January 2012 Whatever Ladies Are All Done Having Their Babies! - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-11-2012, 09:25 AM
 
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Super behind on the thread. The only thing I remember offhand is being 'taught' chores. I never got any of that teaching from my parents- my mother isn't very domestic, but we were expected to do chores each day from about age 7 or 8 onwards. So I grew up with the knowledge that the bathroom, living room, porch, etc get cleaned every day (each of us kids got to pick one). We would tidy, dust, vaccuum etc every day.... which I always thought was ridiculous, but then when I went away to school and came back home to visit after the other kids had stopped being made to do chores... and I totally saw the benefit. The house was so much grosser when we weren't doing them every day. 

 

That said-- no way I do them every day here. I would ideally clean the bathroom once per week (doesn't happen), and the fridge gets cleaned out 3-4 times a year. We've been here 4 years and I don't think we've ever cleaned under the fridge though. We have laminate flooring, and it really should be swept every day (but doesn't...) and I'm with the majority here... it only gets washed (swiffered) on rare ocassions. Although once every two weeks would probably have it looking prettier. 

 

 

In us news... got DD's hazelwood necklace. Very excited about that. DH measured though, and it's huuuuge on her, so we have to keep a good eye to make sure it's staying tucked into her shirt. 

 

Bought my stroller yesterday!! She's been fussy since we brought it home though, so other than watching DH set it up, I haven't had much chance to actually play around with it. So excited though! 

 

Urg. So I bought a wetbag from a local company. 1.5 weeks into using it, the stitching at the top zipper started totally coming apart at an alarming rate. I emailed them, and they apolgozied and said they'd send me a new one. That was on the 16th, and so it should have gone out the next week... on the 19th or shortly after. I still haven't gotten it... And I emailed them again last week, and they said it went in the mail "a few days ago" and should be here soon. *sigh* It's been three whole weeks, and while I get that there were holidays in there... that's ridiculous. Mail locally here should only take 2-3 business days, not 15. 

 

LLL meeting today! Excited, especially since I actually am having issues again. DD opens big and wide to latch, but then as soon as she gets on, she clamps her mouth down tight, and pulls off a bit. It seems like she does better at night when she's more tired, but I can't figure out the connection. She's just been playing sooo much lately... she'll only nurse for 5 minutes or so, but then want to play around- clamping, nibbling, tweaking my nipples with her hands, etc. And if I try to pull her away, she shrieks at me. *sigh*


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Old 01-11-2012, 09:42 AM
 
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thankfully I have never had nipple twiddler nurslings!

 

you may try a long nursing necklace (think like a large indestructible pendant or large beads) for her to play with while nursing. Norah likes to grab my shirt or a fold of boob, but otherwise is pretty focused on eating.

 

as for the how in latching - maybe when she's tired she goes back to latching the *right* way - as in she's on autopilot and not thinking about it. where as if she's bright eyed and awake, she's more likely to experiment? Does she do this in all positions? I find Norah gets down to business better in the football hold (otherwise she does latch and unlatch alot b/c she wants to grin and talk to me - so sweet! - but really, I need to get other stuff done too :( )

 

but also, I can't do football hold everywhere, esp as she gets bigger.

 

You are not going to want to look under your fridge or stove. but it is a thing that really *should* be done.

 

That sucks about the bag! I gave up on wetbags and I just use the disposable sort. we use them at home also for poop diapers (holds in the smell better, even within the diaper pail)  and containing poopy wipes.


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Old 01-11-2012, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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JJ ~ Maybe she's trying to control the flow of milk?

What size necklace did you get? I got a 13" one for Dylan. It looked tiny but fits perfectly.

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Old 01-11-2012, 10:04 AM
 
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Ooh i hope I remember everything I want to comment on!

 

MW - Chris is the same with papers.  He's terrible. We do all our bill pay online and he still keeps paper statements and bills that come.  I never know what to toss when it comes in.

 

Cleaning a drain - it depends on your sink or tub.  The tub for me is easy, just unscrew the little drain at the bottom, and then go in and pull out all the hair.  The sink is trickier.  You have to unscrew the stopper from the back down below, and then pull up the stopper.  Reconnecting it all can b tricky.  We have a pedestal sink so it's all open in the back.

 

JJ - great about the hazelwood!  I hope you're as happy with yours as we are with ours.  It's like a little miracle necklace.  And woo hoo I'm so glad you got your stroller!! I'm still on the lookout for a used one on craigslist.  Let me know how good it is when you get a chance to use it!!

 

I've also never done under the stove or fridge.  Whoops.

 

We always just waited til things got gross before cleaning them.  That doesn't work so well anymore.  I'm finding wiping things down and doing things daily helps so much and keeps things looking so much nicer.


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Old 01-11-2012, 06:35 PM
 
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JJ, that's awesome that you got your stroller! FWIW, DD hated the stroller until about 6 weeks ago. Now she loves it. She grins and laughs the whole time she's in it until she reaches her limit and then she screams until I pick her up. But she usually tolerates it long enough for me to get done whatever I need to in the store.

 

RE: cleaning. I wish I was better about doing a little bit each day. Usually by the time I've made it through the morning with DD, I have hardly had time to eat much less do any cleaning. The bathrooms are a wreck though so I'm going to try to get those done before the other kids come home Friday evening.

