The hardest thing about parenting a baby is . . . . - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 07:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone want to join my whine thread? Just complain a little?! Even though of course we LOVE our little ones and they are amazing etcetera etcetera,  of course we also know that it is very hard to raise a baby! So vent with me a little. what is the hard part for you right now? For me it is- being so TIRED!!!! We co sleep (sidecar) and it feels like I am on 24/7 lately- ugh. I just need a break from him sometimes. I am starting to look for a babysitter. I am feeling like I am short circuiting.

 

What is your challenge?

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#2 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 08:15 AM
 
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Second vote for the sleep issues.  I haven't had more than two hours in months and months.  It causes stress between me and DH, but we have done a good job with working through it together.  And, I'll add two of my favorite things about being a parent:  1) waking in the morning (this morning it was 4:50) to see his little eyes looking up at me, and 2) that sweet, sweet moment when he falls asleep peacefully in my arms.

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#3 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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It's not just the lack of sleep that knocks me out. It looks like I'm developing tendonitis in both arms, mostly the right one though. It just reminded me of how hard it is to be a good parent (or parent at all) to your little ones when you feel like crap yourself or you're not able to function 100%.

Also, solo-parenting sucks. Especially when you're ill and have no family around.


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#4 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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The shrieking stage. I expected the sleep thing, and the continuous energy drain, and the constant advice from everyone... but I did not expect to have a kid who loves to scream at the top of her lungs!  It's so exhausting and really gets under my skin after a while.


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#5 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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The hardest thing for me is just parenting in general. Since we raise Leo so differently than those around us we get constant questions on why we are doing it this way or, shouldn't you be doing that? OR I hear about people talking about it behind OUR backs. It is so frustrating for me to have to defend the way I parent. I know most of the time people have my child's best interest at heart but sometimes people just don't like it because they didn't so it THAT way so clearly we must do it THEIR way. I think it will get easier as my son gets older. Raising babies is so political sometimes...


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#6 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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Those times when I just want some space for myself, or to do something....but can't because he needs me there FULLY present, 100% for him alone. My needs come second, which sometimes means until DH gets home or not at all.

I sometimes resent not being able to just spontaneously do stuff anymore, or how much planning just going out anywhere alone without baby, even just to the gym, takes. I rarely do that! There are days I have a really hard time feeling "owned" by someone else.

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#7 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 03:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by P.J. View Post

Those times when I just want some space for myself, or to do something....but can't because he needs me there FULLY present, 100% for him alone. My needs come second, which sometimes means until DH gets home or not at all.

I sometimes resent not being able to just spontaneously do stuff anymore, or how much planning just going out anywhere alone without baby, even just to the gym, takes. I rarely do that! There are days I have a really hard time feeling "owned" by someone else.


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I really miss going to the movies or even just vegging out and watching my favorite guilty pleasure tv shows. Now if I want to do that I have to stay up really late. Yeah, not happening anymore! I miss my alone time. And DW is a new SAHM so whenever I'm home we're together ALL. THE. TIME. *sigh* I guess I know why my mom spent so much time in the bathroom. It's the only place I can be alone! lol.gif

 


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#8 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 03:59 PM
 
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For me it's the overwhelming worry that I am doing something wrong and that I am going to irreparably hinder her development somehow. And yes, I do have an anxiety issue, so this may be worse for me than it is for the run-of-the-mill first time mom, but it's for sure the hardest part for me.

 

It's especially tough because her physical milestones aren't where my niece and nephew's were at this age (they were both crawling by 6 months and my nephew was walking at 7 months, and my niece at 10. My daughter is almost a year and not walking yet), and even though my sister and mother don't mean to cause worries for me by comparing them, that is the end result.


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#9 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 04:04 PM
 
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I'm moving soon, maybe as soon as Friday. I hired a mover for the heavy lifting, but I still have to pack myself on my own and he's not letting me go down to the storage room right now. I'm also a little sick and have no one to take him for an hour so I can sleep.
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#10 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 07:46 PM
 
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I have anxiety issues too and can totally relate to this worry. Most babies Leo's age that are my friend's kids have surpassed him in milestones but I know I am doing what is best for him and every baby is different. =)
 

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Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama View Post

For me it's the overwhelming worry that I am doing something wrong and that I am going to irreparably hinder her development somehow. And yes, I do have an anxiety issue, so this may be worse for me than it is for the run-of-the-mill first time mom, but it's for sure the hardest part for me.

