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Old 01-17-2011, 08:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What are your thoughts on giving soothers...I don't really like the idea of providing a piece of plastic for my daughter to soothe herself with, and also don't want it to turn into a substitute for nursing to soothe or misinterpreting if she's actually hungry or not.  I find when we're out somewhere unfamiliar she sucks on her fist and can't concentrate to nurse well...so then everyone is constantly asking where her soother is, which I hate! 

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Old 01-17-2011, 08:37 AM
 
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My thought on pacifiers is that they're great for some babies and unnecessary for others. My daughter falls into the second category. I have noticed, for example, that some babies have a very high suck need, but don't necessarily want nourishment every time they want to suck, and I have seen them actually get frustrated when latched on because milk is coming out! Those babies tend to do really well with a pacifier. Babies like my girl, who don't have a high suck need seem to do fine without one.


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Old 01-17-2011, 08:39 AM
 
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DS would not take one, but we offered because he can be really fussy. But I too would have concerns, and in a way I'm glad we just don't have to deal with that.

I've also heard it said, in favor of not giving a paci, that if a baby really has a high sucking need, they will suck on their fingers or thumb.


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Old 01-17-2011, 08:44 AM
 
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My first never cared for it, and I didnt care to to keep trying it on him, since I was at home and didn't need it. My second was given one in the nicu all the time and I would have to come in and beg the nurses to stop. He sucked on one at home for about a month but didn't care for it. My 3rd? She wouldn't stop sucking her little fist from the moment she left the womb. She was sucking her fist so hard and often she gave herself blisters on her fist. She is 5 month old, almost, and sucks on it when we give it to her (when she is with dad, or something similar) but we use it sparingly. I would rather have her suck on a pacifier when her urge is so strong, than injure her skin. No, she doesn't always want to nurse when she gets the instinct to suck. Infact she mostly nurses at night when she's sleeping with us.  

 

I think nipple confusion is kinda an old wives tale of sorts. We went through hell with my 2nd dealing with an ng tube, bottles, etc, and after week 2 he woke up and latched right on. None of my kids had any confusion between a hard peice of plastic, and mom's warm soft nipple that sqirts milk :)


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Old 01-17-2011, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I only notice the sucking when we are out somewhere new and it's chaotic...or she is tired and isn't able to settle down and get to sleep (which is easily fixed if I just hold her and rock), otherwise she doesn't suck on her fist.... I broke down one night when she was fussy and I couldn't figure out why and tried to give her a soother and she wouldn't take it...which I was SO happy about.  I find it frustrating because so many people ask where her soother is if she makes even the smallest peep, so I just tell them she won't take one...then they respond with "oh you just keep shoving it into their mouth and eventually they will give up and suck on it" which I think is terrible....

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Old 01-17-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rachelsnyder View Post

hey respond with "oh you just keep shoving it into their mouth and eventually they will give up and suck on it" which I think is terrible....



...and just not true. As I said, DS can be terribly fussy so believe me we tried! I still have one clipped to the baby carrier although I haven't tried it in awhile. We keep one on the changing table, and he likes it for chewing, as any toy! But I would say we tried for six months, albeit inconsistently, and he never took to it.


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Old 01-17-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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When Ada was younger, the only way I was ever able to get anything done was to use a soother. She would. not. sleep. unless my boob was in her mouth. In the carseat, she screamed bloody murder to the point where I could not go anywhere ever. Finally, at about 4 weeks I realized that if I was side nursing with her, I could pull my boob out and quickly  replace it with a bottle and she would stay asleep- until she got choked up on the milk. So, we just used the bottle nipple for about 3 days and then we decided to give up on our "no paci, no bottle" rule. I think if your kid needs to suck constantly, they are awesome! I wouldnt encourage a babe to use them if it didnt seem like they needed one. My babe stopped using her paci around 6 months, when she started eating larger chunks of food. She also only used a sippy cup at 6 months. I think the intro to the sippy made her realize that chewing is way more fun than sucking. :).


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Old 01-17-2011, 01:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelsnyder View Post...then they respond with "oh you just keep shoving it into their mouth and eventually they will give up and suck on it" which I think is terrible....


I think my response to this would be a look of horror!  We do use one.   DS has a medium need to suck and sometimes just wants to sleep with my boob in his mouth while I just want to sleep with my boob to myself!  Especially now that he's teething he reaches a point while falling asleep and bites, so I do a quick switch to paci when he's done eating.  So we use it occasionally, daycare uses it occasionally when he's cranky, but we don't HAVE to have it, DS doesn't HAVE to have it.  It's just a tool around here, and he certainly doesn't get confused.

