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Old 09-25-2010, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I'm really needing advice and support from some other gentle minded mommies. My DD is 7 months old and has had problems with being VERY hard to soothe since birth. She was a colic baby and from what i understand is probably high needs. She has what i think is unusual behavior when falling asleep. She will always cries no matter what we do. Even while we try to rock her she will cry and cry and scream and just get hysterical and arch her back and try to throw herself off my lap. She will on a very rare occasion go to sleep in my arms on the rocker without a lot of fight but it is a rare thing. We have seriously tried everything from trying to co-sleep her down, walk her down, nurse her down, bounce her down, putting her down before she is overtired, singing her to sleep. EVERYTHING. The only thing that puts her to sleep without fail and no crying is the car seat/stroller (same thing). Winter is coming though and there are going to be days when i cannot take her for walks or car rides. We live in Maine after all.

I now myself frequently taking walks just because i don't want to have to deal with a tantrum for that nap. My husband says this is foolish and she just needs to learn how to go to sleep on her own. We literally have earplugs next to her rocker. My husband thinks we really need to do some kind of sleep training. I know he is probably right but I'm so worried that she will feel abandoned or scared and alone and confused. I am super sensitive to her crying. Also it should be noted that she is up at least 7 times all night long and will only nurse back down to sleep. She wakes between sleep cycles. This isn't my problem though- yeah it sucks but I'm mostly just concerned about all of this screaming. I just want her to go down without tears. I always hear AP parents saying there is nothing wrong with rocking and soothing your baby to sleep and that they will grow to no longer need it but what do you do if your baby screams just as hard in your arms as she does in her crib?

I feel like she is trying to tell me that she is afraid of sleeping because she has no control over it. Either that or she just hates the feeling of being sleepy? So what we think we are going to do is next weekend i am going to leave for a while so i don't cave in like i always do and rock her and my husband is going to put her down in her crib and sit next to her and hold her hand and pet her back while she screams. I am making him promise he will pick her up and calm her if she gets to upset but i know from trying this before that she will just get super hysterical every time he sets her back down. I mean is this CIO? She wouldn't be left alone. She should be old enough to know he is there with her and he wont leave her side for more then a minuet. Would you do this? Is this not attachment parenting? Should i just keep rocking her while is screams for another 2 years or however long it takes or should we just cave and let her scream in her crib?

Please advice me i am so conflicted and confused. I feel like i have the most difficult baby in the world some days. TIA
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:05 PM
 
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Nope. He'll be right there and it sounds like you need to try something new.
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Old 09-25-2010, 11:11 PM
 
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wow, this sounds like my baby! She only screams for a couple of hours a night, but my partner has always taken care of her in just this way...although he does hold her and dance her etc also. It seems to help a lot and it allows me to get sleep; I can tell she isn't hungry when she is having a fit.
Mine is only 2 weeks old. I'm going to stop eating dairy and see if that helps. Maybe it is the climate...I live in Maine, too. I am not looking forward to winter this year.
It is hard to have a screaming baby. Tonight is my first night waiting on her while she screams; my partner has some work to do downtown. I am nervous, wish me luck...she hasn't started yet but it's in the air.
TW
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Old 09-25-2010, 11:35 PM
 
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I agree with your hubby. Some babies really do need to be on their own a bit. Sounds not ap but oh well. it's all about trying what work for your babe.

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Old 09-25-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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I think there are still many things for you to try before giving up. Have you worked on your diet for possible allergens?

You might want to do some research on in-arms crying. I will respectfully say that leaving a 7mo for a weekend so that her daddy can cry her out is a sad and terrible idea. What do you do if your baby cries just as hard in your arms as in the crib? You keep holding her so that she knows she isn't alone and take deep breaths until the phase passes.

I am happy for you that you have a partner who can help you with baby-care. My HN babies were only blessed with one parent, but that parent held them while they cried. And yes, it sounds like your dh is promising to stay close by rather than leaving the room, but I can't help but wonder if you feeling on the matter might change after learning more about the benefits of in-arms crying as opposed to in-crib crying. GL!