 

It's especially tough because her physical milestones aren't where my niece and nephew's were at this age (they were both crawling by 6 months and my nephew was walking at 7 months, and my niece at 10. My daughter is almost a year and not walking yet), and even though my sister and mother don't mean to cause worries for me by comparing them, that is the end result.



 


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#11 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 09:31 PM
 
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For me, the worst part is not being able to predict what each day will bring. I have always needed a lot of structure and routine to feel sane and balanced. Having a baby, especially a high needs baby like mine, makes keeping a routine pretty difficult. Also, like a pp mentioned, never really having me time to just do nothing. I miss that feeling of having absolutely nothing to do or anyone to take care off.


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#12 of 33 Old 03-21-2011, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, that feeling of doing nothing is why I am still awake here and lazing aorund surfing the internet and watching dvds at 12:30 at night when I should be sleeping so I won't be utterly exhausted tomorrow like I was today!! It's always that balance of having free awake time versus sleep time- especially when sleep time is next to the baby who could awaken at any moment!  Off to bed I finally go.

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#13 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 05:35 AM
 
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I have a newborn, a 2 year old, and a 4 year old... so basically I have no life lol! I loooove my kids but I am exhausted (mostly from the newborn). One night the baby was up crying, my 2-year-old was up crying, and my preschooler was yelling for me because he wet the bed! All at like 3 am. I would say the hardest thing for me about having a baby inparticular is that I worry about everything! I worry anyway ssince I have ocd, but when I have an infant my ocd goes into overdrive, not fun!

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#14 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 07:26 AM
 
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Wow... what a great thread.  All I want to be able to do is get my spring cleaning done.  I want to clear out our office - declutter, get rid of old text books, toss (recycle/compost) old papers we don't need; as soon as I get started, even on the filing, it seems as though someone needs me, even when DH is home and helping watch the kids.  I want to clear out our closets.  Clean out the bathroom cupboards.  Wash my curtains.  And when that's done, have a bubble bath with candles, a book and a glass of red wine - without having my two year old standing at the side of the tub pointing and saying, "BOOOOOB."


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#15 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 07:52 AM
 
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Trying to do what is right all the time.  Research changes all the time.  Everyone has well intentioned advice.  Makes me crazy.


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#16 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 07:52 AM
 
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The sleep deprivation. There are mornings where I literally feel like I can feel my cells dying. We're having some trouble with our older DD sleeping too - so I basically haven't seen my DH in days - due to kids, work, whatever.

 

And the difficulty in getting anything done around the house. I'm a pretty OCD person too - having mess and clutter around makes me nut.gif.

 

The best part is the look I get when he wakes up - it's like each time he's so ridiculously surprised and happy to see me:  "Oh! It's YOU!! This is awesome! I remember you! I like you!!!"

 

About the differences in milestones - gosh that is so hard .I have to say it was a gift that DD was so ridiculously advanced verbally - I could see how much it had NOTHING to do with me, what I did or didn't do, what my friends did or didn't do. So the fact that we can barely get a consonant out of this guy - it's a lot easier to let it go.


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#17 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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Sleep deprivation and guilt.

 

Sleep deprivation, baby's fault - guilt, my fault.

 

All molehills become mountains because of sleep deprivation.  Then feeling guilty because of it.  Hence, the cycle continues ... One would think one would 

become wiser after a few cycles of this ... nope, too tired and sleepy ... upsidedown.gif ... not a chance ...


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#18 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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Not knowing why they are screaming and crying and doing everything in your power to help them but to no avail.  I hate when that happens.

 

Sleep deprivation is hard, but I am getting used to it.  The best part is waking up after only a couple hours sleep to see my baby looking up and smiling this huge smile at me.  How can I be mad at him for keeping me up all night after that? :)


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#19 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whozeyermamma View Post

The sleep deprivation. There are mornings where I literally feel like I can feel my cells dying. We're having some trouble with our older DD sleeping too - so I basically haven't seen my DH in days - due to kids, work, whatever.

