif crafty Mama to Maxwell, born April 5, 2010 and partner & best friend to Dan <3

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#9 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 04:35 PM
 
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ALSO! Can I just say: soulemama.com. She is insane! Total role model, right there. I absolutely love love love love reading her blog and books, and am constantly inspired. However, I do not have any free time in my day to indulge in any of those awesome things like she does. She also has 4 which is amazing and mind blowing. Maybe it gets easier when you're more of a veteran mama? Any takers on this?

femalesling.GIFfamilybed1.gif crafty Mama to Maxwell, born April 5, 2010 and partner & best friend to Dan <3

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#10 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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I have 3. Easier, yes and no. Easier in the sense that I don't sweat the small stuff, kids eating cookies for breakfast, eh, cool! That means I don't have to cook. I certainly don't think about my 1y eats, and some days I realize I ahven't given him food most of the day, but rather just nursed. Harder because duh, I have 3 small children who always need something!

I look back to when I had only one and I while I thought I was so busy and overwhelmed, I do SOO much more now with 3 kids then I did back then. BUT I couldn't of done then what I do now, the more kids I have, the more routines I create. Meals are planned a week ahead of time, I laid out everything I will need to tomorrow for 3 children, school, after school activities this morning because I had am jampacked afternoon starting in 30 minutes until 9pm tonight. I cooked dinner yesterday for today. Highly scheduled is what I have to be to do it. And on that note off to make a snack for 3 children before I have to dash out to do school pickup, dance, gymnastics, and mom's night out.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#11 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies.

I think I'll put another vote in for the "I'm just not into babies" pile. I baby sat all the time when I was a teen, but they were always toddlers and up. I can handle it them. I'll just survive until DD gets older and try to laugh everytime my husband says he wants a son.

DD#1 arrived 2/7/10!
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#12 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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I could have written this 13 months ago. Before I had kids I was sure that I would someday have three of them. After my son was born, I suddenly understood why some people only have one! My son was definitely high needs.

Now he's 2 and the difference is night and day. I do have free time to do things that I couldn't before - I can sew while he plays nearby, cook dinner, clean, I can even read a book while he plays in the backyard. So, it does get better. For us things started getting easier once he was mobile, and then later on much easier after around 18 months. Hang in there!

Baby Boy 9/08 & Baby Girl 3/11

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#13 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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Sometimes it can be really hard.

Children are really different as far as needs go, dd was a pretty easy baby as long as she is being held (and she did insist on being held ) but ds is quite a little mover and likes to get into everything.

once they get older it does get easier.

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#14 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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I have 2. DS1 was an easy baby but we still waited a while to have the 2nd one - they are a little over 4 years apart. DS2 was more high needs in the beginning - a bit more difficult to figure out, if you will.

But he's 6 months old now and all seems to be going well. He sleeps well. Eats well. Is happy and thriving. But I will say, that if it wasn't for my carrier (Action Baby Carrier - similar to an Ergo - but prettier ), I couldn't get a lot done while DH is traveling and my 4yo is running around the house like a crazy man!

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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#15 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:15 PM
 
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Some babies do like to sleep, and that makes it a heck of a lot easier. Is your baby teething, too? That was the worst here, I remember being so tired then!
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#16 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TSomm View Post
Thanks ladies.

I think I'll put another vote in for the "I'm just not into babies" pile. I baby sat all the time when I was a teen, but they were always toddlers and up. I can handle it them. I'll just survive until DD gets older and try to laugh everytime my husband says he wants a son.
I agree and don't think I'm into this stage. I kind of knew that when I was pregnant, that I wasn't going to love the baby thing and I was right. Love the kid, but not the age. Seems like a common thing.....
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#17 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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i'm so with you. i have memories of how my house used to be clean. now it's a struggle to get basic laundry and dishes done, i can't imagine keeping it as clean as i want. crafting? time for reading a good book? ha! and, sleep is something of a distant memory...

mom to Andrew   born Feb 6th, already a mom to child with fur; and still missing and still wondering about the lost possibilities Mar 17, 2009
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#18 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:37 PM
 
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One day (when you have another) you will look back and wonder what you did with all your time when you had just one infant to care for.
It's all about perspective. You are in the thick of it now but it won't be that way forever. You're also learning right now - which takes a lot of time and mental energy. When you have 2 or more you don't need to be as focused on the same things because you'll have your sea legs and some confidence that comes with the btdt experiences.

My kids are close in age (4 kids in 5 years, twins in the middle) and I don't regret having them closely spaced. My house still needs a good cleaning but thats pretty low on my priority list.

hang in there.
It gets easier
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

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#19 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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This is what mother's helpers were invented for.

