Would you take your 3 week old to a first birthday party? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 09-29-2011, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Its DH's niece's first birthday and he is really close with his cousin. Plus we missed her baptism (DH was a Godparent) because we were in LA so I know he really wants us all to go, but should I? DD2 will be 3 weeks old and his family LOVES babies (new baby getting passed around). Its close to cold and flu season (although still quite warm here in northern California. Lots of kids... what would you do?


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#2 of 18 Old 09-29-2011, 07:54 PM
 
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I took my baby to a birthday party when she was just a few days old. But she did not get passed around as I simply said "no" to that. She was in my arms the whole time. I would say that you should listen to your intuition- getting out is good, but feeling pressed to hand the baby around when she is too little is not good. At the end of the day- it's your baby and it's your call! 

 


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#3 of 18 Old 09-29-2011, 08:02 PM
 
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I would do it, but would wear the baby in a wrap the whole time and say no to any requests to pass her around.

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#4 of 18 Old 09-29-2011, 09:21 PM
 
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I agree. Our youngest was born in December. We did take him out at a few weeks old, but I wore him everywhere. Since he always slept while he was being worn, it totally kept anyone from wanting to pass him around. 


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#5 of 18 Old 09-30-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuba_River View Post

I would do it, but would wear the baby in a wrap the whole time and say no to any requests to pass her around.



Same!  We took DS to a birthday party when he was four or five weeks old last November.  But one of us wore him the entire time in the Moby, so it avoided the "pass the baby" requests. 

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#6 of 18 Old 10-01-2011, 03:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by terraka View Post

 

I took my baby to a birthday party when she was just a few days old. But she did not get passed around as I simply said "no" to that. She was in my arms the whole time. I would say that you should listen to your intuition- getting out is good, but feeling pressed to hand the baby around when she is too little is not good. At the end of the day- it's your baby and it's your call! 

 


I agree with this. And like other PP's said, LO will probably sleep the entire time too (which might lessen the baby-passing, no one wants to disturb a sleeping babe!).
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#7 of 18 Old 10-01-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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Take her and wear her.  I've been taking DD2 out since she was a few days old and wearing definitely helps keep people form touching.


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#8 of 18 Old 10-02-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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Yep here too. DH's family is very big on "pass the baby" so it was very convenient that he "only was comfortable in his ring sling". We went through many parties with him safely in one of our carriers. I wish I had known to do that when DD was a newborn, and I got pressured into allowing her to be passed around while the old ladies made sarcastic comments like "She's FINE, Mommy. You can stop checking up on her..."


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#9 of 18 Old 10-02-2011, 03:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuba_River View Post

I would do it, but would wear the baby in a wrap the whole time and say no to any requests to pass her around.

 

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#10 of 18 Old 10-02-2011, 03:40 PM
 
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#11 of 18 Old 10-04-2011, 03:15 PM
 
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I'm not really strong when it comes to family. I agree with the other posters, take the baby but only if you feel you can stand up to pushy family members. Mine are very pushy and I'm kind of laid back, so I always end up regretting situations like this. I totally understand previous poster who said the ladies were passing baby around and making rude comments. Thats me right there.

 

 


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#12 of 18 Old 10-04-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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I would.  But then, I'm also a fan of passing the baby around, so...  My oldest went to Christmas Eve dinner (just dh's immediate family, but that's still an obscene amount of people!) at 4 weeks and the highlight for me was eating dinner without nursing or possibly dropping food on the baby's head. 


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#13 of 18 Old 10-06-2011, 10:01 AM
 
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i would.  i've taken both of my kids out and about from the very start. 


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#14 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 07:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yuba_River View Post

I would do it, but would wear the baby in a wrap the whole time and say no to any requests to pass her around.


Yeah that!
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#15 of 18 Old 10-09-2011, 06:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, fortunately (well, unfortunately), the party got cancelled, so i guess i dont have to worry about it! the next go around will be a a wedding in novemeber. at least she'll be a little heartier, and i probably will have her in my sling the whole time. =)


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#16 of 18 Old 10-11-2011, 09:52 PM
 
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Ha. Ha. To quote my sister, mother of four, when I asked her if she was bringing her pack to meet my kids...

 

"My kids, are you kidding? You don't want a bunch of germy children touching your newborn."

 

So, no, give it some time. Give it a little more time to get your baring before you have to deal with a cold.

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#17 of 18 Old 02-01-2012, 03:19 PM
 
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Well, this has been an interesting discussion, so I am going to chip in again.

It was a complete coincidence that I ended up taking my babe out to a BDay party when she was 3 days old. It was in the neighborhood, and the party of a friend- a very close friend of my man's. I had a good feeling about it and I was so internally hyped up by the aura of my homebirth, that I wanted to go out. It was a beautiful trip there, it was wonderful to experience that- May right after a light rain, the sun reflecting off of the fresh rain drops.

Now, once we got to the party, I realized there were too may people there. At this time, I had not figured out how to put my babe in the carrier yet. She was simply an extension of arms. Completely, it felt right. She slept the whole time. We stayed for a short time and I ate the best food ever because the girls there really know how to cook. Also, despite the heightened interest in us, everyone was somewhat awestruck by the scene of a mother and her newborn, inseparable together as if still connected by the umbilical cord. Although I did not like the amount of attention we received, I understood it, and I tried to be graceful as much as I could.

All in all, I am very happy we went. But I would have under no condition handed the baby around. It is not a question of germs, etc, as much as it is of the impossibility of physically distancing the deep feeling of the nearness between us. 

Now, once the baby was 3 weeks old, things changed- gradually that special complete nearness started to feel slightly obsolete. That is normal. It is impossible to compare what is is like to hand around a baby that is barely a newborn to an infant that is weeks and months old. I would say that there are definite boundaries that get established as the baby grows. But in the very beginning, every day is so precious and the baby is so fragile, that a mother must never be made to feel like she is too protective. She must be too protective. Her babe's life and well-being depends on it. No one unqualified (and that is almost everyone) should insert themselves in between these two bodies that so recently were one.

As for the sarcastic remarks of old ladies, I have experienced them recently, and ironically, exactly at a family party when the baby- now 8 1/2 months, did get passed around a lot, and did get sick (it has been a very difficult awful long cold with lots of coughing).

What can I say except that the people there who knew they were sick should not have held her and been close to her. That is just common sense, and they were all grown up. As it turns out, one of them even shared with her grandma that she was sick and later picked up the baby. It is beyond me why grandma did not tell me or did not prevent it.

A bunch of cackling made-up hens with nothing much to say, if you ask me. But that is just what happens to a mother and what a mother has to deal with and there is much to be thankful for in this otherwise complicated and dynamic community and world we live in. And so I deal and am thankful. 


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#18 of 18 Old 02-02-2012, 10:52 PM
 
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Well, the point is moot, but I would have gone...........we had a coming home party for my brother when DD was 5 days old. We were there and I let people hold her. At 2.5 weeks we were camping with family (with all meals and accomodation provided.......I just sat in my chair and nursed)........and I let them hold her then too.


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