Im ready to nightwean - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 04-08-2011, 06:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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and by extension, stop the co sleeping arrangement we currently have.

 

DH and I have had a discussion about needing our personal time back at night and we both feel as though having the LO in the bed with us has really augmented our sex life to a level we arent comfortable with. I dont want this to turn into a discussion about whether or not to have sex in the same room as a baby, or people telling me to move to the couch, or whatever. Bottom line is: DH works 14 hours a day. Sex on the couch or the bathroom floor is okay every once in a while, which is why we are only having sex every once in a while. Regardless, we need our bed back for other stuff too, massages and just cuddling without having to say "be still, be still, she is about to wake up." DD is a light sleeper and we live in a small apartment, so we've been interrupted even when we take it to the couch in the other room.

 

So, we have a side porch right next to the living room. We had our bedroom out there when we were childless (during warm months). We dont have air conditioning, so it is SO much nicer to sleep outside. We will have airconditioning in the living room, which is where I plan to have her sleep. Im wondering about three things:

 

1. She's currently in a montessori floor bed in our room (which she stays in until about 1 am). Should I move that bed into the living room even though we will actually be in different rooms? Im worried about her crawling around and getting into stuff. If she wakes up happy, she doesnt cry, so I wouldnt hear her.

 

2. When she sleeps in a different room from me, she always sleeps longer and more soundly. How long is normal to go at her age (12 months) without nursing. One night when we slept on the couch, she slept for 10 hours and went a total of 13 hours without nursing. That is the longest she has ever gone. She didnt seem starving when she woke up, but is it healthy to go that long?

 

3.  Should I nightwean before we move her out of the bed, or should I nightwean without changing the sleeping arrangment and then once she is sleeping through the night, then move our bedroom?

 

Thanks everyone!!


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#2 of 10 Old 04-08-2011, 09:20 AM
 
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I'm interested to hear responses because I'm starting to be not ok with the nighttime nursings (often 3 or 4). My LO is in her own room already though, and in a crib, so I don't have the added complication of changing sleeping arrangements.

 

I think you should move your LO to her own spot first, and continue waking and nursing her. That way you can still use nursing as a comfort during the transition. Then, once she's settled into her new sleep space, start weaning her of night nursing. (and how to do that I'm not sure, but I think increasing the time between nursings might be the way I'll go). I'm not comfortable with having LO sleep in another room without being barricaded in a safe spot, so I might look into a type of fence thing around the bed like this: http://www.sears.ca/product/3-in-1-10-sq-ft-indoor-6-panel-steel-superyard/632-000289363-375010

 

WRT how long a 12 monther can you between feeds, I think it depends on the LOs schedule. If a babe is used to having equally spaced meals day and night (like mine), it will be a tougher transition, but it should be doable. Lots of 12 monthers I know go 10 hours without eating (many CIO to get there but that is a different issue) and they are growing to be healthy little kids. I think it is just a matter of getting LO used to eating during the day, not at night. To me, I think that is a reasonable thing to try to "train" kids to do at that age.

 

For me, I'd be happy with getting the nursing down to 1 feeding/night. I'm going back to work and want more that 2.5-3 hours sleep at a time.


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#3 of 10 Old 04-09-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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I agree to move her to her own bed/room first and then start the nightweaning process.

 

When my daughter was 12 months, she had already been in a crib in a separate room for several months.  Thats where she slept best and we didn't get there by forcing her to cry, it was a very gentle transition.

 

In regard to sleep at that age, I was dreading nightweaning, but decided to do it at 12 months.  At that age, she was only up once, sometimes twice overnight.  Anyway, I didn't have to nightwean at all because she randomly started sleeping from 8-8 on her own just before her first birthday.  I got lucky, but 10-12 hours at that age can be very normal.  And no, there was no CIO to get her to do it.

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#4 of 10 Old 04-09-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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no real advice on NWing, but just wanted to chime in that my DD just started STTN at 18 m/o and she used to wake every 2hrs at night to nurse (like last month!)

 

As for transitioning to a different sleeping area, You guys live in a 1 br? I am not sure having a mattress on the living room floor will work b/c chances are she's going to get into things.

You are co-sleeping but she's not in your bed, but comes in at 1am?

 

I guess I am not really understanding your setup. She has her own bed in your room but you want her to sleep in the living room b/c she is a light sleeper?

 


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#5 of 10 Old 04-09-2011, 07:43 PM
 
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Speaking from our experience with this about 3 years ago.

 

My advice is to move her into her new sleeping space first and then tackle night weaning. 

 

As for how to go about nightweaning this is what we did:

 choose a timeframe that you aren't going to nurse (12am-6am). Nurse her just before the window closes (dream feed) and then anytime after that when she wakes up have DH go to her. She can have water (keep sippy cup nearby), cuddles, etc but "Milk went night night" or whatever your phrase is. Expect several rough nights (5-6) and for increased nursing during the day.  We also had a timeframe that if DS was really upset for more than X minutes I'd go ahead and nurse him (because if he got super upset he couldn't go back to sleep).  We had DH go b/c DS knew milk wasn't an option from him and would accept the "milk went night night" line easier.