 

I just have to say that DD has become such a delight the past couple of weeks. She's turning in to such an easy baby! (well aside from the couple of days from hell after the synagis med) I hope that the upcoming surgery doesn't change that too much. She's sleeping well, she's eating well. She can play for a bit by herself. She's not crying as much in the car. She loves to go on errands and see new people. When we are at home, I can lay down with her even if she isn't asleep yet and she will just cuddle up and go to sleep. It's so great! She'll be six months old on Tuesday.

 

I haven't decided yet when to give her solids. Can I admit that I'm kind of not wanting to start solids because I'm happy with our current diaper-washing routine?!? hide.gif


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Old 01-12-2012, 06:00 AM
 
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The only + to giving solids is that sometimes, the poop is ploppable - which is so nice w/ CDs. but it smells worse, and in our case DS pooped more often. Though I think we didn't have consistent ploppable poos until he was fully weaned.

 

So glad you are in a nice stretch with Ava.  Norah has always been pretty easy - but now she's a delightful, really happy, easy baby. I wish Gabe would become an easy toddler, but i don't know if those exist. And really, compared to others' toddlers, he IS pretty easy.

 

Everyone's facebook statuses this morning were about how long their babies slept last night (and these are all babies younger than Norah - and they are formula fed). Now, I'm not jealous exactly. But I would like to get to a point where she's sleeping a good stretch in the bassinette. I love co-sleeping at this age - she's big enough not to worry about too much but doesn't move around a whole lot and take up 1/2 of a king sized bed - but I kind of got used to sleeping without a baby in the bed.

 

Question of the day: regarding our thread title: (January 2012 Whatever Ladies are all done having their babies) - how many of us really are "all done"?

 

I am done for now. I definitely want one more, and somedays, so does DH (last night wasn't one of them!) but I think I don't want to have the next one until Norah is around 3; that way I can nurse her for as much of the 2 year recommendation as we both want, and maybe she'll be potty-trained.  OTOH, I wouldn't mind being a surrogate for someone either - it's a thought that's been in my head - but I have read that sometimes women with prior c-sections aren't considered good candidates?

 

Oh, and yesterday Gabe had little joy in him, bless his heart. As soon as I got home from work, he was violently rejecting DH. Wanted to do things himself, or with me, and not DH at all. Which 1)doesn't make DH feel very good 2)sometimes he tries to force the issue, which only makes it worse 3)makes me dealing with Norah sometimes very, very, hard. A lot of the problem was because it was pouring all.day. yesterday, there was no outside time, and Gabe needs outside time like he needs food and water. We did take him out shopping with us after dinner (that didn't go great either) and as soon as we got home he was in full meltdown mode so to bed he went. DH insisted on doing it and 2 hours later, he still wasn't asleep, so they came down, and Gabe cuddled with me on the couch for another hour and went back up to bed pretty easily that time. But it was not a good day.

 

Funny thing though: we were in the grocery store and Gabe had a little buggy and tried to put a watermelon in it. He can carry it ok, but couldn't get it in the buggy. LOL it was pretty cute.


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Old 01-12-2012, 07:18 AM
 
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Annie - I don't blame you about waiting for solids longer!  I'm happy with ebf poo.  I thought about it yesterday b/c now he's 5 months and I suppose we are getting close.  But...in all honesty he's not anywhere near ready.  He isn't sitting yet, still has a tongue thrust, no teeth, can't even get his teethers reliably to his mouth, and he's not showing any interest.  So.  I have time!

 

Kat - Good question.  I thought we were done.  Remember we were talking vasectomy?  Well, DH is now on the fence, and while I'm feeling as done as I possibly could feel, he's just not ready to say never.  I think it's b/c right now the "burden" (I can't think of a better word, but I don't mean it negatively) of parenting is on me.  Caring for two littles is tough -- as you ALL know.  And since Nora is anti-daddy, and Finn is still an infant, he's really not too busy with raising these kids right now.  He's sleeping well all by himself elsewhere in the house.  All he deals with is a few meltdowns and potty accidents here and there.  A diaper or two.  It's not the same as being mama 24/7.  So.  I'm just saying he and I are BOTH in very different places regarding having more kids.  We shall see what happens.  I'm happy with our two and want to go on to the next chapter.

 

I'm so sorry about your rough day with Gabe.  I so hear you on it and am sending out some hugs and lots of patience!  Those days are so hard.

 

We had a big rainstorm last night and lost power for a bit.  It was while we were all sleeping so I didn't realize it until I was woken up by the sound of the gps beeping (stupid thing doesn't even work, I'm not sure why it's plugged in) and all the night lights were out.  I was worried Nora would wake up and panic being in total darkness, but she didn't.  I didn't hear a peep from her until she was at the foot of my bed asking to get in.  I think it was around 3 or so in the morning.  Not bad.

 

We slept ok.  I think we just have good nights and bad nights with no patterns.  I'm through trying to figure it out, and I'm done worrying.  We've survived every stage so far, whether or not we had control over it.  There is such a short time in their lives that they are dependent on us, so might as well try to enjoy it.  Right?


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Old 01-12-2012, 07:33 AM
 
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Yes, we try to enjoy it! With Gabe, it's usually not several hours of constant hair-pulling - there are usually moments of bliss even in the chaos - when you get him to giggle uncontrollably, or just cuddle a bit.  I try to focus on those.