 

Just be firm in your beliefs when you are questioned.  It's your choice to use or not.


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Old 01-17-2011, 01:27 PM
 
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I think they are a good tool to have in your toolbox, especially if you have a particularly fussy baby or one that doesn't sleep well, or one that screams in the car, etc.

 

I never had anyone say anything like that to me in public...I think I would have been surprised and offended even though I use one.  I mean, it's none of their business how you care for your baby, kwim?

 

Both of my lo's used a pacifier at some point, but they both gave them up on their own -- alleviating my terror of having a toddler or older child I had to wean off the paci!  Both of mine also went through phases where they wouldn't take them.

 

I only tried again later because I couldn't bear the fussiness or the over-long and tortuous bedtime routine.  For us, it was a tool that helped in certain circumstances and phases.  Ds is apparently done with his at 15 months, and I think dd gave hers up between 18 months and a year.  Neither of them was ever very hooked on it.

 

Oh, and I agree with a pp that I don't think there's much chance that your lo would decide to suck on a pacifier instead of nursing when hungry.  If a baby is hungry and sucking and not getting anything, he or she will get mad fairly quickly, in my experience.

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Old 01-17-2011, 01:36 PM
 
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I think nipple confusion is kinda an old wives tale of sorts. We went through hell with my 2nd dealing with an ng tube, bottles, etc, and after week 2 he woke up and latched right on. None of my kids had any confusion between a hard peice of plastic, and mom's warm soft nipple that sqirts milk :)


It's truly wonderful that your little one didn't have any issues with nipple confusion, but unfortunately, it is a very real thing. I have seen the heartbreak it causes.


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Old 01-17-2011, 01:47 PM
 
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If your daughter is happy sucking on her fist, then why change anything?  :)


 

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Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post

My thought on pacifiers is that they're great for some babies and unnecessary for others. My daughter falls into the second category. I have noticed, for example, that some babies have a very high suck need, but don't necessarily want nourishment every time they want to suck, and I have seen them actually get frustrated when latched on because milk is coming out! Those babies tend to do really well with a pacifier. Babies like my girl, who don't have a high suck need seem to do fine without one.


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Of my two, the younger never had any need for a pacifier (hate that term...) and I don't think we ever offered one.  My older son, though, was frustrated by my over-active letdown, really wanted to comfort nurse but was getting drowned, and liked to nurse to sleep but to also twist his head from side to side (no fun for *either* of us!). 

 

 

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Old 01-17-2011, 02:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by bendmom View Post

I think nipple confusion is kinda an old wives tale of sorts. We went through hell with my 2nd dealing with an ng tube, bottles, etc, and after week 2 he woke up and latched right on. None of my kids had any confusion between a hard peice of plastic, and mom's warm soft nipple that sqirts milk :)


It's truly wonderful that your little one didn't have any issues with nipple confusion, but unfortunately, it is a very real thing. I have seen the heartbreak it causes.


I guess we don't know the age of the baby in question.  After the breastfeeding relationship is established, I really think it is very unlikely to cause a problem.

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Old 01-17-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by bendmom View Post

I think nipple confusion is kinda an old wives tale of sorts. We went through hell with my 2nd dealing with an ng tube, bottles, etc, and after week 2 he woke up and latched right on. None of my kids had any confusion between a hard peice of plastic, and mom's warm soft nipple that sqirts milk :)


It's truly wonderful that your little one didn't have any issues with nipple confusion, but unfortunately, it is a very real thing. I have seen the heartbreak it causes.


I have to concur. Not all babies are subject to nipple confusion, but it is very real, and very difficult to overcome. I have fought it twice, with two of my kids, and once managed to overcome it-- went on to nurse into toddlerhood with that LO. The other time, we lost the battle, after weeks and weeks of work and sweat and tears, and went into a long downward spiral of EPing and low supply and weaning and formula. Both times, it made the early weeks with the babies into a miserable struggle.

And it doesn't just happen in early infancy, although I would venture to say it's most common then.

