DH travelling w/ DS & not me - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-02-2012, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
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My DH finishes work for the summer a week ahead of me and wants to take DS, who will be 18 mos., to visit his family, most of which DS has never met. They would be away for 4-5 days. I would have to stay behind to work.


I am very uneasy about this. Not only will I miss DS terribly, but I worry about how he will do w/o me and w/o nursing for that long. He does seem to take an "out of sight, out of mind" approach when he is away from me and has always adapted well, but the longest I've been away from him since his birth has been 24 hours, and that was only once.


I love the thought of DS meeting all of DH's family...and I would be lying if I said that having time to myself for a few days didn't sound appealing. I will get tons done around the house! But I am very conflicted about how DS (not to mention how I) will cope- if he's not handing the separation well, he would be a 4-hour plane ride away, and even though he'd be with his father and his grandmother who cares for him FT while I work, I mainly worry about the lack of BFing and comfort he gets from me! He still wakes up to nurse 1-2x a night and we co-sleep. If I'm not there, he'll probably just go back to sleep...but for 4 nights in a row? I worry. I also won't be there on the plane trip to be able to nurse him and comfort him, etc.


I'm wondering what other mamas thoughts are on this?

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#2 of 4 Old 05-03-2012, 07:25 AM
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Hi there,


I was in a similar position several months ago, when my little guy was only 4 months old. I was so worried about how he would cope, how he would sleep, eat, etc. 


He did amazingly with just my husband. They got some good bonding time, and my son really took the "out of sight out of mind" route, which was great. His sleep schedule stayed the same. Before I left, I pumped milk like crazy so that there was enough frozen milk to be defrosted for him. If your son is eating any kind of solid food, that will make it even easier. 


And the benefit that you, and your husband, have is that your son will be surrounded by family members. All of that love and attention will be wonderful for him -- your husband will have some support in caregiving and your son will be so busy meeting new people.


And of course, another reason to try this is for you. You'll get alone time away from the whole family, and I know for me that is a rejuvenating necessity. 


You're not going away forever; before you know it, he'll be back from his trip, happy and well taken care of. 

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#3 of 4 Old 05-03-2012, 02:37 PM
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My DD is 12 months and I have to go on 5 day business trip. I of course hate the idea of leaving DD but I know that she will be fine with Daddy. When DS was 17 months I had to go on a trip for 6 weeks and he survived (I cried a bunch and he was still nursing when I left).


I think it's probably a good idea for them to go on the trip. You don't want this to be like you didn't "allow" your husband to take your (instead of our) child on a trip. It's a partnership so talk to him about your concerns and make the decision together :) 

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#4 of 4 Old 05-03-2012, 06:19 PM
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It's great to read these responses. My DD is 12 months old and it seems inconceivable to leave her (DH has NEVER gotten up and fed her with a bottle at night, and she still wakes up once or twice a night to nurse, so that is the biggest barrier)--but I have been fantasizing about getting away for a few days sometime this year.


OP--at 18 months, I would guess he'll be just fine, but i totally understand your misgivings. Imagine all the SLEEP you might get!

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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