 

And the difficulty in getting anything done around the house. I'm a pretty OCD person too - having mess and clutter around makes me nut.gif.

 

The best part is the look I get when he wakes up - it's like each time he's so ridiculously surprised and happy to see me:  "Oh! It's YOU!! This is awesome! I remember you! I like you!!!"

 

About the differences in milestones - gosh that is so hard .I have to say it was a gift that DD was so ridiculously advanced verbally - I could see how much it had NOTHING to do with me, what I did or didn't do, what my friends did or didn't do. So the fact that we can barely get a consonant out of this guy - it's a lot easier to let it go.


(The bolded part)ROTFLMAO.gifI know what you mean!

 

The naps are the hardest part for me and my LO. There is just somethin that he hates about going and staying down for a nap! Ever since he was 2 mos old he has resisted naps. He'll fall asleep but as soon as I put him down...the eyes open and the fuss begins! I'm lucky to get one good one hour nap somedays and he's only 6 mos old! I see/hear moms all the time like "Oh their a little over a year and Oh No! I think they're ready for one nap a day!" I'm like "Uh my babe is lucky to get one good nap a day...what am I doing wrong?" Sometimes I just want to sit and read a book with a cup of tea for a couple hours without having to put in a couple hours of work reasoning with him why he needs a nap! ugh!!!
 

I second tho that one of the best parts is seein his smilin face in the morning...Oh and the laugh! The giggles truly make me melt!

 

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#20 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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the worst part for me is feeling SO ANGRY when she is screaming at me. i hate loud noises and having her lose her temper on me is my absolute worst thing. i feel bad about my reaction but i have had moments of us both just screaming at each other... fortunately really really rare, but still ick. mostly when i'm sick, or we're both sick, or i'm on my own at night for some reason. had no idea i would ever feel so frustrated with one tiny little person... i guess cause i feel i can't just walk away and ignore her?

 

sleep deprivation, no time for myself, those things are hard too, sometimes.

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the worst part for me is feeling SO ANGRY when she is screaming at me. i hate loud noises and having her lose her temper on me is my absolute worst thing. i feel bad about my reaction but i have had moments of us both just screaming at each other... fortunately really really rare, but still ick. mostly when i'm sick, or we're both sick, or i'm on my own at night for some reason. had no idea i would ever feel so frustrated with one tiny little person... i guess cause i feel i can't just walk away and ignore her?

 

sleep deprivation, no time for myself, those things are hard too, sometimes.


Mama, I hear you. Unfortunately the only fix is a complete paradigm shift. I know that the baby is not doing anything TO me, she is just a baby. Nor is she loosing her temper, because she has no temper to loose!! Another unfortunate thing is that knowing this does nothing to make me feel better when it happens.

 

The absolute hardest thing for me is the constant strain on my emotional stamina. Everything feels too much. I'm way too sad when she cries, and way too happy when she smiles. It's all very exhausting for someone who grew up in a home where emotions were not welcome.

 

 

 


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#22 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 10:07 PM
 
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Yes. Sleep. Not remembering the last time I really had a great, full night's sleep. Coupled with feeling like I am the only one who can truly care for him, so that I can't relax to be apart from him.

 

I hate the tension it's caused in my marriage. We love each other and things are good but I still struggle with resentment that my husband goes to work everyday and sometimes I feel like he has no idea what it's like to care for a baby all day. And the hormones and exhaustion. It's hard, you know?

 

 


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#23 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 10:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heybabyquepaso View Post

Yes. Sleep. Not remembering the last time I really had a great, full night's sleep. Coupled with feeling like I am the only one who can truly care for him, so that I can't relax to be apart from him.

 

I hate the tension it's caused in my marriage. We love each other and things are good but I still struggle with resentment that my husband goes to work everyday and sometimes I feel like he has no idea what it's like to care for a baby all day. And the hormones and exhaustion. It's hard, you know?

