Guilt after 1 year of EBF and considering weaning? - Mothering Forums

Guilt after 1 year of EBF and considering weaning?

TheDivineMrsM's Avatar TheDivineMrsM (TS)
05:34 PM Liked: 14
#1 of 8
11-05-2011 | Posts: 885
Joined: Oct 2009

DD is going to be a year old at the end of this month. I EBF and I'm pretty proud of myself. We had a rocky start but fought through it. My goal was a year. 

 

I admit it: I'm done. I'm toast. I'm exhausted from night feedings. BFing in public was never an option for me - DD was/is very distractible, so whenever I nursed her, we'd have to find someplace quiet and private to go. I've run out of restaurants in a panic b/c I knew DD needed to eat. She won't take a bottle, so I've skipped major events, like a colleague's wedding, DH's grandfather's funeral, and getting together with old friends because I couldn't leave DD for more than two hours. 

 

I don't regret EBFing her, but I feel horribly guilty for being done with it. I know many women BF until the baby chooses to wean herself, and don't want to hurt my DD by ending our nursing relationship. And I know I'll miss it. 

 

Can anyone relate? Any tips on how to handle this? If I chose to stop BFing, how do I do it?

 

Thank you for reading. 


Baby_Cakes's Avatar Baby_Cakes
05:41 PM Liked: 73
#2 of 8
11-05-2011 | Posts: 9,879
Joined: Jan 2008

I can't entirely relate, but I suggest night weaning before completely weaning.  You might find with more rest you have a much different perspective than you have now.  And the 2nd year is SOOOO different.  Once she starts eating more solids and cutting down nursings to just nap and bed, life feels so normal.  Dr Jay Gordon's plan for nightweaning worked so well when DD was 13 months.


BabySmurf's Avatar BabySmurf
04:39 PM Liked: 562
#3 of 8
11-07-2011 | Posts: 1,224
Joined: Apr 2011

It looks like you have some thinking to do! My DS is the same age and also EBF,so I know exactly how cumbersome it can be to always need to be there.  Here are some things that I have considered:

 

How much solid food is LO eating? Would you need to supplement with formula?

If you would supplement with formula (which it sounds like it's likely), could you pump so that she could take BM from a cup? The ability of LO to take milk from a cup may give you just enough freedom so that you can do some of the things you are missing out on. 

 

How reliant is LO on nursing for comfort? 

This is a huge issue for us - it would be way too traumatic for my DS if I were to try to keep him from nursing.

 

Can you try to make some boundaries?

For example trying to night wean or have more of a routine during the day.

 

There is no right answer here, you need to figure out what will help make you a good mom, and what will work for your LO.  One of the few times I have gone out to eat with my DH, I left my Mom with a bit of pureed food for DS (he has never taken a bottle and I have no stash to see if he would drink milk from a cup), and he was happy eating the food until we got home.  As LO gets older, there will be more options in terms of feeding her and you will get more of a break. 

 

I think some of the best advice I've heard on here is to make the weaning decision on your best day (if you are having a bad day, then you may regret the choice), and that going slow will make the easiest transition.  HTH!


maself's Avatar maself
04:40 PM Liked: 23
#4 of 8
11-07-2011 | Posts: 20
Joined: Oct 2011

I agree that the second year is very different.  As baby eats more and more solids, you won't be nursing as much anyway and can go for long periods of time without needing to nurse.  You wouldn't want to stop "cold turkey"  b/c you will still get engorged.  So a gradual weaning will be easier for both of you (even if it is over a short period of time).  I have nursed six children and currently my 19 months old still nurses (kinda a lot), but I can leave him for long periods of time with no problem.  My nursing relationship has been different with each child and they have all weaned at different times.  But, the nursing relationship should be beneficial for both of you and I would congratulate yourself on doing such a great job and all the sacrifices you made to do so.  YEA, Mama!!  :)


Shaki's Avatar Shaki
05:11 PM Liked: 41
#5 of 8
11-09-2011 | Posts: 623
Joined: Mar 2006


Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

I can't entirely relate, but I suggest night weaning before completely weaning.  You might find with more rest you have a much different perspective than you have now.  And the 2nd year is SOOOO different.  Once she starts eating more solids and cutting down nursings to just nap and bed, life feels so normal.  Dr Jay Gordon's plan for nightweaning worked so well when DD was 13 months.



Yes, this is exactly what I was going to say. Also maybe put more of your daytime focus on giving some food in between  nursing, that could give you more of a break...Congrats on nursing for a year!! That's wonderful!

:)


TheDivineMrsM's Avatar TheDivineMrsM (TS)
07:31 AM Liked: 14
#6 of 8
11-15-2011 | Posts: 885
Joined: Oct 2009

Thanks ladies!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaki View Post



Also maybe put more of your daytime focus on giving some food in between  nursing, that could give you more of a break...

:)



DD eats TONS of food during the day. (2 meals plus a couple of midday snacks b/c she's not a lunch fan). As I'm typing this, she's chowing down on a multigrain waffle and blueberries. She still nurses about 6x a day though. I think most of it is for comfort. My boobs feel almost empty, even first thing in the morning. The nighttime wakings have recently evolved into DD getting up at 5 am every morning. If I nurse her and get really lucky, sometimes she'll go back to sleep for another hour. 

 

I think I'm just going to take it day by day, and see how it goes. 


Baby_Cakes's Avatar Baby_Cakes
07:38 AM Liked: 73
#7 of 8
11-15-2011 | Posts: 9,879
Joined: Jan 2008

I think you could introduce boundaries during the day.  Start eliminating a session, like the first one after waking up (for example) and maybe start limiting how long you'll nurse for.  I think by 14-15 months I would tell DD that she needed to wait til we got home, or no boob until XYZ.  Remember that nursing is a relationship -- both your needs should be met.  If you are feeling like weaning is the answer, doing it slowly is key so this would be a good first step anyway.  


mamazee's Avatar mamazee
07:39 AM Liked: 6460
#8 of 8
11-15-2011 | Posts: 7,246
Joined: Jan 2003

It is easier to nurse a toddler than a baby because their food needs start getting filled in other ways, and at some point you can say, "we'll be home in a few minutes and you can nurse them" and they'll understand you.

 

Having said that, I will admit that I also did not like breastfeeding, as I had some negative hormonal feelings during breastfeeding, and that seemed worse when they were toddlers than babies. But nursing was less frequent and easier in every other way, so I nursed the first for 2.5 years and the second for 2 years. I do get where you're coming from, though, due to the negative feelings I had, and if you want to PM me sometime to talk about it, feel free. It can be hard when everyone else seems to love breastfeeding so much and you don't.


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