We're expecting our 2nd baby in June. Things were really rough with DH with our first baby - long story short, he didn't bond with her at all or help me out in any way for about the first 2 years of DD's life. It was brutal and almost cost us our marriage. Looking back, I think he had some PP depression, though he'd never admit to it. He's also incredibly stubborn and acted as though being a SAHM was like being on holiday. He flat-out refused to believe that it was hard work or that I might need a bit of help from time to time.
The good news is that he's come around a lot in the last 18 months or so. He's finally formed a good bond with DD and become a partner in parenting. I'm optimistic that things will be considerably better (though maybe not perfect) the second time around. I NEED it to be better. Not just for my sake, but for the baby's sake and his sake. I feel so sad thinking about how much he missed out on with DD1.
I'd love to compile some resources for him. Does anyone have any recommendations for resources aimed at fathers? My DH is allergic to anything even vaguely new-agey or hippy sounding, so something that's very straightforward and evidence-based would be best.
Any other suggestions for helping him to bond with the baby would also be very much appreciated. :)
Mama to a preschooler and a baby.
The Transition to Parenthood was a great book for understanding how becoming parents changes a couple. Even though this is your second kid, I think it would help your hubby. It really highlighted why couples grow apart or closer after a kid and how to prevent/foster that. My DH enjoyed reading it! Maybe The Birth Partner also?
You are incredibly patient and loving with your DH! If my hubby acted that way, I shudder to think what I would have done!! So sad when people don't value what SAHMs do :( I'm sure you value your DH's career and support him! Maybe he just needs you to go on a girls only trip for a day or two to see what your job is really like!
Sorry for ranting! Hope he bonds easier with this babe!!
Me: Sarah, married to: J, mommy to: C (8/10) and E (11/12)