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#1 of 33 Old 10-10-2010, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 2 week year old. She isn't colicky, but if she isn't sleeping or eating she is crying. She only stops if we aggressively bounce her. She'll usually stop crying in the baby carrier or the Moby, but that is because she falls asleep. I'm just wondering if this is normal.

How much does/did your baby cry at 2 weeks. Other than the happiest baby on the block stuff, any tips? I am thinking about trying a chiropractor. I feel like she is crying because of gas or because she is uncomfortable. She hates being on her back or in any position besides upright or on her tummy.
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#2 of 33 Old 10-10-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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My first rarely cried, my second fussed for 18 months, and still walks around scowling, and my third is laid back and only fusses/cries if we missed all of her warning cues.

Pick up the "Parenting a high needs baby" book from Dr. Sears. It's a great resource because even mild mannered babies have grouchy days. I find myself flipping though it on rough days, just for another thing to try.

Chiropractic is a great place to start, and cranial sacral has made a big difference in my kids (especially #3, since she was hung up on her way out, and had some pretty sore/bruised spots as a newborn).

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#3 of 33 Old 10-10-2010, 08:06 PM
 
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This is not unusual and it might turn out that your baby isn't a "high needs" baby at all. at 2 weeks most babies just want to eat and sleep. Most babies are not accustomed enough to the world outside of your womb to really feel chill without being held/nursed. Constant holding and nursing is what they need, and if you do that, then chances are your milk supply will be awesome and your baby will slowly become more and more able to be content on her own. Hang in there... the first few months can be really tough!

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#4 of 33 Old 10-10-2010, 08:13 PM
 
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My thoughts are with you, I know how it breaks your heart to hear a baby cry for even one minute. Those first weeks can be so trying. I totally agree with the previous poster to address needs, providing there is no medical issue, babies mainly need to be held and nursed to prevent crying,

In western cultures 2-3 hours a day is 'common' for newborns to cry according to studies, however babies that are carried or worn in a carrier or sling, cry 43% less. Babies tend to cry out of feelings of abandonment or hunger. Excessive crying, as associated with colic, is often unheard of in cultures where mother is rarely separated from infant.

Le Leche League mothers, who are encouraged to feed babies on demand and watch for prefeeding cues instead of crying, tend to have babies that cry less than most western cultures. Babies that are responded to promptly within the first six months of life tend to cry less in the second six months.

All of this I learned while reading the book Vital Touch. You can scroll through the book's chapter, Crying Myth, in the following link (scroll up to page 195 to begin):

http://tinyurl.com/2cld2up

From my own experience, I found that my son needed to not only be in arms or carrier most of the time, but also sleeping next to me in bed versus a crib next to the bed. Even though I was able to reach right into his co-sleeper crib he really needed to be right next to my body in order to feel secure. It worked so beautifully once he began sleeping in our bed. He finally felt secure and safe.

By the way, if you should here the erroneous info that crying strengthens the lungs, it's not so. Within the first two days lungs are fully expanded. That was an old myth at the turn of the century that medicine has now proven false. Only saying this as I had this falsehood spoken to me when my son was a newborn. I was hyper responsive and someone told me to calm down 'they need to cry'. I doubted that nature and biology would not have made it normal to let a newborn cry and use up energy, calories, and be stressed like that, but regardless someone said it to me (not sure if you've heard it yet).

Best wishes and congratulations on your new baby. You'll be a great mom. I cannot tell you how much mothering.com has helped me. That and two books, The Vital Touch and The Baby Bond.

Congrats again!
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#5 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 08:26 AM
 
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I have 3 babies. My first cried a lot. Every evening, he fussed from 5-8pm for the first 8 weeks or so. He cried sometimes during the day. He cried/screamed during car rides until he was 5 months old.

My second cried a little less.

My third is the most content baby ever. He rarely cries. He's 4 months old, and if he cries, we rush to find the problem because it's very, very unusual.

All 3 babies nursed on demand at first, held a lot, the first two baby worn (the 3rd hates to be worn), yadda, yadda. Just all 3 completely different.
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#6 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 09:05 AM
 
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I'd say normal. I remember calling my sister in tears because if he wasn't eating or sleeping he was crying! (Which didn't necessarily mean he cried that much, but that I nursed him ALL THE TIME to keep him happy!)

