January 2012 Whatever Ladies Are All Done Having Their Babies! - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 510 Old 01-13-2012, 09:07 PM
 
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MW-- great about dinner!

 

We bought a travel swing today... I'm hopeful to see if it makes a difference in being able to put her down for a few minutes here and there. She likes the motion of the car... 

 

Also... biggest news- DH got a job today! He's been off work since July, which was great at first, because we got stuff done around the house and yard that we needed to do, and we got to spend time together... but we really expected him to have a job again by September or so, but he was just being a little slow with trying to find a new one... and then when he did get on to fully trying, he wasn't getting any answers back. But he got a call back from his old job today (not the one he quit in July), and they want him back... he starts again on Monday, and has full time hours... and apparently they are more in need of day time, than evenings, which is wonderful. It's a perfect setup, close to home, easy work, that he can leave behind when he leaves the building, instead of bringing the stress home. It gives him enough time and energy as well to keep working towards his medic career. 

 

So excited, and so relieved. We had really good savings built up, and a 25000 line of credit, so we were 'fine', but this month was officially the last of our savings, so as of next month, we would have been dipping into the line of credit. I really didn't want to do that, so it's nice to know we wont have to. And between my mat leave wages, and his wages now, we should be able to replace our savings by summer. Suuuuccchhhh a relief. 

 

This has been such a good week :)


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#182 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 04:43 AM
 
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JJ: that's great about your DH's job. It's amazing how sometimes things work out just when you need them to! (call it God or the universe at work or whatever - but it is great)  and to have a job you can leave at work. Since I WAH, that's not an option, hehe.

 

MW: Glad dinner went so well and the boys ate calamari!!! wow - Restaurants are when I find the buckets handiest. DD doesn't like to be worn sitting down, and I don't want to drip food on her.

 

oh: I'm selling the first wrap I bought - it's too heavy and I find I really like the extra length of a 7. - and I *sold* the K'tan; need to mail it today. DD is getting to big for it - it's fine after a wash, but starts sagging after about 30 minutes of use, and due to it's nature you can't tighten it, like you could a wrap or moby. 

 

I still want a poppable, easy to use carrier, and I think a ring sling fits the bill, especially if the shoulder fits right. 

 

I'm trying to decide if I even want to keep on trying to wrap. I love the idea of it, I really do. and I can do front carries in a minute. I could do back carries if my Vatanai wrap wasn't so slippery - but I love how lightweight and non-diggy it is. Otherwise it's perfect. I got wraps to do back carries; that's the whole point. If I can't get it reasonable figured out in the next week or so, I'll just wait until DD can be in a SSC on my back, which is only probably another couple of months.

 

I hate to give up so easily, but OTOH, I don't want to spend buckets of money trying to find the *perfect* wrap.

 

And Sleep!! DS must have been worn.out. yesterday. He fell asleep after dinner, at about 6:30. woke up around 8:30-9 and wasn't even awake an hour (time enough for me to change his diaper and get on pajamas) before he was asleep again, and he is STILL asleep and it is 7:30 a.m.

 

On the subject of sleep. I really hate unsolicited parenting advice, especially from people I otherwise like. A friend of ours (whose kids are now 12 and 9) when I mentioned that DS is taking forever to get to sleep lately  she's like, what time does he nap? And I answered honestly, sometimes he does take a late nap - it's not like I can stop him, or try to get him to nap that late; he just conks out. Now, I do wake him up by 6, but really, if he's tired enough to  conk out like that, I'm not going to force him to be awake.

 

and she's like, he needs to nap from 2-4. and bed at 8. I told her, I don't want him going to bed that early, he'll be up at 5. and she says he NEEDS 12-13 hours of sleep at night.  Gabe might sleep that long once or twice every couple of weeks (like tonight) but usually he sleeps between 8-10 hours. She says he needs it for proper brain development. I don't like to argue - especially with friends - but I think those are just guidelines. Some people need more sleep than others.  It was a very frustrating conversation.  It finally ended with her saying something like, well, if you don't mind being up that late, then whatever. ARGGHH and LOL all at the same time!

 

oh . . .what else . . .I can't remember! I'll be back later. have to work, which is awful on a Saturday, but there it is! 


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#183 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 05:24 AM
 
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Ohh Kat I agree!  Some people just don't need that much sleep.  If Gabe isn't excessively cranky, etc, his sleep is fine.  If he were nodding off in his food multiple times a day, different story.  

Besides, I'm much more likely to watch my kid than a clock.  I could never understand naptime starts at 1230 no matter what even if they aren't tired.  I'm not going to fight my kid to nap if they don't need it.  (Not if they don't "want" it.  Different thing.)

 

Wrapping - I hear you. I love it for small babies but for larger kids and wiggly ones, SCC is my go-to carrier type of choice.  I have a RS but ...I think I'm going to sell it or donate it.  I like the boba too much, but we'll see.  Once Finn can sit maybe he won't be so much "dead weight" and I'll be able to do a hip carry with him w/o it killing my shoulder.  Even on quick trips to the store it's digging in before I'm checking out.

 

A friend of mine is going to give me a few GroVia AI2s and I'm going to give her my nb stash (she's not done having babies).  Whew.  Free space in the diaper drawer and more dipes for my stash.  Did you guys know I only have 9 diapers?  Really.  That's it.  I can't justify buying more.  I don't know how committed I can be, and to buy new or even used just for this one baby seems silly.  But trading?  I'll do that.  I might CD 3 days out of the week right now only.  If that.  Sometimes 2.  Sometimes none.  I think at that level, it does nothing for the environment or budget.  Right?  It's just for fun.  LOL.