That said-- in my experience, bottles are a WAY bigger factor in nipple confusion. Both of my nipple-confusion babies were babies who were given bottles early on. And so, in a baby who's past the early newborn period, and is otherwise nursing well and gaining weight and thriving, I wouldn't hesitate to introduce a pacifier if I thought it would help us cope better with life's challenges. I had twins who wouldn't nurse at the same time, so I KNOW the value of a good binky. I think you use it with care, and pay attention to how it seems to be affecting baby-- if baby starts to nurse less often, or to have a poor latch, or refuses the breast, or stops gaining well, then you stop the paci right away, before the problem grows into a huge one.

I never worried about paci weaning. My girls both used theirs into the preschool years, but once they were walking we limited them to the house, and once they were three, we limited them to in bed. They gave them up easily around 3 to 4 years old, and have no noticeable dental issues as a result.

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Old 01-17-2011, 07:46 PM
 
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My little DS is one of those babies who sometimes prefers the binky over the breast (he will arch his face away from my breast and fuss if he's done nursing, but still wants to suck.) I also find that when we're in a chaotic situation, or in the car, or if he's kind of irritated and tired but not sleepy - he'll want his bink and want nothing to do with nursing. A lot of times he'll be whining and fussing and generally miserable but give him a binky and he settles into this really nice mellow state where he can just hang out and watch whatever is going on.

 

I don't know how old your LO is but it was pretty clear for me early on when he was hungry and when he wants the bink. I'll often offer him my breast first and if he says "no thanks!" then I know for sure. Pacis (binkies, whatever) are not inherently bad - like the PP said - for some babies they're a great "tool" in the toolkit.

 


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Old 01-17-2011, 08:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post

My thought on pacifiers is that they're great for some babies and unnecessary for others. My daughter falls into the second category. I have noticed, for example, that some babies have a very high suck need, but don't necessarily want nourishment every time they want to suck, and I have seen them actually get frustrated when latched on because milk is coming out! Those babies tend to do really well with a pacifier. Babies like my girl, who don't have a high suck need seem to do fine without one.


Yep, this. My LO is 8 months and has never had one, in fact we have never bought one. I do think that if you can avoid it for the first 6 weeks it's a good thing. Not just because of the risk of nipple confusion but also for milk supply. If the baby needs to suck it's best to suck on the breast to get the supply well established IMO.

 

It does seem to me, and this is just my observation, that people do tend to pop dummies into the mouths of perfectly content babies, just because the dummy is there. I wonder what effect that has on development because J puts everything in her mouth and did from an early age. And it's hard to talk around one. I don't know if there is any research but I'd be interested to see if it had an effect on motor and verbal skills at all.

 

But, if it helps babe (and parents!) to be more content then, as a PP said, it's a useful tool to have in your kit.
 


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Old 01-17-2011, 08:34 PM
 
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My biggest problem with pacifiers is when I am out and about and I see a 3,4,5 year old kid running around with a binky in his mouth. It is completely unnecessary for a child that age to have a pacifier, and IMO it is extremely lazy parenting..

 

I agree with the PP, they are a great tool for small babies, if needed and used sparingly... I believe LLL recommends stopping use of a paci beyond six months. At that age, a baby should be able to self soothe.

 

I never needed to use one with DD, and in fact never bought one. She sucked on her hands until she was around six months and then abruptly stopped..I had worried about her sucking her thumb, since I did so until I was five...but I was FF, not nursed....but I never had to worry about it. She did nurse constantly,  but that lessened quite a bit as she got older. She is sixteen months now and is self weaning very nicely. She used to nurse around the clock but now she nurses about 4-5 times a day, for about 10-15 minutes a session. I feel like if I had used a paci,  it would have damaged our nursing relationship, but that is my personal opinion, and I don't knock anyone for needing to use a paci, I just have a child who didn't need one. I am a SAHM, too, so I had plenty of time to sit on the couch with her, and that is basically what I did for the first six months, lol.

 

 

It doesn't sound like your DD needs one, honestly. Don't give in and get one just because of peer pressure..I swear, most people give their children pacis because they think they "have" to, not because they are needed and then they don't take it away in time and the child attaches to it, and you have a real problem on your hands.


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Old 01-18-2011, 12:24 AM
 
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My biggest problem with pacifiers is when I am out and about and I see a 3,4,5 year old kid running around with a binky in his mouth. It is completely unnecessary for a child that age to have a pacifier, and IMO it is extremely lazy parenting..



 



I agree with the PP, they are a great tool for small babies, if needed and used sparingly... I believe LLL recommends stopping use of a paci beyond six months. At that age, a baby should be able to self soothe.



