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#31 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 12:34 PM
 
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soothies helped me and my daughter survive.  In fact, she gave them up way earlier than I would have liked (around 6 months) because quite frankly, she needed them.

 

She had an extremely strong sucking instinct however she also had gas issues and would REFUSE to be on the breast if she wasn't actually hungry and just wanted to suck.  Once she was a month old, in came the soothie.  Sure, she would suck on my pinkie happily most of the time but it just wasn't realistic for me to have my finger in her mouth the majority of the time she wasn't on the breast.  I needed my hands to get things done... like change her diaper!

 

She was also a hardcore sleep fighter.  Since the beginning, it was always a struggle to get her to realize that she really could sleep and everything would still be there for her to be fascinated with when she woke up.  She was extremely alert from the jump which I am sure is why she was a sleep fighter.  Using the soothie once she was done nursing to help her sleep got ME more sleep.  Like I said, she wouldn't nurse if she was hungry but of course she wanted to comfort suck to sleep.  It was the soothie or me going insane.

 

She gave up her soothie after a long car trip and I sincerely wish she had waited even just three more months.  Getting her to bed was hell without it especially through the normal sleep regression stage around 9 months.  now she fights sleep really hard if I don't nurse her all the way to sleep before putting her in bed.  I think night weaning would go over like a lead balloon right now...

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#32 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 12:52 PM
 
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So I'm mixing sources here.

 

 

Quote: Colgate
But persistent and long-term sucking, especially after the permanent teeth begin to come into the mouth around age 6, can cause:
  • The top front teeth to slant out.
  • The bottom front teeth to tilt in.
  • The upper and lower jaws to be misaligned.
  • The roof of the mouth to be narrowed.

 

Quote: ABC News
The study found that those children who cut back on the use of pacifiers had 33 percent fewer cases of ear infections than those children who didn’t.

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#33 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llyra View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WifeofAnt View Post


This is what I was thinking.  Comfort nursing is a relationship.  A mother is comforting her child.  If a child really *needs* comforting they aren't going to be running around all day with it in their mouth.  That's a habit, not a comfort measure.  Comfort nursing is also a little self-limiting.  The child has to be with mom.  He/she can't take Mommy to the bathroom, stay latched on all through Walmart (unless you have a really tiny 5 year old you can still wear), or nurse the whole day.  Mommy will eventually have to go to the bathroom herself, take a shower, do whatever around the house, possibly go to school or work, and maybe care for a younger sibling or two.  A similar child with a pacifier could technically bring his/her paci anywhere and everywhere and never have to spit it out to learn other ways of calming.



And yet they go to college without it. So clearly they must be learning other ways of calming. Perhaps not on a schedule designed to make strangers in public places comfortable, but they do. How is an alternative "lovie" any different? Like a blanket, or a teddy bear, or the rubber alligator my DH apparently carried everywhere with him until he was six. My DS can take his blankie to the mall, to Sunday school, to the doctor's office, to the grocery store-- even if I don't go along. And yet I don't hear cries of "lazy parenting" over him having a blankie (he'll be four in a few weeks, BTW.) Or maybe I do? In any case, I don't agree with depriving children of their harmless comfort objects while they still have a need for those objects. The "relationship" he has with his Buppy is maybe not a relationship that a random stranger would place much value on, but for him, and for our family, it's a very important and valuable relationship. If we could see clear and irrefutable evidence that the paci causes anybody at all any harm at all, then we might have a basis for deciding they must be limited to infancy. But I don't know that there is any such evidence.

I am not really a big fan of lovies either, but yes, they are more socially acceptable. Heck, even adults have lovies. for my brother, it is his baseball cap. For most people, it is their cell phone....The point is that a pacifier has a specific use-it is designed for small babies to suck on when they are FF or otherwise have a strong need to suck...Whereas a lovie is a security object for an older child....  I think you are comparing apples and oranges here. A pacifier is not meant to be a lovie, but that is what it ends up being for some children, because they are not weaned from it at an early age.