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Old 09-26-2010, 12:28 AM
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we're 12 months so i'm not sure if it's the same problem (i have a hunch mine is more of a tantrum thing....we're getting to that age) but i feel you....i have a sleep-fighter that somehow i've managed to turn into a pretty good sleeper (i have no idea how it happened though so maybe i shouldn;t take credit!)
we have occasional nighttime waking tantrums with the arching back, screaming...all of that. it's a mystery. she's crying in her crib, but then she's screaming and arching her back in my arms, i put her down so then she's screaming in the crib again, pick her up, doesn't want a bottle, screaming and arching...then at some seemingly random point i'll stick her back in the crib with the bottle and she'll be fine and fall back asleep.

do you always pick her up right away? there's this article on askmoxie that is posted alot here that really helped me understand my babe when she was younger.
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

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Old 09-26-2010, 02:20 AM
 
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I don't know whether it would be considered CIO, and I think you really have to make the decision about what you're comfortable with together... Trust your mama instincts and don't do anything (in either direction) that feels wrong to you.
But I wanted to say that even if you just take one night away to get some rest, that is totally valid and probably very needed. Your husband might find that he starts understanding your dilemma more - I imagine he will struggle like you do with just trying to be there for her and not holding and rocking her to sleep when she can't calm down.
My heart goes out to you - I have a difficult sleeper, and although she doesn't scream as much, it's because I have been there to comfort her at every little peep (and because I"m lucky), and even that, with little screaming, is SO exhausting. She too seems to dislike the falling asleep process. I tried letting her fuss and cry a little in her swing (I was right there next to her, trying to vocally comfort her and get her to nap) and she got so ramped up so quickly that I took her out after 5 minutes tops and it took close to an hour to calm her down enough to go to sleep.
All that is to say, I think that since you don't want to CIO (as I don't), and your feeling is that she's afraid of sleep... probably the best thing you can do is to keep comforting her as much as you're able to as she goes to sleep. I think that at 7 months old, she is still really learning to self soothe (I hope it happens soon, my DD is 5 months and JUST now starting to show signs of being able to a little bit). Veteran mamas can speak to this but I bet she'll be able to trust the sleeping process more in the coming months, and will probably do so easier if you're able to support and comfort her as she learns to.
But I know how exhausting it is, it's so hard to be patient with any of this. So get some rest and then see how you feel about it! Good luck

PS I can only type even this barely-coherently because my DH got up with the baby last night - it's been months of sleep deprivation and that is no joke! So I hope your weekend away helps you strategize or regain your patience.
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Old 09-26-2010, 08:29 AM
 
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OP- Yes. That is CIO. Leaving a baby to cry without trying to comfort him is CIO. Honestly, though, why does it matter if it is considered CIO or not? And CIO isn't an instant (or long term) fix for sleep problems. I seriously doubt that you will leave for a night and come back to a baby that goes right to sleep when put in her crib.

It sounds to me like your baby is over tired. How much sleep does she get? Sleep begets sleep, when we're talking about babies. A baby who doesn't sleep enough is much harder to get to sleep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by taffywelsh View Post
wow, this sounds like my baby! She only screams for a couple of hours a night, but my partner has always taken care of her in just this way...although he does hold her and dance her etc also. It seems to help a lot and it allows me to get sleep; I can tell she isn't hungry when she is having a fit.
Mine is only 2 weeks old. I'm going to stop eating dairy and see if that helps. Maybe it is the climate...I live in Maine, too. I am not looking forward to winter this year.
It is hard to have a screaming baby. Tonight is my first night waiting on her while she screams; my partner has some work to do downtown. I am nervous, wish me luck...she hasn't started yet but it's in the air.
TW
A 2 week old really needs to be held and nursed nearly constantly. Babies don't just nurse for food, really food is a very small part of nursing. Leaving her with your dh for several hours while she screams is not good for her or your milk supply. And crying is a very, very late sign that she needs to nurse. She really should be nursing most of the time that she's awake and a part of the time she is sleeping. Remember that crying is the only way your baby has to communicate with you. She is completely helpless and she needs to feel safe. She absolutely does not feel safe laying by herself crying whether you/your dh are there or not. Hold her, wear her. She should be sleeping almost all of the time, and the less she sleeps the harder it will be for her to fall asleep.
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Old 09-26-2010, 08:58 AM
 