 

Sleep sucked last night.  I felt like I was in the jungle!  DD has a cold so she was snoring and sniffling and coughing and gross all up in my face, and Finn was doing like 1 hour stretches and nursing ever HOUR.  Ugh.  More spit up than normal too, so I think he was having tummy issues.  DD woke at 5 when DS was up and was all chatty and I could NOT deal with it.  I kept repeating go back to sleep, go back to sleep.  I was FRIED!  I was very happy DS went back to sleep for a bit and we slept til around 630.  

 

DH is home!! joy.gif

 

I wonder if he'll watch the kids while I run out.  I want to get my hair trimmed.  I don't even care where I go at this point!  I might not do it (i'm kind of chicken about that stuff) but it's nice to fantasize.

 

I'm still broken up about DD's hair.  When I walked into the bathroom and saw that devilish grin on her face and all the hair clippings on the floor I think all the blood drained right out of my face.  I couldn't believe she did that!!  Chris has only seen a picture so far...he's sad but keeps saying it'll grow, it'll grow.  He did NOT want her to have bangs.  I'm not happy about how choppy it is, but I'm happy she has bangs.  I wanted to her to have bangs for a long time.  I kept trying to convince DH to either let me take her to get them cut or do them myself, but he wouldn't budge.  Now he doesn't have a choice!

 

I kept telling him that he only wants her hair long b/c he likes longer hair on women.  She's a child.  She needs a cute little hair cut that's easy for her to manage w/o clips or barettes, or tucking it back behind her ear.  

 

What else?  Kat, bummer you are working!  Hopefully the hours pass quickly!!

 

JJ - AWESOME about your hubby's job!!  This has been an awesome week for you guys, hasn't it!  Very cool.  I'm happy for you all!!  Since it's full time, does it lend any opportunity for the basement to get worked on?  Projects that huge suck, don't they??

 

I have a baby shower tomorrow and I'm leaving Finn home with Chris.  I'm looking fwd to going somewhere fancy, wearing clothes with no spitup -- but nervous to leave the baby for that long.  I think counting travel time it'll be about 5 hours.  He takes a bottle fine and will be with Chris, so no worries there.  But more than 5 hours and my boobs will explode, so it's limited to that.  I'm also excited just to be going to a baby shower!  To relive that new baby excitement for a bit.  

 

 


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#184 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 07:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ Hand express a little bit if you have to. Take something to collect the milk in if you think you'll get enough to save.

JJ ~ joy.gif for your dh getting a job. Perfect timing, sounds like. Life has a way of working out like that if we let it.

Annie ~ I hope Ava is feeling better soon.

Restaurants are the only place I've used the bucket. I tried to use it once at the park when he was really little but he wouldn't stay in it for long. I never bothered to lug it into TKD or basketball. It is always much easier to just keep him in one of my carriers. Soon, he'll be sitting up so we can use a high chair, too.

Kat ~ That reminds me, mei tais can be quick and easy for back carries, a lot easier to do than a wrap. But, I know what you mean about not spending a ton of money trying to figure out which carrier works best for you.

Here's how our night went last night. We all fell asleep pretty quickly once I turned the light out. there was a little fussing at kellen but it wasn't too bad. then D woke up about a half hour later so i had to nurse him back to sleep, which takes at least 10 minutes. he has started squirming and kicking and flailing his arms whenever he nurses and it drives me crazy. he was probably squirming and fussy about every 2 hours and i had to nurse him. patting, rubbing, shusing just made him more upset. i know i slept because i can remember having a couple of dreams, which I usually don't, but it was only in maybe 1 hour stretches. i can't go back to sleep while D is nursing because he kicks and flails so much.

i actually feel pretty good this morning in spite of that. my jaw has been hurting really badly lately so i wore my splint last night. I must be grinding my teeth at night again, which makes it impossible for me to get a good sleep. I sleep so much better when I wear my splint.

the thing is that he sleeps for 2-3 hours by himself during the day. i'm beginning to think he wakes so much because we co-sleep. he can smell my milk and it wakes him, maybe. of course, that may not be a bad thing. maybe that's how things are supposed to be since mammals are designed to sleep with their babies.

Oh, and yeah, I don't agree with the idea that every person at a certain age needs X amount of sleep. And, I think those guidelines about 12-13 hours of sleep are for an entire day, not just at night. I'm pretty sure that's how the Dr. Sears book puts it. So, if your toddler takes one 2 hour nap or 2 1 hour naps during the day, then he'll probably only sleep for about 10 hours at night. But, again, still general guidelines.

Babies and children (for the most part) will sleep when they need to for as long as they need to. I think we (collective society) assume they won't because we spend so much time trying to manipulate their sleep schedules and forcing them to sleep when they aren't really tired. Then they fight us and we conclude that we must train them to sleep. KWIM?

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#185 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 09:45 AM
 
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Alysia, your night sounds as rough as mine (if not worse).  Have another cup of coffee with me!  I'm making apple pie coffee.  Yum.

 

And good idea.  I'll bring something to express into.  I hadn't thought of that!!

 

I must be doing something right.  My size 4 jeans fit!  I don't think they even fit me when I got pg!  I still have like a bit of extra that I can pinch that makes me  self conscious to wear them with a fitted shirt, but I'm soooo close!  joy.gif

 

I started doing the Bridge to 10k on the treadmill.  We shall see how this goes, lol!  It's a LOT of running!

 

This weekend I'm switching Finnley to Nora's convertible seat, and Nora is going to use a different convertible until I can get her a new 3-in-1.  I can't believe he has outgrown the bucket.  But it's true.  Ours goes to 22 lbs and 29 inches and he's 21 lbs and 28.5.  I feel he's safer in something bigger.  It's such a tight squeeze!  Plus it stays in the car all the time so it's pointless.  Just going to switch him.  But sad about it.  I feel like I just had him!  My big boy.   He'll be 5 months old in two days!!! happytears.gif

 


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#186 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 10:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

I might CD 3 days out of the week right now only.  If that.  Sometimes 2.  Sometimes none.  I think at that level, it does nothing for the environment or budget.  Right?  It's just for fun.  LOL.