 

Frankly I think I might be the lazy parent here, because I really did not want the hassle of finding the paci when it goes missing, making sure DD had it etc..Sounds like a huge PITA to me. huh.gif

 

Every child is different, and every parent has a different philosophy. So, we agree to disagree. I am fine with that. Rainbow.gif


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#34 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 02:49 PM
 
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Well, my ODD had a soother at almost 3 (we took it away a month shy of 3rd birthday) and I'm really offended at the term "lazy parent".......that type of judgement is completely unecessary. I have a very spirited child and she NEEDED that thing to help her sleep at night, nothing else worked and you know what? I'm not apologizing for it. Her soother was a very big cue for sleep for her and you could see her little body relaxing when she got it at bed time. A friend of mine took her sons soother at 2 and admitted to me that he didn't sleep for a YEAR after she took it........no way in H#ll I would put myself through that. For what? to avoid judgement from other people? Her having a soother (just for naps, bed or long car rides) didn't hurt her or anyone else. There was no encouraging another way of finding comfort.....that was it, that was what worked for her and she slept 12 hours every single night with it. I got pregnant right at her 2nd birthday and had another bad pregnancy, constant vomitting, I lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks......I would have done anything to sleep, I wasn't about to rock the boat on 12 hour nights of sleep. I guess that makes me a lazy parent........so be it. My YDD is almost 6 months old and still has a soother, she NEEDS it too and she'll have it as long as it's working for us (she isn't spirted like ODD but has a high need to suck). Please back off on your judgement unless you have walked in someone elses shoes and had their exact child (which we all know is impossible).


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#35 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 02:52 PM
 
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Just one more thing........we were camping this summer and my almost 3 year old nephew was still drinking his milk out of a bottle.......I seriously did not give it a second thought. It's none of my business and I can't fathom having to the time or inclination to judge someone else because of something like that.


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#36 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WifeofAnt View Post

So I'm mixing sources here.

 

 

Quote: Colgate
But persistent and long-term sucking, especially after the permanent teeth begin to come into the mouth around age 6, can cause:
  • The top front teeth to slant out.
  • The bottom front teeth to tilt in.
  • The upper and lower jaws to be misaligned.
  • The roof of the mouth to be narrowed.

 

Quote: ABC News
The study found that those children who cut back on the use of pacifiers had 33 percent fewer cases of ear infections than those children who didn’t.

It's the by age six that strikes me. Because the studies I was shown talked about the importance of stopping paci use by age 4 or 5, which is when the permanent teeth begin to descend and emerge. So that's what I aimed for with my kids-- to be done by 4. That's not evidence that it's harmful in one/two/three year olds.

The ear infection thing is one I haven't heard. I will definitely look into it.

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#37 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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A pacifier saved my breastfeeding relationship with my DD. She was 3 days old and had been nursing around the clock since birth. Both my nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was in tears after feeding her and watching her spit up the entire feeding complete with bright red blood from my nipples. My mom went out and bought the pacifier I had been adamant that I would not use prior to motherhood. At that point I figured I didn't have anything to lose since I couldn't imagine the pain of continuing to nurse if she was going to suck on me around the clock. I needed my body to heal. DD took to the pacifier immediately and we never had any trouble with nipple confusion or with my supply. I fed her with the less damaged side and pumped the other until it healed and then switched. I dumped the milk I pumped during the healing process so she knew that sucking on mommy=food. I didn't want to add to any potential nipple confusion by adding a bottle to the mix.

 

DD is still a happy nursling today at 8 months.

 

I share my story in case it can help another mother save her breastfeeding relationship. Pacifiers are not for every baby. I am sure of that. But you can have a wonderful, long-term breastfeeding relationship even if you use a pacifier. It saved us.

 

DD still uses her paci to sleep at night (she co-sleeps with us.) She will turn to me in the night and nurse as she needs and will occasionally fuss for her pacifier. When she was very little I would always offer the breast first but now I know the difference between her fussing for the pacifier and her turning to me and mouthing for the breast. She does not use the paci out of the bed anymore. 

 

Just wanted to share our story in case it can help another mama who is struggling like I did.


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#38 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 05:15 PM
 
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Oh, how I loved the pacifiers.  Both kids nursed past a year, DD almost to 2 yrs, and both of them loved thier nee-nees to pieces, they were their loveys. Both of them loved to sucks, but hated getting milk when they didn't want it.  DD was particularly intense and if I gave her a pacifier I could sometimes get 5 minutes if I needed to put her down before she started screaming for me.  They both used them a lot until they were about 18 months old, then they were relegated to naptime and bedtime only.  They both gave them up at bedtime right around 3-1/2 without a fight, on their own timetable with gentle nudges from us. 