 



I never needed to use one with DD, and in fact never bought one. She sucked on her hands until she was around six months and then abruptly stopped..I had worried about her sucking her thumb, since I did so until I was five...but I was FF, not nursed....but I never had to worry about it. She did nurse constantly,  but that lessened quite a bit as she got older. She is sixteen months now and is self weaning very nicely. She used to nurse around the clock but now she nurses about 4-5 times a day, for about 10-15 minutes a session. I feel like if I had used a paci,  it would have damaged our nursing relationship, but that is my personal opinion, and I don't knock anyone for needing to use a paci, I just have a child who didn't need one. I am a SAHM, too, so I had plenty of time to sit on the couch with her, and that is basically what I did for the first six months, lol.



 



 



It doesn't sound like your DD needs one, honestly. Don't give in and get one just because of peer pressure..I swear, most people give their children pacis because they think they "have" to, not because they are needed and then they don't take it away in time and the child attaches to it, and you have a real problem on your hands.




 



Wow. Your post really seems a bit harsh towards parents who let their children use a pacifier and I guess I don't understand your anger. "Lazy parenting" because an older child uses a pacifier? While it is wonderful that your child was able to soothe herself without any assistance the same is simply not true for all children. My dd's both adored their pacis and I let them use them until they felt that they were ready to get rid of them. Who am I to decide when their need for something is through. Would you feel the same way if the child chose instead to soothe by comfort nursing? Heck, we caught my 21 year old sister sucking her thumb in her sleep one night - she had no clue the next morning but after a rough night maybe that was her mind's way of soothing her anxiety while she slept.
Regardless of your feelings on pacifiers, the simple truth is that it is none of your business & I would hope that people would hold their tongues because there was several occasions where adults would make rude comments towards my girls & their pacifiers loud enough for my kids to hear - is expressing one's opinion really so important that possibly embarrassing a child is worth it?
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Old 01-18-2011, 02:37 AM
 
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Personally and in my family no baby has ever used one. None of my siblings kids, my kids, etc.. We all see then as un-needed.

I really don't like them and the idea of something like that in my kids mouth was just too much.

But to each his own. You have to use what works for you as a parent.

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Old 01-18-2011, 04:36 AM
 
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I was completely against them with my first and never used one.  I do, however, use one with my younger DD.  I held out until DD2 was five months old (she was already sucking her thumb even) and then I gave her one.  She just loves to suck.  She would suck on the breast just for suckings sake and get a belly full of milk that would make her spit up all the time.  She would suck her thumb going to sleep but wasn't too keen on it during the day.  I started giving her my finger to suck on but after AF came back (at five months) I just said, "Screw it," and gave her a pacifier.  Some kids just need to suck.  I do worry though about when and how to wean her from the pacifier......

 

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Old 01-18-2011, 05:44 AM
 
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I would never try to embarrass a child, and I wouldn't say anything to the child or the parent. It is not my place. However, I am entitled to my opinion.

 

I sucked my thumb until I was five, and I now have an overbite, TMJ and a gap between my teeth. My parents tried to get me to stop, but I was inconsolable without my thumb, it was so bad I actually had a callus. I did not want that for my child, and I did my best to avoid it.

 

The point I am making is that pacis are a tool that can be and is overused by many parents, and sometimes they allow it to go on for way too long. As far as comfort nursing, that is not the same thing at all...firstly, because it doesn't harm the child's mouth. Secondly, if you comfort nurse a child, it generally lasts for maybe five minutes, tops, the child doesn't run around all day with your nipple in his mouth. I try not comfort nurse my child, because I don't want her to depend on my breast. She needs to learn how to soothe herself since I won't always be there to whip out my boob when she is crying. But sometimes it is warranted, and when it is appropriate, I do it.

 

Parents need to respond to their child's needs in the best possible manner, which means doing what is best for the child, not just giving in and allowing the child whatever they want. The parent knows better than the child, and is supposed to help and guide the child. Yes, when I see an older child with a pacifier, I get angry at the parents. Because they have not found other age appropriate ways to help the child soothe themselves, such as a lovey, etc..Giving an older child a pacifier is not encouraging them to mature. Would you want to see a five year old carrying around a bottle?? No, because bottles are for babies. Just as a five year old has no business having a bottle, he should not have a pacifier either.

 

Pacifiers can change the shape of a child's mouth, insuring the need for braces and retainers, possibly causing TMJ, and creating an oral fixation. LLL does not strongly endorse pacifiers, and in fact does not recommend their use past six months of age. At that time, the babies sucking need dramatically decreases. I have seen this in my own child.