 

JJ - AWESOME about your hubby's job!!  This has been an awesome week for you guys, hasn't it!  Very cool.  I'm happy for you all!!  Since it's full time, does it lend any opportunity for the basement to get worked on?  Projects that huge suck, don't they??


No, I think it's still worth it to CD. That's still 2-3 days worth of diapers that aren't going in the garbage!

 

He will and he won't... I mean he'll still have weekends and a bit of time in the evenings. He hasn't been working on it really at all snice she's been born, because we're both so worn out, so I'm actually hoping that him being out of the house and having 'quiet time', will help him feel more able to be productive once he gets home. 

 

And the bonus is that it's at a home reno store, so we get a discount again on all the supplies. So it'll cut down on the cost of the basement, as well as... you know actually giving us income to spend on the basement. lol

 



Quote:
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Restaurants are the only place I've used the bucket. I tried to use it once at the park when he was really little but he wouldn't stay in it for long. I never bothered to lug it into TKD or basketball. It is always much easier to just keep him in one of my carriers. Soon, he'll be sitting up so we can use a high chair, too.
the thing is that he sleeps for 2-3 hours by himself during the day. i'm beginning to think he wakes so much because we co-sleep. he can smell my milk and it wakes him, maybe. of course, that may not be a bad thing. maybe that's how things are supposed to be since mammals are designed to sleep with their babies.
Oh, and yeah, I don't agree with the idea that every person at a certain age needs X amount of sleep. And, I think those guidelines about 12-13 hours of sleep are for an entire day, not just at night. I'm pretty sure that's how the Dr. Sears book puts it. So, if your toddler takes one 2 hour nap or 2 1 hour naps during the day, then he'll probably only sleep for about 10 hours at night. But, again, still general guidelines.


We went out for lunch when DD was two weeks old, and I had her in the sling. The hostess actually asked us if we wanted a high chair. *rolls eyes*

 

DD wakes up at least twice as much when she's in bed with us or sleeping on us during the day. I think you're right and it's because they can smell the milk. DD used to wake up rooting, and want to nurse, but then she'd only suck a few times and then be awake and we'd have to put her back to sleep. Now sleeping mostly in the p&p beside the bed, she's waking up and actually having good nursing sessions, and then able to fall back into a deep sleep. I noticed even when I pull her into bed int he morning after DH gets up, that she'll start sleeping really lightly and waking up more often. 

 

My youngest brother was one of those kids that didn't need a lot of sleep at all, and my mom got a lot of flak for it. From about one year onwards, he stopped napping, and also only slept from about 11pm or midnight until 6am. They could -not- get him to sleep any longer, but he was awake and happy... so they just wnet with it. He's the youngest kid I've ever known who knew how to operate the tv and vcr, and when he got up early, he would go to the living room and watch movies until everyone else got up. 


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#187 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 10:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ That's exactly why I don't bother with the infant bucket seats. My babes grow out of them too quickly. It's not worth the cost. I can't find one that's even just $100. They are all sooooooo expensive.

Yay for being in size 4s! I'm feeling thinner. Can't wait til Monday to weigh myself. My weight loss is mostly from not eating much, though. Like today, I just ate for the first time. Partly it's because there's other stuff I want to do and don't want to waste my free time eating. The other part is that I'm not hungry in the morning most of the time.

I can eat with baby in the sling with he's really little. Dylan's too big now for that to work well. I was just thinking about the fact that the hostess put us at a seat where we couldn't use the bucket sling or a high chair. Who seats a person with a baby in a bucket somewhere that you can't use one of those? The bucket fit on the booth so it was ok but, if it hadn't, she would have had to move us. Silly.

Dylan does go back to sleep relatively easy when he wakes to nurse. Actually, he doesn't even really wake up, just gets squirmy and starts rooting. I do wonder, though, if he'd take longer to start doing that if he weren't right next to me. But I don't have anything else to put him in and I'm not going to buy anything now. Nowhere to put it, anyway. Plus, I wouldn't know how to deal with that at night. It would mean I'd have to get up when he does wake to eat and that just ain't happening. I did sit up and burp him last night thinking that might help. He did burp but still wanted to nurse. It may just be a growth spurt, too, or that he's more distracted during the day and doesn't eat as much so needs to eat more at night. He does get a lot of milk during those times. He's not just sucking a little and then conking back out.

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#188 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 10:37 AM
 
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Glad I am not the only one who just goes with the flow! I used to try to lay down with Gabe after lunch, but now we just let him crash.


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#189 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 11:09 AM
 
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Quote:
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Carrie ~ That's exactly why I don't bother with the infant bucket seats. My babes grow out of them too quickly. It's not worth the cost. I can't find one that's even just $100. They are all sooooooo expensive.

I can eat with baby in the sling with he's really little. Dylan's too big now for that to work well. I was just thinking about the fact that the hostess put us at a seat where we couldn't use the bucket sling or a high chair. Who seats a person with a baby in a bucket somewhere that you can't use one of those? The bucket fit on the booth so it was ok but, if it hadn't, she would have had to move us. Silly.

Dylan does go back to sleep relatively easy when he wakes to nurse. Actually, he doesn't even really wake up, just gets squirmy and starts rooting. I do wonder, though, if he'd take longer to start doing that if he weren't right next to me. But I don't have anything else to put him in and I'm not going to buy anything now. Nowhere to put it, anyway. Plus, I wouldn't know how to deal with that at night. It would mean I'd have to get up when he does wake to eat and that just ain't happening. I did sit up and burp him last night thinking that might help. He did burp but still wanted to nurse. It may just be a growth spurt, too, or that he's more distracted during the day and doesn't eat as much so needs to eat more at night. He does get a lot of milk during those times. He's not just sucking a little and then conking back out.