 

Funny thing is - I do most of the parenting and I am fare more open to *more* kids than DH; last night was one of those nights I could tell he was done LOL

 

but like the other evening when he was holding and talking to Norah, he said he almost understood families like the Duggars (the 19+kids and counting) - if he could, he'd always have a baby in the house. I don't feel that way, mostly because I really do want to be done nursing eventually. But he's not the one feeding the baby!

 

At least the power went out while you were sleeping! it makes things a bit easier. (no need to entertain a todder in the dark)


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Old 01-12-2012, 07:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's not what the title was supposed to me. It's supposed to mean that all of us are done having the babies we had been pg with, as opposed to being done having all our babies. Maybe I should have put it the other way around? I actually spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out which way fit. lol.gif Anyone is welcome to suggest something else.

WRT: solids. I wouldn't expect much change in poo for a while if you allow baby to feed herself. She will most likely still get most of her nourishment from breastmilk with just a few nibbles of solids thrown in. The poos only change drastically if you go to the spoon feeding solid food schedule that a lot of people follow.

I feel like crap this morning. I think Dylan slept ok last night but I, apparently, did not. I actually cried when I woke up this morning because I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I think a lot of it has to do with trying to get things worked out for Ethan's birthday. I'm so tired of having to do all this special stuff on my own. I'm not one of those people that likes planning parties and running all over town picking up presents and cakes and balloons.

I don't have anyone to watch Ethan at a workable time so that I can go shopping without him. I was planning to go yesterday before Ryan went to work but Dylan did something weird with his nap schedule and it started pouring down rain. I actually considered leaving him home alone for an hour or so so that I could get him some presents. We practiced using the home phone. It's magic jack and didn't always work but seems to be working now. I even looked up the law in NC. Did you know that most states don't have a law or any regulations about minimum age for leaving children home alone? I probably could leave Ethan home alone. He's certainly smart and responsible enough. The only problem would be that he might get scared. So, IDK. I may do that today if I feel up to it.

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Old 01-12-2012, 08:41 AM
 
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I know that's not what it's supposed to mean, I was just curious among ourselves, who actually is "done"

 

I cried the other day on the way to a play date. Norah wouldn't keep her paci in, and I had to keep pulling over, and I don't like pulling over on the interstate, so tookk an exit and pulled over someplace. wouldn't you know, I got back on the interstate the wrong way? and didn't realize it until I was almost home. I totally cried on the way there, but I was so glad I went!

 

I hope Ethan's party goes well, I know he'll like it.

 

Honestly, if you are comfortable with leaving E for an hour or two. You won't be going far (not like you're shopping in Wilmington or something) and surely he can do the phone, assuming it's working. I think most of the laws have to do with leaving children with younger siblilngs, and I think that's like 11. (IIRC)


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Old 01-12-2012, 08:53 AM
 
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OMG - I am soooo behind! 


I always think it is funny to see what and how other people clean. Growing up we *did* clean things. Every Sat. was the main house cleaning day. Every kid had a room, etc. Now, my mom was a deep cleaner. If you cleaned something and didn't wipe down or pull things out of corners and put them away you might as well not have cleaned AT ALL lol.gif I mean, dirty ok, deep cleaned ok, somewhere in the middle was not ok at all.

 

Well, my husband is borderline OCD (I, of course, diagnosed him myself) and also the exact opposite to what I did growing up. He is more of a surface cleaner and throw crap in corners so it looks clean type person. So, together we do pretty good. He surface cleans and think he does stuff, I actually DO all the hard things and get no credit :P he he he

 

Anyways - my house is usually pretty kept up with just because it really *truly* bothers him if it isn't. I mean, his dirty is probably most everyone else's pretty darn clean! Also, he does help clean and since his OCD kicks in, will do it all if I don't get to it in a reasonable amount of time. Just like it wouldn't be fair to me to do all the cleaning - I don't think it is fair to him. That's not to say it isn't one of the main fights in our marriage orngtongue.gif

 

Cleaning under fridge........ummmmm no.

 

Cleaning out the fridge (as in wiping it down not taking out yucky food) - hardly ever. Once or twice a year at the most. I hate it.

 

There is no under my stove here, but not something I would do either.

 

I have NEVER cleaned out the inside of any stove. Apparently this is something people do.

 

I am with whoever said they need to mop their floors a couple times a week - have too.

 

Dishes are kept up on and no counter clutter just because that is a huge trigger for the PITA hubby of mine.

 

Should clean my bathroom once a week - the main one probably does mostly. The other two, not so much 

 

The laundry is pretty kept up on. As soon as the dryer is done I take all the nice clothes and lay them flat and leave the socks, underwear and pj's. I have a hard time getting around to putting them away - but at least they are clean!!!.......right? LOL

 

I also have to deep clean my carpet due to the nasty color of it - shows everything. Stupid carpet. Probably do that 4-6 times a year in the main floor. 1-3 times on the bottom floor.

Never have I ever done it on my top floor.............

 

The one thing I am really bad about is washing sheets and what not. I mean, babies and kids sure, cause they pee, puke, or poop on them at least once a week. But once they get older? I never even think about it. I had NO idea people wash such things once a week (or even once a month bag.gif) It was something my mom never did. Funny how that carries over!

 

That is all I can think of now - but yes, I have had to completely re-learn how to clean to get along with my hubby. I would deep clean one room and leave the rest of the house and he would come home and be like WTF?? while I was all proud of the one room that I took 7 hours cleaning biglaugh.gifYeah, those convo's didn't go so well!