Babies have infinite needs. Just when you think you've got it all under control, their needs expand and take over again.

It gets better around 2 as pp have mentioned.


After age 1 will be better than the infant year too, but you still won't get much freedom.

Just try hard to really enjoy this and pay attention so you remember all this (in all its glory ) because you forget as fast as they grow.

My baby is almost 3 and I feel like I don't remember anything from the first year.

V

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#20 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:39 PM
 
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nak

amen amen amen. this little bugger has got to be at least in preschool before I gear up for another. my hubby would like another right away, but unless he grows himself a uterus, it ain't happening.
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#21 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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It was also hard for me when my first was a baby...so much to get used to, so much to stay on top of, plus we were practicing elimination communication so I needed to be aware of that as well. I didn't know if I was doing it "right" because they're not talking yet to tell you how they feel. I just had to go with my gut and go with the flow. Just when you feel like you have things figured out, they go and change on you again...that first year is so hard, so much rapid growth on many levels. It's enough to make your head spin!! Especially if you're a perfectionist like me, you really have to learn how to relax and not be so hard on yourself

He'll be 4 when his little sister or brother is open, and that feels like a good age gap because he has become more and more independent, off exploring the world without as much of a need for mommy's attention all the time. I also have experience with taking care of a baby, so I'm sure I won't be as stressed this time around.
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#22 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:47 PM
 
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I really hear you. Thank you for your post, it makes me feel less alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TSomm View Post
Sorry, in addition, sleep has been fleeting the last three nights due to teething issues.
I think this is huge...my DD is 6 months and is a poor sleeper. (Usually wakes up every 1-2 hours all night long). The rare night when she sleeps longer stretches I feel like a different person. I wish I could say that I got a lot done around the house on those days, but I certainly feel a lot more energetic and hopeful. hugs mama. I'm hoping it gets easier for both of us.

Mom to DD born March 2010, and someone new March 2012

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#23 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 06:51 PM
 
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Hang in there. I had really "easy" babies (IMO), which is probably why I decided to keep having them (we have four, all 2 years apart). It has gotten a lot harder as they've gotten older, and often we just take it one day at a time. More kids is definitely more work, but they also entertain each other a lot.

I hope you can get some help - either with housework or with childcare at least once a week. Maybe then you'll feel like you are on-top of things better and have some time for yourself.

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#24 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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It has never been easy for me, either. I feel guilty saying this, but I sometimes look forward to going to work on Mondays just so I can have a little time to myself and run errands on my lunch break. I'm on maternity leave for #2 right now, and occasionally dreaming of work already. It's not that I don't love my children more than anything in the world, I'm just one of those people that likes "getting stuff done." Then I can relax. It's necessary to keep me sane. My husband, on the other hand, is cool with taking it easy and just being with the girls, and that's why he is the SAHP.

That said, when DD1 reached 18 months or so, she really liked helping me or mimicking me, so I could unload the dishwasher or do laundry with her "help." I LOVE that. I really love getting stuff done with my daughter.

And as for the one and done concept, I thought that for the first 6 months or so, and I could have been happy with one if the second hadn't been in the cards, but all of my friends with more than one kept telling me that having two was easier in some ways because at some point they can play together rather than always needing you.

I came back to say that although I am still a high strung sort of person, I'm finding it much easier to adjust to having two children than just one. The change of life that takes place when you go from having no children to having one is never really talked about. It's HUGE! Especially for people like us. Also, my first child is very high need. Yours may be, too.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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#25 of 37 Old 09-09-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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Wow...this thread was exactly what I needed to hear tonight.

I've been feeling so overwhelmed recently. I work part-time from home and part-time outside of home and my house is a mess and I haven't made a decent meal since I can't remember when (luckily DH likes to cook). My DD is 9.5 mo and it has been a roller coaster since the minute she was born. She is on the high needs side and although it has gotten much easier since she was about 7.5 mos, we still go through good weeks and exhausting weeks.

I was talking with another mother today and her LO is just turning a year old. She was telling me all the things she cooks and all I was thinking....'Wow, you cook. What the hell am I doing wrong when I can't even find time to think about cooking?" After she left, DD wouldn't go to sleep, I was exhausted and I just cried and cried. I always wonder how people do it with more than one....I'm just praying our next child is not so "high needs". Anyway, tonight was just one of those nights....so I come to the one place I feel that makes me feel better...MDC !!! Good night, everyone!