 

I have nothing but fond memories of the good old nee-nees and the joy and peace they brought to us in times when other things didn't work.  I am a human being, not a superhero and only had so much to give; the pacifiers filled in the gaps so I could maintain my sanity and continue to parent them both kindly and gently.  Everyone has their own threshhold.  From what I can see, my pacifier-lovers (nearly 7 and 4-1/2 now) are no worse off than other kids I see out and about, so I have no reason to feel badly about using them (and using them a fair amount some of the time).  They are secure, attached kids.

 

We still have one little pink nee-nee left tucked in my nightstand drawer and I come across it from time to time and smile a little.  


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#39 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 08:39 PM
 
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Oh, how I loved the pacifiers.  Both kids nursed past a year, DD almost to 2 yrs, and both of them loved thier nee-nees to pieces, they were their loveys. Both of them loved to sucks, but hated getting milk when they didn't want it.  DD was particularly intense and if I gave her a pacifier I could sometimes get 5 minutes if I needed to put her down before she started screaming for me.  They both used them a lot until they were about 18 months old, then they were relegated to naptime and bedtime only.  They both gave them up at bedtime right around 3-1/2 without a fight, on their own timetable with gentle nudges from us. 

 

I have nothing but fond memories of the good old nee-nees and the joy and peace they brought to us in times when other things didn't work.  I am a human being, not a superhero and only had so much to give; the pacifiers filled in the gaps so I could maintain my sanity and continue to parent them both kindly and gently.  Everyone has their own threshhold.  From what I can see, my pacifier-lovers (nearly 7 and 4-1/2 now) are no worse off than other kids I see out and about, so I have no reason to feel badly about using them (and using them a fair amount some of the time).  They are secure, attached kids.

 

We still have one little pink nee-nee left tucked in my nightstand drawer and I come across it from time to time and smile a little.  


100% to the bolded.  It isn't lazy parenting to use a pacifier.  It is purely having a child who needs more than you can give.  If someone can have a child on the breast around the clock with no issues, more power to them... I think thats great!  however not all moms are capable of giving every single thing their babies need, or if they are it becomes detrimental to the mom.

 

Are there people who abuse pacifiers convenience?  Of course there are.  but you can't tell which people those are just by seeing them briefly in public.

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#40 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 03:40 AM
 
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I refused to allow any pacifiers in my house with my first two babies.  They both managed just fine, though I've got to mention that one of them still sucks her thumb (CONSTANTLY) at age 8!

 

I did own pacifiers with my next two babies, but neither one was especially interested in them.  They were sometimes usefull during car rides, and occassionally during a rough night.

 

My current 1-month-old is a whole other story.  He doesn't want a binkie during times of actual distress. (He was hospitalized for 3 days last week, and every nurse/dr./tech tried to "calm" him with the binkie even though I told them it wouldn't work.)  He wants it when he's nearly asleep, right after coming off the breast like a pp mentioned.  In fact, as I'm typing this, he's got the bink in his mouth and his forehead on my bare breast.  I call it his transition, lol.  Otherwise, he'll scream when I attempt to move him.


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#41 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 04:34 AM
 
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I refused to allow any pacifiers in my house with my first two babies.  They both managed just fine, though I've got to mention that one of them still sucks her thumb (CONSTANTLY) at age 8!

It's so interesting what different people are OK with - this is exactly the reason we used pacifiers.  DH's brother regularly sucked his thumb until he was 12 and it apparently creeped DH out (he has clear memories of it though he was a couple years younger) so he was definitely pro-pacifier because you can eventually phase a pacifier out, but you can't really get rid of someone's thumb.  That was actually how we gauged the kids' readiness to give up the pacifier, by whether they started sucking on their fingers or not when we kept it from them.  When they got to the point where there were no tears and no finger sucking replacing it, they were ready to give it up.