 

 


I generally get enough sleep these days, but I so get the rest of this post. And a lot of times, I am the only one who can take care of Cecilia, because she has tremendous separation anxiety. Papa is great for playing and giggling with, but it's all about Mama when it comes to comfort.

 

And yes, a thousand times to your second paragraph as well.


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#24 of 33 Old 03-22-2011, 11:15 PM
 
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In the short term, sleep, definitely. I wish I could just sleep all night and get up when I feel like it, even if it were just once. I have not done it since my son was born and I got up 5x a night to pee the last 3 months I was pregnant so it's been... 9 months? Argh. In the long term, I hate the idea that I can't just go traveling solo when I want to anymore. I mean, I CAN, but now it's different, because my baby needs me and will miss me and won't understand why I want to go. My husband missed me, of course, before we had our son but he knew I loved to go overseas and he understood. 

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#25 of 33 Old 03-23-2011, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll add another one! I find it REALLY hard when (on days like today :( ) ds is in  angry mode- where he yells and screams at me much of the day, and basically makes unhappy angry noises all day long- and I am over tired and then trying to calm him down, get him to rest, get him to be happy - and all the while he is "yelling at me".  I lose my patience and get unhappy about it. I start feeling resentful of him in those moments. Much of the time he is a peaceful baby but lots of times also he gets angry and kind of aggressive- even though I am doing everything I possibly can to make him happy- and that is frustrating!!

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#26 of 33 Old 03-25-2011, 10:18 AM
 
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Erin77- I second the sleep thing, omg!!! I haven't had decent sleep since my 2nd kid was born 2 years ago! :(


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#27 of 33 Old 03-27-2011, 10:47 AM
 
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For me the hardest part is feeling isolated. DH works seasonally and has just started to go back to work 120% full time. Its hard being alone with a baby all day long. At the end of the day I just want to do something that makes me feel like an adult, and talk to someone about things that dont relate to the baby or chores or things that are required of me as a SAHM.

 

Also, its really hard for me to ever get anything like our taxes done. I can read forums and emails and stuff while shes nursing or on my lap, but things like taxes require 100% of my attention, which is hard when she requires 80%.


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#28 of 33 Old 03-28-2011, 10:12 AM
 
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Reading this thread is making me feel so much better.  The hardest thing for me is feeling like no matter what I do, it's wrong.  And then when something goes right (baby is happy, takes a long nap, whatever) I obsess about what it was that I did THAT TIME that made it happen.  Of course, it was probably nothing I did or didn't do...baby is just growing and changing so fast that only she knows what she needs, and even if I figured it out it would have changed already anyway.

 

Constantly second guessing myself is exhausting.  Oh yeah, and no sleep.  I made tuna melts the other day and put them in the dishwasher instead of the toaster oven.

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#29 of 33 Old 03-28-2011, 11:31 AM
 
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for me, it isn't the lack of sleep itself - in fact, i'm always amazed at how great i feel even when waking to feed our 4 mo old 4-5 times a night.  it's the sleep ADVICE.  people seem horrified that he isn't sleeping through the night, even though we regularly get a 4-hour stretch.  i've been told to get him out of our bed, not nurse him back to sleep, schedule him, even to give him a bottle of formula at night and ferberize him!!  

 

everyone else seems to have a problem with his sleeping but DH and me!

 

but actually, the hardest thing lately seems to be feeling like i'm not doing "enough."  since i'm home with the baby now, i've been putting pressure on myself to do everything - laundry, cleaning, groceries, cooking, plus caring for a wonderful but energy-draining 4 mo.  there is only so much i can do during nap time!




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#30 of 33 Old 03-28-2011, 11:42 AM
 
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Quote:

 

but actually, the hardest thing lately seems to be feeling like i'm not doing "enough."  since i'm home with the baby now, i've been putting pressure on myself to do everything - laundry, cleaning, groceries, cooking, plus caring for a wonderful but energy-draining 4 mo.  there is only so much i can do during nap time!


yeahthat.gif. And the second-guessing that the poster right before you mentioned. I don't even think the "enough" part is from my husband. Whenever I talk to him about it, it's not like he feels like I'm this lazy bum or anything. But I feel like I have to be super-mom and do all of these things. It gets tough.

 


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