 

Sorry if you feel I am being harsh, but I feel very strongly about this issue, and I will not change my opinion to spare your feelings.

 

Pacifiers do have their uses, and I am not criticizing parents who use them judiciously..They are a tool like any other..They can do good but also great harm.

 

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Old 01-18-2011, 09:12 AM
 
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Would you want to see a five year old carrying around a bottle?? No, because bottles are for babies. Just as a five year old has no business having a bottle, he should not have a pacifier either.
How do you feel about a five year old nursing? Because many five year olds ARE still nursing.

As the parent of two kids who used pacifiers FAR past the six months you cite as "the limit," I find myself mildly offended by your judgmental tone. However, I suppose you're entitled to your point of view. The lazy parenting comment really bothered me, though. For many parents, the decision to allow the child to keep the pacifier is not one based on not being able to set limits. It's a calculated decision-- that the pacifier fills a need, and does no harm, and that it is therefore something that benefits the child.

The evidence on pacifiers and dental development has by and large shown no harm from pacifier use before the age of about 4 or 5, when the permanent teeth start to emerge. Certainly there are children who used them and had issues, but there are plenty of children who don't use them who also have orthodontic problems. And there are also children (like mine) who used pacifiers, and yet have straight, uncrowded teeth. I think genetics and maternal nutrition figure far more heavily in how a child's "bite" turns out, and it turns out that most studies I've seen agree with me.

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Old 01-18-2011, 09:39 AM
 
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I would never try to embarrass a child, and I wouldn't say anything to the child or the parent. It is not my place. However, I am entitled to my opinion.

 

I sucked my thumb until I was five, and I now have an overbite, TMJ and a gap between my teeth. My parents tried to get me to stop, but I was inconsolable without my thumb, it was so bad I actually had a callus. I did not want that for my child, and I did my best to avoid it.

 

The point I am making is that pacis are a tool that can be and is overused by many parents, and sometimes they allow it to go on for way too long. As far as comfort nursing, that is not the same thing at all...firstly, because it doesn't harm the child's mouth. Secondly, if you comfort nurse a child, it generally lasts for maybe five minutes, tops, the child doesn't run around all day with your nipple in his mouth. I try not comfort nurse my child, because I don't want her to depend on my breast. She needs to learn how to soothe herself since I won't always be there to whip out my boob when she is crying. But sometimes it is warranted, and when it is appropriate, I do it.

 

Parents need to respond to their child's needs in the best possible manner, which means doing what is best for the child, not just giving in and allowing the child whatever they want. The parent knows better than the child, and is supposed to help and guide the child. Yes, when I see an older child with a pacifier, I get angry at the parents. Because they have not found other age appropriate ways to help the child soothe themselves, such as a lovey, etc..Giving an older child a pacifier is not encouraging them to mature. Would you want to see a five year old carrying around a bottle?? No, because bottles are for babies. Just as a five year old has no business having a bottle, he should not have a pacifier either.

 

Pacifiers can change the shape of a child's mouth, insuring the need for braces and retainers, possibly causing TMJ, and creating an oral fixation. LLL does not strongly endorse pacifiers, and in fact does not recommend their use past six months of age. At that time, the babies sucking need dramatically decreases. I have seen this in my own child.

 

Sorry if you feel I am being harsh, but I feel very strongly about this issue, and I will not change my opinion to spare your feelings.

 

Pacifiers do have their uses, and I am not criticizing parents who use them judiciously..They are a tool like any other..They can do good but also great harm.

 

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBNovDec95p172.html


I find it slightly biased that you have no problem with comfort nursing your child for as long as needed but feel that a 5 year old has no business using a bottle or pacifier for even a few minutes. Just because you were lucky enough to have a child whose need to comfort suck lessened at just 6 months certainly does not mean the same applies for all children.  You yourself said that you were inconsolable without your thumb - if your child really felt the same about her thumb or pacifier would you truly deny her just because of her age?

 

If i were to see a 5-year old carrying a bottle I wouldn't assume anything because it simply isn't my business, just the same as that it is not my place to judge a 5-year old who is still nursing. Some decisions are best left between the parents and the child and my opinion is simply not necessary or appropriate.

 
 

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Old 01-18-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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Every baby is different.  Some babies have very high sucking needs (and that goes beyond just wanting to suck for food).  