She sort of laughed, and told me to hang in there. And she was right. He couldn't hardly be set down for what felt like forever, but at about 5 weeks he began the process of sort of chilling out and things have just been getting better from there. Once they start smiling, I think that's the turning point. I dunno, maybe he still cried just as much but if you get just 1 smile a day at least you feel like your baby loves you and it makes it all worth it!

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#7 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 09:19 AM
 
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Both of my constantly in arms, worn, breastfed on demand, cosleeping infants cried A TON as newborns. They outgrew it after a while but it was really frustrating, especially since new moms are frequently inundated with the idea that if your baby is crying all the time you must be doing something wrong.

I spent the first several months of DS1's life miserable because I was doing everything Dr. Sears told me to do and the baby still screamed for several hours every night. Babies cry, the world is big and new and overwhelming, hold them, nurse them, and know that they may cry anyway and you're not doing anything wrong.

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#8 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Your responses are super helpful. My LO has only ever been on her own for car rides and about 20 minutes in her swing. I nurse on demand and DH and I baby wear. I would love to be able to put her down sometimes, but she is not having any of it. The problem is she has to be bounced or walked to stay quiet. The minute I stop she starts wailing.

Hopefully she chills out soon. It's not so bad for me, but I want her to be less stressed.
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#9 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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Big hugs!! I've been going through the same thing...again! My dd is 6 weeks on Thursday. I was coming to ask for help as well. My biggest problem is having an almost 3yo....

I feel your pain, mama!

Mama to Noah (3) and Rebekah (09/2/10) femalesling.GIF
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#10 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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nak

I am (was?) in a similar boat! DD is 6 weeks old and until about a week ago basically cried all.the.time. She wasn't colicky, though--it was just if she wasn't nursing, she was usually crying, even though she was pretty much being held or worn constantly. She also fought napping during the day, even when she was being held, and I had to sleep with her on my chest at night to get her to sleep at all.

Things are slowly getting a little better (I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing that!). She'll now sleep in her bouncy chair for 1-2 hours most days, and she's now sleeping next to me in bed (although not the side-carred cosleeper yet...). Best of all, she now has some non-crying time in the morning, which is really great and fun.

I still think she's a Dr. Sears high need baby for a variety of reasons, but it has already gotten better from those first few insane weeks.

Hang in there! Big hugs...it will get better!

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#11 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 01:05 PM
 
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My DD was very much like this.

Are there any signs of reflux (or silent reflux) other than not wanting to be on her back? That's definitely something to think about and look into.

Otherwise- if bouncing her calms her down, get an exercise ball if you don't have one. At 6 months that's still a surefire way to get DD to sleep- put her in a carrier and bounce on the ball.

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#12 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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All of mine cried unless they were being held, or if they fell asleep in the car which was only for a few minutes at a time unless sucking on my finger. My last two had a specific carrier that they needed to be in, #4 was an Ergo and #5 is the wrap, though he'll stand for the Ergo if needed. There's nothing wrong with a sleeping baby, as long as she is nursing often and gaining well she can't sleep too much. My 5 week old is still only awake for 5-20 minutes at a time. Just keep her in the Moby as much as you can. Learn to nurse in it, if you can.

ETA- I second the recommendation for getting a yoga ball if you don' have one. I sit on mine pretty much whenever I sit down. With 4 other kids I have a lot of housework and other things to do so I don't sit much.
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#13 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 01:46 PM
 
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It totally depends on the baby.

My first and third were (are) very laid back as babies, crying only when their needs aren't met (though sometimes the need is for holding or playing). My second screamed for four months, cried the next two, sulked until he was 10 months, and is now the happiest, sweetest, preschooler who sees humor in everything.

On the other hand, especially if this is your first, you need to make sure your bases are covered. Is your LO gaining well? I knew someone who brushed off her baby's crying becuase she was "meeting all his needs" (including nursing around the clock) and lo and behold the baby was starving -- she just didn't make enough milk. Even if LO is gaining a little, some babies need much more than others. What color is baby's poop? Is it frequent enough? Is baby projectile vomiting?

Have you seen the doctor recently? It's true that many babies just cry a lot, but I would never rely on that until there's been a thorough check-up.
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#14 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 01:46 PM
 
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Some babies just cry. My friend's son cried all the time. She never once left him with a babysitter because he was always crying. She said "He hated the world from the moment he was born". But, he seemed to outgrow it by about three or four months.
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#15 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 02:08 PM
 
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I just want to gently let you know that this advice could be very frustrating to hear for parents who are dealing with a baby who cries a lot. It is great that you found something that worked for your son.

