Sounds a bit like my inlaws hahaha, or rather my MIL, but I can hardly tell her anything. One time she decided to just go ahead and clip my sons nails without telling us, and in the end he had 2 red swollen fingers because she cut it too short. She then tried to bash us for "letting his nails get ingrown"...baby nails don't grow in...too soft. So I explained to her, told her she cut it too short, and said next time WE will do in with good light.
Oh my gosh. That is INSANE! She has no right to cut your baby's fingernails, in my opinion!!! My long-time friend cut her own newborn's fingernails and her baby ended up on antibiotics at 5 dys old, because she used an old fingernail cutter and gave her newborn an infection on just about every fingertip. My friend was devastated, but at least she had no one to blame but herself. If my MIL cut my babies fingernails I'd consider that completely inappropriate and FREAK OUT.
Another reason to wear the baby constantly! That way no one can come at her with sharp instruments without my knowledge and consent!
Mama of 6 , eldest is 10yrs, youngest is 18mos. our 6th baby was born at home, hooray!
"Is she a good baby"!!??, the first time I heard it I had no idea what the person was talking about. I thought they might be asking if she eats, sleeps, and has regular bodily functions every day. In which case , the answer is YES. Every baby has a different version of good. If they haven't had a baby in a while, and they are close family try sharing some current parenting resources with them that you rely on, they may just be out of touch (with boundaries!). Maybe Emily Post's Etiquette (the 2012 version). Surround yourself as much as possible with other parents who share your values and can support you. My daughter was not the kind of baby who just sat there and watched the world go by..she wanted to be up, being held and participating, now she is a preschooler who also wants to be out there having fun and moving. Also a good idea as ZippyGirl says, try turning it back onto them; most people love to talk about themselves. You are doing a great job responding to your son’s needs, and don't stop breastfeeding until both you and your son are ready! Can you ask someone in authority (according to your family) like a doctor or counselor to back you up? Sometimes that will fix a pesky problem like parenting interference.
I sooo know where you are coming from. I just found refuge in my husband and we kind of "biateched" I mean complained together. I did all sorts of things and all of them kind of made me feel like crap- like I was just like them. So, I just laughed and smiled and shook my head. I changed the subject. I blocked them from grabbing my baby. I took the criticisms in order to give my baby peace. Then, I just kind of stared a family member down to shame after she felt the need to not stop criticizing. Mostly I just stood strong, smiled while I said things like, "Wow, your way sounds so easy". Laughed nicely and moved on. Grab hold of your internal peace as much as possible and let your husband to continue to be on your side and fight some battles for you. You're a great mama. Congratulations!
Question, Is this your first child?
I went through the exact same thing with my son. His fathers family came HOME with me the day I brought him home and I didnt get to have that one on one bonding time like I had planned. I ended up locking us in a room for a feeding and snuggling and snoozing session. hehe. I know that this is very difficult, however it gets better. It did for me anyhow. It took me some time but I spoke up about things that bothered me. My son slept on my chest with me until he was 6 weeks old in which people said "He will never sleep on his own" or "he will always be spoiled if you get up and cater to him" Not everyone knows everything.. my son started sleeping through the night on his very own in his own crib in his own room at 6+ weeks old. Never has slept with me since or had the desire to. I try to snuggle with him for naps and he likes to be on his own. Also every child and mother are different. I too felt that it was my job to comfort my new baby. I have however learned when to jump up and when not to. I have learned when a cry is because he needs me, or is just tired and cant stand anyone not even himself, or when he is hungry or needs something. Mothers know their childs cry's and what each individual ones mean. Follow your insticts and go with what you know and you feel. You will learn new things from forums like these and through trial and error. Never be afraid to do what you think is right for your child.
I hope everything works out for you. Please let me know if you ever want to talk. Seems like you are going through a lot of what I went through.
Also I found it annoying when people would try to "take over or take control" of my son my newborn, because I wasnt "carrying him" anymore and it was easy for someone to come over and pick him up and detatch him from me. Its hard being a mommy. Hope all works out :)