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thank goodness for mbhf's post. This thread was scary before that voice of reason. Honestly, without being in your home and seeing the baby's behavior firsthand it is hard to say... but you mention the word crib a few times in your post. Baby knows you are going to put her by herself to sleep, so she resists going to sleep. No one wants to sleep alone, especially not someone that has been inside a warm comfortable womb up until recently... It is also perfectly normal for a baby to nurse much of the night, and very healthy for them. Much easier to do while co sleeping..... I suggest getting rid of the crib, stop 'trying to put the baby to sleep' and just all of you go into bedroom at a certain time and eventually drift off happily to sleep, with baby on boobie as nature intended... also if you drink caffeine, cut it out, same goes for dairy (all forms, even hidden) and soy. that is usually what makes the babies scream IMO. If you leave your baby, knowing she will be crying- it is a form of giving up... if you are burnt enough to absolutely need to do that, I would say just try to get some sleep in another room while hubby cares for her- in arms, not in a crib. that way he can bring her in and latch her on while you sleep.... but it doesn't sound like you are exhausted, just frustrated. eating certain foods really does affect so much it would amaze you... cut out dairy and soy completely, start sleeping with your baby (for naps too) and stay in bed with her the whole time to rebuild the trust... and I bet the screaming will stop.... it will also help you get enough sleep

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Old 09-26-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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Very bad idea, IMO. Even my 5 yo would not just want someone holding her hand if she was crying.

BUT since the stroller/car seat thing works, why not try to go from there. You CAN use a stroller even in the cold... I am in Northern Europe where moms take their babies for walks and leave them out to sleep even in extreme cold weather. You do need a stroller with big enough wheels to handle the snow, though. Another thought would be to use the stroller inside, maybe just trying tro rock it back and forth or something. Or how about something else, similar enough, like a swing or hanging cradle of some sort?

BTW... There is something going on and I realize that it can be impossible or at least very hard to figure out why the baby cries so much. However, it is not a tantrum when you are talking about a baby... It might be beneficial for you both to find proper terms, especially is the daddy is at all the type that believes in punishment or thinks that babies try to manipulate their parents.

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Old 09-26-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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"A 2 week old really needs to be held and nursed nearly constantly. Babies don't just nurse for food, really food is a very small part of nursing. Leaving her with your dh for several hours while she screams is not good for her or your milk supply. And crying is a very, very late sign that she needs to nurse. She really should be nursing most of the time that she's awake and a part of the time she is sleeping. Remember that crying is the only way your baby has to communicate with you. She is completely helpless and she needs to feel safe. She absolutely does not feel safe laying by herself crying whether you/your dh are there or not. Hold her, wear her. She should be sleeping almost all of the time, and the less she sleeps the harder it will be for her to fall asleep."

you know what, I try to nurse her and sometimes she refuses it. I always nurse her as much as she wants, all day and all night. We make her feel safe and I offer nursing at every possible interval. We do not leave her lying there all alone to cry, ever.
Sometimes babies cry, believe it or not.
Sorry to reply to this comment in your section OP but people are so sanctimonious here sometimes! Frustrating when people tell you that you are not doing a good job...when they have no idea what they are even referring to. I'm sure you can relate.
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Old 09-26-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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Not sure if you have access to facebook, but if you do, here is a great page by a pediatrician on "The Normal Newborn and Why Breastmilk is Not Food". Not quite applicable to the OP with her 7 month old, but maybe of interest to taffywelsh and others with new LOs who read this thread.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Frankl...d=162106522337
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Old 09-26-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taffywelsh View Post
"A 2 week old really needs to be held and nursed nearly constantly. Babies don't just nurse for food, really food is a very small part of nursing. Leaving her with your dh for several hours while she screams is not good for her or your milk supply. And crying is a very, very late sign that she needs to nurse. She really should be nursing most of the time that she's awake and a part of the time she is sleeping. Remember that crying is the only way your baby has to communicate with you. She is completely helpless and she needs to feel safe. She absolutely does not feel safe laying by herself crying whether you/your dh are there or not. Hold her, wear her. She should be sleeping almost all of the time, and the less she sleeps the harder it will be for her to fall asleep."