 

Oh yeah! My husband is a hoarder as well!! I thought he was a weirdo. I guess all guys are - ha ha.


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Old 01-12-2012, 08:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, well, we're done. I woke up this morning thinking that I had bitten off more than I can chew by having D. I wanted another baby so badly but now I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I love him as I do all my children but I feel like I can't take care of any of them as well as I want. I'm so tired of everything. I can't stand the way D wiggles and squirms and kicks when he's nursing. I can't stand how hyper and loud K is. I can't stand how bossy and aggressive E is toward K.

It might be different if Sean were home but I don't know. During one fight we had when he was home, I just wanted him to take D so that I could do some laundry. I was standing at the machines moving laundry around and D was on the floor fussing. Sean was just sitting in the living room ignoring him. I had to yell at Sean to get him. I said something about just wanting a little time to myself to get things done. Sean's response was to say that maybe I shouldn't have become a mother, then. I was so hurt. The sense was that D was my child and he was rejecting both of us.

I don't know if I can ever trust him to really care for us again. He used to be such a caring, loving person. That was the thing that made me fall in love with him. He took care of me and Ryan, which I had never had before. Now it seems like he thinks making the money is all he has to do. But then he talks about how he wants to do baseball with E and play with K when he feels left out. I feel very alone and abandoned.

I can't believe I'm telling you all of this. I've been keeping it all inside and trying to act like everything will be ok but I just don't know.

WRT leaving kids alone, a lot of site had recommendations about not leaving older siblings under 12 in charge of younger siblings. I would take D and K with me so it would just be E at home.

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Old 01-12-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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I didn't think that is what the thread title meant either MW - I think Kat was just asking a question. 

 

Sorry you feel so overwhelmed greensad.gif I couldn't imagine. I was watching an a couple kids for someone I *kinda* know. (It was an emergency work thing) and her husband is deployed right now. I gave her some of our dinner (oh, that is another thing my hubby does well, he is an excellent chef!)........ugh - I couldn't do it

 

I think they really don't have laws about leaving kids home alone because it would really depend on the kid. Some kids could stay home by themselves at 8, while others would really not be ready at all. I don't even think they really have laws about babysitting, but I think here it is about 12 that seems socially acceptable. 

 

I am really done right now (having kids that is). I don't think we will be doing anything permanent just because of our beliefs, etc so you never know! I am only 26 - and that is a lot of years of fertility ahead of me.

 

Did I tell you all that A is pretty much self-weaning? I am so sad greensad.gif Ever since I started going back to work she has been slowly refusing the breast, and now she won't take it at all (I mean, really really refusing) and only accepting bottles. She has always been a non-nurser. Kind of a get on, get off, have to do this even though I hate it, type baby. 

So, my pump just isn't really getting much anymore - even though I started taking fenugreek and eating oatmeal and brewers yeast. I am trying not to sink into mommy guilt - I don't know what else I could have done........I doubt she would have went much into toddlerhood since she *never* comfort nursed, but not even a year??? WTF?? bawling.gif

 

I was reading online about a certain probiotic that is cultured from breastmilk - so basically it is a super concentrated breastmilk. I think I will probably start giving her that (as well as my other kids)

 

Do any of you give a vitamin D supplement? The baby ones are only 400IU.......I would really hate to buy that for the baby. I give my other kids about 2000IU at least 3 times a week. I am wondering if I just give her 1000IU twice a week........She seriously does not get any sun exposure right now. It is freezing. Maybe I will look it up. 

The daily recommendations for vitamin D are ridiculously low..........

 

 


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Old 01-12-2012, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't give vitamin D even though the pediatrician pushes it. I really think the phenomena with rickets coming back is because people avoid the sun to an extreme. According to my LLL book, all a baby needs is a few minutes a day of even just his head/face exposed to sun for his body to produce enough vitamin D.

WRT to the weaning, it could just be a nursing strike. Some babies go through that at a particular age. I think A is around that age. I say keep offering. She may come back to it.

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Old 01-12-2012, 09:24 AM
 
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Oh, well, we're done. I woke up this morning thinking that I had bitten off more than I can chew by having D. I wanted another baby so badly but now I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I love him as I do all my children but I feel like I can't take care of any of them as well as I want. I'm so tired of everything. I can't stand the way D wiggles and squirms and kicks when he's nursing. I can't stand how hyper and loud K is. I can't stand how bossy and aggressive E is toward K.
It might be different if Sean were home but I don't know. During one fight we had when he was home, I just wanted him to take D so that I could do some laundry. I was standing at the machines moving laundry around and D was on the floor fussing. Sean was just sitting in the living room ignoring him. I had to yell at Sean to get him. I said something about just wanting a little time to myself to get things done. Sean's response was to say that maybe I shouldn't have become a mother, then. I was so hurt. The sense was that D was my child and he was rejecting both of us.
I don't know if I can ever trust him to really care for us again. He used to be such a caring, loving person. That was the thing that made me fall in love with him. He took care of me and Ryan, which I had never had before. Now it seems like he thinks making the money is all he has to do. But then he talks about how he wants to do baseball with E and play with K when he feels left out. I feel very alone and abandoned.
I can't believe I'm telling you all of this. I've been keeping it all inside and trying to act like everything will be ok but I just don't know.
WRT leaving kids alone, a lot of site had recommendations about not leaving older siblings under 12 in charge of younger siblings. I would take D and K with me so it would just be E at home.


hug2.gif I hope things settle for you soon! I do know a lot of women that have a lot of kids (being catholic and all) and even though they weren't happy while doing it - they are all happy now that their kids are grown. Just survive and this too shall pass.