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#42 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 04:39 AM
 
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dd was given a paci in the hospital while under the billi lights because she was crying otherwise. I had intended not to use them at all but after that I kept giving it to her because in my post birth haze it didnt occur to me that I could just stop. It was horrible, every time it fell out of her mouth she woke up which contributed to her waking every 30minutes to an hour for the next year plus. For her once it fell out the only way to get her back to sleep was nursing the paci wouldnt settle her back so I went through he!! from sleep deprivation. I had zero issues taking it from her at around 18 months and I could buy her any brand I wanted to no matter the shape and she would suck it so that was OK at least.

So when ds was born a paci never touched his lips I wasnt about to have a replay of the disaster they caused with dd. He slept better than dd thankfully.

If I had it to do over the paci would have disappeared after dd came home from the hospital.

 
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#43 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 05:43 AM
 
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Quote:

My current 1-month-old is a whole other story.  He doesn't want a binkie during times of actual distress. (He was hospitalized for 3 days last week, and every nurse/dr./tech tried to "calm" him with the binkie even though I told them it wouldn't work.)  He wants it when he's nearly asleep, right after coming off the breast like a pp mentioned.  In fact, as I'm typing this, he's got the bink in his mouth and his forehead on my bare breast.  I call it his transition, lol.  Otherwise, he'll scream when I attempt to move him.



That's how my 5 month old is:) He has always had a very high suck need! When he was tiny we were desperate and gave him a paci but it interfered with nursing so after a day or two, away it went!! Now I am able to give it to him after he has nursed to sleep, when I need to lay him down and get stuff done!! Other than that, he prefers the real thing;)

 

Some kids just need a pacifier and some don't! If parenthood has taught me anything it is that every baby is different and what works for one may not for another! To each his/her own!


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#44 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 06:09 AM
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I sucked my thumb until I was five, and I now have an overbite, TMJ and a gap between my teeth. My parents tried to get me to stop, but I was inconsolable without my thumb, it was so bad I actually had a callus. I did not want that for my child, and I did my best to avoid it.

 
Correlation doesn't equal causation. My mother had a terrible overbite (she's had corrective surgery) and TMJ, and she never sucked her thumb. I knew a boy who sucked his thumb until he was in middle school and has no dental problems. It's entirely possible that you would have had mouth and jaw issues even if you'd never sucked your thumb.
My boys both used pacifiers. Honestly, back when they were babies it never occurred to me to have an issue with pacifiers, and they were given to them in the hospital. They also were given bottles of breastmilk at about 4 weeks of age as I was preparing them for the transition of me returning to work (the Navy gave six weeks maternity leave in those days...dunno if that's changed). No problems with nursing. DS1 started rejecting his pacifier when he was 3 mos. old, and DS2 when he was 8 mos. old. Neither of them were nursing or drinking from a bottle past age two. Neither of them sucked their thumbs. Both have needed orthodontic work...DS2's issues went beyond mere braces.
 
 
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#45 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Thumb sucking related I was watching a show on Discovery it was either Strange Addictions or Obsession cant remember which and the woman on there was 24 and still sucking her thumb she had no mouth issues but was sick a lot because of the germs from her hands. I dont think thumb sucking is inherently bad but I do think for some it can be if they are already prone to having issues. I didnt read the whole thread but happened to catch a few moments on this page about the thumb.

I think like anything else you will find some bad stories like mine and some good ones where paci use is concerned. After my experiences I will strongly encourage anyone who asks to avoid paci use but I realize that not everyone will have the same experience I did with dd.

 
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#46 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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I saw that too and it affirmed my thought process of using a pacifier instead of my baby sucking on my finger.  I know I don't wash my hands as much as I should.  At this stage (she's almost 1 month) it seems like a more hygenic solution, especially for car rides and in her crib when she's napping.

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#47 of 51 Old 01-20-2011, 04:26 PM
 
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My son used one until age 5, only at nights by then in helping him fall asleep, and it caused no oral damage. Did other parents judge us? Yes. But did our dentist? No, he told us to let our son wean naturally, which he did. He has no issues from this, such as oral problems or persistent sucking tendencies. He does not suck his fingers or thumb. He seems to be emotionally well-adjusted.

 

I'm not going to judge other parents for the choices they make in parenting, for every kid is different. Completely, utterly different. Something that may work for me may not work for you. So please don't assume that your techniques are the only way to go simply b/c they work for your child.

