Will I change my mind about not wanting more children? - Mothering Forums
Life With a Baby > Will I change my mind about not wanting more children?
WifeofAnt's Avatar WifeofAnt 08:32 AM 01-31-2011

Hello everyone!!  My DS is 8 weeks now and I seem to be in a strange place.  I've wanted children ever since... well probably since puberty.  It was so overwhelming like it was the only goal in life worth achieving.  The day I married my DH we started trying.  A deployment and 4 months later I was pregnant with DS and it was incredible.  Sometimes I was miserable but I always loved being pregnant.  Looking back I even enjoyed labor and giving birth because it made me feel so on top of the world and powerful.  Before he was born however I always said I wanted 2 or 3, maybe 4 if I had been granted "easy" children.  Now that he's here I'm not too sure and I've been contemplating keeping him an only child.  I'm so satisfied with it just being the 3 of us that I don't know if I'd ever want to risk messing it up.

Does this change?  Will I get back that craving for more children when he gets older?



LadyCatherine185's Avatar LadyCatherine185 08:36 AM 01-31-2011

in my experince, yes! when DS1 was about a year old i started getting back the desire for more.. we waited until he was 17 mo to try again and i got preg quickly with ds2. i thought i'd be done after 2 but now i'm thinking 3 or 4 ;) 


Knitting Mama 08:38 AM 01-31-2011

I think it's really common (and probably a good thing, as far as child spacing goes!) for you to feel like you do now. I know I certainly did! My daughter's almost 10 months old and I'm slowly beginning to feel baby fever again. My friends who have more than one child all say that it happened for them sometime between 10 month and 24 months, the baby fever just spiked and they knew it was time to try for the next one.


GoBecGo's Avatar GoBecGo 08:40 AM 01-31-2011

maybe, maybe not.

 

i had a tough time after dd1, i was determined never to have another but eventually changed my mind and have 2 now, and want another some day too.

 

tbh 8 weeks isn't long enough to be able to gauge what parenting is like, it took me almost 2 years to feel like i'd gotten what it was all about.  

 

so wait and see, you never know :)


bdoody11's Avatar bdoody11 09:24 AM 01-31-2011

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal! My experience was that I wanted DD#1, she was born and I was so sleep deprived and overwhelmed I couldn't even fathom another anytime soon. I would panic if my husband wanted to be intimate and there was a chance I could get pregnant. I just couldn't handle it. Once my period came back at 17 months I felt like trying again. Long story short, I got pregnant twice and miscarried twice. Our third attempt resulted in DD#2. I was excited, but I also mourned the loss of my exclusive relationship with DD#1. When DD#2 was born I loved her, but DD#1 went crazy. She had a hard time adjusting and it was just overwhelming (do you see my pattern with newborns- they're overwhelming!). My DH and I want to have three children, but it took everything in my being not scream "You're getting a vasectomy!!" at my husband every time somebody brought up #3. I figured 2 months post-partum was not a good time to make major life changing decisions. :) Fast forward to today. DD#2 is 8 months and I am starting to fathom a third. I'm not ready to start trying (I actually enjoy the 3 year age difference between my girls), but it doesn't completely freak me out.

 

I guess my advice is take it slow. You are a new mom and you should savor this time with your baby. Your baby fever will come back when the time is right for you and your family.


Mis Trae's Avatar Mis Trae 10:35 AM 01-31-2011

DS turns 1 yr this Thursday and I'm just BARELY able to talk about having more than 1 child w/o screaming "ARE YOU NUTS?!" Of course, we had a hard 4 months w/feeding/swallowing issues so it might be taking me longer than others to get there. However, the thought is there so I'm sure I'll be able to do more than think about it later on.  Like others have said, it just will take time and everyone is on a different time table.


whozeyermamma's Avatar whozeyermamma 07:10 PM 01-31-2011

Well, I wasn't ready to think about #2 until my DD was 4 YEARS! :) And we didn't have DS until she was 7.

 

Actually we were totally in the "one and done" club - had NO plans at ALL for a second. But then things changed and I really wanted another child.

 

8 weeks is very very very early. I couldn't even tie my own shoes at 8 weeks I was so sleep deprived, let alone contemplate having another kid. I will say that after my DD was born (epidural, typical hospital medicated birth) I immediately felt "I NEVER want to have another kid." After DS was born (unplanned home birth - natural, obviously) - I immediately felt like "Oh man, I want to have another baby NOW!!!

 

At this point, even though I really don't want another child - we can't afford more kids, I'm getting old, we really don't want a larger family -there is a little voice inside that says "hmmm . maybe ..."


hempmama's Avatar hempmama 07:27 PM 01-31-2011

Odds are you will change your mind, just because most people who feel that way at 8 weeks out-- and there are LOTS of people who feel that way 8 weeks out-- change their mind. But maybe not. There are plenty of happy only child families out there! I just wouldn't do anything irreversible at this point, probably. 


