parental fears - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-01-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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Thats good to know that other people think these things too. I think I had a bit of these thoughts before ds was born, like getting on a plane and picturing it crashing, but I learned to push these things out of my head and rationalize it with facts!

Probably more than worrying about something happening to DS I worry that something will happen to DH or me. I find myself thinking that if something ever happened to dh its good I took that video of them together, or a photo of them playing (what ever it is at the time). Or I get super sad thinking about if something happened to me how confused my poor baby would be, how would he eat? I feel like giving dh instructions on little things I want but I know he wouldnt like to hear it.

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Old 04-04-2011, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by amyluster View Post

I had extreme fears as well after each of my babies were born, but certainly the most after our first (surviving) baby. We had suffered the extreme misfortune of our firstborn dying of a cord accident at 41 weeks gestation, so I was forever coming to terms with how little control we have in life and in protecting our precious babies. It sounds as if having such extreme fears is by no means the domain of bereaved parents alone.

 

One thing that's helped me understand these intrusive, irrational fears is to recognize they sometimes are the work of our own 'inner child'. We all have a very young (self-absorbed) part of us deep inside. Sometimes this part of us resents the disruption and demands that a newborn (solely in our care, so much of the time) places upon us. Sometimes these fears ("What if I dropped the baby?!") are an outgrowth of this baby part of ourselves coming up with all manner of fantasies in a moment of resentment. The more mature part of ourselves rejects such a notion, but the residue from it can remain as this fearful image.

 

Usually, just by my realizing that a little part of me is feeling overwhelmed, I can respond in a loving way. I treat myself to a phone call to a friend, a cup of tea or a warm bath when the opportunity presents itself. I've found just be accepting these fleeting thoughts from this 'infantile' part of myself and responding lovingly, they occurred less frequently. Fighting to surpress them takes such a lot of energy.

 

Best thoughts to all,

Amy

This really rang true for me, thank you for the post.  I've also found myself more worried lately, I think because my partner moved to a new state (I'm to follow in 7 weeks)  and I'm doing the single parent thing.  I find I'm afraid of driving and getting in an accident (because he always drove), and just a lot more stressed in general.  I'm going to try to remember this next time.  And now I'm going to go pick him up from daycare and give him lots of hugs and kisses!

 


Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (15).
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amyluster View Post

I had extreme fears as well after each of my babies were born, but certainly the most after our first (surviving) baby. We had suffered the extreme misfortune of our firstborn dying of a cord accident at 41 weeks gestation, so I was forever coming to terms with how little control we have in life and in protecting our precious babies. It sounds as if having such extreme fears is by no means the domain of bereaved parents alone.

 

One thing that's helped me understand these intrusive, irrational fears is to recognize they sometimes are the work of our own 'inner child'. We all have a very young (self-absorbed) part of us deep inside. Sometimes this part of us resents the disruption and demands that a newborn (solely in our care, so much of the time) places upon us. Sometimes these fears ("What if I dropped the baby?!") are an outgrowth of this baby part of ourselves coming up with all manner of fantasies in a moment of resentment. The more mature part of ourselves rejects such a notion, but the residue from it can remain as this fearful image.

 

Usually, just by my realizing that a little part of me is feeling overwhelmed, I can respond in a loving way. I treat myself to a phone call to a friend, a cup of tea or a warm bath when the opportunity presents itself. I've found just be accepting these fleeting thoughts from this 'infantile' part of myself and responding lovingly, they occurred less frequently. Fighting to surpress them takes such a lot of energy.

 

Best thoughts to all,

Amy


My fears had nothing to do with resentment. For the first few months PP I was sometimes crippled with fear that horrible things would happen to me and to my baby at the same time.  It's actually a symptom of PPD when those intrusive thought  begin to interfere with your life.  I think it may be a primitive part of the brain preparing us for the potential loss of our infants - something  that was all too common until pretty recently. Women used to have lots of kids and not all of them were expected to survive.  I think our fears are linked to our biological need to protect but also to the psychological preparation for a possible loss. 

 


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Old 04-06-2011, 04:57 PM
 
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I've experienced all of this too.  I know SIDS and suffocation are tragic when they occur, but I'm so SO paranoid.  We bed-share and I still wake up, and sometimes wake up my 5-month old, just in case.  During day light instead of doing the nudge, I look for his breathing down near his belly where it's totally obvious.

 

And I know exactly what you mean about feeling emotion more acutely now that you have a child.  I read a news headline last night involving a toddler, and I was devastated.  I get so *angry* when I hear of people causing harm to children.  It's infuriating.  I was upset at this bad news prior to having my son of course, but I FEEL it so strongly.

 

Finally, those "errant thoughts" as I like to call them, only seem to be a problem to me at night.  When they consume me I tend to say my favorite prayer over and over in my head.  I usually fall to sleep doing that.  I imagine meditation works the same way.  Whatever works!

 

Thanks for the posts.

 

T


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