Yeah we have a bucket but only because a friend loaned it to us. It's a $260 seat, which just boggles my mind, especially since it only goes to 22lbs as well, and others on the market right now go to 30lbs at least. The convertible we bought rear faces to 40lbs though, and as soon as the freezing weather ends, we're transitioning her into that, regardless of when she outgrows the bucket. The bucket is just for cold weather convenience. However, I will say that for people -wanting- to spend the money on a bucket, I would totally recommend this one. It's so easy to use, just wouldn't personally be worth the money to me. 

 

DH laughs at me when I eat with her in the sling because I just throw a cloth napkin completely over her. meh, she doesn't noticed, she's always sleeping. 

 

Yeah, if he's actually eating, then he probably just needs it still. I noticed -for us- that when we started cluster feeding at night, like Annie suggested, she slept longer stretches at night. To the point where at night she often only feeds now for about 5 minutes each time she wakes up. Almost like she's just topping off so she can sustain her sleeping again. lol  If you do want to hold off on his times/rooting a bit, I found masking the smell a bit helped, so she was going by her tummy, and not scent. Either more layers on myself at night, or putting on a light perfume or something. Of course, if he really is having a solid feed each time, then it probably doesn't make sense to try to space them out obviously. 

 

It's funny, she sleeps way better at night in her bassinet now, but during the day, she still won't really sleep out of arms. I can't figure out what the difference is. I wonder if it's really just us being in the same room as her. Worth a shot.


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#190 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i can't remember how much i spent on my convertibles. it may have been as much as $300. They are the Britax Boulevards but the old ones from 2006 and 2008, maybe. They go from NB to who knows. K can still use the convertible and he's 4 1/2 years old. those seats will expire before all my kids grow out of them. i think ethan was in his until very close to 6 and still hadn't grown out of it. i just put him in a 5 point booster (the Britax Frontier, which I do NOT recommend) because our insurance company was buying us new car seats. My babies are big but my kids are small. hehe

i didn't realize the newer infant seats went to 30 lbs. back when we had one for ethan, i think most only went to 20 lbs., so even 22 was an improvement.

D is getting a tooth up top. i can see it buldging right under the gum. that could be another explanation for the restless sleep. i gave him some teething tablets before bed the other night but it didn't seem to help. maybe i should try giving him some every time he wakes. that is assuming i can wake up enough to do that. i'm really so lazy at night. i refuse to get up for almost anything. i'll lay in bed awake for a half hour before finally acknowledging that i have to get up to pee. lol.gif

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#191 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 05:55 PM
 
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DD has the Graco MyRide 65. It was a gift but I think it was around $200. I really like it and would have bought it if no one gave it to us as a shower gift. It fit well from the time she came home and it is super comfy for her. She has a Cosco Scenera in DH's car and it is not nearly as comfy.

 

Sleep stuff...here's the thing. I've been around a variety of kids between my years working in daycare and then as a nanny as well as my DSC. Sometimes, what appears to be the lack of a need for sleep is actually extreme sleep deprivation. When kids are TOO tired, they don't sleep as much. Seems strange but I've observed it many times. Also, behavior issues can usually be corrected if a child has an adequate amount of sleep. I'm not saying all kids are this way and I definitely advocate watching the baby/child instead of the clock but if you have a child that stays up later than you want them to or wakes too early or has trouble listening or lack of impulse control, it may just be that they are super tired.

 

Unsolicited friend advice. This is actually something I've been meaning to talk to you all about.  I think we are all in the habit of posting articles or blog posts on FB about various parenting issues. Have any of you had friends respond negatively to stuff you post? I have a friend, some of you may have seen her comments on my FB, that gets her panties in a bind whenever I post articles pointing out the dangers of CIO. She did CIO with her 9 month old and to hear her talk, she feels as though it was the best thing for the baby and their family. But then she gets super worked up whenever I or any of our mutual friends post an article that's anti-CIO. She says that these articles are meant to make some mamas feel guilty about their choices and to tell them all the ways they are harming their babies. I've tried to be understanding when discussing it with her but it's reached the point where I feel like her getting so worked up about anti-CIO articles is pointing to something bigger. I haven't said this to her but it seems to me like she's getting so upset because deep down she knows that it was wrong to do. Her opinion is that no one should post parenting articles on FB because we don't know what another mama's situation may be. She gives the example of a mama that may be having trouble breastfeeding and then if she posted an article about how formula is evil, that mama will get even more discouraged. I've countered with the example that a number of my FB friends, a couple of you guys included, post articles that are anti-vax. I don't get offended by those articles because honestly I agree with most of them and if DD had been born heart-healthy, she probably would have received very few vaccines. But I'm confident that I've made the right choice so far for Ava's specific situation. I think it's great that people post anti-vax articles because I think people need to read them. Am I off-base here? To be clear, I think the convo that akind1 relayed was completely rude of that lady to approach the situation that way. My thinking about parenting choices is this: Do your research and then own your decision. I feel the same about birthing choices. Who am I to say that no one should ever get epidurals? But if you decide to get an epidural, do your research and know what the side effects are such as stalled labor, decrease in pushing positions, cascade effect, etc. Just like if you choose to put your BF baby on a feeding schedule, do your research so you know that side effects may include clogged ducts, decrease in milk supply, early weaning etc. If you are o.k. with those potential side effects, fine. That's your choice. Just like I did the research before deciding to cosleep. I knew the side effects may be a change in bedding, the potential to have a child in my bed for many years, DH and I having to go somewhere else to DTD, night-wakings that last many years, etc. I'm ok with all those side effects so I don't get worked up when I see anti-cosleeping ads.