I unfortunately have no advice about PITA husbands hug2.gif

 


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Old 01-12-2012, 09:28 AM
 
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I don't give vitamin D even though the pediatrician pushes it. I really think the phenomena with rickets coming back is because people avoid the sun to an extreme. According to my LLL book, all a baby needs is a few minutes a day of even just his head/face exposed to sun for his body to produce enough vitamin D.
WRT to the weaning, it could just be a nursing strike. Some babies go through that at a particular age. I think A is around that age. I say keep offering. She may come back to it.


I don't even know what rickets is - but vitamin D3 is ahhhhmazzzing! My kids used to have a runny nose and cough almost the whole winter and now they don't get it at all. If it wasn't for that wierdo bit with the stomach bug from hell, we wouldn't have really gotten sick for almost two years now. Which, is nuts for me! 

That is why I want to start giving it to A if she isn't going to be nursing anymore. (I can only get about 3-4 ounces a day for her) I just would hate to spend 20 bucks on 400IU dosage (which is a crap amount) if I can spend 20 on a 1000IU dosage.

 

Yes, I will keep offering to A. I don't have much hope though - because she has just BEEN one big nursing strike. She has never nursed at all unless I am laying down in bed with her and or she is starving. Now she won't even do it in the middle of the night while she is half asleep. Offering it actually wakes her up and pisses her off. sooooo annoying lol.gif

 

I know at 2 you can give them 2000IU a day. So It would make sense that I can give a one year old 1000IU 3 times a week...........

 


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Old 01-12-2012, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Rickets is the bone disorder that is caused from deficient vitamin D. There has been an upsurge in children with rickets recently, which is why doctors are now recommending vitamin D supplementation for breastfed babies. You have to be careful about vitamin D dosing because it is a fat soluble substance. Unlike something like vitamin C, which is water soluble so the body just flushes out any extra, vitamin D is stored in fat cells so it is easier to overdose on it. I don't know the recommended amount for babies.

What is the probiotic you mentioned?

There's something else I'm forgetting...

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Old 01-12-2012, 10:02 AM
 
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I think you are so against vitamin D3 because they tell nursing moms to give it to their babies lol.gif In reality - if the mom has a high enough level, the baby will too. I take enough, so I don't worry about the baby needing more while nursing. 
You really should look into it - it is amazing! Although vitamin d3 toxisity (how the f do you spell that??) is a real thing - it is very very uncommon. I mean, I have been giving my kids and myself a massive dose according to most docs - and no problems here - only benefits. 

Here is a link to natural news, don't really know how good it is, I have been researching it for years. I want to find the doc that only has non-vaccinated kids in his practice (almost 5000 kids and not one autistic!) he is a big supporter of it. 

Anyways - its actually really good stuff, don't let silly pediatricians could your view of it winky.gif

 

http://www.naturalnews.com/vitamin_d.html

 

The probiotic I found is because of one of the nursing groups I was in. She was on mystery diagnosis because her breastmilk was hot pink (along with other disturbing symptoms) and she had some kind of weird bacteria or something. They treated her but would not treat her baby UNLESS he started showing symptoms. So she researched it herself and found this stuff - and it completely took it away from him and her. 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Natures-Way-Primadophilus-Reuteri-powder/dp/B005KMBFAM/ref=wl_it_dp_o_npd?ie=UTF8&coliid=IUBBU3RRWJLV7&colid=ST3GJUSGL7IZ

 

Now, that is the name and she gets it from nature's way. I am not sure if that particular powder is what I would get, I just wish listed it so I could remember the name Reuteri. 


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Old 01-12-2012, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the links. I'll check them out.

I'm not against vitamin D supplementation. I take it, myself. But you are right. I am opposed to doctors telling breastfeeding moms that they must give their nursing babies vitamin D when there are no indications of a deficiency. However, there is a reasonable question about whether or not any vitamin supplementation has any true benefits. The question is whether or not the body can assimilate single separated vitamins and multivitamins taken outside of their natural state.

I'm not opposed to vitamin supplementation to try to fill in gaps in diet as long as the supplements are safe and natural. The problem for me is that I don't know how to tell that something that's processed like that is safe and natural. I've read stuff about vitamin E being made from left over copy machine toner, for example. The argument is that it's safe because it's reduced to the purified vitamin. Problem is that it's almost impossible to completely purify something like that. There are almost always traces of other substances, some maybe toxic, left behind. But, then, it's so hard to get safe and natural food, too, that maybe it's all moot.

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Old 01-12-2012, 11:23 AM
 
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MW: it's a tough place to be in, to be sure. When was the last time Sean was home for an extended period of time? I know he's been home on leave once or twice, but really home?