you know what, I try to nurse her and sometimes she refuses it. I always nurse her as much as she wants, all day and all night. We make her feel safe and I offer nursing at every possible interval. We do not leave her lying there all alone to cry, ever.
Sometimes babies cry, believe it or not.
Sorry to reply to this comment in your section OP but people are so sanctimonious here sometimes! Frustrating when people tell you that you are not doing a good job...when they have no idea what they are even referring to. I'm sure you can relate.
? You said- "She only screams for a couple of hours a night, but my partner has always taken care of her in just this way" and I assume that "this way" is what the OP mentioned. And how are you nursing her whenever she wants if you leave her with your dh while you sleep? I was genuinely trying to be helpful, and I apologize if I upset you. But I was just going off of what your post said. Yes, sometimes babies cry, but that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong or that you should just put your baby down and watch instead of trying to help her. There is always a reason, even if you can't figure out what it is. I have five children, including a 3 week old, and I remember being a first time mom and I try to tell people what I wish someone had told me.
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Old 09-26-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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OP, my thought is to try a swing. I just got the super popular rainforest fisher price one from craigslist, and I don't know why it took me so long to get it! The babies looove it! Well, I hadn't bought a swing earlier, actually, bc I thought it wasn't AP, but then I tried one out in babies r us, and the babies freaking loved it, so I was like, I'm getting' me one - or two - of these! So the lady I bought from on CL actually had two and I bought em both for $100. Sweet deal IMO. So, enough about me. (sorry!) I'd try out a swing before the, let's call it modified CIO.

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Old 09-26-2010, 06:52 PM
 
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Wait a sec...
Is the baby 2 weeks old or 7 months old?
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Old 09-26-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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Yes I would consider it CIO. It just about rips me apart when DS cries hard, and it's supposed to! Crying like that (hard and long) in a baby ( and I still consider 7 mo a baby) means something is very very wrong.

I just learned first hand how food can really affect my DS mood. We're working out some food intolerances and we just tried re-challenging corn. DS was cranky all day, fought sleep, slept poorly, cried more, was super clingy (also developed red bumps on his face and torso). It was really clear to us corn makes him uncomfortable, cranky, and interrupts his sleep a lot.

In your shoes I would try bring the baby to bed! no way would I be doing ok getting out of bed 7 times, and the reconnecting all night would help my patience with my LO when the next challenge came. I would look into food allergies, and look hard! come over the the allergy forum they're great there I would try to swaddling and I would try changing up my bed time routine. Probably for us I would plop the bed on the floor go in with the baby an hour before normal bed time and calmly interact and nurse on the bed and see if she fall asleep without you trying.....
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Old 09-26-2010, 10:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taffywelsh View Post
wow, this sounds like my baby! She only screams for a couple of hours a night, but my partner has always taken care of her in just this way...although he does hold her and dance her etc also. It seems to help a lot and it allows me to get sleep; I can tell she isn't hungry when she is having a fit.
Mine is only 2 weeks old. I'm going to stop eating dairy and see if that helps. Maybe it is the climate...I live in Maine, too. I am not looking forward to winter this year.
It is hard to have a screaming baby. Tonight is my first night waiting on her while she screams; my partner has some work to do downtown. I am nervous, wish me luck...she hasn't started yet but it's in the air.
TW
I know this isn't your thread sorry to be off topic! but I really think you should look at food allergies. You may be able to stop the colic with something as simple as cutting out dairy, or it might be something totally different.
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Old 09-26-2010, 11:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubblette View Post
I know this isn't your thread sorry to be off topic! but I really think you should look at food allergies. You may be able to stop the colic with something as simple as cutting out dairy, or it might be something totally different.
Ditto, though I would be hesitant to label "hours of screaming and refusal to nurse" at 2 weeks "colic." Oversupply, overactive letdown, reflux- there are a lot of fixable things that could cause this; people hear "colic" and they think they have to just wait it out.

I would be very, very concerned about a 2-week-old who is screaming for hours and not nursing.

(Sorry, OP.)

Doctors aren't out to kill you or your children. Childbirth isn't inherently safe. Science is actually smarter than your intuition. Lighten up. Use sunscreen.

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Old 09-26-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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OP - sounds JUST like my DD1, who is now 4, sleeps through the night all by herself in her own bed (well, crib in the earlier months) and has since about 18-19 months. She just NEEDED to let off steam. And she HATES to sleep. She's terrified of missing out on something, and she just doesn't LIKE to sleep. She was 17.5 months old the first time she slept for 6+ hours straight, and she was 15 months before I ditched the swaddle.