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#192 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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Oh and DD tasted some solids today. She tasted a bit of roasted potato at Whole Foods and she also tasted my seltzer water. She LOVED the seltzer water. She bit off a bit of the potato, moved it around in her mouth for a few minutes and then spit it out. Tonight, she took a bite of avocado, gave this huge shiver and spit it out. She put a banana up to her lips, licked it a bit and then made a face and pushed the banana away. She still REALLY wants whatever I have on my plate but I'm not ready to let her dive in to a plate of spaghetti! Tomatoes can irritate skin right? And I don't want to do grains for a while longer.


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#193 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 06:08 PM
 
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We bought the MyRide too, and I am excited to be able to use it once the cold weather calms down a bit here. It feels so much safer than having her in a bucket (even though it is a good quality bucket)

 

The FB thing is difficult. I've posted things before and expected backlash, but people have been good about it. Moreso I see it when I post a comment on -someone elses- 'questionable' posts, that people get their panties in a tizzy. IE that one posted several weeks ago about anti CIO, I posted it, and got support public/privately. But a friend also posted it, and I liked the post, and one of her friends got very heated about how we were 'judging her' and that we shouldn't talk about other people's situations, etc etc. I posted back and said that of course everyone was welcome to choose what was best for their own family, but that it was important to know how it works before using it. She ended up fighting back and forth with the thread poster... and then my --mother-- stepped in, in support of this other girl who was advocating CIO. It was the weirdest thing ever, and I have to admit that I was quite taken aback!

 

I feel like people take FB too personally. It's almost like a version of your own journal, and you post your own thoughts, things that matter to you, etc. And so I have no problem with people who honestly want information or to talk logically and respectfully, but it drives me NUTS when you post something informative or close to your heart, and someone flys off the handle about it. If you don't like it, and can't be respectful in voicing that opinion, then close the page. 

 

And agreed-- if you've done your research and are confident in your decision, then no one else should have the power to make you feel bad about it. If you do, then you obviously don't feel as good about your decision as you should. 


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#194 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 06:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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if you've done your research and are confident in your decision, then no one else should have the power to make you feel bad about it. If you do, then you obviously don't feel as good about your decision as you should. 

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I think if people get really upset about something like that it's because deep down they aren't comfortable with what they've done. I've had a c-section that I think was probably necessary but I don't know for sure. I still advocate against c-sections. I had Ryan circumcised and left the decision about Ethan up to my dh, who chose to have him circumcised. That one really bothers me because I knew better but left the decision to someone else anyway. I advocate against circumcision. I think some people have a really hard time admitting they that may have made a mistake so they refuse to even consider it.

I've had some people sort of argue with me about things on FB. One person, in particular, seems to like to bring up contrary anecdotes. We don't get angry with each other, though. We seem to be able to discuss things relatively calmly. I have actually been thinking how much I like the fact that all my MDC friends on FB are able to discuss things and disagree and not get upset over it.

With "friends" who continually post things that I strongly disagree with, I usually just unsubscribe from them. That keeps me from starting trouble. I think if someone continually gets upset with things you post and takes them personally, you could try to explain that it isn't personal and you aren't judging but if s/he doesn't like what you post, s/he can always unsubscribe from your updates.

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 I think if someone continually gets upset with things you post and takes them personally, you could try to explain that it isn't personal and you aren't judging but if s/he doesn't like what you post, s/he can always unsubscribe from your updates.


The other day after I posted the last anti-CIO article, she put something as her status update along the lines of "FB, can you please make an app that hides all parenting articles? I don't come to FB for parenting advice." I didn't respond to it right away but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed to at least let her know that I wasn't posting them to make her feel bad but that I had received messages, both public and private from friends thanking me for posting things like that so they had more ammo to defend their decision to NOT do CIO against their DH or family. Her continued stance is that no one should post parenting articles on FB period. I think that's ridiculous and I am not about to stop posting articles that I find interesting. I'm close to suggesting to her that she should just hide me or defriend me.

 


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#196 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 08:40 PM
 
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The other day after I posted the last anti-CIO article, she put something as her status update along the lines of "FB, can you please make an app that hides all parenting articles? I don't come to FB for parenting advice." I didn't respond to it right away but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed to at least let her know that I wasn't posting them to make her feel bad but that I had received messages, both public and private from friends thanking me for posting things like that so they had more ammo to defend their decision to NOT do CIO against their DH or family. Her continued stance is that no one should post parenting articles on FB period. I think that's ridiculous and I am not about to stop posting articles that I find interesting. I'm close to suggesting to her that she should just hide me or defriend me.

 



 I wouldn't worry about it. I think I have turned off or away quite a few people of FB lol.gif I mean seriously - I LOVE reading the stuff you guys post! That is half the reason I am your FB friend.

 

Not even half as annoying as the people who post stuff like "OMG" or "I can not believe this just happened!" without any further explanation and if/when someone asks what's up they either say they are going to text/call them or just ignore them. Really????????? Annoys the sh** outta me! LOL

 

Seriously though - I feel like the people who have a problem with it are the ones who aren't very secure in their parenting choices. I don't take offense when someone posts something about how "I should vax my kid to save your kid who can't get vaxxed" I may cry about the poor baby in the story but I don't get mad or have to make mad or hateful comments about how evil vaccines are ya know? 

 

If I can even save one little boy from GM or convince one new mom that she should have support set up for BF - it would be worth 1 million lost friends or pissed off family!! When I first heard about people being against circumcision I thought they were kinda crazy and also I didn't really *want* to know because I am Catholic and *have* to circ......SERIOUSLY that was my thought............smh. At least medicaid doesn't cover it in my state anymore - so it should help bring down the numbers even more. 