However, some babies cry a LOT, with no apparent reason. My DD1 did that, and it was the hardest experience I have had in life so far. There was nothing I could do about it. I nursed, held, slung, co-slept, bounced on the yoga ball until my lower back screamed along with my baby. The idea that she was crying "out of abandonment or hunger" would have sent me completely over the edge. It is nice that there is a study saying that babies who are not separated from their mothers cry less. My first DD was glued to me for the first year of her life, and I don't see how she could have really cried any MORE than she did, especially in the first three months. I had no "response time" because my baby was in my arms screaming--ALL THE TIME, except when she was nursing or sleeping--also in my arms. With my second baby, I did the same AP things, and she didn't cry quite as much. In fact, I actually had to put her down from time to time to do things for my DD1.

OP, I actually think it is very very common for babies to cry a lot in the first month or so. Some babies cry very little. They are just different, just like adults are so very different. All you can do is cuddle and love on your baby, and she will be fine. Even my dd who screamed for months is a delightful (and still LOUD) three-year-old who just has a wonderfully exuberant personality.


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Originally Posted by Asiago View Post
My thoughts are with you, I know how it breaks your heart to hear a baby cry for even one minute. Those first weeks can be so trying. I totally agree with the previous poster to address needs, providing there is no medical issue, babies mainly need to be held and nursed to prevent crying,

In western cultures 2-3 hours a day is 'common' for newborns to cry according to studies, however babies that are carried or worn in a carrier or sling, cry 43% less. Babies tend to cry out of feelings of abandonment or hunger. Excessive crying, as associated with colic, is often unheard of in cultures where mother is rarely separated from infant.

Le Leche League mothers, who are encouraged to feed babies on demand and watch for prefeeding cues instead of crying, tend to have babies that cry less than most western cultures. Babies that are responded to promptly within the first six months of life tend to cry less in the second six months.

All of this I learned while reading the book Vital Touch. You can scroll through the book's chapter, Crying Myth, in the following link (scroll up to page 195 to begin):

http://tinyurl.com/2cld2up

From my own experience, I found that my son needed to not only be in arms or carrier most of the time, but also sleeping next to me in bed versus a crib next to the bed. Even though I was able to reach right into his co-sleeper crib he really needed to be right next to my body in order to feel secure. It worked so beautifully once he began sleeping in our bed. He finally felt secure and safe.

By the way, if you should here the erroneous info that crying strengthens the lungs, it's not so. Within the first two days lungs are fully expanded. That was an old myth at the turn of the century that medicine has now proven false. Only saying this as I had this falsehood spoken to me when my son was a newborn. I was hyper responsive and someone told me to calm down 'they need to cry'. I doubted that nature and biology would not have made it normal to let a newborn cry and use up energy, calories, and be stressed like that, but regardless someone said it to me (not sure if you've heard it yet).

Best wishes and congratulations on your new baby. You'll be a great mom. I cannot tell you how much mothering.com has helped me. That and two books, The Vital Touch and The Baby Bond.

Congrats again!
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#16 of 33 Old 10-11-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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I'd say normal. I remember calling my sister in tears because if he wasn't eating or sleeping he was crying! (Which didn't necessarily mean he cried that much, but that I nursed him ALL THE TIME to keep him happy!)

She sort of laughed, and told me to hang in there. And she was right. He couldn't hardly be set down for what felt like forever, but at about 5 weeks he began the process of sort of chilling out and things have just been getting better from there. Once they start smiling, I think that's the turning point. I dunno, maybe he still cried just as much but if you get just 1 smile a day at least you feel like your baby loves you and it makes it all worth it!
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On the other hand, especially if this is your first, you need to make sure your bases are covered. Is your LO gaining well? I knew someone who brushed off her baby's crying becuase she was "meeting all his needs" (including nursing around the clock) and lo and behold the baby was starving -- she just didn't make enough milk. Even if LO is gaining a little, some babies need much more than others. What color is baby's poop? Is it frequent enough? Is baby projectile vomiting?