 

It is bound to take some time to re-adjust to family life - that's normal - it's just a matter in part of whether you really want to work at it (you is in the plural there) or not. I saw a lot of famililies in Okinawa break up - 1)it's a very common destination for dual-service members (both DH and DW in the service) 2) a frequent deployment rate; it's not uncommon for the servicemember to be away more than 1/2 the time a family is stationed there. Not to mention you are in a completely foreign country with no family . . . it makes or breaks families. The ones who made it through had to spend a lot of time focusing on marriage and family in the time they were together, and not every family is willing to do that.

 

Hang in there! I think it's worth trying to make it work when Sean gets back if he's willing to work with you. In the meantime, is there anyway to carve in some "you" time? it may help. That's all I've got!

 

Annie - my mom was a corners cleaner too! the house may be cluttered, but darn it, the corners were spotless!

 

I know that daily cleaning is easier . . . but I am really more of a once a week everything gets deep cleaned/laundered/etc sort of person.

 

vit D: I'm not against supplementing if one is actually deficient. I am against automatically dishing it out. If it's not raining, we are all out in the sun for at least 20 minutes a day, often much more. so I think we are fine. Doesn't matter if it's cold, we bundle up, because DS is a wreck if he's cooped up all day.

 

I have looked into adding a mulit for him, but all the ones I've found are mostly sugar. We could all benefit from pro-biotics probabably

 

I totally saw that episode of mystery diagnosis! why they didn't test her milk sooner, I have no idea.

 

I think I need to add maybe some b vitamins. It may help my gum health which is not great at the moment.

 


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Old 01-12-2012, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sean has only been home once since the end of March for 2 weeks over Thanksgiving. Before that he was home for about 9 months. Before that he was gone for about a year, being home for a month in December 2010. He's been gone many more times before that. If we added up all the time he's been gone, not just deployments, I'm sure he's been gone more than he's been home since he joined the Marines in 2002.

Sean says he understands that we have issues. He says that he understands that he is a part of those issues and needs to make an effort to fix them. It's not just me. However, I don't think he knows how to work at it. His solution to any problem is to ignore it. That's why I finally talked to his home unit Chaplain. He said he will helps us both. He wants me to contact him again in right before Sean comes home and then he'll seek Sean out rather than waiting for Sean to find him.

He always gets about 2 weeks off when he first comes home from a deployment. I was thinking that it might be better if he went straight back to work for a few weeks while we adjusted to him being home. Then he could take some time off. Maybe having him home 24/7 so suddenly is too much for any of to take. But I know he's exhausted and needs time to rest. He says he gets only about 4 hours of sleep a night and works every day over there. He does not get the weekend off or anything like that and he doesn't get to leave his work, go eat dinner and just hang out until the next day.

I get so angry, though, when people tell me that I need to give him time. Don't expect him to jump right back into things. I've been under just as much stress as him. Why do I have to be the one to wait all the time? It's the same as when people say to let your spouse have a few minutes to unwind after coming home from work before expecting them to do family things. What if I've had an extremely stressful day and need to lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes before I throttle someone? I'm supposed to wait while he unwinds but he's never expected to wait while I unwind. KWIM?

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Old 01-12-2012, 12:12 PM
 
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It depends who you talk to whether we're done or not. I'm not. I want at least one more- but then DD is only our first, so I'm in a different boat. DH is pretty firm right now that we're done. He even wants to start selling off all the diapers/clothing as she outgrows it. I would rather just keep the items until our next child (because let's get real... there WILL be another. lol.) 

 

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I think they really don't have laws about leaving kids home alone because it would really depend on the kid. Some kids could stay home by themselves at 8, while others would really not be ready at all. I don't even think they really have laws about babysitting, but I think here it is about 12 that seems socially acceptable. 

 

Do any of you give a vitamin D supplement? The baby ones are only 400IU.......I would really hate to buy that for the baby. I give my other kids about 2000IU at least 3 times a week. I am wondering if I just give her 1000IU twice a week........She seriously does not get any sun exposure right now. It is freezing. Maybe I will look it up. 

The daily recommendations for vitamin D are ridiculously low..........


Yeah I was staying home by myself by about 9 or 10, and I was totally ready (and making meals too). My youngest brother on the other hand wasn't reallly ready until closer to 13 or 14 I think. 

 

We give Vit D. We're pretty far North here, plus we don't spend any time outside to get the natural source. I'll stop giving it once spring/summer comes and we are outside, but right now, I know that even I should be taking a supplement (and am really bad about forgetting...), so I don't believe there's enough in my body to pass on to her.  

 

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I am opposed to doctors telling breastfeeding moms that they must give their nursing babies vitamin D when there are no indications of a deficiency. However, there is a reasonable question about whether or not any vitamin supplementation has any true benefits. The question is whether or not the body can assimilate single separated vitamins and multivitamins taken outside of their natural state.


My thing with VitD is that it's also been linked to depression and other things other than just rickets, so some of them aren't just quantifiable by observation. And since this is something that nature intends for us to get (through the sunlight) and it's because of our adapted lifestyle that we're not getting it, it makes sense to me that we need to account for that. Now, like I said, if we were somewhere where I could be outside, it would be different. But it's -29C right now... not happening, no matter how badly I want to use my new stroller! lol

 

Speaking of the stroller, she fell asleep in it last night for about 30 minutes. I told DH it was already worth the money :)

 

MW you asked before and I forgot, but we got the 13" necklace. She definitely could have gone with the 11". Oh well. We're just making sure it's under her clothing. 