 


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#197 of 510 Old 01-14-2012, 08:56 PM
 
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Ok, so totally off topic, but just kinda something that has been on my mind lately. 

 

Someone I *know* from my church. And really, I mean know *of*. I have been friends with the family forever, know family members, etc. but I don't really know this family at all. They just had a baby with a chromosome problem (she has to many or to few) and she is not going to make it. I first heard about it when she was still about 4 months pregnant. The ultrasound showed there were several problems, they didn't know if she was even going to carry to term, etc. 

 

She had the baby, the baby was doing good for a day (how sad! talk about a teaser!) and then she started failing. The longest anyone has lived with this disorder is a year. bawling.gifgloomy.gifbawling.gif

 

The question is why am I so sad?? Why am I borrowing other people's problems? It doesn't make sense. I don't have to get to know this baby girl only to lose her. I am not the mom who had to carry her, birth her, and bury her. I just don't get it. I am literally bawling my eyes out right now!

 

I feel this way alot. I am not jealous of other people, but I also do not share good things that happen to me with people who I know don't have great husbands or who lead stressful lives. (People I am really close too - and have no reason not to share everything with) 

 

Do I have the opposite of Aspergers? Instead of not knowing how other people feel I feel FOR them? 


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#198 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 05:34 AM
 
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The other day after I posted the last anti-CIO article, she put something as her status update along the lines of "FB, can you please make an app that hides all parenting articles? I don't come to FB for parenting advice." I didn't respond to it right away but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed to at least let her know that I wasn't posting them to make her feel bad but that I had received messages, both public and private from friends thanking me for posting things like that so they had more ammo to defend their decision to NOT do CIO against their DH or family. Her continued stance is that no one should post parenting articles on FB period. I think that's ridiculous and I am not about to stop posting articles that I find interesting. I'm close to suggesting to her that she should just hide me or defriend me.

 



What a loon.  I love the parenting articles and blogs my friends find.  It seems like this friend of yours has it all figured out already and isn't looking for any advice or commiseration.

 

I like a good debate.  I post a bunch of stuff about sleep and I have a few friends who disagree with my approach, and with cosleeping.  I like our disagreements.  I learn from them, and I hope they learn from me.  But once people stop learning and post derogatory or inflammatory things, you have to put a stop to it.  It's YOUR post on YOUR feed!  It's not like you're sending her PMs, like look what you did to your kid.  You are sharing info.  That's what this social network is FOR.  If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to read it or comment on it.  Do you want to stay friends with her IRL?  


 

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Ok, so totally off topic, but just kinda something that has been on my mind lately. 

 

Someone I *know* from my church. And really, I mean know *of*. I have been friends with the family forever, know family members, etc. but I don't really know this family at all. They just had a baby with a chromosome problem (she has to many or to few) and she is not going to make it. I first heard about it when she was still about 4 months pregnant. The ultrasound showed there were several problems, they didn't know if she was even going to carry to term, etc. 

 

She had the baby, the baby was doing good for a day (how sad! talk about a teaser!) and then she started failing. The longest anyone has lived with this disorder is a year. bawling.gifgloomy.gifbawling.gif

 

The question is why am I so sad?? Why am I borrowing other people's problems? It doesn't make sense. I don't have to get to know this baby girl only to lose her. I am not the mom who had to carry her, birth her, and bury her. I just don't get it. I am literally bawling my eyes out right now!

 

I feel this way alot. I am not jealous of other people, but I also do not share good things that happen to me with people who I know don't have great husbands or who lead stressful lives. (People I am really close too - and have no reason not to share everything with) 

 

Do I have the opposite of Aspergers? Instead of not knowing how other people feel I feel FOR them? 


That's awful.  I think I'm about to cry.  There's nothing wrong with you.  It's just when something happens like that, you realize how fragile everything is in life.  I can happen to any of us.  I think it makes me hug my kids a little tighter and appreciate things a little more.  I think you're extremely empathetic and that's a wonderful quality to have.  hug2.gif

 


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#199 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 07:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i think you can also choose to only see important updates from people. i'm not sure how FB decides what's important and what isn't, though.

annie2186 ~ i agree with carrie. maybe you are a highly sensitive person. i'm like that. did you miss our discussion on HSCs/HSPs a while back? i have a book about it because i think ethan is one, and reading it, i discovered that i am, too.

i think you've reacted so strongly to that because you are a mother and know what it's like to grow a baby in your womb and give birth to that baby and watch her grow so you know how painful it would be to lose that person so soon. it breaks my heart to hear about stuff like that. i'm so sensitive to those types of things that i have to avoid hearing and reading about them too much or i feel like i'll implode.

i had to unsubscribe from someone on FB because she had set that app so that every news story she read would be posted and she read the most awful things. i couldn't even take the headlines. i have to be very careful about what books i read and movies and TV shows i watch, even fiction. my dh looks at me like i'm crazy and says they are only stories. they didn't really happen. but just the idea of they could happen is enough to set me off.

so, anyway, i don't think there's anything wrong with you or your reaction. i think you are probably just highly sensitive and highly empathetic.

AFU, we had a pretty good night last night. dylan was still restless but it wasn't as bad as before. i fed him teething and colic tablets all night. i could feel and hear his tummy grumbling. i'm wondering if his hazelwood necklace is wearing off. i think they have to be replaced periodically but i don't know how to tell when. at one point i woke up and realized D was still asleep after more than 2 hours and got scared. i was afraid he wasn't breathing so i checked him, which woke him up. lol.gif

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#200 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 10:37 AM
 
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Ok, so totally off topic, but just kinda something that has been on my mind lately. 