Have you seen the doctor recently? It's true that many babies just cry a lot, but I would never rely on that until there's been a thorough check-up.
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OP, I actually think it is very very common for babies to cry a lot in the first month or so. Some babies cry very little. They are just different, just like adults are so very different. All you can do is cuddle and love on your baby, and she will be fine. Even my dd who screamed for months is a delightful (and still LOUD) three-year-old who just has a wonderfully exuberant personality.
I very much agree with PPs (especially the 5wk smile turn around), I'll even go so far as to admit I questioned my own sanity for getting us into this! I want to throw 1 more thought out there as well, which was suggested to me & I disregarded at first. I have over active let down (OALD) and over supply (OS). One day I pulled DS off and he got totally squirted in the face. I felt so bad but also couldn't stop laughing. I looked up OALD/OS and how to work with it & that made a big difference for us.

Whatever the reason, even if it's no reason,

nak

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (14).

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#17 of 33 Old 10-12-2010, 01:39 AM
 
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Yes, I agree with everyone here (especially the part about "what did we DO?!!" and worrying that she was unhappy). It is common for newborns to "wake up" and start fussing a lot around 2 weeks, and our baby went from calm awake or quiet sleeping to crying a LOT around 1 week old. It was terrifying - sounds funny now, but we were really really concerned that something was wrong. And then stressed that she was stressed. But she was just learning to adjust to the world, and we also had a not-often-talked-about breastfeeding challenge: oversupply and foremilk/ hindmilk imbalance. I found a great lactation clinic around 3 weeks that helped me learn that too much milk can be hard for the babies to digest (the foremilk makes them gassier than the hindmilk, and since I was constantly switching boobs like all of the resources told me to, she was almost only getting foremilk, so never felt full and was always gassy, and threw up a LOT).
That said... crying is definitely normal. A LOT of crying is fine, though hard to hear. Just keep doing what you can to comfort, and if your intuition says something's wrong (especially closer to 5-6 weeks), keep searching for help and asking questions until you get some help!

Gas is definitely a really big thing for babies. The slightest bubble can make them so uncomfortable. I'd try laying her down on her tummy (supervised) to see if that helps her fart or burp, or even on your chest at a reclined angle. Have you tried a little vibrating chair? Lots of gassy babies LOVE that

I do remember the lactation consultant saying something about "colic" and I started crying... she said, "colic just means gas and fussiness, which is what you already know!". But for some reason, it was just harder to hear the term "colic", just as it was to hear "high need". She turned out to be neither, but the adjustment for both of us was shocking.

Good luck and hang in there! It gets better!! Soon she'll be smiling too
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#18 of 33 Old 10-12-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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My apologies Kindchen. I was just repeating what I'd read, the link is included. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I had found the book really useful in helping me understand my baby's needs.
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#19 of 33 Old 10-12-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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DS cried when he was gassy. Which wasn't often but was always obvious.
DD1 cried when she was tired (perhaps that's yours issue too?) which makes it hard because crying makes it very hard to fall asleep lol.
DD2... well. Shes 2 weeks now and Ive only heard her cry twice. She fusses if she needs changed or fed or to sleep. I don't know why she doesn't cry though. I'm not doing anything differently than I did with the other two other than babywearing (I am now... love my moby... didn't with the other two)

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#20 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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Definitely look into possible silent reflux. Reflux, fussiness, and/or gassiness can all be reactions to something in your diet if you are breastfeeding, often dairy -- and can take a week or more of you being off dairy to notice a difference. For gas, burp after feedings, read about Dr Sears' abdominal masages, and see if baby likes to lay on her right side when she is gassy.

I would absolutely look into all possible medical causes before assuming you've just got a crier. My pedi said "colic" with my third baby, but it turned out to be a reaction to some ice cream I'd started eating, and from there I learned that "colic" is often undiagnosed silent reflux -- as the reflux can come & go, thus being hard for the doctor to diagnose.

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#21 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 12:01 PM
 
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My apologies Kindchen. I was just repeating what I'd read, the link is included. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I had found the book really useful in helping me understand my baby's needs.
I probably overreacted.

My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.
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#22 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.
My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!
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#23 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 12:34 PM
 
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My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!
Oh, mama, I know how incredibly hard that is. I just want to make sure you know that *it gets better*. I talk to people who had easy babies and they think dealing with a two- or three-year-old is hard.I just find every stage easier than the one before, because nothing compares to having someone scream at you all.the.time. (I know babies aren't really "screaming AT me" but it felt like they were.)