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#48 of 51 Old 01-20-2011, 06:53 PM
 
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I have 3 kids, ages 15, 2 and 4months.

 

My 15 year old got a pacifier (we call them do-dahs here) right away.  I had absolutely NO issues with them.  She got it whenever she wanted.  We got rid of it sometime after her 3rd birthday.  That was actually a big year for her, between her 3rd and 4th birthday.  She got rid of the bottle, the do-dah, she potty trained AND got a big girl bed, all in that one year.  It was a big transition year.

 

Anyway, I just got sick of buying them, trying to find a lost one, it was a mess.  So, one day, I decided I wasn't buying any more.  I sat her down, we had a talk about being a big girl (lots of big girl talks that year,) and talked about getting rid of all the do-dahs.  I had her gather the few that we still had in the house and she threw them in the trash.  It really wasn't a big deal for us, obviously, she was as ready as I was.

 

My 2 year old (just turned 2 in November) still uses one to sleep.  It stays in her room, after she gets up, it gets left on her bed, right next to her stuffed Mickey that she sleeps with also.  I don't let them downstairs at all, because otherwise we spend an hour or so at night scrambling to find it.  But, because it's upstairs, it's easy to only use it to sleep with.

 

My 4 month old gets a do-dah occasionally.  She doesn't have a super high sucking need, but like dd2, once she's done eating, if there's still milk coming out of the boob, she doesn't want it.  Pop in a do-dah and she gets her last bit of sucking need out, then pops it out after like 2 minutes or so.  She also uses it to fall asleep, but doesn't need it to stay asleep.  She doesn't need it much other than those two times. 

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#49 of 51 Old 01-23-2011, 10:17 AM
 
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So out of desperation yesterday I grabbed a paci and after almost two months of screaming when given the paci he gladly took it and went to sleep! On days like that I'm Okay with the paci! 


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#50 of 51 Old 01-23-2011, 11:41 AM
 
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I didn't have time to read all of the responses, but here is my experience.

 

With my first ds, I had to go back to work full time when he was 8 weeks old.  Dh took care of him while I was gone and since he had no breasts to soothe him with, he gave him a pacifier.  Ds1 was instantly hooked and adored his "puckey" until just after his third birthday.  Man was it a PITA having to make sure we always had his puckey, but ds1 had an extremely high sucking need and mama wasn't around to soothe him.

 

With ds2 I've been extremely priveleged to be able to stay home full time and nurse him on demand.  Ds2 also has a very strong sucking need and I know that he would have loved a pacifier, but I just didn't want to have to deal with one this time around.  When ds2 is feeling overwhelmed or insecure, he'll often suck on his thumb and I'm totally cool with that.  You can never forget a thumb or a boob at home, and they're super easy to find in bed in the middle of the night :)


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#51 of 51 Old 01-23-2011, 09:01 PM
 
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When our little guy was born, my partner and I were both against it... but we couldn't really explain why.  Later we realized that our reason was that we didn't want to parent in a way that if our babe fusses, we "shut him up, with a paci".  However, after our babe was born, he indeed had very high sucking needs.  If he didn't have my boob in his mouth he would suck on our fingers.  This was fine in the first several weeks - after he was done nursing, I would replace my boob with my pinky... and then I would take my pinky out and he would stay asleep.  But as the stay at home mama, I was struggling to get anything done as I was laying for two hours with my pinky in my sons mouth while he napped when he wouldn't let me take it out. My partner was still against it until she was home with him one evening while I was out working and she had the same issue. He also screamed in the car too.  We still didn't want to buy a paci.  Finally a few weeks later (he was 3 or 4 months at this time) I finally bought one, which he quickly spit out.  We tried another kind... and then he started taking it... and my life changed!!  He is now almost 7 months and he sometimes wants it and sometimes doesn't.  He also sucks his thumb too. 

 

whatever decision you.....er... or you're little one makes... know that it's your decision!  best of luck.


Ema to my dear son (inseminated at home with frozen donor sperm) born on 6/25/10. h20homebirth.gifnocirc.gif selectivevax.gif familybed1.gif femalesling.GIF bftoddler.gif cd.gifWife to my dear partner.  rainbow1284.gif goorganic.jpg  hang.gif  sewmachine.gif   blogging.jpg.

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