 

Someone I *know* from my church. And really, I mean know *of*. I have been friends with the family forever, know family members, etc. but I don't really know this family at all. They just had a baby with a chromosome problem (she has to many or to few) and she is not going to make it. I first heard about it when she was still about 4 months pregnant. The ultrasound showed there were several problems, they didn't know if she was even going to carry to term, etc. 

 

She had the baby, the baby was doing good for a day (how sad! talk about a teaser!) and then she started failing. The longest anyone has lived with this disorder is a year. bawling.gifgloomy.gifbawling.gif

 

The question is why am I so sad?? Why am I borrowing other people's problems? It doesn't make sense. I don't have to get to know this baby girl only to lose her. I am not the mom who had to carry her, birth her, and bury her. I just don't get it. I am literally bawling my eyes out right now!

 

I feel this way alot. I am not jealous of other people, but I also do not share good things that happen to me with people who I know don't have great husbands or who lead stressful lives. (People I am really close too - and have no reason not to share everything with) 

 

Do I have the opposite of Aspergers? Instead of not knowing how other people feel I feel FOR them? 

 

No, I think it makes you human! I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Now if you were going around telling this family's story and trying to get people to feel bad for you, then that would be strange. But crying because of the situation? That means you are empathetic and that's good!

 


 

 


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#201 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 10:43 AM
 
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What a loon.  I love the parenting articles and blogs my friends find.  It seems like this friend of yours has it all figured out already and isn't looking for any advice or commiseration.

 

I like a good debate.  I post a bunch of stuff about sleep and I have a few friends who disagree with my approach, and with cosleeping.  I like our disagreements.  I learn from them, and I hope they learn from me.  But once people stop learning and post derogatory or inflammatory things, you have to put a stop to it.  It's YOUR post on YOUR feed!  It's not like you're sending her PMs, like look what you did to your kid.  You are sharing info.  That's what this social network is FOR.  If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to read it or comment on it.  Do you want to stay friends with her IRL?  

 

 


It's something that I am having to consider. The strange thing is that she's so pro natural birth. That's how we became friends, through our local birth circle. And maybe that's why she feels like she's being bombarded with AP stuff because we have a number of mutual friends and almost all of us are AP and she's not so maybe she feels left out? I don't know it's very strange. One of her friends posted a link to a blog post the other day from this mom writing about how *all* moms feel guilty about something they are doing with their child. Now maybe this is a response to Ava's CHD, but I've got to say that I don't feel guilty about any of my parenting decisions. I'm not second guessing myself on anything. Does it make me sad that I have not been able to get her to nurse? Yes of course. Do I think I made a bad decision introducing bottles right away? No, because it was more important for me to get colostrum and breast milk in her than to worry about the vehicle. I don't feel guilty/bad about that decision one little bit.

 

DH asked me to put DD on him today in the Moby! love.gif I was getting ready to leave for work and DD just wanted to be held and he was trying to cook lunch for the older guys so I put her on him in a modified ring sling/hip hold. So adorable! He wouldn't let me take a pic but it was very cute. akind1, I agree with you though on the wraps. I haven't used the Moby in so long because it's just too heavy and a pain in my butt. I'm LOVING the Hotslings pouch that my sister gave me. I keep it in the van and when we are going in the store, I just pop DD in it. She loves it and my hands are free to do our shopping!

 


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#202 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think there's a difference between understanding that you could have made some better choices, maybe, and feeling guilty about something. I think, if you feel truly guilty (thinking of myself here), it's because you knew what you were doing was wrong but did it anyway. Does that make sense?

I don't feel guilty about anything that I do with Dylan. The only time I feel guilty about my parenting is when I get really overwhelmed and angry and react with yelling. I know I shouldn't yell. I tell myself in my head at the time that I need to stop yelling. But sometimes I just can't. Do I wish I had just told Sean that Ethan would not be circumcised? Absolutely! Do I feel guilty about leaving the decision up to Sean? No, because I honestly didn't know better at the time. I thought Sean would make the "right" decision. Now I know that if I'm very passionate about something and Sean is on the fence or just doesn't really care, I will make the decision on my own.

Sean's that way about spanking. He doesn't think it's necessary but he doesn't see why it's so bad, either. So, if I told Sean that we needed to spank the boys, he would do it. Instead, I have told him that we will not spank them and he's fine with that. Either way, doesn't matter...la, la, la. The only parenting stuff we really disagree on is the radical unschooling ideas. He thinks the boys need a little more parental control or rules or something. I'm really not sure what because he's never actually told me what he thinks should happen. He just makes comments about how it doesn't seem that some of the things we are doing are working. Of course, I think that's just because he doesn't understand how kids are. But I digress. I am actually starting lean more toward his side of things. So, we probably don't really disagree on that very much, either.

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Oh, I wanted to say something about introducing solids. Everything I have read says that you should only introduce one new food every week (or it may be every 2 weeks). I know Ava didn't really eat anything but you might want to keep that in mind. It's so, if baby has a reaction to something, you can easily figure out the offending food.