-Nicole
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#26 of 37 Old 09-10-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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I'm in the minority, babies are easy, DD slept as a baby but from 14 months to 2-ish she was AWFUL. Messy house, crying mom, crabby kid-I really hated her toddler years. She was soooooooo much more enjoyable as a baby. I remember at 19 months DH and I had a long talk about our plan of having another kid. Both of us were scared to death of having another child like her. She was a train-wreck most of the time. I remember watching parents of other kids her age who would sit and play while I was running laps around them chasing her.

DS has been even easier as a baby, except his needing to be held in arms much of the time. He now is walking, but he actually listens to the word "no" as in no get off the coffee table. He will, DD would just give a look like you can't do a darn thing about it, get over here and get me down-I dare you.

I am actually a better mom to 2 then I was to 1, I'm more balanced. For me life with a 4 year old and an 11 month old is much better than most of DD's toddler years, she was just intense.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#27 of 37 Old 09-10-2010, 01:23 AM
 
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Different babies definitely have different needs. I've had two easy babies and two high-needs toddlers. And it was during the "easy baby" phase with each that I decided to get knocked up with another one... only to have the next one be born during the high-needs toddler phase. Well I'm DONE now. I'm getting my tubes tied before I get sucked into "aw widdle babies are so cyoooooot! I need another one!" again. 3 kids in a little over 3 years is just totally nuts. I'm sorry, but it just is.

The thing is that the more kids you have, the more organized you have to be. I just don't have a choice. The kids have to eat, and I had to figure out a way to do that. I tend to make one meal ahead. While they eat breakfast (which is something like a bagel or cereal or instant oatmeal that takes about 30 seconds to prepare), I make their lunch. Including pouring drinks. Then I stick it all in the fridge, and at lunch time I just have to put it in front of them. While they eat lunch, I prep dinner as much as possible. Dishes usually wait until the end of the day, or I do 1 or 2 at a time throughout the day until I hear a scream of pain or terror and have to rush to the scene of whatever's happening.

That's just one example, but as you get used to things you just sort of make it up as you go along and you figure out what works.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#28 of 37 Old 09-10-2010, 03:54 AM
 
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Aw, mamas I am so in this boat!!!

We also have what I think is a "spirited" child, but have NO IDEA what a "normal" baby is like. He is also colicky and still has not fully outgrown that. Ugh. Aside from colic DS is just simply one intense, strong-willed, very physical little guy. Yesterday we had one of "those" evenings where he was soooooo fussy and crying and screaming and I was pushed beyond the end of my rope. By 8:30 I had to call home my DH who was visiting a friend to come rescue me. I sat there sobbing so hard, feeling like a terrible mother.

I have also had plenty of thoughts that there is NO WAY I'm doing this again. Ever. But we shall see... I sometimes read the toddler and discipline forums, which may be a bad idea since it makes me fear for what's to come, if DS is already so intense. And I too wonder how mamas with 2+ kids, or single moms do it. I sometimes think I am not cut out for this, because I feel like I get to the end of my rope too easily...I would say it happens maybe every few weeks or so where I literally cannot take anymore and if it weren't for DH taking over I'm not sure what I'd do. But I think our boy is particularly "difficult" and intense, which does allow me some forgiveness for nearly losing it every so often. And yes my house is a chaotic mess and I have to often resort to instant-style food, and I miss being able to cook every night but oh well.

So yeah, so fully right there with you ladies. What a relief to know I'm not alone. I was so naive in thinking how easy it would be to have a cute little baby to play with all day. Yeah right!
Thanks for starting this thread.

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#29 of 37 Old 09-10-2010, 03:55 AM
 
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I'm with you- the time flies by so fast in one day, I hardly get what I need to done, not to mention "fun" crafty stuff! I have to finish school before I can even think of having another kid- I have some major exams in my future and it's hard enough to study with just the one!

I've got six younger brothers and sisters though, and there was a point early on when they all started amusing each other, leaving my parents plenty of time to do whatever they wanted (of course, they also had me, the eldest, as their "live-in nanny"! lol)

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#30 of 37 Old 09-10-2010, 09:23 AM
 
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I'm in the minority, babies are easy, DD slept as a baby but from 14 months to 2-ish she was AWFUL. Messy house, crying mom, crabby kid-I really hated her toddler years. She was soooooooo much more enjoyable as a baby. .
This is me, too. Crazily, I've gotten pregnant twice now at 13 months postpartum--just as I'm thinking, "oh, this baby thing is GREAT!" and right before, "oh my word, who is this crazy toddler and why is he in my house?"

So, I have 3, all 23 months apart. It's harder, and it's easier. I take the baby with me to cooking classes, shopping, all over, and it feels like a huge break. When I just had one, I needed time away from him. Time with him certainly wasn't a break. So, perspective changes, too.
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