Both of my sons were very 'sucky' babies.  My first son had a soother.  This was largly in part because he was a bottle baby (I pumped exclusively for him due to tongue tie issues I got no help with - very unsupportive situation :( ).  So he needed that extra item to meet his sucking needs.  I was also a very 'sucky' baby so it is no surprise - but I found my fingers instead. (and I sucked on my two middle fingers until I was 8 years of age - and my teeth are just fine!...you can find info both ways on that one - I personally do not believe that finger/thumb sucking messes up teeth and I know more than a good handful of dentists that also would back that up!) 

 

DS2 on the other hand is a boob baby.  (I got his tongue tie snipped at birth and made sure my support/correct info/etc was in place before he was born - so we didn't encounter similar problems the second time around!).  I am very glad that this is working out so well for the both of us (because pumping is a pain!!! lol).  I was not sure if I would use a soother with him or not.  It seems I suffer greatly with oversupply (having to block nurse for up to 8+ hours sometimes just to control this! lol)...  so in the early days and the first few months, he would often get very irritated with me because he wanted to nurse for comfort and not food and would be upset when milk poured over him when all he wanted was to comfort suck!  But - he would NOT take a soother! lol  So - we were left with very little options! hehe...

 

Now I know it IS possible to fullfill a baby's sucking need at the breast alone.  Babies are pretty clever.  My son has worked out that feeding little and often is key.  He can't help but get milk out when he feeds - he can control the flow a bit depending on his type of suck but milky boobs are milky boobs at the end of the day!  So - he nurses little and often.  He constantly has milk in his tummy meeting his hunger and nutritional needs but then he also gets in that sucking time that he needs as well! 

 

This however would not be possible if I did not 1).  Wear him all the time.  and 2).  Nurse on demand. 

A good sling is a must.  I really like wraps for a newborn.  I also have a few ring slings.  And I currently use a soft structured carrier because the weather is poo and we are out often (as we don't have a car during the week) - so I need something 'clipable' (but that will hold him correctly unlike a 'bjorn carrier').  An Ergo is an example of this - though we have the 'Boom Carrier' from 'The Korean Baby' (as I liked their fabrics better! hehe). 

 

A sling also solves the problem of overstimulation and the distractable baby!  It can offer a baby a bit of a safe haven away from the world and act like 'horse blinders' as well!  The tail of a ring sling is handy as a 'nursing cover' (though I personally hate nursing covers and would never really use one for that purpose - I happily get my boobs out anywhere and everywhere! lol - but also they can help a baby 'concentrate' on the task at hand so have found the tail of a ring sling handy at times for DS2 because he is terribly distractable! hehe)

 

Some woman have not found this possible though.  For whatever reason.  I was not sure if it would be possible for me before DS2 was born because of the oversupply issue and because I had never put it to test - but I am glad it has worked out that way for us as it is very handy!  So sometimes a soother is what a baby wants instead.  They can be handy in the car or other suck sticky situations.  (once again - I don't drive so I am always in the back seat with my boobs out - contorting my body in all sorts of funny ways to help soothe a car hating baby! hehe)    

 

People worry about soothers.  Health issues they say...you constantly lose them and have to clean them and they are a pain, and then you have to eventually get rid of them right?...etc...  All fine and well if 1).  You don't have a sucky baby and/or 2).  You can use your boobs like a soother - but sometimes a soother can have a place within the family!  If the soother is orthodontic - there really isn't much evidence to suggest that they mess up teeth.  Most children also only use them when they actually need them - if they needed them in the first place - so really they shouldn't interfere with speech either.  I have only ever rinsed a soother off as if I were washing my own dishes by hand.  You can also get clips for them - one end holds the soother and the other clips to their t-shirt or whatever...if dropping them or finding them in the middle of the night is a problem.  They can be a great comfort for children and as I chose to give this to my first son, I also then let him decide when he no longer needed it.  With no coercion or force or judgment - he gave up his soother shortly after he turned two (mostly because he chewed it to bits when his last molars came through and did not want a replacment!).  I would never force my child to give up something that comforts then.  I certainly wouldn't appreciate it if someone did that to me!  I have a specal pillow - its all downy and soft and falling apart from too much love...but it is my comfort.  We all have our comforts.  Who is to say I am too old for that now or that I might inhail a feather and die or something silly like that?  If you choose to use a soother - they really are not that big a deal!   