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I think there's a difference between understanding that you could have made some better choices, maybe, and feeling guilty about something. I think, if you feel truly guilty (thinking of myself here), it's because you knew what you were doing was wrong but did it anyway. Does that make sense?
I don't feel guilty about anything that I do with Dylan. The only time I feel guilty about my parenting is when I get really overwhelmed and angry and react with yelling. I know I shouldn't yell. I tell myself in my head at the time that I need to stop yelling. But sometimes I just can't. Do I wish I had just told Sean that Ethan would not be circumcised? Absolutely! Do I feel guilty about leaving the decision up to Sean? No, because I honestly didn't know better at the time. I thought Sean would make the "right" decision. Now I know that if I'm very passionate about something and Sean is on the fence or just doesn't really care, I will make the decision on my own.
Sean's that way about spanking. He doesn't think it's necessary but he doesn't see why it's so bad, either. So, if I told Sean that we needed to spank the boys, he would do it. Instead, I have told him that we will not spank them and he's fine with that. Either way, doesn't matter...la, la, la. The only parenting stuff we really disagree on is the radical unschooling ideas. He thinks the boys need a little more parental control or rules or something. I'm really not sure what because he's never actually told me what he thinks should happen. He just makes comments about how it doesn't seem that some of the things we are doing are working. Of course, I think that's just because he doesn't understand how kids are. But I digress. I am actually starting lean more toward his side of things. So, we probably don't really disagree on that very much, either.
joy.gif for a dh with baby in a wrap. I wish we could see a pic.
Oh, I wanted to say something about introducing solids. Everything I have read says that you should only introduce one new food every week (or it may be every 2 weeks). I know Ava didn't really eat anything but you might want to keep that in mind. It's so, if baby has a reaction to something, you can easily figure out the offending food.

 

Thanks for mentioning that about the introduction of solids. I thought about that last night and remembered that I had read that somewhere too. I'm probably not going to offer her any more solids right now. She's clearly interested but I don't think she's really ready.

 

I get what you are saying about the guilt. That's my take too, that if you are feeling guilty about a parenting choice then at some level you must be acknowledging that it was wrong? Hmmm, I'll need to think about that a bit more.
 

 


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#204 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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annie2186 ~ i meant to ask why you thought you had to circumcise because you are catholic. i thought that, according to the respective holy books, jews are supposed to circumcise and christians and muslims are not. that was one way to tell the difference.

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annie2186 ~ i meant to ask why you thought you had to circumcise because you are catholic. i thought that, according to the respective holy books, jews are supposed to circumcise and christians and muslims are not. that was one way to tell the difference.

I know!!! LOL
That is what I mean - there are so many people in our culture that are so uninformed and *I* was one of them.
When I started to hear/see more - it made me think and realize that my religion has nothing to do with circumcision. It is just the whole Jesus WAS circumcised that is confusing, and add the American pro-circ and there you have it.

I dont think I did see the conversation about the book you were talking about. I think I am a very weird and unique personality. I am an extrovert and very outgoing and not shy - however I don't fit the classic mold for that. Then I do have my introverted side too. I don't have many IRL friends, and not because I can't - I just don't have time! LOL

It's very strange, I would love to get analyzed. I bet I'm a weirdo :P

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well, jesus was a jew, ya know. winky.gif

being highly sensitive is not the same as shy at all. HSPs can be extroverted and outgoing. it's about being highly empathic and aware of subtleties that most others usually miss. you should read a book on it. i used to think there was something wrong with me because i seemed to feel everything more deeply than others.

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Baby_Cakes, here's a pic of the results of when DSD 12 took scissors to her own hair...

 

HMT1.jpg


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Now maybe this is a response to Ava's CHD, but I've got to say that I don't feel guilty about any of my parenting decisions. I'm not second guessing myself on anything. Does it make me sad that I have not been able to get her to nurse? Yes of course. Do I think I made a bad decision introducing bottles right away? No, because it was more important for me to get colostrum and breast milk in her than to worry about the vehicle. I don't feel guilty/bad about that decision one little bit.

 

DH asked me to put DD on him today in the Moby! love.gif I was getting ready to leave for work and DD just wanted to be held and he was trying to cook lunch for the older guys so I put her on him in a modified ring sling/hip hold. So adorable! He wouldn't let me take a pic but it was very cute. akind1, I agree with you though on the wraps. I haven't used the Moby in so long because it's just too heavy and a pain in my butt. I'm LOVING the Hotslings pouch that my sister gave me. I keep it in the van and when we are going in the store, I just pop DD in it. She loves it and my hands are free to do our shopping!

 


No, I think that's a good point. I can't honestly think of any choices we've made with DD that I feel guilty about. Things about the birth I would do differently, but no parenting choices we've made that I question, other than as MW noted- being more patient... but I think that's an -every parent- type regret. 

 

DH wears the sling and the moby, but no... no photos. I prefer the moby for comfort, but the sling is easier. DD can settle better in the moby though, as long as we're able to get her into it while she's still happy. But we often have trouble positioning her comfortably in the sling, and I find the ring rubs on my clavicle, so it's only a short term carrier for sure. 


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#209 of 510 Old 01-15-2012, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I find the ring rubs on my clavicle, so it's only a short term carrier for sure. 

it's probably not positioned properly. the rings should lie just below your clavicle so that they don't bother you.

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well, jesus was a jew, ya know. winky.gif
This is actually what got me thinking - because I know that we (catholics) can get tattoo's when Jew's cannot (because of the old testament). So I started asking around (since this was before I truly understood the power of google lol.gif) and the rest is history. As a side note - anything I ever post about GM is what brings me under fire on FB. LOL

being highly sensitive is not the same as shy at all. HSPs can be extroverted and outgoing. it's about being highly empathic and aware of subtleties that most others usually miss. you should read a book on it. i used to think there was something wrong with me because i seemed to feel everything more deeply than others.
Hmmmm - the only thing that is different is that *I* don't necessarily feel everything more deeply than others (I do cry at books and movies - but unless someone *coumyhusbandgh* eggs me on I can usually tell myself its just a movie. 
What I do is feel things more deeply for OTHER people. Like I can pick up when someone is hurt, angry, upset, embarrassed etc. when no one else seems to notice or care. I am not really worried about anything being wrong with me, just kinda weird. 
Actually - the more I think about it (since it has taken me two hours to write this!) I bet I am an HSP. 
orngtongue.gif

 


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