|View Poll Results: which was harder for you: going from 0 to 1 child, or 1 to 2 children?|
|it was more challenging for me to go from 0 children to 1 child||17||68.00%|
|it was more challenging for me to go from 1 child to 2||8||32.00%|
|Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll|
And tell us why you gave the answer you did!
With baby number two, he whistled while he nursed.. had to be wrestled for a diaper change and was very noisy. I could only take him to loud restaurants or loud music venues because he added his own soundtrack.. all the freaking time. Not to mention, the first child. now a toddler... needed snacks, toys and such to keep her happy too. It was easier just to stay home for awhile.
Although it was a major life change for me to have a baby, I loved it. It was so simple and straightforward to me. I just had to take care of the baby. It was hard getting used to no sleep though. With a second baby (mine were 2.5 years apart) I had a really hard time juggling their conflicting needs. I felt so guilty when I had to tend to the baby and my 2 yo wanted something and vice versa. I found it hard getting all three of us out of the house and doing stuff with the different napping schedules and stuff. It took me many months to feel confident as a mother of 2. Though of course I adored my second baby too and wouldn't have changed a moment of it!
My first pregnancy was unplanned, and I was 19 when my DS was born. BUT - it was easy. Mothering instincts took over my life and all I had to do was be his everything. Hard work, but simple.
Though we planned baby #2, I never could have anticipated how difficult the jump would be. They are 2.5 years apart. My DD is 9 months, and she is a fun, playful, easy, baby who loves her mama to bits. But juggling everything my 3 yo needs - especially emotionally - with the way my DD needs me - my physical body - is so exhausting. Though I have mastered the toddler on the back, baby on the hip carry and can read to my toddler while I nurse my baby and even sometimes get them both to nap at the same time, there's no doubt I haven't even finished making this "jump". We're still in transition 9 months out. I'm pretty sure the transition (0-1) was over by the time DS was 9 WEEKS old.
1-2 was much, much, much harder and has both DH & I very hesitant about ever making the 2-3 jump!
Sleepy, running, wife to DH 08/09 - Mama to DS 8/08 & DD 1/11
"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. " - Japanese Proverb
I answered 0-1, but what I really mean (in our situation) is that it was harder going from 0-2, than going from 2-4!
My first were twins, so obviously adjusting from having no real responsibilities for anyone but myself...to having total responsibility for two other, completely helpless, people...was HUGE!
The twins' father and I didn't stay together. I married someone else. And when the twins were 12, my husband gained sole custody of his 8-year-old son from a previous marriage, the day after our first child (together) was born! So, in 24 hours we went from 2 to 4 kids!
That was easier in part because we had been so excited about our last baby (whereas the twins were a surprise and their dad and I were a bit afraid of them, at first!) AND my husband getting custody was such an against-the-odds, long-fought, but terribly needed thing, that the sleepless nights and having double the schedules to juggle, double the laundry to wash, etc. seemed like as much of a treasured privelege as it did added work.
The other (more everyday) reason it was easier, is that I was already accustomed to the rhythms of life with kids. I no longer resented unpredictable changes in my plans. I knew that's just part of it. I no longer felt insecure about my parenting, wondering what my mother and friends thought of me, or how they would do things. I knew what I was doing and felt confident about it.
Also...I saved all the twins' good toys! So even though they were starting to grow out of Legos, my step-son was just discovering them and we already had TONS! I had a stash of awesome wooden puzzles and blocks, for the baby. We already had Lincoln Logs, K'Nex, balls, roller skates, dress-up clothes in all sizes, a zillion Matchbox cars, tons of excellent books for every age group, a nice wooden easel, art supplies coming out our ears, tons of great board games, etc., etc.... It was a lot easier to just play and enjoy the kids, already having all that; than when I was collecting it in the first place.
With my first (my 6 year old DD), I was very young (I turned 18 during my pregnancy), had a ton of problems with breastfeeding, PPD, difficulty bonding, and no one trusted my decisions as the mother and I let their doubts back me off of things I felt strongly about. I went into it with a ton of experience in childcare (babysitting since 11, teaching Sunday school, running a church nursery, being a full time stepmom, etc), but had little experience with newborns, and had no experience having a baby full time. It was tough. With my second, financially and socially everything was more difficult (no money, weak support system, he was born into a domestic violence shelter), but I was more confident as a mother, I'd done my research on breastfeeding and it totally payed off, and the poisonous relationships were gone from my life. My DS is 15 months now, and so far, it's been a dream. I didn't think I wanted more children until I had him, and now I wish having more was practical. I wish I knew when my 6 year old was born what I know now.
I had my oldest when I was very young, so not only was I learning how to parent, I was learning to grow up at the same time. Luckily, I had a very supportive family and lots of help. These days, she's a very happy, healthy, intelligent 11 year old, so I must have done something right! By the time her brother came around, I knew what to expect and had already done the required "growing up."
Mama of 4 beautiful little ones
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not.
I voted it is harder to go from 0 to 1 because for me it was a total lifestyle change, not longer could I sleep, eat, fill in the black when I wanted...it was first about dd then me. Friends changed, interests changed, etc. When you go from 1 to 2 you are already in parent mode so the sleepless nights and all that are just not that big of a deal.
It was a HUGE change, and I struggled with all the decisions, worried about everything!! Now, with baby #2, I'm so much more relaxed. I realize now that they will be ok no matter what I choose to do as long as I do it with love and the best intentions. I know now that if I make a mistake, it can be fixed or we'll work on it. I'm so much more calm and know that there is an end to the infant stage -- and to not rush through it. I'm eager for my DS to grow and learn, but not in the same way I was the first time around. This time I'm enjoying things more and letting things happen, rather than planning and hoping things would be ok.
Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!