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Old 01-18-2011, 11:52 AM
 
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Wow. Your post really seems a bit harsh towards parents who let their children use a pacifier and I guess I don't understand your anger. "Lazy parenting" because an older child uses a pacifier? While it is wonderful that your child was able to soothe herself without any assistance the same is simply not true for all children. My dd's both adored their pacis and I let them use them until they felt that they were ready to get rid of them. Who am I to decide when their need for something is through. Would you feel the same way if the child chose instead to soothe by comfort nursing? Heck, we caught my 21 year old sister sucking her thumb in her sleep one night - she had no clue the next morning but after a rough night maybe that was her mind's way of soothing her anxiety while she slept. Regardless of your feelings on pacifiers, the simple truth is that it is none of your business & I would hope that people would hold their tongues because there was several occasions where adults would make rude comments towards my girls & their pacifiers loud enough for my kids to hear - is expressing one's opinion really so important that possibly embarrassing a child is worth it?



 

 Yes, this.

My first 3 never had pacifiers and believe me, I tried with my ds, he screamed in the carseat constantly and we spent the first year with very little out and about time and frayed nerves on even the shortest trips.

My tiniest babe is now 5mos and takes a pacifier in the car~ he is just like his brother but thankfully takes one, he also has an incredible suck drive and does become frustrated when he is sucking for comfort and is getting mouthfuls of milk. He will also allow Daddy some evening cuddle time as longg as his belly is full and his bum is dry ;).

I have extended nursing, child-led weaning with my 3 older cubs and will with this liitle one as well. I would never assume to know what is best for a 3.5/4 yr old with a pacifier~ when my own babes were still nursing at the same age.


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Old 01-18-2011, 12:07 PM
 
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nak

 

i was never a big fan and did not use one with ds1 even though he was very fussy/high needs/high suck needs.

 

then came ds2, who had a few weeks of colic (inconsolible screaming for hours each night) and we tried a binky, which seemed to help at times. after starting zantac and cutting dairy, the colic stopped, but he still had issues with nursing due to my oversupply and fast let-down. when tired he would root around, start nursing, then scream when milk came out. he rarely comfort nurses, and wont nurse to sleep. nursing is uncomfortable and hard work for him. he falls asleep sucking peacefully on his binky while being held in a nursing position.

 

while they are not for every baby, for my ds2 they are a lifesaver!


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Old 01-18-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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I find it slightly biased that you have no problem with comfort nursing your child for as long as needed but feel that a 5 year old has no business using a bottle or pacifier for even a few minutes.
 

I never said I have no problem with comfort nursing my child. I said I try not to do it unless it is necessary. Please do not quote me incorrectly. Besides, my child is 16 months old, not five years old. How is that biased?? The two are completely unrelated!

 

 

"How do you feel about a five year old nursing? Because many five year olds ARE still nursing."

 

 

I personally do not want nurse my child that long, however, nursing a child and giving them a pacifier are two very different things...I really don't think you can compare the two, sorry. A nursing relationship is a mutual bond between mother and child, not a child and a piece of plastic. It is therefore a mutual decision between parent and child to end that relationship. If a pacifier is used correctly, you would not have a five year old with a pacifier. It is completely unnecessary for a child that old to have one. They do not have the need to suck. There are other transitional objects appropriate for a child of that age.

 

 

You yourself said that you were inconsolable without your thumb - if your child really felt the same about her thumb or pacifier would you truly deny her just because of her age?

 

 

Yes! I would. I find it interesting that you skipped over the valid points I was making re a parent raising their child. It is not the child's place to decide what is best for them, it is for the parent to decide and act accordingly.. I think my parents should have worked harder to stop me from sucking my thumb, because it was not good for me. They tried, but not hard enough. I believe part of the problem is that I was formula fed, and never got enough sucking time in, so therefore I developed an oral fixation.

 

Again, I never said no one should give their child a pacifier, I just said they have their uses, and that I personally believe that some people use them incorrectly.

 


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Old 01-18-2011, 12:54 PM
 
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This is what I was thinking.  Comfort nursing is a relationship.  A mother is comforting her child.  If a child really *needs* comforting they aren't going to be running around all day with it in their mouth.  That's a habit, not a comfort measure.  Comfort nursing is also a little self-limiting.  The child has to be with mom.  He/she can't take Mommy to the bathroom, stay latched on all through Walmart (unless you have a really tiny 5 year old you can still wear), or nurse the whole day.  Mommy will eventually have to go to the bathroom herself, take a shower, do whatever around the house, possibly go to school or work, and maybe care for a younger sibling or two.  A similar child with a pacifier could technically bring his/her paci anywhere and everywhere and never have to spit it out to learn other ways of calming.

