How long did it take your older child to get used to new baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-11-2012, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
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Our third little boy was born 3 weeks ago.  Our oldest, who is 6, hasn't had too much trouble with having a new baby at all and loves it.  Ds2, who will be three in a few months, is having more trouble.  Once baby was born, he became defiant and moody.  He and his brother used to play so nicely together and now all they do is fight.  There are quite a few tantrums and refusal to play.  He is pretty gentle with the baby, but has said negative things about not liking him or wanting to get rid of him.  Some days have been okay, but we've been having more and more bad ones. 


I know it's probably normal, but I'm curious how long it usually takes for siblings to get used to this and get back to "normal".

Jessica, wife to Mark, homeschooling mama to Micah (2006), Noah (2009), Owen (2012) and another on the way this August (20014)
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#2 of 6 Old 02-15-2012, 05:45 AM
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#3 of 6 Old 02-16-2012, 10:34 AM
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Hi there,


congratulations on your new baby! I also have three and my oldest was 6 when baby arrived. My daughter was older than your son, 3.5, but also had a very difficult adjustment. I wouldn't say that she ever did get back to normal, she had to learn to adjust to a new role and is still working on it. Our baby is 4.5 mos old now and I have noticed a big improvement as a couple of things have happened - first, me being able to leave the baby to sleep on his own and spend one on one time with her (and/or one on one time when my husband can take the baby) and do little projects and cuddle with her, read to her. Second, as the baby has become more aware of his surroundings and able to interact with her, that has made a big difference too. she loves to help take care of him and sees him as a real person now, if that makes sense. she is still having issues with being defiant and moody which she has been since turning 3, but before baby arrived she was to a much lesser extent. Now it is a real issue and I do worry about her a lot and wonder if we're handling it in the best way. It has been hard to see her flounder. i just keep trying to see things from her perspective and empathize, it helps me figure out what she is needing.

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#4 of 6 Old 02-16-2012, 11:42 AM
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Adjusting to a growing family is always bumpy...

I have 4 children, and have had three different experiences with adjusting to new siblings.  My first two had delayed reactions to the new sibling's arrival.  When baby was about 3 months old is when the tantrums and moodiness really set in, and it lasted for about 2 months.  but ds2 was only 19months when dd2 arrived (she's 4.5mo now).  I would say that it is only recently that he has fully accepted her.  The first 2 months were awful and intense. I was very afraid to leave her on the floor for fear he would jump on her, etc.  although at times he would be so loving with gentle hugs and kisses.  We still have difficult days (and weeks) but I try to spend as much one on one time with him to ease his jealousy and help him adjust.  He loves the baby now and loves it when she laughs at him.


It will come; your family will adjust to the newest member and soon everything will work as a unit again.  Try to relax and enjoy whatever happy moments you do get right now! 

Mama to Butterfly, B(ee), Bug, and Laniecakes

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#5 of 6 Old 05-04-2012, 05:33 PM
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#6 of 6 Old 09-16-2012, 01:44 PM
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Bumping... I have a 4.5yo dd and a 6wk ds.  Our days have turned to chaos... my dd definitely fits the description of defiant and moody.  Any advice?

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