P.J.'s Avatar P.J. 04:09 AM 02-01-2011

 

Right now (8 month old baby) DH and I are nearly certain we don't want another, which was also unexpected for me, I just didn't know how intense it was going to be. DS is high needs, so it sometimes feels like it must feel to have 2!
I always say "Ask me again in two years" because that's how long I can imagine it'll take until I may...MAY....feel like I could do this again.
For me it would be ideal to wait 5 or 6 years, that way DS will be much more independent and in school and I'd have more time for a second child, plus you have less of a chance for sibling rivalry, etc with an older child. Sadly, I would be in my mid 40s and DH nearly 60 if we waited that long,so it probably ain't gonna happen. I guess that is one major disadvantage of being older first-time parents!
whozeyermamma's Avatar whozeyermamma 08:05 AM 02-01-2011

PJ; That's our age gap and I have to say I LOVE it.  I mean, obvioulsy I have nothing to compare it to - but it really works for us. I'm almost 40 and DH is closing in on 50.


WifeofAnt's Avatar WifeofAnt 08:55 AM 02-01-2011

Well I'm 21 and he's 24 so if we needed 10 years to be ready again we could still most likely have another.  I've just heard so many stories of people just knowing they wanted to have another (maybe not right away but eventually) as soon as their LO was born.  My parents even joked about us purposely having 'Irish Twins'. headscratch.gif


Knitting Mama 09:01 AM 02-01-2011

P.J., I know what you mean. While I am only 32 right now, I have diabetes and high blood pressure and my doctor is very emphatic that it's not a great idea for me to think of continuing having kids in my late 30's/early 40's. So, if we're going to have more than Cecilia, I have to get crackin' in the next year or so! But luckily, like I said above, I'm starting to feel like I can handle it again, so hopefully we'll be TTC again in the near future!


mizznicole's Avatar mizznicole 09:00 PM 02-01-2011

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!


P.J.'s Avatar P.J. 06:38 AM 02-02-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by mizznicole View Post

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!



I think that's a big part of it...not only am I worn out from having a HN baby and can't imagine adding another to this mix, but I fear it would be another intense baby....and, as much as I love being a mom, I think I can only handle one time round on the spirited-baby merry go round! nut.gif


Laurski's Avatar Laurski 07:07 AM 02-02-2011


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by P.J. View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mizznicole View Post

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!



I think that's a big part of it...not only am I worn out from having a HN baby and can't imagine adding another to this mix, but I fear it would be another intense baby....and, as much as I love being a mom, I think I can only handle one time round on the spirited-baby merry go round! nut.gif


Me too, me too!  DD is awesome, but HN...and while, at 5 months, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm understanding her better and regaining my equilibrium a little bit, it's hard to imagine surviving (also being dramatic winky.gif) another spirited baby.  At the same time, I always wanted to have two kids.  It's good to know that it's possible to have intense and easy-going babies in the same family!

 

I'd love about a 4 year age gap.  I definitely don't have the patience, fortitude, or stamina to join the 2 under 2 army.  I'm 33 now, so we're talking 37ish...a bit later than I'd originally wanted, but the same age as my mom when she had my sister. 


gunnarsmama77's Avatar gunnarsmama77 08:17 AM 02-03-2011

I don't think that's unusual--I kinda was in the same situation as you--had my first at 22 (DP was 24), had wanted kids all my life (I was a nanny through college), and then loved him so much but was simultaneously so exhausted that I didn't (and still don't, really) understand how people have them 1.5/2 years apart.  For me, I know, it would not do well for my equilibrium, ya know?  When he turned 3.5/4, though, we were ready to try again and had DS #2 three weeks after DS #1 turned 5.  It's great.  I love the spacing, I don't feel like it took away our special relationship with DS #1 because he is able to do so many more things now. (And, I was able to nurse DS #1 for over 3 years without a pregnancy messing with that, which I wanted to do)  I guess what I'm saying is, you have tons of time to decide whether you want more or not.  I'm even teasing DP and saying in 3 or 4 years I'll be ready to do it again:) Starting fairly young you have that option, which is awesome.

Weirdly enough, I enjoyed being pregnant so much I am feeling baby fever right now, which is strange since I emphatically do not want two toddlers. It comes and goes, though...


sk8boarder15's Avatar sk8boarder15 10:21 AM 02-03-2011

My DS is 4 months and I WANT another. But I NEVER want to be pregnant again! I Hated being pregnant, and giving birth... Worth the pay off... but not fun (I think my hieght of 4'10'' might have to do with it!) so we are looking into adopting. Lukily, we won't be old enough for most agencies for a year and a half, so it's forcing me to wait/think. 


Knitting Mama 10:40 AM 02-03-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 View Post

My DS is 4 months and I WANT another. But I NEVER want to be pregnant again! I Hated being pregnant, and giving birth... Worth the pay off... but not fun (I think my hieght of 4'10'' might have to do with it!) so we are looking into adopting. Lukily, we won't be old enough for most agencies for a year and a half, so it's forcing me to wait/think. 