My suggestions, if you haven't tried these things already -

Room darkening shades
White noise machine
Swaddling
Nursing down - even if sometimes it means you are forced to sit with her for her entire nap because she will wake if you even THINK about putting her down.
Singing and rocking/bouncing at the same time
A pacifier if she'll take it (mine ditched hers all of her own accord at a year, we never had any problem with latch and it was a stellar option for us)

The arching her back thing does indicate some food intolerance/sensitivities, though, I think. And things she can "deal with" while upright may really be quite uncomfortable if not downright painful while laying down.

HTH!

And to the mom of the 2 MO considering CIO - PLEASE do not do this! Look into possible medical issues as a cause for all the crying.
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Old 09-27-2010, 12:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
OP- Yes. That is CIO. Leaving a baby to cry without trying to comfort him is CIO.
In fairness, the OP did say that daddy would be there the whole time baby screamed comforting her. Sitting beside her, holding her little hands, rubbing her back, etc. That's called "comforting" in my book.

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Old 09-27-2010, 01:12 AM
 
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I would second (third, fourth, fifth?) the idea of looking into a food sensitivity, if she's arching her back a lot and still waking up that many times a night. As mentioned, the first things to cut out would usually be dairy and soy. That may not be it, but it's certainly worth a try.

As to whether or not that's CIO...Regardless of what anyone calls it, if you have to leave your house for the weekend because you can't tolerate the way your DH handles your daughter, it's probably NOT OKAY. By all means, take an evening or two if you feel overwhelmed, but don't take an evening or two just because you can't stand to be witness to what your husband is doing (or not doing) to your daughter. Besides, what do you suspect the long term outcome of ONE weekend of this will be? Do you really, truly, honestly think that will solve your problem? I haven't done it, but I can almost certainly guarantee you that it won't. My DH's sister did CIO with all of her 3 kids, and they all regularly cried at night. My neighbor did it with all 3 of hers, and I wasn't present for the first 2, but I know her 3rd one regularly cried at night, too. It seems to me that the more honest description of what happens is that it sometimes work and it often doesn't, but when it doesn't, parents just learn to ignore their kids when they cry. That's what we saw DH's sister do. They'd wake up and cry in the night and we'd tell her, only to have her say, "It's okay. She'll go back to sleep," without ever even going in to check. And she spent WEEKS doing the CIO routine with them, not two nights.

I *can* feel your pain about having a baby who doesn't want to go to sleep. My DD2 is very, very, very, very, very, very difficult to get to sleep. I honestly find it really annoying when people constantly say how it must be because they're overtired. (Sorry, whoever said that - you've just not had a baby like this, probably.) No, it's not just because they're overtired for some of these kids. Some babies fight sleep. It's nice to believe that you're a super-pro at knowing JUST the right moment to get them down to prevent crying due to exhaustion, but some kids fight sleep, no matter whether they're a little tired, not at all tired, very tired, etc. That's just what they do. My DD2 cried for 45 minutes tonight before falling asleep. (She's 6 months old, for reference.) She regularly cries for an extended time before falling asleep.

It's not even that I agree with people saying that you're supposed to try to comfort them, even when it's not working, because sometimes babies don't want to be comforted, however much other people insist that they always do. It's just that I think if you feel so bad about whatever's going on with your own daughter that you refuse to witness it, you are crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed. I actually HAVE put my daughter down on the bed and let her fuss until she stopped fussing and fell asleep. I did stay right with her, lie next to her, rub her back, etc., but I definitely let her cry until she was ready to sleep. She didn't feel abandoned. She wasn't crying because I stopped pacing, rocking, bouncing, nursing, jiggling, and whatever else I could think of that might soothe her. She was crying because she was tired and stressed out. That's it. Once she got it out, she fell asleep. That was actually how she fell asleep every night for a few weeks. Then that stopped working too. lol Now DH usually carries her around and she screams her head off for a while, then falls asleep within 10 minutes of him giving her back to me. She just needs to cry. I don't know why.

So I guess I'm not really helpful on whether you should or shouldn't do it. I just think that YOU clearly feel it's not right, which means it's not right for your situation. My DD got calmer and calmer as she cried. It sounds like your DD doesn't, which means it's probably a bad idea. If you search my old posts in this forum you should actually find one in which I talked about this and linked to some blog post someone put up on it.
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Old 09-27-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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oops double post
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Old 09-27-2010, 01:56 AM
 
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I don't understand this thread.

