I have been having a very difficult time with my baby's cries this time around (she is my 2nd). I was just wondering if my experience was typical, and how other moms experience this. The sound of her crying makes me SO upset and stressed out I actually feel like I'm flooded with something akin to rage. She really doesn't cry very often and usually settles fairly quickly with a little bouncing and singing.. but it's just emotionally exhausing for me. I feel like my heart is racing and my head is just going to explode. For example if she cries in the car seat for more than 2-3 minutes I feel like I have to pull over or I'm going to lose it and crash the car because I'm so upset and distracted. Ack. Is this typical? How do you experience your baby's cries?
I am like this too and I have three! My reaction is also pretty strong but for me it is more like a nervous, stressed response. I get knots in my stomach and get a little sweaty and just generally anxious. For me it really dissipates as baby gets older and baby cries less, I more often know why baby is crying, and feel more confident that I can get him to stop. So the stress was really the worst in the first three months. Cries are biologically meant to get a response from you so it's normal to have a reaction like this but like you, I have wondered if my reaction was particularly strong. To the point where I would get that anxious feeling whenever I even anticipated him crying, like when I strapped him into the carseat. I just realized the other day that I now can drive around without that anxious feeling and it sure is nice. He is 6 mos old.
DS - planned born via 4/4/2011
i am the same...it has been worse with each baby. this is my fourth so there are plenty of people to help this time. i HATE when people downplay how i feel. we are supposed to feel the urge to respond to our babies...else they wouldn't be fed and cuddled as needed!
drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.
I experienced similar feelings with both of my little ones. So, I think I know how you are feeling . My response was also greater with my second. I don't know if it was because the home was simply busier with two children or if my son was/is more expressive.
Libby , momma to my precious little girl (6/29/07)
and wonderful little man (12/1/10)
Definitely feel that way. With ds I felt like I was breaking when he was crying. Dd tends to do a LOT of whining, just generally grunting & complaining & it totally gets my blood pressure up - it's very hard on me.
I've found it interesting that even though I feel so incredibly stressed at the sound of my own baby crying another baby still doesn't bother me a whole lot (assuming someone is actually there & taking care of said baby). It's a totally different experience.
Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).
I am a first time Mama, but I have been tasked with child-care most of my life. More than half of my life, at this point, has been spent caring for children and babies of all ages. So I noticed a difference in how I felt when my own daughter cried. I expected some difference, but I was honestly shocked by how visceral my reaction to her cries was.
I am physically uncomfortable when she cries. There is an actual discomfort created in my body when she's wailing; when she's just complaining, or whining, I don't have the same sensation. But when her cry indicates she needs something or is afraid and needs me, I can feel it.
The hospital, where I gave birth, was difficult because after she was born her cord was too short for her to be placed on my chest prior to having her cord cut. So there was a minute or two where I could hear her snuffly little screams, and I remember asking for her and asking for her, but we had to get the cord cut first.
The center I gave birth at is a rooming-in facility by default, so she was with me non-stop after that. She was taken for a bath and vitals, and her shots, and her Papa went with her - I couldn't hear her cry.
I took her to the doctor the day after discharge and because I was still very clearly not in a position to be mobile (although I kept insisting I did not care to be wheeled, I walked everywhere, but so ridiculously slowly) the nurse said she and Papa would take her to the scale - she cried when Papa set her down, and I really did not think about it, just started shuffling in her direction. The nurse found me searching for her and gave her back to me.
So, the physical sensation is probably pretty normal. I start to feel anger when the crying has been going on for a long time - but I also have to be honest and say that when I feel that anger it's because I'm trying to do something else other than attend to her. If you can answer her right away - which I know is not always an option - maybe that unpleasant feeling will be replaced with a more mindless, instinctual sensation? I know I feel like some kind of Mama-bot when I'm just instantly responding to cries. It's not a pleasant feeling, but more like relief... rather than that rage-y feeling.
No judgement from me, just ideas from someone else who really feels "it".
And on 09/23/2011, we were three; husband, daughter, and me!
I had pretty intense feeling at ds's cries during the early days. It got better as I figured him out, and my hormones weren't quite so wacky. I remember being especially annoyed when dh was supposed to be in charge of ds for a few minutes while I ate or something and he didn't pick him up at the first little squawk. Looking back, I probably was over reacting a bit, but I was starving all the time, and couldn't relax and eat if ds were a little unhappy. Interesting to hear that some of you felt it even more on subsequent children, I'll remember that next time if it happens to me.
I get a very physical response to my DD cries. My heart jumps a little, and I have a brief wave of anxiety (my blood pressure probably spikes etc.) I sometimes wish I could take it a little easier, because she is going to cry from time to time, and she is a happy healthy baby so it's not like anything is super wrong when she cries, and she settles easily. It was worst right after birth, is a little better now at 6 months.
I can't tell you what a relief it is to read this thread! I too have that horrible rage-y feeling sometimes... mostly when I can't get to DS right away to soothe him, liked when we're trapped on the freeway in rush hour traffic. It seriously feels like I will die. I hate it,, and it really makes it so much better to know I'm not alone in that. Thank you so much.
With my first son, I would often begin crying when he cried. I absolutely could not think about anything except responding to his cries.
Interestingly, with my second son, I don't feel that sense of panic/dread/whatever. Responding to him is still my priority, but I just feel... a lot less... upset? by it.
I've come to think that a lot of it really does come down to wacky postpartum hormones and how they effect you.
Mother of two great little guys, G (9/28/09) and W (1/20/12)
I'm 33 weeks now with number two and wondered if it will be the same or a bit easier because of having some experience now. We'll see!
Bless your heart- this is normal! And it's hard. Feelings like this are not talked about nearly enough.
Early on with my twins I experienced this violent internal rage-like feeling when the crying was bad, and it was very concerning to me. I ended up going through both a homeopath and naturopathic doctor to address this specific stressor- and a homeopathic remedy, Nux Vomica, worked very well- it deals specifically with anger that is intense or "violent". From there I ended up changing my diet and switching to a new supplement regime to help myself operate as a whole as best as I could through the stressors of the day to day- though the Nux was the remedy that aided specifically with my reaction to the crying.
Hope you find something that helps you on your double-momma journey! All the best. :)
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."