 

If she's sleeping so well by herself don't worry about how long she's going. She will wake up when she's truly hungry. 

 

 

I'd start out the room transition as gently as possible (without introducing any new parent required habits). Naps maybe? or start out in the old space and move to the new when you all are going to bed??

 

Good luck, I'm a firm supporter of doing what works for your entire family. I think it's great that you've identified what does/doesn't work for you and are willing to find a solution =)

 


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#6 of 10 Old 04-10-2011, 06:10 PM
 
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my vote is also for the make the move then nightwean approach, as like others have said, you can use nursing to comfort your LO through the transition. We moved our LO to his own room at 8 months and his wakeups decreased naturally once he got used to the arrangement. He's still not sleeping through the night, but it was an improvement anyway. I'd also love to tackle the nightwakings, but I don't have the heart yet to do this. I know the day will come...  She will definitely wake up if she's hungry. If she's sleeping that long I say let her sleep!

 

as for your questions about how to keep her safe in the living room, I don't have any suggestions really, nor experience. What about using a baby monitor so you'd hear her if she woke and started getting into things?

 

good luck!


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Infertility has been part of this journey - no more littles for us, but so grateful we have two happy healthy boys and we can now begin to heal from that experience

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#7 of 10 Old 04-12-2011, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

no real advice on NWing, but just wanted to chime in that my DD just started STTN at 18 m/o and she used to wake every 2hrs at night to nurse (like last month!)

 

As for transitioning to a different sleeping area, You guys live in a 1 br? I am not sure having a mattress on the living room floor will work b/c chances are she's going to get into things.

You are co-sleeping but she's not in your bed, but comes in at 1am?

 

I guess I am not really understanding your setup. She has her own bed in your room but you want her to sleep in the living room b/c she is a light sleeper?

 

We do live in a one bedroom. DH and I are moving out to the porch because our bedroom is hot in the summertime. I want her in her own bed because its about to be hot and sticky and Id like to not be cuddled in between two people when its 95 degrees. Also, she wakes uo so easily that DH and I having a hard time having sex. Ever.

Since she goes to bed way earlier than us, I nurse her down in her own bed, which is a montessori floor bed that is perpendicular to my bed. I can reach over and get her without standing up. When she wakes for the first time in the night, its usually when we come to bed (12 or 1), so I bring her in to our bed and she stays there until the morning. So, even though she has her own bed, I still consider it co sleeping since we are sleeping together from the time I go to bed until the morning. Ocasionally, she will sleep till three, but from three until 8 or 9 shes sleeping in my bed.

 


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#8 of 10 Old 04-12-2011, 10:02 AM
 
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lurk.gif

 

In the same type of situation but DS is 22 months.  Our set up is very similar to yours. 


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#9 of 10 Old 04-12-2011, 03:36 PM
 
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Ok so if you guys are moving into the porch for now then she can have your BR right?

 

I would definately start with keeping her in the bed all night. This would be my game plan

 

First 3-7days when she wakes between 1am-3am go in and lay with her and nurse her. If she needs it sleep in her bed with her.

Next 3-5 days just nurse her and pop her off as she's falling asleep and leave, if she wakes up again do the same thing.

Next 3-7 days anticipate when she wakes up and already be in there, try patting her back to sleep before she fully wakes. If this doesn't work and she wakes anyways try to get her to sleep without the boob, but also without rocking her or anything strenuous for you. I would try lying her on your chest and singing and patting until she was just falling asleep and gently roll her off of you.

 

Hopefully by now she will be STTN, if not just try and keep cutting the time spent helping her back to sleep more and more until she doesn't need you.

 

he reason I start with 3 days is b/c supposedly that is how long it takes for something to become a habit for babies, however I think some babies need help longer and wouldn't want to force a LO into anything they couldn't handle.

I think it will take a lot of patience and an initial sleep loss for you, but in the end after a month tops it should be settled. Hope everything works out for you!


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#10 of 10 Old 04-14-2011, 07:52 PM
 
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I also think you should transition her to her own space for the whole night first.  I wouldn't start nightweaning until she's been in her own room all night for at least a week or two.  We have friends whose 1 year old slept on a mattress on the floor in her very childproofed bedroom, and they just put a baby gate up on her door so she couldn't go explore the house.  She usually wakes up and amuses herself with her toys or books for half an hour or an hour before she calls for mom and dad.


We transitioned ds very gently to his own room in a crib right around 12 months, and he started sleeping longer right away.  We started nightweaning a few weeks ago and now he goes 12 hours without nursing, but does still wake up once or twice a night.


Alissa: married to dh since 05/2006 and mama to Solomon (08/2009) and Ezra (04/2012).

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