The OP says her husband will be with the baby, comforting him, the entire time. He is not being left alone to cry. He will know daddy is right there. That is NOT CIO.

Why not try something different if what you're doing isn't working? Maybe the answer is co-sleeping, but maybe it's not. DD (9 months) does MUCH better when put down in her crib while being soothed vs. being rocked or nursed to sleep (which tends to amp her up). She'll fuss for a minute or two in her crib (while one of us is rubbing her back) vs. an hour or more in arms. Not all babies are the same.
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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I don't understand this thread.

The OP says her husband will be with the baby, comforting him, the entire time. He is not being left alone to cry. He will know daddy is right there. That is NOT CIO.
Sorry, sitting next to a crib patting a screaming baby doesn't count as comforting in my book.
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Old 09-27-2010, 02:53 PM
 
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Sorry, sitting next to a crib patting a screaming baby doesn't count as comforting in my book.
But she's doing the hysterical, arching her back, throwing herself off her parents' laps crying when in arms. Why not try putting her down and rubbing her back/talking to her to see if that WORKS? Wouldn't that be gentler if she responds better to that approach? If it doesn't work, no biggie, he just picks her up.

I'd rather my kid go to sleep with less trauma even if being in a crib is "less AP" than being in arms.
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Old 09-27-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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I don't understand this thread.

The OP says her husband will be with the baby, comforting him, the entire time. He is not being left alone to cry. He will know daddy is right there. That is NOT CIO.
I'd re-read the OP. She says she knows "from experience" that her daughter gets MORE hysterical when she gets "too upset" and someone picks her up, then puts her back down. In your post you describe a child that sounds like my DD2, who can release steam and calm down by crying in her crib. The OP's kid does not sound like that kind of kid, given that she apparently gets "too upset" requiring someone to pick her up and put her back down, which makes her more upset.

The OP is essentially upset by the fact that her daughter cries at all, and believes they're going to stop this crying by making her do it in her crib for two nights instead of in their arms for two nights. Come on, now. You know that won't work. Some babies cry themselves to sleep. They just do. That's what they do. Maybe the babies of some aboriginal tribes still living the lives they've lived for 1000 years don't do it, but in the modern, industrialized world, some babies cry themselves to sleep, no matter what anyone does. I just think this idea that she can leave the house for 2 nights and come back to a baby who magically falls asleep without crying is ridiculous. Of course that won't happen.
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Old 09-27-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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But she's doing the hysterical, arching her back, throwing herself off her parents' laps crying when in arms. Why not try putting her down and rubbing her back/talking to her to see if that WORKS? Wouldn't that be gentler if she responds better to that approach? If it doesn't work, no biggie, he just picks her up.

I'd rather my kid go to sleep with less trauma even if being in a crib is "less AP" than being in arms.
I agree with the last part, but in the OP she indicates that they've already tried this, given her description of how she knows it has played out in the past. The fact that she has to leave the house to do it suggests she believes her DH isn't really going to pick up the baby at the point when she would pick up the baby. Her instinct about HER child is telling her that he might cross a line she is unwilling to cross, so rather than not allow that to happen, she is simply deciding to turn a blind eye to it.

I have let my daughter cry on the bed, while I laid right next to her, as I already said. I didn't have to leave the house to make my husband do it because I felt so bad about it. Surely if you have multiple children you can understand that what you would feel okay about for one, you wouldn't necessarily feel okay about for another. I NEVER would've put DD1 down on the bed and let her cry while I laid with her. It wouldn't have worked and would have been wrong FOR HER. If the OP feels that badly about doing it to HER daughter, maybe that means it's not the right choice for her.
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Old 09-27-2010, 06:28 PM
 
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my DS did the SAME THING the first 9 months or so of his life. I had to rock him and hold him while he screamed until he went to sleep. It was horrible. He did have reflux and food allergy issues, but even with those sorted through, he was STILL a sleep fighter. He simply did NOT want to go to sleep. Then miraculously around 9 months old, he stopped fighting it. It partially coincided with when he started walking.. I "weaned" him from the rocking chair, first nighttime and then for naps. At night, I nursed him in bed, and then DH walked him around until he was asleep, and would lay him down in our bed. He didn't cry! Then I started nursing him down in the bed for naps, and he would actually go to sleep peacefully. We also dropped down to one nap a day around this time (10 months old) and I think that helped a lot.