 

Went to a LLL meeting last night. It was good. I didn't really get any new answers, but yet I still came home feeling more hopeful and relaxed about the whole thing. It's nice just to be around someone who understands that stopping is not the first option to consider. 


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Old 01-12-2012, 12:12 PM
 
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It's very frustrating - I agree  and so much of the burden is put on the spouse.

 

Can he do a week at home or maybe a 96, and then go back to work - that way he still gets time to decompress, but not quite sooo long?

 

and I guess it's because we all think we are superwoman. I totally think you should just leave for an afternoon. no excuses, just go out (once he's home). I have to do this wth my DH sometimes. Not, do you mind if I go, or do you want to come with me, but I'm going (with our without the kids) and you can deal. Sometimes it just has to be forced.

 

I have to do this, bc DH and his mom worry so much about people out there - yeah  I know there are crazies, but I do my best to be safe, you need to trust that, and I can't always wait on somebody willing to go with me. bc sometimes I want to do things I don't *need* to do.  and bc they are not *needs* they often get pushed to the side and well, I just want to!

 

that's my vent.

 

I wonder on the whole allow your spouse to unwind thing, can't people take turns? like one day dad (or mom if she works ;0) will immediately take over so mom (or dad) can get a shower or whatever for however long it takes, and the next day, the person returning from WOH can go decompress for a bit before letting the SAH parent take a break.  Or not even strictly taking turns, but sometimes the WOH parents needs to just take over when the SAH parent has had enough.  I feel I can say this since I am that WOH parent and I normally do take over as soon as I walk through the door. Unless both babies are sleeping, in which case, I do have a little bit of time, but also in which case, DH usually isn't tearing his hair out either.


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Old 01-12-2012, 12:24 PM
 
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Now, my mom was a deep cleaner. If you cleaned something and didn't wipe down or pull things out of corners and put them away you might as well not have cleaned AT ALL lol.gif I mean, dirty ok, deep cleaned ok, somewhere in the middle was not ok at all.

 

Well, my husband is borderline OCD (I, of course, diagnosed him myself) and also the exact opposite to what I did growing up. He is more of a surface cleaner and throw crap in corners so it looks clean type person. So, together we do pretty good. He surface cleans and think he does stuff, I actually DO all the hard things and get no credit :P he he he

 

I have NEVER cleaned out the inside of any stove. Apparently this is something people do.

 

The one thing I am really bad about is washing sheets and what not. I mean, babies and kids sure, cause they pee, puke, or poop on them at least once a week. But once they get older? I never even think about it. I had NO idea people wash such things once a week (or even once a month bag.gif) It was something my mom never did. Funny how that carries over!

 

That is all I can think of now - but yes, I have had to completely re-learn how to clean to get along with my hubby. I would deep clean one room and leave the rest of the house and he would come home and be like WTF?? while I was all proud of the one room that I took 7 hours cleaning 

^^^Almost all of that. Our daily chores got inspections. It's funny though how my mother totally changed with that after 2/4 of us moved out. Now the house is a pigsty. And we were the same with sheets. It never even occured to me. Growing up, we washed our sheets when we spilled on them or something. DH came from a family that washed them once a week. When we moved in together I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, and so much work! Of course now with DD they get cleaned twice a week because she pukes almost every night, and no matter how hard I try, it always gets the sheets. 

 

DH and I also have different cleaning habits. I'm the type like you who will do one room, but -solidly-. DH is the type where if I ask him to clean the kitchen, he'll do the dishes and clear the counter and clutter... but completely leave the floors, the table, and not bother actually wiping down the counters. But he thinks that since it gives him time to do the kitchen AND another room, it evens out. It drives me nuts. I'd rather one room be spotless, then two be half done. 

 

We have a self cleaning oven, otherwise it would never get done. Way too much work for me!


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Old 01-12-2012, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wonder on the whole allow your spouse to unwind thing, can't people take turns? like one day dad (or mom if she works ;0) will immediately take over so mom (or dad) can get a shower or whatever for however long it takes, and the next day, the person returning from WOH can go decompress for a bit before letting the SAH parent take a break.  Or not even strictly taking turns, but sometimes the WOH parents needs to just take over when the SAH parent has had enough.  I feel I can say this since I am that WOH parent and I normally do take over as soon as I walk through the door. Unless both babies are sleeping, in which case, I do have a little bit of time, but also in which case, DH usually isn't tearing his hair out either.

I think this is a big part of my issue with that. It's mainly for the man's benefit. When mom works outside the home, she almost always takes over the majority of the childcare when she gets home from work even when both parents are home. I think it's a ridiculous idea that just comes from the thought that childcare isn't as important or as difficult as making money. Things should rather go on a case by case, day by day basis.

Maybe I got an 11" necklace for Dylan and a 13' or 14" one for Kellen. I can't remember now.

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Old 01-12-2012, 12:42 PM
 
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JJ: sheets - ours get changed/washed once a month or so and they need it by then. I have dried milk rings on the sheets . . .I just haven't got the urge to clean them. (bad I know). DD normally sleeps on a blanket on top of the sheets. Well, I sleep on half, she sleeps on the other half - to absorb milk overflow. Plus it makes moving her a bit easier. (by blanket, I mean like a receiving blanket)

 

MW: I don't know why, but it just is hard NOT to do. When I get home from work, I really miss my kiddos and WANT to spend time with them. that HOW I decompress. Maybe men are just wired differently? I know the men I know that WAH can go in a room, shut a door, and not come out until work is done. That wouldn't fly in our house, neither kid would permit it, and I'd feel awful if there was something I *could* be helping with, you know?