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I personally do not want nurse my child that long, however, nursing a child and giving them a pacifier are two very different things...I really don't think you can compare the two, sorry. A nursing relationship is a mutual bond between mother and child, not a child and a piece of plastic.


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Old 01-18-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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This is what I was thinking.  Comfort nursing is a relationship.  A mother is comforting her child.  If a child really *needs* comforting they aren't going to be running around all day with it in their mouth.  That's a habit, not a comfort measure.  Comfort nursing is also a little self-limiting.  The child has to be with mom.  He/she can't take Mommy to the bathroom, stay latched on all through Walmart (unless you have a really tiny 5 year old you can still wear), or nurse the whole day.  Mommy will eventually have to go to the bathroom herself, take a shower, do whatever around the house, possibly go to school or work, and maybe care for a younger sibling or two.  A similar child with a pacifier could technically bring his/her paci anywhere and everywhere and never have to spit it out to learn other ways of calming.

Quote:
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I personally do not want nurse my child that long, however, nursing a child and giving them a pacifier are two very different things...I really don't think you can compare the two, sorry. A nursing relationship is a mutual bond between mother and child, not a child and a piece of plastic.


And yet they go to college without it. So clearly they must be learning other ways of calming. Perhaps not on a schedule designed to make strangers in public places comfortable, but they do. How is an alternative "lovie" any different? Like a blanket, or a teddy bear, or the rubber alligator my DH apparently carried everywhere with him until he was six. My DS can take his blankie to the mall, to Sunday school, to the doctor's office, to the grocery store-- even if I don't go along. And yet I don't hear cries of "lazy parenting" over him having a blankie (he'll be four in a few weeks, BTW.) Or maybe I do? In any case, I don't agree with depriving children of their harmless comfort objects while they still have a need for those objects. The "relationship" he has with his Buppy is maybe not a relationship that a random stranger would place much value on, but for him, and for our family, it's a very important and valuable relationship. If we could see clear and irrefutable evidence that the paci causes anybody at all any harm at all, then we might have a basis for deciding they must be limited to infancy. But I don't know that there is any such evidence.

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Old 01-18-2011, 01:19 PM
 
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I never thought I would use one, didn't even have one in the house when my DS was born.  But he had such a strong sucking preference, and I had to go back to work after 6 weeks, that I gave him one.  After a while (can't remember exactly how long) he used it only for naps and sleeping.  When he started getting his 2 year molars early at around 19 mths, he started chewing on all his pacifiers instead of sucking on them at night.  So I found a teething pacifier that he could chew on.  Now at 21 mths he doesn't use any type of pacifier day or night.

 

I have a 10 week old son now that also uses a pacifier.  He too loves to suck.  And I do comfort nurse him quite a bit, but there are times I just can't (like in the car or store or while I'm at work PT.)  He also sucks his hands / fingers, but as long as he's happy at that time I don't give him one.  Hopefully he will be as easy to wean off it as his brother was.  I was actually nursing him at my sister's house and he fell asleep, although was still sucking off an on while asleep.  My sister said he's asleep stop feeding him (she doesn't have kids.)  While yes, he was not eating and was in fact sleeping on my lap, I let him comfort nurse cuz it keeps him asleep and I was in a stationary spot to where I could.  At night he likes to do this too, but I've learned to sleep while he does it so it doesn't bother me or keep me up.

 

I think some kids just need them, but I do believe there are moms that over use them.  I was at a birthday party and there was this 3 yr old girl that would not take the binky out of her mouth.  She kept trying to talk to me but I told her I wouldn't talk to her until she took the binky out of her mouth, I couldn't understand her anyways.  At that point I think the binky becomes useless and a mom should not let her child do that.  This particular mom I know, was only letting her have it so she wouldn't hear her scream and cry if she took it away.


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Old 01-18-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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Initially I was going to try and not use the paci.. but the only way we could put DS in the car was if one of us was in the back seat letting him suck our finger! I gave up at 2.5 weeks and bought him some pacifiers. He LOVED them. It gave me small breaks and made driving possible. Right before he turned 3 months he just refused them all the sudden! It was weird but whatever. We found a different shaped one that he will take here and there for a few minutes, but now its a teething toy... so I'm pretty sure we are done with them. If they work they work! I think kids should probably be done with them by 2 or 3 y/o. But I don't think that will be an issue for us. 


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