sort of a "crazy" question, help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 04-04-2012, 12:09 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi! Long time lurker now registered. Not even sure if this is the right area but I REALLY need some opinions about this. Long and difficult to explain but I'm trying. (English isn't my first language.)


I have a little over a year old DD. Yesterday I had a visit from a long time friend who had his brother with him. (They were going elsewhere and briefly stopped by.) DD adores my friend and has spent lots of time with him, but seen my friend's brother only a few times. I know the brother adores kids so when he asked if he could hold DD for a minute I said yes. BUT.... As soon as he picked DD up, I got this really bad vibe. I don't know what it was, I can't explain it but it wasn't jealousy or fear or anything like that. It was just a reaction of "this is a person I DO NOT want near my child." I've always been intuitive so I have trouble thinking it's just mommy over-reacting. DD seemed fine and he really didn't hold her that long but.... It was afwul. One minute everything is great and next minute I want to scream "Put my child down, NOW!"


Okay, here is what I am trying to ask. It's possible I will be spending time with both of them this summer. HOW do I tell my friend i don't want his brother near my child, especially not holding my child? Especially when I can't explain it. I'm thinking "You know, I'm just getting really bad vibe" will not do...  I trust my friend 100% but not his brother. Do I even say anything? Would I just politely decline if the brother wants to hold DD again? WWYD???


Yes, I now I sound crazy. I want to believe I made that feeling up but I can't. Uuuuurgh, none of this even makes sense and I feel like a bad friend just even thinking about this. The brother is not a bad person, is not trying to hurt my child.... But something is making me upset.   

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#2 of 4 Old 04-04-2012, 04:42 PM
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I would not be comfortable saying anything in this situation. If it were me I would just try to avoid him and watch him closely when I couldn't, being sure he's never alone with her for a second.

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#3 of 4 Old 04-04-2012, 05:09 PM
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Good job for being so in tune with your intuition! Never lose that connection.


You mention you'll be in contact with both of them in the summer... in what capacity? Why, for how long, etc? That might help us give you some ideas.



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#4 of 4 Old 04-04-2012, 05:35 PM
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He's just your friend's brother.  He's not your friend, he's not your brother, your father, your husband.  You don't owe him any benefit of your doubts, you don't owe him the privilege of holding your child.  In the unlikely chance that he asks to hold your child again simply say, "She's a little shy these days."   I don't see where you need to say anything to your friend about his brother. 


You don't know him very well, though, do you?  You don't have much information about whether he's a good or bad guy at all.  So as you get to know him better you'll have more information about him and you can decide if your vibe is accurate or not.  Be open to the possibility that he's a perfectly nice guy.  


You're not crazy, be respectful of your feelings, be willing to change your mind about him.




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