A few things that really helped us--

*white noise
*blackout curtains/pitch black room (light/noise was always too stimulating)
*making sure DS got plenty of "exersize"
*OUTSIDE TIME
*getting out of the house each morning
*gently enforcing a "routine" to our day

I suggest reading the book Sleepless in America, it has a lot of great tips for structuring your day to help maximize sleep potential.


mama, it really will get better, I promise! For my DS, once he started walking and could really wear himself out, that made a huge difference. Plus, the more verbal he became and could understand that when mama/daddy says "it's time to sleep" that meant it was time to sleep, and he was able to calm down and fall asleep. He never would have been the type to be comforted in his crib with one of us standing by.. in fact, he still needs to be cuddled to sleep. BUT-- he sleeps ALL NIGHT LONG now, and doesn't scream before falling asleep.

Catie belly.gif- Happy wife to Aaron stillheart.gif(01.05), mama to Liambikenew.gif(08.08), and Ian jammin.gif (11.10)! homebirth.jpgnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif and joy.gif due Feb 2013 with blessing #3!

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Old 09-27-2010, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whoa I'm surprised to see how many replies i have gotten to this. Thanks everyone. I should have remembered to say that we do actually co-sleep part time- i just don't co sleep during naps or when she first goes down at night because i can't fall asleep with her if she is already in the bed so i bring her to bed later in the night when i am already really groggy and basically sleep walking- weird i know. I used to be able to nurse her down side lying but it doesn't work anymore now that she is more mobile and rolls around and gets on all fours and just will not settle. I know she doesn't have food allergies because when she had colic i actually did elimination diets to rule it out and she was on reflux meds for some time as well but it did not help any so we stopped them. All stuff i thought of back in the insane intense colic days....she was checked out by docs like 100 times and always came out fine.

I think the girl that said that if my instincts are telling me to pick her up then i shouldn't ignore them by making myself leave the apartment to have her dad put her down is probably right. I've been under a lot of pressure to do some kind of sleep training from my husband (he means well) and her doctor at one point too. I guess i just feel like when she is arching her back and throwing herself out of my lap that she doesn't want to be held anymore so i try to set her down and that usually doesn't work either. I feel frustrated and don't understand what she wants me to do with her. I guess i just question myself to much :/

Shockingly though last night i set her down in her crib after nursing and rocking and she actually feel asleep in the crib with only a few seconds of fussing and not even really crying. I held her hand and patted her bum. I'm going to try it again tonight but if she even so much as starts to cry i will pick her up and rock her like usual. I can at least give it a shot right?

Thanks again (especially for those who stood up for me!) i wish i had time to respond to everyone's replies.
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Old 09-27-2010, 07:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow, this sounds like my baby! She only screams for a couple of hours a night, but my partner has always taken care of her in just this way...although he does hold her and dance her etc also. It seems to help a lot and it allows me to get sleep; I can tell she isn't hungry when she is having a fit.
Mine is only 2 weeks old. I'm going to stop eating dairy and see if that helps. Maybe it is the climate...I live in Maine, too. I am not looking forward to winter this year.
It is hard to have a screaming baby. Tonight is my first night waiting on her while she screams; my partner has some work to do downtown. I am nervous, wish me luck...she hasn't started yet but it's in the air.
TW
Where i Maine are you located? In the Portland area? There are so many great support groups that helped me so much in this area. I feel so bad for you because my DDs weeks 4-12 were SO hard. I don't think you are doing anything wrong by having your husband help!!!! If you offered the breast and she wasn't interested you are doing NOTHING wrong. I couldn't have survived colic with my DH's help. My DD was the SAME way but eventually she grew to find BFIng more comforting. She is a binky baby for sure because i have small nipples (basically almost flat) and she wont nurse for comfort but just for food. It is just the way she is. It kinda ticks me off when people act like BFing is a cure all for crying. Some babies enjoy BFing for comfort and want to nurse 24/67 but some just don't. You are doing a great job.
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