Trying to avoid sleep associations - thoughts? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 08-18-2011, 08:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dejagerw View Post




I wouldn't worry too much about how your DS is different and more independent than DD. IMO, it doesn't really have as much to do with you shushing him to sleep as it does with their inborn temperments. If he needed more than shushing, he would have let you know it (by crying and crying until he got what he wanted) For me, DS1 was so high needs, he needed constant contact, constant night nursing. I could never separate myself from him day or night. He woke up constantly. DS2, he has always been more independent, easy going, and much better sleeper. He never ever nursed to sleep. I'd try, but he wouldn't comfort nurse. He'd nurse, and then he'd be done and preferred rocking. He sleeps so much better than DS1 ever did. But it's nothing I've done different, it's all him. It really makes me see that we don't create these sleep crutches, some babies just need more help to sleep than others, and it's nothing we did "wrong" to cause this. Whatever your baby needs, give that to them. If they need more, give more. If they need less help going to sleep, don't sweat it, and count your blessings. 

 


Love this... It is helping me so much right now get through some rough times, with my DS who is 1 yrs old and high needs... I'm so tired because of all the night waking, but this helps put things in perspective-- that I haven't done everything wrong like so many of the books will have me believe, that it is related to his temperament.  Still, it's hard sometimes when I hear how other parents have it so 'easy' when it comes to their baby sleeping-- when they are easy to put down and stay sleeping the entire night.  I've often been told that I need to CIO with my DS... ouch.
 

 


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#32 of 34 Old 08-19-2011, 12:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TenzinsMama View Post




Love this... It is helping me so much right now get through some rough times, with my DS who is 1 yrs old and high needs... I'm so tired because of all the night waking, but this helps put things in perspective-- that I haven't done everything wrong like so many of the books will have me believe, that it is related to his temperament.  Still, it's hard sometimes when I hear how other parents have it so 'easy' when it comes to their baby sleeping-- when they are easy to put down and stay sleeping the entire night.  I've often been told that I need to CIO with my DS... ouch.
 

 


I was the last person I'd ever thought would do a CIO with a child, and I never did that with my first born, but with DD2 she had sleep/nap issues from very early on (would only sleep for 45 mins at a time).  We did something along the lines of "Baby Whisperer" with her before I finally realized that I had become her crutch and it was actually me that was preventing her from learning how to sleep on her own.  So, as much as it killed me we started to CIO with her.  I never did go a long time of her crying before going in to her (maybe about 10 mins at the longest), but you know what?  After a fairly short period of time, like a few days (definitely shorter than a week) she was putting herself to sleep and staying asleep through the night.  I would never say this is the solution for all children though, they're all different and you really have to know your child to know if this might work with them.  And I probably wouldn't do it for an infant, but more like 6 mos or older.

 

So, all I'm saying is, as much as CIO sounds like it might be a horrible thing to do, sometimes it might be what the child needs to learn their independance.
 

 

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#33 of 34 Old 08-19-2011, 09:05 PM
 
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Oh, I just love all you mamas.  I needed to read your words of encouragement as I am going through the sleep struggle with an eight-month old.  I have struggled with the nurse-to-sleep association (although it words for us beautifully) because DD gained weight like a champ and really didn't need more calories and because my DH can not ever put her to bed.  We can't get past the wake-up-after-40-minutes nap.  I've tried some CIO for naps and basically it never works, she just gets all worked up, and is developing negative sleep associations.  So I'm done with that.  Not worth it.

 

My high-needs DD would not sleep without me for the first 5 months of her life.  At all.  I held her for every nap (up to 4 hours!) and we still co-sleep.  But somewhere around 5-6 months, I started being able to put her down and tip-toe away and she would keep sleeping, for at least 40 minutes, and every now and then up to 2 hours.  I was lucky in that I was able to take a 6-month maternity leave.  But I have found that DD does sleep for other people differently than she does for me.  And that is a relief.  I too have been using some of the suggestions from the No Cry Sleep Solutions, and an earlier bedtime does make a big difference for all of us.  Some nights she wakes up every 40 minutes, sometimes not for 2 hours, sometimes not until I go up to bed.  I am also trying to remind myself that this time is short, this is the only summer of my life that she will be a baby, and before I know it she will be preparing to go to college.  That usually helps me feel less frustrated and enjoy my time with her.

 

I know how hard it is when all you want is a good night's sleep!  And for baby to get good sleep so they aren't cranky all the time.  (That's what drives me craziest - she is tired and cranky but she won't sleep!  argghh!)  Remembering there are other mamas going through the same things who are also trying to gently raise their babies is so comforting.  The barrage of advice and plethora of sleep-training books is dizzying.  I'm finding I have to stop reading.  This forum and others like it is so much nicer. 

 

Looking back, I wish I had started making some gentle sleep association for DD around 4-5 months.  And learning some other ways to fall asleep aside from nursing.  Younger than that would have been too early for us.  So at 8 weeks, depending on your babe and their temperament, you might be able to start some of the gentle associations from the No Cry Sleep Solutions, but honestly, I agree with everyone else that babies at that age just need their mamas.  Already I am somewhat nostalgic for my 8 week old DD sleeping peacefully on my chest.  Enjoy it, knowing this too shall pass.

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#34 of 34 Old 08-21-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rupunzlkim View Post

I was the last person I'd ever thought would do a CIO with a child, and I never did that with my first born, but with DD2 she had sleep/nap issues from very early on (would only sleep for 45 mins at a time).  We did something along the lines of "Baby Whisperer" with her before I finally realized that I had become her crutch and it was actually me that was preventing her fromearning how to sleep on her own.  So, as much as it killed me we started to CIO with her.  I never did go a long time of her crying before going in to her (maybe about 10 mins at the longest), but you know what?  After a fairly short period of time, like a few days (definitely shorter than a week) she was putting herself to sleep and staying asleep through the night.  I would never say this is the solution for all children though, they're all different and you really have to know your child to know if this might work with them.  And I probably wouldn't do it for an infant, but more like 6 mos or older.

 

So, all I'm saying is, as much as CIO sounds like it might be a horrible thing to do, sometimes it might be what the child needs to learn their independance.
 

 

 

Mothering does not advocate CIO. 

 

 

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Mothering.com is the website of natural family living and advocates natural solutions to parenting challenges. We host discussion of nighttime parenting, loving discipline, gentle weaning, natural birth, homebirth, successful breastfeeding, alternative and complementary home remedies, informed consent and many other topics from a natural point of view. We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions that advocate crying it out, harsh sleep training, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations as a parenting philosophy. 

 

 

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