The constant carrying is really physically exhausting too. Now my kids are quite independent and insist on climbing into the car and their seats on their own, never want to be carried, etc.

Mine both have intense personalities, so parenting them isn't a walk in the park, but they aren't just intense when it comes to what they need, they are also intense about being happy, excited, loving, and other wonderful things. They were both very crabby babies.

Also, if your baby is 4 months old, I think it is highly likely things will start gradually improving very soon. People told me three months, and in desperation I hoped for an immediate, total turnaround. That didn't happen, but around four months I noticed that things were getting a bit less intense, and things just got better from there. Best of luck! You can do this! And you have been through so much already that other aspects of parenting will likely seem much easier to you than to someone who hasn't experienced such a hard start.
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#24 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 12:41 PM
 
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I also had one that SCREAMED despite anything we did. We walked, bounced, rocked, wore, rotated every piece of baby furniture we had, nothing helped. For a short time, driving did help, but then she began to hate the car seat. We ruled out reflux and food issues. It lasted for about six months and the whole thing was a contributing factor in my PPD. She was an IVF baby, we tried for six years and to have her cry and scream so much was just awful. I just cried with her often, thinking how that was just not how it was supposed to be.

Now, she's 2 and I won't say dealing with her at 2 is "easier," but in the sense that it's not so emotionally draining, it is. She is SO into EVERYTHING.
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#25 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kindchen View Post
I probably overreacted.

My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.
No worries, I understand. The crying is absolutely heartbreaking to listen to. It goes through a mother's whole body (as nature designed it to). During waking hours my son needed to be in constant motion. My nourishment consisted of foods I could quickly grab off of the kitchen counter as I walked briskly through the house while holding him. I think I lived on dried fruit and nuts for a while so that I wouldn't have to stop and stand still
By the way I shouldn't have just blurted out the contents of the book, I am sure the author worked hard to write it thoughtfully (sorry OP)
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#26 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LeaPea View Post
My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!
My DS was like this too, though he didn't SCREAM a lot, but he was very fussy all the time... I take it back the first 4 months or so there was a lot of screaming due to reflux. Once he reached 9 monhts old and then started walking (at 9.5 months) he was HAPPY! And he is a pretty easygoing toddler. So even though you can't see the "light" now, it DOES get better eventually!

OP, I would definitely look into reflux and food allergy issues.

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#27 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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Some babies cry a lot. It's hard. My older daughter could not handle being off of me for over six months. I couldn't shower or get dressed without screaming fits like she was being dismembered. One of our neighbors recently told me that she was impressed by how 'tough we were' in letting her cry it out. No... that was my husband walking her while I tried to do very basic self care. I didn't do any house work or cooking for six months because she would freak out if I did anything other than sit in a chair with her on the Boppy nursing.

At the time I thought that was standard and just what babies did so I didn't feel like a terrible mother (thankfully) but my second child is so much easier it's like a whole different planet. If I had any expectations that babies were 'supposed' to be like my second child I would have lost my mind with my first daughter. It does get better!

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#28 of 33 Old 10-13-2010, 06:37 PM
 
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I havn't read through the whole thread - but if your baby seems to cry a lot and you can't quite figure it out.... (or even if you can!) - I would highly recommend a cranial osteopath!

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#29 of 33 Old 10-17-2010, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The responses to this thread have been so interesting and helpful. I really feel a lot better knowing that I am not the only one! LO is 3 weeks now and I think I am figuring out her crying. I can always get her to calm down by nursing, wearing, or shushing and bouncing her, so I know it is not a medical issue. She doesn't seem to have gas. I am pretty sure she cries when she is tired. Now I have been trying to put her to sleep and her crying has decreased a whole lot. Hopefully we will keep on this path!
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#30 of 33 Old 10-17-2010, 04:55 PM
 
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It took me a few months to figure out that my babies cried when they were tired too! I devised a method using many of the 5 S's to get 'em to sleep: swaddle + paci + rock/walk + shhh-ing and it has made a big difference. I get DH to help out with this too by saying "I need you to do the Daddy Dance with this baby." It was quite a realization, like, "Oh! You've been crying all this time because you're TIRED, not just hungry!" *light bulb*

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