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Old 01-12-2012, 01:32 PM
 
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RE: Vitamin D3  - I found out about vitamin D3 when M was about 14 months old. The year before that J was sick, sick, sick, the WHOLE winter........the whole darn thing! It sucked. Bad.

 

The next year we all got strep, J and M got croup, and it sucked again! LOL So probably about this time of year two years ago I started researching what would help boost the immune system. THAT is how I found out about vitamin D3. I was hooked and I got these:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Carlson-Ddrops-2000-IU-10ml/dp/B001LF39DS/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326399000&sr=8-4  

 

(except they were the 1000IU dose) and I am pretty sure they don't have any fillers. Except maybe coconut oil or something.

 

I started giving it to them and of course I didn't notice really much difference at first. I stopped giving it to them for the summer - because they were out in the sun enough. I don't use sunscreen unless they are going to get burned - and then I just use the zinc oxide. 

 

The next fall I started giving it to them, and the whole year they didn't get more than a cold here or there! I was hooked. I mean, I was used to the whole having a cough and runny nose most of the winter! (and I mean the kiddo's, not me! LOL) 

 

So, to me I have seen the benefits! I guess it is good for the bones and stuff too - but for me it is mostly just because of the immune benefits. ESPECIALLY since I don't vax.

 

I think the statistics are something like 80 percent of us are deficient in vitamin D3 (which is totally different than D2, just FYI). 

 

Also - for whoever said you go outside even if it is cold, it is actually that you have to have most of your skin exposed for 20 or so min (for light skinned people). Which, maybe you are doing cold.gif ha ha ha

 

Of course - I think the biggest thing is just to go with what you feel best. My kids got sick to much, so I supplement and it is a LOT better. (I also give a vitamin c supplement and colloidal silver as well as a kid vitamin and mineral drink from a wellness company) and I notice a huge difference.

 

I also don't give them the D3 supplement at all during the summer months. 

 

Ok - I won't talk about D3 anymore!ROTFLMAO.gif


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Old 01-12-2012, 01:44 PM
 
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I totally agree about DH's getting off the hook way to easily. (or at least mine). 

 

I actually love it when I have to go to work and my DH has to take care of the kiddo's without me. It is a real wakeup call for him. I remember for months he would make snide comments about cleaning or cooking and I would tell him how hard it was to cook while holding/watching a baby. He would retort with "women do it all the time" Ummmmm - ok....

 

Well, after a day or two of me going to work before dinner he goes "OMG! Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook with A, it is impossible!" NO SH**!!!! This is what I have been trying to tell you. orngtongue.gif

 

But yeah, I agree with Kat, I can't NOT take care of the kids as soon as I get home. It is just the way it is. I actually feel refreshed after getting away from them hide.gif (did I just say that out loud?)


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Old 01-12-2012, 01:44 PM
 
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what vitamin and mineral drink? I'm curious, b/c I think DS could use additional vitamins, but most of what I see is primarily sugar. He doesn't need more of that.

 

We all are rarely sick; maybe because we are down south? and therefore get a good bit of sun; I mean, last week we were out in shorts and flip flops. Even today, it's not really cold, it's the wind that kicks up and chills you.

 

Only DH is sick often during the winter, but he has an essential oil regimen he kicks in when he's feeling yucky. I am thankfully rarely ill, and even then it's not bad.


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Old 01-12-2012, 01:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

JJ: sheets - ours get changed/washed once a month or so and they need it by then. I have dried milk rings on the sheets . . .I just haven't got the urge to clean them. (bad I know). DD normally sleeps on a blanket on top of the sheets. Well, I sleep on half, she sleeps on the other half - to absorb milk overflow. Plus it makes moving her a bit easier. (by blanket, I mean like a receiving blanket)

 

MW: I don't know why, but it just is hard NOT to do. When I get home from work, I really miss my kiddos and WANT to spend time with them. that HOW I decompress. Maybe men are just wired differently? I know the men I know that WAH can go in a room, shut a door, and not come out until work is done. That wouldn't fly in our house, neither kid would permit it, and I'd feel awful if there was something I *could* be helping with, you know?


I always have a receiving blanket or something under her, but she just never fails that at somepoint during the night, she will miss the blanket and puke all over everything else. If it's a little bit, we leave it, but it's often quite a large amount, so if we just leave it, then it ends up soaking into the mattress too (ugh!). And ditto if where she spits up is near our heads. The smell of the acid turns my stomach instantly. lol

 

I'm the same with going out and coming back home. Or even if I go and nap without her or something. Once I get up/home, I feel like I need to see her again. DH is... somewhat the same. I'll be interested to see what happens when he goes back to work though. I would guess it depends on what sort of stress they're encountering at work. A nice compromise might be to have the out of house parent have a set time- say 20 minutes, so decompress once they get home... but then they have to take the children for another set amount of time, say an hour, before they can bring them back to the SAH parent. I know before DD, when I was working, and DH was home for a few months, I would come home, and he would want my attention right away, but my head was still spinning, and I really did need some time to change, wash my face, get a drink, check my email, etc, before I could really be there. I needed to shut off the work side of me and turn on the home side, so I could be present and ... well... pleasant! lol


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