Huh, that's interesting. It just goes to show how different every pregnancy is-- I am only 2 inches taller than you, and I loved my pregnancy! I've never felt better in my life!


whozeyermamma's Avatar whozeyermamma 11:19 AM 02-03-2011

I always joked that the fact that my kids don't sleep good is the universe telling me to stop breeding. orngtongue.gif

 

Because if I had good sleepers - I'd probably have like 5 kids.


Plummeting's Avatar Plummeting 01:38 PM 02-05-2011

Maybe you will, maybe you won't. No one can tell you that. :) My kids are almost 6 years apart. I definitely did not have any baby fever when the first one was a year or two old. I was sure I didn't want another one until she was over 5, when I changed my mind and got pregnant the first time we tried.


Plummeting's Avatar Plummeting 01:43 PM 02-05-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by WifeofAnt View Post

Well I'm 21 and he's 24 so if we needed 10 years to be ready again we could still most likely have another.  I've just heard so many stories of people just knowing they wanted to have another (maybe not right away but eventually) as soon as their LO was born.  My parents even joked about us purposely having 'Irish Twins'. headscratch.gif



And many of them do that and then wonder what the heck they were thinking. Many of them also realize after a few months that it was a completely insane idea (for them) and are glad they didn't do it. One of my sisters was so positive they were going to try for another one ASAP. They decided that while she was pregnant and were saying it the first few weeks after the baby was born. By about 4 months later they had started saying she was going to be an only child. lol People change their minds a lot. Don't worry about it. Having just one is FINE, and having more when your one is several years old is also fine. :)


WifeofAnt's Avatar WifeofAnt 04:56 PM 07-05-2012

Hmm, Googling for answers and finding my own thread again!  DS is now nearing 19 months.  I have my moments of baby fever.  "Oh I wish he had a playmate!" "Aww, I miss the bobble-head stage." Then other times I'm still completely terrified of the idea, wondering why anyone would have *two* of 'these things' on purpose.  I keep telling DH we'll have another but finances have changed and *if* we do, it will have to be 3-4+ years from now (assuming he doesn't get a dramatically better job before I graduate from college, allowing me to take some time off).  I wish I could just decide already!  I even gave away almost all of the birth-9m clothes we had trying to make the decision.  I don't think I could manage getting through all this toddler stuff a second time but I can't tell myself that I'm sure I don't want anymore babies either.


purplerose's Avatar purplerose 05:21 PM 07-05-2012

my #1 and #2 were not planned, but when #2 was about a year old i wanted another so badly, but i waited a few years til finances were better. #3 was terribly high-needs and i swore i'd never have more. when #3 got about 7 i thought about having another. then i did! it took years, though, to be ready again.


begoniamama's Avatar begoniamama 01:47 PM 07-06-2012

i wanted another one pretty much as soon as DS was born. pregnancy was hard towards the end but the birth was wonderful. he is 6 months now and although i still feel that way, the feeling has gotten less strong because i am loving being so involved and in tune with him, his little personality, all the milestones, growing so fast..i want to give as much attention as i can just to him, it's hard to imagine another one here, or even being pregnant again. I think i felt that way because i love the newborn stage and my hormones were screaming babies babies babies! i am just now starting to recognize myself again!


bri276's Avatar bri276 09:14 AM 07-07-2012
I was so sure I wanted an only child I gave away all the baby stuff and clothes. Then I changed my mind, it must have been when she was around 18 months old because that's when I have boxes of clothes from! To the point that I did IVF and cried all the time because I wanted another baby so much. Luckily I got my little miracle baby. And now, I'm done done done. But DH isn't. eyesroll.gif
EmilyZ25's Avatar EmilyZ25 11:27 AM 07-09-2012

there is no right or wrong answer here. i don't think any of us can really predict what your will feel in the future. BUT, i can say that it is probably not uncommon to be feeling the way that you do right now. the best tip would be just live, wait, and see how you feel in the future!


Mommel's Avatar Mommel 11:38 AM 07-09-2012

Our hormones are more in control of that desire than we give them credit for... I knew I only wanted one, and was even more sure of it right after he was born. Then, at five months post-partum I had a huge shift in hormones and started considering another baby. I came to my senses quickly enough and decided that if after he weans I still want another kiddo, I'll reconsider. A friend of mine who is in her early forties is doing the Irish Twin thing (and yes, they're both Irish), and she's quite happy with the whole idea. That's just not for me. I think it's great if you have an idea of what you want before all the hormones come into play, to stick with that until things settle down in that regard.


erigeron 02:41 PM 07-15-2012

Before I got pregnant I was sure I wanted 3, close in age. Now DD just turned 1 and I'm not really experiencing that baby fever yet, but I know I'm running out of time to have one 2 years younger. idk what I'm going to do, but I really can't see having this one be the only baby I ever have.


girlspn 01:15 AM 07-17-2012

The desire for another baby really kicked when dd was around 6 months old! She's only 13 months now and a handful. I love her but I can't say I look forward to doing this over again with another baby! The only reason we haven't started trying yet is because my period hasn't returned yet...

 

I come from a big family and very close to my 4 siblings, and always want at least 2, just so dd won't be an only child. 


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